A/N: Once upon a time, in school a very long time ago in art class, a boy named Myquan tried to tell me that my eyes were green. Which makes sense, as my entire family, distant and immediate, has blue eyes. I tried to tell him that, but he insisted that my eyes were green, despite the fact that the entire class and the freaking art teacher told him that my eyes are blue.

It just occurred to me (at 10:50 pm on a school night, like 8 years later) that there is the possibility that Myquan was color blind. That, or he was just tryin to fuck with me.

And then like a year ago, there was this project in art class that my little brother had to do at christmas. So he chose to draw a tree. He picked up what he thought was a green crayon. Do you know what the color of the tree was? Vietnam yellow.

And now here I am writing very close to midnight and running on almost no sleep about...this. Why is it ideas for stories only come to me when I'm sleep-deprived and it's closing in on midnight on school nights?

Ignore my ranting. Goodnight! I mean, enjoy! Ugh. Both!

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Edward wasn't really sure why he liked the color red. For some reason, it just seemed appealing to him. Right before leaving Resembool for the military, Ed had been walking through town and seen the cloth at a flea market. He'd bought it and transmuted it into his coat on the spot.

Ed had never really taken the time to wonder why the world seemed a little askew to him, he was always just a bit too busy trying to get Al's body back. But even back when he was a kid, the world seemed a little wrong. He just could never figure out what it was.

So it was on some crappy, dreary Thursday when Edward had to deliver his report from his last mission into the Colonel, that he found out exactly why the world was the way it was, and why it looked the way it did.

"I'm not gonna wear the stupid uniform!"

"You have to, Fullmetal! This is an official meeting for State Alchemists of the State, and there is a dress code! I may let you get off from wearing the uniform on your missions, but only because even you draw less attention when you wear that bright monstrosity of yours.

"But this meeting will be attended by Generals, Colonels, Majors, and every other single rank of State Alchemist, plus the Fuhrer! You will wear the uniform!"

Ed groaned. "Couldn't I just, you know, not come?"

Mustang shook his head. "Nope, the thing's mandatory. Do you really think I'd be going, let alone tell you, if it weren't?"

"...I suppose not." Ed sighed and plopped onto one of Mustang's couches and rubbed his face. "So, where am I supposed to get one of these green monstrosities, anyway?"

"You can go down to Lynda at the secretary's desk, she'll tell you. You didn't get one issued to you when you joined, so they should have one set aside with your name on it." Mustang stopped. "Sorry, did you say green?"

Edward stared at his commander as if he were stupid. "Duh, dumbass, what'd you think I said?"

"Fullmetal, the uniforms aren't green."

"What the hell are you talking about," Ed snapped. "Of course they are!"

"No, they aren't. They're blue." Mustang leaned forward, a hint of a smile already playing across his features. "They always have been. What color are the walls?"

Ed glared daggers at Mustang. "The uniforms look green to me, bastard, so quit fucking with me."

"Just tell me, Fullmetal," Mustang said laughingly. "What color are the walls?"

Edward sighed irritatedly. "They're light purple, bastard."

"Oh geez, Fullmetal, they're really not!" Mustang cackled. "They're disgustingly mint green!"

"Would you shut up?" Edward snapped. "Stop trying to fuck with my perception of reality, bastard, I know what I see. I knew you were manipulative, but not on this scale."

Mustang was no longer laughing. "I'm not trying to fuck with you, Fullmetal, I promise. Look, see?" He pressed down on the intercom button, calling Hawkeye in.

"Lieutenant, this is going to sound odd, but would you mind telling Fullmetal here what color the walls are?"

Hawkeye's intense brown eyes were inquisitive, though she asked no questions. "They're mint green, sir."

"And the military uniforms?"

"Cerulean blue, sir."

Mustang bit back another smile. "Thank you, Lieutenant. Would you send Al in for me?"

"Of course, sir." Hawkeye saluted smartly, then turned on her heel and exited the room.

"Do you see, Fullmetal? Hawkeye doesn't lie."

Edward shook his head. "I still don't believe you, and even if I did, what would that mean?"

"I have an idea," Mustang said dryly. Al's large body entered the room, and Mustang smiled at him. "Come on in, Al. Your brother and I were just having a discussion."

"Oh?" Al asked wearily. "What about?"

"Colors," Mustang said cheerfully, ignoring Edward's offended stare and Alphonse's confused noise.

"Alphonse, I do believe your brother here is color blind."

Ed just stared at the Colonel, while Al seemed to be mulling that idea over in his mind. "What makes you think that brother's color blind, Colonel?"

"Well, for starters, he thinks the walls are light purple and the uniforms are green."

"Hmm, that's unusual. I've never noticed any brother having any confusion with colors."

"I'm right here, you know!" Ed said waspishly. "You don't need to talk as if I'm not."

"Sorry, brother. Have you ever had any trouble recognizing colors before?" Al watched him, fascinated. Edward tried to ignore the feeling like his little brother was going to turn him into a science project.

"No, that's what I've been trying to tell Colonel Bastard. Everything just looks the way it does!"

"I hope you know that doesn't make sense, brother," Al said dryly.

"Shut up," Ed muttered, rolling his eyes. "What do I need to recognize colors for anyway?"

"What color is my armor?"

"White."

Al giggled softly. "No, brother, it's light gray."

"Dammit."

Mustang too watched Edward interestedly. "Does every color appear to be another to you, or is it just some of them?"

Ed didn't look up from where he was tugging on a thread on the cuff of his coat. "Apparently, how'm I supposed to know? Everything is different than I thought it was."

"I mean, how does the world look to you?"

"I don't know, I guess, some colors are apparently not what I thought, and then sometimes a lot of things are just black and white. I thought it was weird, but not super important."

Roy nodded. "That makes sense, I suppose." Suddenly, a grin flashed across his face and Edward, who'd looked up by this time, flinched. He really did not like the mischievous look on Mustang's face.

"Hey, Fullmetal," Mustang said conversationally. "What color do you think your coat is?"

"What're you talking about, bastard? It's red, you know that."

Mustang's mischievous grin turned absolutely evil, and he shared a look with Al. Al nodded with the smallest, slightest, tiniest of movements, letting Mustang know he agreed.

"Wrong, Fullmetal."

"Alright, fine then, wise-ass. I'll bite. What color is it?"

The grin was wider than ever. "Bright pink."

Tick tick tick

Silence but for the clock for a solid minute.

Tick tick tick

"...WHAT?!"

"That's right, Fullmetal," Mustang said cheerfully. "It's really no wonder the country thinks you're nuts!"

Edward stood quickly and ripped his coat off, then threw it on the ground. He stomped out of the room and slammed the door, leaving a chortling Colonel Mustang and a giggling Alphonse.

"I should probably go after him, Colonel," Al said. "Try and keep him from doing anything rash, like burying his head in the sand with the ostriches."

"Oh, I don't think you'll have to worry about that, Alphonse. Fullmetal's much too short to hang out with ostriches, though I have to admit that their personalities are shockingly similar."

"Haven't you teased him enough for one day, Colonel?" Al asked laughingly.

"To his face? Maybe. Behind his back? Never."

"Bye, Colonel." Al headed for the door.

"Bye, Alphonse." The Colonel looked back down at his paper work, and his eyes skipped right over a certain object on the floor.

"Oh, Al?"

"Yes, Colonel?"

"Don't forget Fullmetal's coat."

"Oh, right. Thanks." Al went back to the center of the room and picked up the bright red coat, slinging it over his arm as he called out goodbyes to Mustang's team on his way out.

The end