"Women are all cheating scoundrels and horrible and I hate- Oh, hey, Mrs. Boss."

The woman only blinked as she sat there on her boyfriend's couch. "Uh, hey, Bick-"

"Who the hell told you that you could just barge the hell into my apartment?"

The last part came from Laxus. At the moment, they were all three in his place where, moments before, Laxus and Mirajane had been enjoying some alone time. And alone time for the two of them, meant he was stretched out on the couch, with his head in her lap, listening to the woman compliment him on his many accomplishments.

There were many.

In the middle of that however, the front door was thrown open and there was Bickslow, in Laxus' living room, ranting on women.

It was certainly a mood killer.

"How could I knock, boss, when I was so upset?" Bickslow asked as the slayer sat up with a bit of a tint in his cheeks. Being caught in such a situation wasn't exactly good for the man's image, after all. "Huh?"

"What exactly are you upset over?" Mirajane asked slowly. "Bickslow?"

"Women! Dirty, disgusting, cheating, conniving women!"

"O-Oh. Yeah. That's what I thought."

"They're horrible, Mrs. Boss! All of them! They're all users and abusers and accusers-"

"Users!" two babies cried.

"Abusers!" two others replied.

"Accuser!" another finished.

And, one he had, Bickslow only nodded.

It was the truth.

"I don't know if you know this," Mira told him then, "but...I am sort of a woman, you know?"

Laxus made a face, glancing down at her. "Only sorta?"

Mira gave him one back. "Would it make a difference?"

"What exactly are we talking about-"

"Why are you both ignoring me and my tirade against treacherous women?" If there was anything the seith hated, it was jello. It was just jiggle and wiggle and gross. Jello? Hell no. The second thing though was being ignored. "They're all whores!"

"Hey!"

"Watch your mouth."

"I just want attention," he complained. "And if I have to say the real horrible word, I will."

"You wouldn't," Mira said, gaze dark.

"What word?" Laxus asked, completely lost.

"Women-"

"Bickslow-"

"What word-"

"-are-"

"You-"

"What word?"

"-c-"

"Bick-"

"What-"

"-ompletely unintelligent!"

"You take it back!'

"No, Mira! They're not."

"That,," Laxus remarked with a frown, "couldn't have been the word."

"I'm sorry, Mirajane, but this is the only thing determination I can come to," the seith tsked as he stood before the couch with a shake of his head. "Women are tricky and trifling. They let you take them out on big fancy dat- friendly outings, and then take off with some other guy the next moment. You know why? Because they're c-"

"Stop-"

"-ompletely unintelligent!"

Laxus groaned, tired then of Mirajane as well. To the seith, he only said, "Why are you talking about Lisanna this way in front of Mira anyways?"

"Wait, what?" Mira frowned at her boyfriend before Bickslow. "How do you know that he's talking about Lis-"

"Lisanna? Who's that? I don't know no stinking lying, dirty, scoundrel Lisanna."

"Scoundrel?" the slayer grumbled. "And who else would he be talking about, Mirajane?"

"Well, I dunno, but he just made a pretty strong case for the fact he's not talking about her, so-"

"You can't be serious."

"I'm very serious, boss!" Bickslow had no problem with interjecting himself right back into the conversation. "Women are-"

"What did Lisanna do, Bickslow, that has you so-"

"He's made it pretty clear that it's not Lisanna, dragon."

"Mira, he-"

"Fine! You caught me! You drug it out of me!"

"Hey," Laxus grumbled as the seith came to plop down between he and Mira. "Bickslow-"

"Lisanna and I," he began as Mirajane made a face as well, "as you all very well know, have become friendly as of late. Since you two are bonin' and Elfman and Ever are too, it just makes sense."

"In what world?" Laxus asked.

"Well, this one, Lax," Mira told him with a nod. "Me and you are, you know, gonna probably get married pretty soon-"

"Uh, no, we're not, so don't even start with that garbage again."

"-so it makes sense for us all to just coexist nicely," the woman finished. "And that means being friends. And...going out on...friendly outings."

"Right." Bickslow nodded. "Clearly defined friendly outings that I might have offered to pay for even though I couldn't afford it and Lisanna totally took advantage of, only to be out and about with the freaking Salamander now practically on a date, I feel-"

"Oh, really?" Mirajane clapped her hands. "Do you think so?"

"No," Laxus said deadly with a shake of his head. "Of course not, Mirajane."

"But-"

"Bickslow's just jealous."

"Oh."

"Am not! No way! Of what? Lisanna and I are friends! She can do whatever she wants...after letting me pay for lunch...and laughing at all my jokes. Boss, am I funny?"

"Not at all."

"Exactly! But she laughs. Why would she laugh? My humor is not to be laughed at! It's to be underappreciated and hated upon by the uneducated masses as I build up the persona of a sad clown. A dark knight. A hero that you do not deserve, but has-"

"Bickslow, would you shut the fuck up and get out already?'

"Laxus," Mirajane complained, glaring over the man at her boyfriend.

"We all get it," the slayer went on. "You have some sort of creepy obsession with Lisanna. I understand. I've been taken captive by this one over here. We all deal with it different. Me? Personally? I listen to music. Maybe you should just take up illegal drug use and leave me the heck alone."

Bickslow sat back then, staring at his idol as Mirajane only blinked.

"Boss, that was dark."

"Yeah, Lax, that was mean."

"How?" the man grumbled. "Huh?"

"People die of drug overdoses." Bickslow shock his head. "They get hooked and are no more. Is that what you want for me?"

"I mean, isn't that what dark anti-heroes do when they reach the climax of their story/?"

That time it was the seith that blinked. Then, with a snicker, he said, "You're right, boss! I gotta go out and overdose. Then, as the medics are revivin' me, have an epiphany hits. I was the one that caused the darkness all along. Me! I-"

"Mira, if I have to put up with them, I'm gonna need a beer."

"i think he's cute. And ooh!" She clapped her hands even harder then. "Natsu and Lisanna would be so cute together, but if she passes up on that and got with you instead, Bickslow, that would be fit so much better into my ultimate plan of us all marrying and being a big family!"

"Uh...I don't… I don't want that." Bickslow looked to Laxus. "Are you telling me that if I'm with Lisanna-"

"You gotta marry her. Yes." Laxus was quite serious about this one too. Only because he was hoping it was a deterrent. "It's the only way."

"Well, jeez, I suddenly realized that I don't give nearly as much of a damn about Lisanna as I thought. Marriage? Me? I'm still on my first movie! By the second is when the hero gets all tied down and- Ow, boss!"

Laxus had hit him in the arm. "You're not gonna start on that again."

"The only problem," Mirajane was saying as she ignored them, "is what I'm gonna do with Freed. I don't have any family member for him to get with and-"

"Freed likes being alone."

Again, Bickslow and Mirajane only looked at Laxus.

"What?" he grumbled. "He does."

"No one likes to be alone, Lax," Mirajane told him. "They just get used to it and cope with it. Like how you were before I, apparently, conned you into being with me."

"Captured me, I think was what I said. And you sayin' you didn't, demon?"

"I-"

"Great! Freed isn't even here and his imaginary problem is more important than my very real one!"

"Oh, Bickslow," Mirajane sighed as Laxus only rolled his eyes. "We care. We care a lot. Just… This is so much for me to take in. To think, Lisanna and I could be sister-in-laws as well as sisters."

"In what world?" Laxus asked incredulously. "Bickslow isn't my brother."

"Basically is."

"Is not."

"Is so. He's the little brother, Freed's the middle brother, and you're the big brother. And then Ever's...I guess the sister that you all have to put up with."

Bickslow scoffed. "If anything, I'm the rejected step-brother. Cast aside! And-"

"I'm serious, Mirajane. I'm about to hit the roof."

"Maybe we should all just take a breath," she suggested then. "I know, Bickslow. If you're not planning on marrying Lisanna and having babies as soon as possible as so to coincide with Laxus and mine-"

"I'm about done with you too," the slayer complained.

"-then tell us why you think you're so jealous that she's out with Natsu." Mirajane cocked her head to the side. "Is it because...Natsu and Lisanna are better friends than you and her? And that no matter how much time you both spend together, you'll never get to that same level of friendship the two of them have? And you'll keep trying and trying, but no, Mirajane, you don't get me and Freed's jokes because weren't there!"

For a moment, even Bickslow's babies were silent.

Then Laxus got to her feet.

"If his talking too much thing is contagious," the slayer grumbled as he headed off tot he kitchen, "then I need a beer."

"Maybe you and I should just be together, Mrs. Boss," the seith suggested then. "Because you like hearing me talk about my tortured past and bleak future. Right?"

"W-Well, I definitely liked the part where you were gonna marry Lisanna and we were gonna be a big family, but if you marry me too, that may be just a bit too close for even my taste."

"Really?" The seith reached up to scratch beneath his sallet. "'cause I always thought of you as one of those super freaky incestuous cultish people that marry their own family. Wouldn't that make you happy? Huh? Then you'd not have to worry about marriage; you'd all be family regardless! Forever!"

"L-Laxus, he's being weird."

"Stop being weird with my woman, you freak!"

"Oi, boss, I'm only makin' conversation! No respect."

"I don't think...incest is really a conversation starter," Mira said a bit uncomfortably. "And Laxus, do you think Freed would mind being alone with Lisanna? Because...I don't...want Bickslow in the running anymore."

"What?" The seith huffed, crossing his arms then, tongue slithering back into his mouth. "This is unfair."

"Yeah,, demon, I dunno about any, uh, babies being made out of that union," Laxus remarked form the kitchen where he was trying to keep his obvious snickers down. "But if you want your dragon to make it happen, he certainly will."

"Boss, how could you be a part of this? This...sham of a wedding?"

"Easy, Bickslow," the slayer replied, returning with a beer in hand. "i like Mirajane more than you."

"This is just like you, you big brother types. You run off and get married and leave the rest of us to fend for ourselves!"

"Yeah, well, learn to swim or drown."

"It would be a great piece to add to your tragic backstory though," Mira offered up as she continued to slowly scoot further and further away from the seith. "If it's any condensation."

"Consolation," the seith sighed.

"Well, if you're into stars, Lucy's always free," Mira offered.

"What?"

"What?"

"Would you just get out, Bickslow?" Laxus was done, it seemed, as he reclaimed his seat. "I mean, seriously. How much more of a hint do you need? We don't want you dating our baby sister. So scram."

"Well, sheesh, boss, you don't gotta be- Whoa, Mrs. Boss!"

"Laxus!" Mirajane launched herself across the couch at the man, going right over poor Bickslow's lap. "Awe, do you really think of Lisanna s your baby sister?'

The slayer about choked on his beer. "Who said that?"

"I don't wanna be a part of this," Bickslow complained to the snickers of his babies as he had to wrangle himself off the couch then, nearly knocking Mirajane off it as well. This hardly got a response from the couple, however as by that point he was more than intruding; he was invading. It was time to high tail it away. "You know, you two are horrible at listening to other people's problems."

"In another life," Laxus remarked as Mirajane pressed kisses to his cheek, ecstatic over the idea that they were one step closer to being the tight knit family she knew they could be, "I feel like me and Mirajane would take you up on that offer and go around, counseling everyone, only for it to blow up in our faces. But at the moment, there's only one face I wanna blow on."

"Oh yuck." Bickslow was tripping over himself to get out of there then. "Come on, babies!"

As he fled, Mirajane only made a face after him before saying, "What is he freaking out about?"

Glad she'd been too wrapped up in her praise of him to hear his words, Laxus only shrugged a bit

"Who knows, demon?" He blew some air out on her face, just to make her recoil a bit so that he could take a sip of his beer. "Now, where were we?"

"Mmmm, I think we'd just gotten to your teen years."

"Oh. Right. Start with how I saved that village single handedly, from that whale monster thing."

"Okay, so when you were fifteen, you broke your hand…"

While they took a trip down memory lane, Bickslow went into town to sulk. And buy ice cream. And candy. And sulk some more. Then, eventually, he remembered he actually had somewhere to be and showed up at the guild hall.

"Where have you been?" Freed complained as he joined the man and Evergreen at a table. "You're late."

"Don't talk to me, traitor."

"Trait- What have I done?"

"You took my one chance at having a Strauss!"

"What are you-"

"So what if I talk a little bit too much about freaky incestuous cults? Does that make me unlovable?"

Evergreen, not looking away making faces across the hall at Elfman, only remarked, "Yes."

"Bah!"

"For what it's worth," Freed remarked with a frown as he went back to the map he had spread across the table, "not only do I not wish for a...Strauss, I have not known for you to have acquired yours just yet. So-"

"Lisanna who? I don't know any Lisanna. What?"

"Either I'm only half listening," Evergreen remarked, still not looking at either of her male counterparts "or he's babbling nonsense again."

"Probably right on both parts," Freed sighed. "And anyways, Bickslow, in what world would I wish to… Lisanna is… I'm not..."

"Look, I know that you and boss are close and all, but if he tries to pressure you into taking Lisanna, just remember this; I've been there way more for you than the boss ever has! If anything, me and you should end up together!"

As Freed paled, Evergreen turned to face the table finally.

"And suddenly," she remarked, "I am very interested in this conversation."

"B-Bickslow," the rune mage stuttered. "I don't-"

"As two stags! Off in the night! Together, but perpetually alone! Forever to walk the planet unfulfilled! No mates in sight!"

"Oh, good, he waited until I was listening to start his theatrical renditions." Ever made a face. "Uh, Freed-"

"Bickslow," his other teammate took over. "Just what is it that has gone on?"

"The boss and Mirajane forbade me from marrying and having children with Lisanna because I told Mira that I thought she and I should be together and that she seemed like the type that wouldn't mind a little cult and incest in her life."

"There has got to be more to this," Evergreen said slowly, "but I really don't care to-"

"Lisanna's run off with Natsu and it's not fair! I bought her dinner when we went out the other day on a friendly outing and she thinks she can just go on another friendly outing with someone else? Huh?"

Freed blinked. Then glanced around. Once certain that the man was being serious and the others weren't all in on some sort of gag where they tried to get him to fall for the insanity of the seith, the rune mage only said, "Yes. That's what friends do. You hang out with multiple ones. It's Evergreen's turn to pay our tab. Should Lisanna be jealous of you and her?"

Bickslow blinked behind his mast before pushing it up to wink over at Evergreen. "Well? What do you say, Ever?"

"Number one, gross. Number two- Elfman!"

The man had come flying over from the other table to knock Bickslow right off his seat. Err, well,, originally he was coming over because Evergreen stopped making faces at him and he assumed that was his signal that she was going to get started on serious Thunder God Tribe stuff and that he could leave. When he was passing their table though, he overheard that portion about the seith getting with his woman and he just...he just…

"Men don't stand around for this kind of stuff!" he yelled as others in the hall took notice. "Other men messing with their women. They-"

"Number one," Ever began to count again, now with a bit of stone in her tone, "Elfman, you don't own me. I'm not your anything."

He had been towering over the downed Bickslow, looking buff and intimidating as hell, but at her words, Elfman took a step back, looking to the table then. "W-Well, that not-"

"And number two," she said as Freed only lamenting yet another day of lack of concentration towards their work, "you're not a man, so-"

"I am a man!"

"You're the antithesis of a man."

"You take that back!"

"You stop talking to me that way."

"Make me."

"You now what, Elfman, I just might."

Bickslow, however, down on the ground, finally had hit his theoretical rock bottom. And it hadn't come from a needle, but rather a shark hook from Elfman Strauss. His epiphany. The turning point.

"Of course," he muttered to himself as he slowly pushed up. "A man would never let another man intrude on his woman."

"Uh, Bickslow," Freed started when he heard that, tuning out Evergreen and Elfman's hourly spat with ease. "What do you mean?"

He wasn't too sure. Until the guildhall doors opened and Lisanna Strauss walked in.

"Sorry. surrogate boss," he said to his friend as he stood there, watching Lisanna approach. "I might have to skip out on our meeting."

"What meeting? You two have effectively killed our meeting."

"I gotta go be a man."

"You're not in a movie. Your life is not important enough to for anyone to actually spend time analyzing. Damn it, Bickslow, this is the tough love you need. You're not a tragic knight. You're just a grown man in a costume."

"Yeah." He held his head higher. "All the best ones are."

"Stop making this a moment!"

Lisanna was to them though, though she'd been heading over to her brother who was, as always, in a heated fight with his girlfriend at the moment. Bickslow stood in her way though.

"Hey, Lisanna," he greeted, trying to force a grin.

"Uh, hey. Excuse me, I have to-"

"Where's Natsu?" the seith asked as his babies, who had been oohing and awing at Elfman and Evergreen, rushed over to the next drama. Their papa and his future maybe best friend maybe wife but certainly sister-in-law because he was without a doubt Laxus' annoying younger brother and Mirajane had absolutely snagged the dragon.

It was just a given.

"ugh." Lisanna made a face at the mention. "We were hanging out, but today was such a bust, really. It's like he still thinks we're kids and its still cute for me to have to pay for him and Happy to do stuff. It's not. It's gotten old. And it's my actual money now, not just what I've been given from Mira or Elf. It's not even like how,, you know, you bought my lunch the other day because I bought yours the other time and we'll pay one another back-"

"'What?"

That came from the once more opened guildhall doors where Laxus was escorting Mirajane inside, per his typical boyfriend duties (it was in the imaginary bylaws that Mira only made up to make his life miserable; always walk her to work). His enhanced dragon hearing though let him hear just what had fallen out of the seith's stupid, lying, bratty mouth and he was not about to let him get away with it.

"Oh, hi, Mira!" Lisanna was revealed to see her, hoping she could calm Evergreen and Elfman down (or at least the latter). "I was definitely at work all day today and certainly didn't go off with Natsu and Happy or anything like that and have Kinana, poor Kinana, work double shifts alone. Nope, not at all."

"That's good," Mira said with a grin as Laxus only glared at Mira's own lying bratty mouthed younger sibling. "Did you get many tips?"

"W-Well-"

"Mira," Laxus grumbled as they came to join the seith and Lisanna. To the younger Strauss, however, the man only said, "What did you just say though, Lisanna? Something about paying for food?"

"A weird thing to be interested in," the youngest Strauss replied, "but I was just saying that Natsu never-"

"About you and Bickslow."

"Rude." She stuck her tongue out at him before saying, "I just said that I paid for Bickslow last week when he was short on jewels, so he paid for me when we hung out the other-"

"Pay for her food, did you, Bickslow?" Laxus grumbled. "Huh?"

"W-Well, boss-"

"You should wear your apron, Lisanna ,when you work," Mirajane remarked with a nod of her head. "Oh, and don't hang out with Bickslow because he's weird."

"Hey! I'm right here."

She knew. Now that Mirajane knew that he was some sort of crazy...incest talker, she wanted him nowhere near her younger sister.

For the moment. In a few days, when she forgot about that, they'd look so cute together, just hanging out.

Mira never was too good about sticking to her guns…

"He's not weird." Lisanna made a face before glancing up at the seith. "He's...funny."

"Funny," Laxus repeated. "And you really think that? You're not doing that stupid woman thing where you laugh at a guy's jokes because you think he'll like it?"

"Ew, no. Who would?"

"So basically," Laxus grumbled as he glared at Bickslow, "you came to my house for absolutely no reason today, ruined my special dragon time, all because you were jealous of-"

"Did you guys hear that?" Bickslow was talking fast then as Lisanna stared at his suspiciously, confused as to why this was all such a big thing. If the man hadn't spoken, she might of asked and, well, he wasn't too comfortable with her finding out just how jealous he'd been to find out that she found Natsu and Happy better company than him that afternoon. "Boss has special dragon time!"

That got Elfman and Evergreen to stop fighting as well as the glances of others in the hall.

Evergreen couldn't help the little giggle. "You have what, Laxus?"

Glaring at Bickslow then, Laxus was so ready to end his life. So ready.

"Of course he does. And he likes it very much." Mirajane reached up to grasp his cheek in a hand, squeezing it between her finger and thumb. "Come on, dragon. You can help me restock."

Cheeks being smooshed, he got out, "Maybe I don't wanna."

"Maybe I'll have to ask some other big strong slayer then," she threatened as she led him away. "Who pays for my food and whose jokes I laugh at. What do you say then?'

"I say that if this is your threats to make me jealous, try again; why be jealous of a woman you already know without a doubt you have locked down?"

"Ooh, I love that!" Mirajane let go of his cheeks and moved to grab his hand, ushering him along to the stock room to, err, appreciate it a bit more. "Come on, dragon!"

As they disappeared though and Elfman, slowly, slunk off after losing his argument with Evergreen (he lost them all; it was part of being a boyfriend), Lisanna only stared up at Bickslow.

"Why would you go and bother Laxus and Mirajane about that stuff?" she asked with a bit of a frown. "Bickslow? Did I do something wrong? Did we have plans or something?"

It was his moment. He be a man moment. Where he told Lisanna just what he thought about her hanging around with the Salamander and how he really liked hanging out with her and being around her and the way that she did think that he was funny and not fake and would listen to his trope backstories that he fashioned for himself.

It could have been perfect. The ending to, fine, a rather lackluster movie, but raunchy in parts and that was what was important, but…

Instead he only shrugged a bit and said, "I dunno. Hey, wanna go get ice cream or somethin'?"

"No." Freed was back into the conversation then it seemed. "No, Bickslow. You sit down and Ever, come here. We have to go over-"

"You should come get ice cream too, Freed." Lisanna smiled at him. "And bring your...maps, I guess, if you want. We can go over them at the ice cream parlor."

Bickslow was sweating it out then, for some reason concerned about a factious relationship Mira and Laxus were only teasing him about. They couldn't force Freed to marry Lisanna.

...Could they?

"No," the rune mage sighed as, slowly, he relaxed back alone at his table as Evergreen discretely made her exit, going after Elfman no doubt. "You two should have fun. But tomorrow, Bickslow, Ever, we must-"

"Bright and early, right here, in this hall, I'll be," Bickslow agreed loudly as Ever only waved a hand over her shoulder.

After they were all gone, Kinana made her way over to the table, to refill Freed's drink and question him if he was covering Ever's tab.

It was only then that he realized it had been her turn to cover both he and Bickslow and yet, there she was, off with Elfman, while Bickslow was gone with Lisanna, and he was all alone.

"Of course," he sighed, shaking his head a bit before, softly, to himself, saying, "The Strausses, they can be quite selfish at times."

Kinana, who with Mirajane off in the stockroom doing little stocking and far more slayer and Lisanna not having worked a lick gone off with Bickslow, only shook her head at the other man, replying just as softly, "You have no idea."

This was an old request on Tumblr for some jealousy from the guys about Ever, Lisanna, and Mira that I never got around to and figured I'd knock out. Still working on all the stories though, guys, and hoping to have one updated soon as well as some one-shots, so hopefully it'll be a bit more productive summer than last.