Chapter Eight

Christian

I take my time walking to Flynn's office today. Today is going to be different from all the other times I get counseling. John told me about a therapy group that he conducts. It's for victims of rape and sexual assault. He told me about it the other night when they had to force me awake.

John thinks that listening to other victims will help me understand that I'm not alone. That even what I went through, someone will understand. It took me awhile to just listen to what he said. He said I didn't have to talk, that I could just listen if I wanted to. John said he would be with me every step of the way like he always is.

Taylor and I walk into the building and he takes his usual spot on the couch to wait on me. He wishes me good luck before I walk down the hall. Sweat starts to gather on my forehead as I get closer to the door at the end of the hallway. Maybe I can't do this. I should just start drinking to make the memories fade away. That wouldn't be good for anybody else though.

I walk in front of the door and already hear voices. People are randomly talking about things, so I guess the session hasn't started yet. I take a deep breath before opening the door.

It gets quiet as I take a step into the room. When I look around the room, I see that there are seven women and three men sitting in a circle. Some look scared and others look exhausted, like they haven't slept in days. My heart breaks for all of them.

I finally notice John sitting up front beside two women. He smiles at me and waves me in. I hesitate. Don't worry, John told you about this because he thinks it will help. I can trust him.

It takes me over a minute to move into the room. I can't keep the door cracked, so I can escape quickly if I need to. Shit, you can do this Grey. I close the door and walk to the only empty chair in the room. I take a seat and keep my head down. I can feel all eyes on me which makes me sink down lower in the chair.

A hand lowers on mine, causing me to jump. I look over at the small woman beside me. She gives me a sad smile before taking her hand off mine. I let out the breath I was holding.

"Okay, remember that all of you have signed NDAs. Nothing that is said in this room is allowed out. We don't mention anybody outside of the group as well." John states. "Do all of you understand?"

Everyone nods in understanding. Good, because I don't want anyone to know that Christian Grey was in therapy for rape. My name would be ruined and people would look at me differently. Not as the powerful Ceo, but a victim.

"Does anyone want to talk about anything specific?" John asks. I watch a woman with red hair and big brown eyes nod. She looks like she's in her early forties.

"My nightmares have gotten better." she says quietly. "It's easier to wake up each time and just go back to sleep. After a few times of waking up, the dream stops all together and I'm finally able to sleep."

"That's good Abigail. Two weeks ago you couldn't sleep at all. What changed?" John asks her. She gives a small smile.

"I found a picture of my old friends, when I was in the army. The four of us were in the gym, and it was the day I kicked all of their asses." I chuckle, causing her to grin. "One was the love of my life." tears start falling down her cheeks quickly.

"What happened to them, if you don't mind me asking." I ask her. She shakes her head.

"You're fine sweetheart." she wipes the tears from her eyes. "I was kidnapped on my wedding day and I was finally able to escape two years ago. I was stuck with the man and woman for sixteen years. They tried to make me marry my captor, so I ran. I haven't seen my friends since my wedding day." my eyes widen. Marry her captor? I think I'm going to be sick. Why does this sound so familiar?

After Abigail tells her story, everyone else begins to speak up. I think she gave them the courage to actually tell us all what happened to them. I don't know this woman, but she's brave for what she went through. She survived for over sixteen years. Not many people can do that, but she's a fighter.

One of the men begins to speak and it makes my chest tighten. He tells us about how his wife's ex husband tried to teach him a lesson for taking what was his. The man says his marriage is failing because he doesn't want to open up to her. She tries to be close to him, but he says it's better to push away than have her suffer like him. He said basically what I have. I guess this is our defense mechanism.

Everyone stays quiet for a long moment. It's not an awkward silence, but more terrifying. Like the room is closing in on all of us. I look up and see John trying to calm the woman beside him. She is trembling after telling her story of how her husband gave her to another man to settle his gambling debt.

"People thought I died a few weeks ago." I blurt out. John looks up at me. Everyone does. I take another deep breath. "I didn't. I was chained to a tree in the woods while they tortured me." I whisper. The woman beside me takes my hand in hers. I grip onto it like it's my lifeline.

"I didn't think things could get worse when they used me as a cutting board. I thought that was it." I use my other hand to wipe the sweat off my forehead. "But after a week, the man who held me captive brought five other men with him. He told me he had a special treat for me."

"They unchained me from the tree, and I was too weak to fight back. Maybe that's an excuse though, I don't know." I dash the tears away. "They just held me down and took turns. Laughing every time I screamed or cried. I just wanted them to kill me each day they came back. The routine was the same every fucking day."

"I close my eyes and see them. I get close to the woman I love, and I feel them. I hear their laughter, the vulgar words. It's always on replay." I sigh, letting the tears just fall. I can't believe I just told everyone what happened to me. Did I really just do that. Let complete strangers inside my head.

The woman runs her thumb over the top of my hand, trying to sooth me. She hands me a tissue. I take it and wipe away the tears, but they just keep coming. Ugh, I feel so stupid.

"You are not trying to make up an excuse." Abigail says, kneeling in front of me. "You were being taken advantage of and it's not your fault in the matter. You were a victim, yes, but you were also a fighter. Don't blame yourself." I nod as she puts her hand against my cheek.

"You're not alone sweetheart. You have all of us and John. Being alone isn't in our vocabulary." I give her a weak smile.

"Thank you." I whisper. She removes her hand and smiles at me.

"You're welcome." she stands back up and sits back in her chair.

I look up and see John looking down at his clipboard. He doesn't say anything for awhile. When he looks up, his face is a little pale but his eyes show how angry he is.

"Okay everyone, I think we should stop here today. Everyone is starting to get emotionally exhausted, and I think we need to take a breather." everyone agrees.

Before she leaves, Abigail gives me her number, telling me to call her if I need anything. I don't know if I can do this again though. I'm so tired.

Everyone starts getting up to leave. They all say their goodbyes to John before heading out the door. Now I'm stuck in here alone with this man. Shit.

"I didn't think you would talk." he says, getting up to come sit by me. I shrug.

"I don't know why I said anything." I look at my hands. "I feel disgusting John."

"I know Christian. I wish you didn't have to suffer through this." he says quietly. "Abigail was right. You have me whenever you need someone to talk to." I nod.

"I'm going to come over tonight. After finally opening up, your nightmares will get worse. I'll be there in case something happens." he squeezes my arm.

"Thanks John." I say standing up. I tell him I'll see him later and head out of the room.

I walk down the hall and back into the waiting room. Taylor is still sitting on the couch, looking through his phone. The man looks exhausted, and it's probably because of me. I hate doing this to everyone. Making them suffer because of what I went through.

Taylor finally notices me and gives a small smile. I just keep my expression blank. Now, I just don't feel like smiling. Like doing anything. I just want to go home and go to bed. I think Taylor understands, because he gets up and waves me forward.

He leads me out to the SUV and gets in. I don't feel like being alone right now, so I climb up front into the passenger seat. He doesn't say anything, just waits for me to buckle up.

As we start pulling out of the parking lot, I spot Abigail by her car. She is talking on her phone, laying her head against the door. I wonder what's wrong with her. I send a quick text to her, and she pulls away from her phone long enough and turns toward the SUV as we pull out. She waves and I do the same.

"Who are you waving at?" Taylor asks. I look back towards the road.

"A woman I met when I was walking down the hall. We started a conversation and she helped a lot." the last part is the truth.

"What's her name?" he asks.

"Abigail. I don't know her last name." I watch his hands tighten on the steering wheel. I raise an eyebrow. He sighs.

"Sorry, it's still hard hearing that name." he whispers. I frown. Wait…

She said she was in the army. Abigail told us that she kicked all of her friends asses, that no one could take her down. She told us that she was kidnapped on her wedding day… Taylor…

No, this had to be a coincidence. Taylor's Abby has been missing for years. If Abigail was his Abby, then why hasn't she came looking for him? This isn't his Abby, I'm just overthinking everything. I guess that's what I get for going to group therapy.

We pull up to the house an hour later, and it takes a moment for me to get out. Shit, I need to go lay down. It's barely even eight, but today's been exhausting enough. Hopefully the dreams aren't bad like John said they would get.

I tell Taylor to take the next few days off. When he tries to tell me no, I ignore him. The man needs a break from the drama of my life. As he heads toward his room, I head to mine as well. I'm not going to bother with a shower tonight. I'll just take one in the morning.

When I walk into the bedroom, I notice that Ana isn't here. Sighing, I strip out of my shirt, pants and shoes only leaving my boxers on. Before I close my eyes, I take a deep breath and think about all the good things in my life. What makes me happy.

Ana's smile is the first thought that comes to mind. My chest doesn't feel as tight anymore as her face flashes through my mind.

Closing my eyes, I finally drift off to a dark rest.