A/N: Hello everyone! This is going to be a collection of my own glories and shenanigans in World of Warships, now plus shipgirls (of course; why would you be here otherwise?) At the end of each story, I will try to imagine a possible battle aftermath in the port screen between me and the ship in question.
But while I do talk to my ships in battle and I can spend A LOT of time looking at the gorgeous models and inspecting their every nook and cranny (no puns intended) in the port, I can assure you that I have a very sturdy sense of reality! ...Pfft! Yeah, who am I kidding? :P No matter!
Please enjoy the stories (more will be coming) and feel free to leave reviews! Constructive criticism is very appreciated, I always want to get better.
Oh, and a GREAT shout-out to CuttySark for unwittingly giving me the idea to write this - he's done it first, feel free to check him out. He's good.

Game 1: Guns blazing

Unknown Strait in the Mediterranean Sea.
"Green" and "Red" fleets are fast approaching, contact is to be made momentarily.

I am currently standing on the bridge of battleship Mississippi, New Mexico class, in the shoes of the captain; beside me stands as always the personification of my trusted ship.
Her wavy, shoulder-length blonde hair is tied in multiple places with bright blue bands that make it fall on her shoulders in golden locks, gracefully adorning her beautiful face while exalting her intensely green eyes.
She's wearing her usual two-tone, dark blue dress, which covers her entirely from her shoulders to her ankles, widening in many large frills and flounces from her hips downward; her hands are covered by white silk gloves, and I still wonder how the hell she manages to keep steady in combat while she's wearing such high heels, although I like having her at my same height, at 1.84m. I do like direct eye contact.
Her choice of clothes is quite frankly sub-optimal for combat, but it never seemed to bother her performance. Well, at least she left her brown parasol closed; it would have been silly to have it open in the closed environment of the bridge.

"Hello, my lady! Classy as ever, eh?" I greet her as soon as loading is finished.
"Of course, captain: after all, elegance and firepower are the two faces of a battleship's might." She answered, looking at me straight in the eyes while showing me a small, but honest smile. I've gone through many games with her, and i'm happy to do so again: through both victories and defeats, she's never let me down.
"Well, it appears our time for chatter is running out." She tells me, turning herself into the serious professional I know her to be; and indeed we have just a few seconds left as I look at the pre-battle timer, and at the position of our spawn. North-East, near the front of our formation...oh boy, here we go.

"BATTLE STATIONS! BATTLE STATIONS!" The speaker announces, and I start giving my orders: "All right, standard approach on this map: rudder half to port, lock main guns on relative bearing 300, engines ahead 3/4. We don't want to be the first ones spotted." As Mississippi executes, I ponder my next move. Usually I choose to first get close to the border and then turn towards the center to bring my guns to bear whilst keeping the ship at an angle as soon as a threat is spotted, but this time I feel like doing the opposite. Soon we made contact, and the shelling began.

After around 10 minutes, Mississippi is almost undamaged and has one cruiser kill under her belt along with great damage numbers on other vessels, and the north contingent of the enemy fleet is on a one-way trip to the bottomless abyss...well not really, as soon as the battle finishes everybody will be safe and sound in their own ports, but whatever. What is more important is that our situation is quite precarious: while the enemy was apparently ignoring Mississippi's fat ar...errhm, graciously curvy stern for the entire battle so far, the Aoba-class moving behind us as we sail towards the central strait was not as lucky, being at less than half health. The rest of our fleet was even less fortunate.

4 enemies against 2 of us...and they have two destroyers. The odds are not good.
"Well..." I sigh, "..we have the means to at least take a few of them with us. …Mississippi?"
She turns to me, with such a calm and determined expression that she even manages to fill me with confidence and serenity. "Yes, captain?" She asks, while I just notice the enemy full-health Kongou class steaming towards us at full speed in the strait.
"Start the music."

Battlestations Pacific's US themes start blazing inside the bridge as my battleship swings around and slows to half speed, bow pointed towards the enemy...which brings all guns to bear on my ship, and fires all of her 8 main guns. Between bounces, shatters and misses the damage is negligible. "Our turn now! Swing around, girl!"
Mississipi manages to lock all of her guns on the enemy while keeping an excellent angle (Man, I love her firing arcs!) and we notice that the Kongou, in her eagerness, has over steered and is struggling to regain control. "Wait...wait...FIRE!"

Twelve 14in guns roar in unison, sending a very heavy rain straight into the enemy's broadside. I cheer aloud as I see the red health bar lose two thirds of its value, but my joy would not last long, for the other three enemy ships appear. The enemy Konigsberg-class is entering up the channel right now, coming from the southern approach and is luckily being engaged and occupied by our Aoba, but the enemy Kamikaze class has started firing her small guns at us from our starboard side and the enemy Clemson class which was hiding behind their battleship is charging us from the front. Mississippi's secondaries are blazing away furiously on both sides of the ship, as we are almost surrounded by enemies at very short range.

"Hard to starboard, quick! I want secondary batteries focusing on that Kamikaze!" I order, and then I clench my teeth as we receive another salvo from the Kongou, which this time tears through the hull, while her HE secondaries are setting the ship ablaze: we are really close now, at around 6 km, and the damage on my battleship is extensive.
"Aargh! Dammit! Captain, I'm returning fire! That bloody hurt!" Mississippi cries, clutching her left side, and as soon as she spoke so spoke her guns. The enemy Kongou could not take any more damage and succumbed to her fate, nailed down by those final six armor piercing hits. The Kamikaze also heard her voice, in the shape of 2 over penetrations caused by the rear guns heavy AP rounds right as she launched her torpedoes.

Luckily Mississippi's hard turn slowed her down massively and reduced her profile, foiling the enemy attack...almost. A pair of torpedoes hit the bulge amidships, causing a good amount of damage but no flooding. "Phew..." I sigh of relieve...an action that causes Mississippi to glare furiously at me.
"Why the hell are you relieved?! The Clemson is still charging us! Aargh, MY DRESS!" She yells, getting even angrier: the Kamikaze's hits had in fact torn two large openings in it, and the fires lit along the ship by the enemy's small caliber HE were having some effects on her human form, with random bits of her clothes taking fire and extinguishing themselves, leaving small but noticeable burns on her now visible skin.

"Engines to full and hard to port!" I yell, desperately hoping to escape the impending doom that is the small American destroyer on our left.
"Captain, the kamikaze's engines are down! She's crippled!" Mississippi tells me, panting from the strain of all this maneuvering.
"All guns, finish her off!" ...as an answer, I can hear the satisfying sound of the Kamikaze's hull exploding under the relentless barrage of secondary fire. There is no time to celebrate though, because by now the remaining destroyer is so close that the front 14in turrets don't even have the depression necessary to hit her.

She's coming closer...and closer...oh my, she really wants to shove her torpedoes very deep down Mississippi's throat.
"No one's allowed to do lewd things to my battleship! RAMMING SPEED!"
The enemy launches three of her torpedoes...they hit, but It's not enough to stop my Raging Standard Super-dreadnought. The destroyer launches her second salvo but it's too late, as we're inside their minimum arming distance. Desperate, she tries to pass by us using her superior maneuverability, and activates her boost.

"OH NO, YOU DON'T!" Yells Mississippi. A few moments later, I almost can't feel the impact; it seemed indeed really light...but it deprived the Clemson of her entire rear section.
As the last of our nearest enemies slips beneath the waves, I immediately activate the damage control consumable which I kept ready during the fight: immediately, all the floods and fires which were running rampant on the battleship for the last two minutes are contained and extinguished.

The damage repair is on cooldown, as I used it to mitigate the damage received during the brief but very heated brawl, but there is no need of using it anyway as our allied Aoba puts an 8in AP right into the Konigsberg's citadel, and we are awarded victory.

A few seconds later I find myself on Mississippi's deck, beside her Y turret.
I am not in my captain's uniform, wearing instead a plain white shirt and hawaiian themed swimwear.
Looking around I notice an orange beach chair on the deck, onto which rests the battle report of the last game.

While sitting down on the chair I notice that the battle damage on the ship has already been repaired, and that we're anchored in the classic "Philippines" port...although there is something wrong with it: the town hasn't loaded and there's a big, white sand beach in its place.
"Oh well, it's not a big loss" I think, as I start reading the report: it has been a truly impressive game, oh yes…after a while, I notice a shadow near me, and I look up.

Mississippi is there, wearing a two-tone, dark blue striped swimsuit; on the front it reads, in small white letters, BB-41. It's a one piece, very modest as per her style – she would never choose anything too revealing – but even if her shapely chest and stern are covered, the form of her swimsuit emphasises her curves, giving her quite the sex appeal.
She smiles happily as she offers me her hand, and she pulls me up. "So, I take it you have you seen the results as well?" I ask her.
"Indeed, captain. I believe it is by far our best battle together, is it not? 4 kills, and quite spectacular if I may say so!" She proudly announce, chin high and eyes fierce.
Without her heels she is a bit shorter, but her forhead still reaches my eyes. Then she takes a deep breath, and her eyes start shifting: "Well...to celebrate…I was thinking…" She starts to say, blushing…blushing? I'm puzzled: she never blushed, ever. Uh-oh…should i be worried? I mean, I know she looks of legal age, but that is a bit...too much.
Thankfully she clarifies:

"…I was thinking about taking a swim together, and having a day at the beach from dawn to dusk, all to ourselves…maybe we could set up a grill, or sunbathe, or…just relax. What do you think?" She says, with a smile. Oh, that sounds wonderful...yes, I think i'd like that. It's been too long since I had a swim, and the company couldn't be better.
"That is a wonderful idea!" I reply, as I take off my shirt. "…Race you to the beach?" I propose, with a sly grin...for I have a cunning plan.
"Oooh, bald move, captain! I know i'm just a standard, but you're going to lose anyway to my superior shaft horsep-mmmf!" I interrupt her by giving her a quick kiss on the lips. I'm sooo getting slapped for this, but it's most definitely worth it. I back away and look at her: she's completely paralized.

"ThreetwooneGO!" I laugh, and I run towards the edge of the deck cackling like a madman. Mission get an early lead: accomplished!
As I ready myself to jump I turn around, and I see her recovering from the shock that exact moment. She eyes me with a look I know all too well...I can almost see the crosshairs taking shape in her pupils: "Just where do you think you're going, you swine?" she yells, and starts running after me.
Wasting no time I jump in the water, and start swimming as fast as I can towards the beach.

That grin on her face was scary, I didn't know she had that many teeth! ...Ohmygodshesfast! Shitshitshitshitshitshit...!

We spent an awesome day together.

In the end, I still got slapped.