After a about 5 minutes the bathroom had become quite misty from the heat of the shower water. 'Hey Babe, look we don't have to talk about any of this tonight ok, have your shower, pick a great movie with Siobhan and I will take care of Niamh and Patrick. Then how about we go to bed, you can put your favourite album on and we can talk about how amazing our home is going to be.'

Chlo looked down into my eyes, she cupped my face in her hands. 'I have no idea what I did to deserve you, but I love you more than you know.' I smiled and kissed the palm of her hand. 'As for deserving me, it is completely the other way around, I am blessed by you. Now have a shower you stink'.

With that she laughed and kicked me out the bathroom, I walked back downstairs, Thomas dad was on his way out, I thanked him for helping and then I scooped Niamh up, she began to squeal with laughter as I tickled her under her ribs. 'right little one, bed.'

'can you read me a big story?' I smiled as she looked expectantly at me. 'you mean a long story, and if you are quick having a wash and doing your teeth with me then yes' I put her down and she ran off shouting 'Dr seuss yessssss' and up the stairs she went shouting for her mum. 'you two ok here while I sort your sister out? Mum will be down in a minute?'

Siobhan looked up 'yeah no worries, I will put the cakes in the cake box and Patrick can help me load the dishwasher'

Patrick looked over to Siobhan 'erm I don't think so'

'yeah you will Patrick, mum isn't cleaning up our mess, so get your dodgy leg in to action'

Before I had the chance to say anything I heard Chloe 'Oi less of those type of comments please, they are uncalled for and nasty, say your sorry to your brother and Patrick go and help your sister'

I smiled at Chlo, who stood there with her hair pulled up in a loose ponytail, some sweatpants and a grey vest top. She looked cute, but I could see how exhausted she was. She looked at me, 'Niamh is waiting for you upstairs something about reading her some Dr Seuss book you have or something, I'll sort these out and then go watch a film with Siobhan. Tomorrow could you work from home?'

'Erm I will see what I can do but I am not sure I can,'

'just I thought when I had watched this film with Siobhan me and you could talk that's all but it will be late and i…' before she got time to finish I placed my hands on her hips, kissed her on the cheek, 'I will move things around, tonight you sleep, you are exhausted, tomorrow I will sort the children in the morning and then me and you can go have breakfast and for a walk to the lake, and you can talk about whatever you need to ok'

She looked at me and wiped a tear away. 'ok, thank you, I am sorry about before'

'no need to worry, I love you and you were upset, now go any enjoy your film with Siobhan'

I started to laugh as I heard Niamh 'beca hurry up, I wanted a big big story and now it will be a little one.' I smiled and headed for the stairs 'never mind a little one, il give you a little one' she was giggling.

Niamh was pretty much asleep after the first three pages. I kissed her head and tucked her up with the duvet. She was just a small version of Chlo.

I saw Patrick on his way up the stairs as I stood at the top 'hey dude you wanna read some comics for a bit before bed?'

'yeah that would be cool, we haven't done that for ages and I have a new one from grandad.'

As he got to the top of the stairs I ruffled his hair 'I am so proud of you mate' he looked up and smiled 'thanks, is erm mum ok?'

I sighed 'yeah mate she is going to be absolutely fine, she is just a little sad today and we all find that hard as mum is always so happy!'

'ok, well you make mum happy a lot so thanks.'

That made my heart swell, I kissed him on the top of his head, 'your mum, you and Siobhan and Niamh make me very happy too. right now, where is this comic'

Me and Siobhan were sat in Beca's room which was ours while the house was sorted. We were sat on the bed choosing a DVD to watch. 'mum why was you so upset today, is it beca?' I swallowed hard, 'no baby nothing to do with Beca, Beca is great. She makes me very happy, just she called me to tell me that Grandma is in Ireland and she wants to see me.'

'oh, so why you not happy? Is she coming to see us?'

Siobhan joined me on the sofa. 'No she isn't coming to see you, mummy and grandma not that she deserves that title really, dont get on at all, in fact I haven't spoken to her since I fell pregnant with you and me and your dad moved here.'

Siobhan looked up at me, 'why would you not talk to your mum, I could never not talk to you.'

I looked into her beautiful little eyes, 'well baby, gran wasn't nice to me much and so I don't really want to talk to her as she always makes me sad.'

Siobhan looked at me, 'maybe she feels sorry now mum, like sometimes when I say things that aren't nice and then when I say sorry you forgive me, maybe gran wants to say sorry, so you can forgive her' I kissed Siobhan on the head 'maybe she does, you chosen a movie?'

'Yep, 13 going on 30, I love it, and I can't wait till I am 30 and I will have lots of things'

'Siobhan baby don't wish your life away, being 30 isn't that cool'

'whatever mum, where's the popcorn'

With that we settle in to watch the movie, I could hear Patrick laughing and I could hear Beca doing stupid accents that were awful, god do I love that girl.

I spent about an hour with Patrick, we did some proper laughing. He loves his comics and of course he loves my stupid accents when we read them out. I hope he still gets chance to dance after his injuries, he is obsessed with street dance if we aren't reading comics we are watching dance moves on YouTube. I had kissed him goodnight and made my way down the stairs passing Chloe and Siobhan as I walked towards the stairs, Siobhan was asleep snuggled into her mum and Chloe looked like she was in deep thought. I didn't disturb her and walked downstairs.

I was sat out the back with a beer and my guitar just strumming away, when Chloe walked out, 'hey, what you are playing?' she stole my beer and drank from the bottle before handing it back, 'erm nothing really just strumming, you ok?'

She stood next to me and sighed. 'if I said yes, you would know I was lying, so honestly no, I'm not great but also, I don't really want to talk much about it tonight, can I put some music on?'

I put my guitar down and pulled up a playlist of tracks we had, Paul McCartney 'I don't know' began to play through the speakers, I walked up behind her and placed my hands around her waist, my chin was resting on her shoulder 'sleep tight, and I will take the strain' I whispered along to the lyrics in her ear. I could feel her relaxing into my arms, as the song came to an end she turned around and smiled as 'a place called you' by Emma Stevens came on. I smiled back, then I took her hands in mine and we began to dance. 'Omg Bec what are you doing' she was laughing, and god did I love hearing that laugh, 'erm less talking and more dancing red,' I winked at her and she laughed a lot as we both sang along to the lyrics. If anybody would have seen us I am sure they would have thought, we had been taking drugs.

As the song came to an end, I pulled Chlo into me, 'I love you' she ran her hands through my hair and leant in to kiss me softly, she pulled away and looked into my eyes 'Not as much as I love you, I would not know what to do without you' I leaned into kiss her 'good job that will never happen then hey'

She smiled at me. 'right you sit there an admire the view and I will grab you a glass of wine and then we can just sit and relax.'

We sat outside talking about a million and one things mostly house themed, we skyped with Gran which was funny, she was a bit drunk but looks like she is having an amazing time, even if she did tell me I looked exhausted and in need of a haircut, I messaged Alex also to see if he wanted to come around tomorrow evening. I was a bit conscious that Chlo may have a shit day and he could help with Siobhan and the kids really.

I had began reading a book, well I say I began reading a book, I did until Chlo asked would I read a chapter to her from it, so now most days I read a chapter to her when everything is quiet in the evening, so after skyping with Gran this is what we did. The title is 'David Bowie made me gay' by Darryl w. bullock. It is about 100 years of LGBT music. It's a great read so far, as I came to the end of the chapter I looked at Chlo who was fast asleep.

I nudged her gently, 'Baby, come on bedtime, I placed gentle kisses on her cheek. She moved a little and pulled my top, so I was closer to her, 'let's sleep here, I am comfy.' She looked so pretty, and my head was telling me to scoop her up and take her to bed, however I grabbed the throw from the living room and I placed it over us as I snuggled up behind her placing my hands in hers and pulling her close. She gave out a murmur and then I felt her fall into a deep sleep.

I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, and the early morning chill. I was still wrapped in Beca's embrace and I don't think there was ever a place I felt safer. I rolled slowly off the sofa so not to disturb her. I picked up my phone. It was 5.30 am, I went upstairs got changed in to my running gear and scribbled a note to Beca to say where I had gone. I stepped outside and placed my headphones on, there was a new playlist on my ipod, just called Don't Look, Just Play Me.

I smiled to myself and hit play. I began a brisk walk, as 'Circle of Life' from the Lion King began playing. I couldn't help but smile. Beca and Patrick had a lot to answer for. I had great memories of this as me and the children had acted it out one Sunday morning when Niamh was very little. I stopped walking not that I had got far, and I leaned against the wall re living that moment. Things were very different now; however, it was all good different, but those memories were so important.

I spent the next 15minutes listening to the songs,a Disney theme was running through them. Then one song began to play, and I ran cold. It took me back to being Niamh age, my birthday, my mum had bought me Mary Poppins on Video and I had been so enchanted by it. We would sing the songs as I watched it every night before bed, my favourite had been 'lets fly a kite' I would sing that all the time and one summer mum had taken me to the beach and we had ran along the beach with this amazing red kite. It was one of my favourite days ever. I hadn't thought of that for so many years yet here I was early morning eyes closed back as a super excited child. Tears streamed down my face, yet I couldn't help smiling so much and reliving those moment when I loved mum and mum loved me. How it had all gone so bad. I played that song on repeat while I stood there.

How, did they know about this song, I had never allowed the children to watch Mary Poppins as It was too hard, so this isn't something they would know or even Thomas would of. I decided to continue my walk and pretty much searched the Mary Poppins soundtrack, as I walked the country roads with Julie Andrews in my ears I wanted to get back to the kids and I wanted to sit with them and share this film with them all snuggled in my arms.

I walked back into the house, Beca was stood in the kitchen making coffee. 'Hey, how did you know about Mary Poppins, don't say you don't know what I am talking about because I know it will be a lie. Did you talk with my mum yesterday after I asked you not too?'

As I poured coffee into the cup on the side I could feel Chloe's eyes burning into me, 'Fuck' I thought to myself as she finished her sentence.

I turned around, my eyes meeting her red teary ones, 'I didn't talk as such, she talked to me and before you go off and shout at me, she gave me an envelope for you and it had a red kite on the seal with a lyric. That's all.'

She stood staring at me. In silence. 'So that's all, because if I find out that you had conversations with her about me and my childhood I won't forgive you for lying.'

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. 'ok well I took her for coffee, not because I wanted to talk with her but because she seemed so desperate and I wanted to know what the fuck she wanted and to explain that I wouldn't have you hurt or upset, then I dropped her at her hotel and that's when she gave me the letter.'

Chloe looked at me with a blank look, I couldn't read her at all. 'give me the letter'

'erm yeah sure it is in the car babe' I put my coffee down to go to get it. 'just give me your keys il get it myself'

I passed the keys to her and she left. I stood in the kitchen waiting for her return. Next minute my car disappeared off the drive. 'Fuck!'

I picked my phone up and called her. She kept cancelling the calls.

As I sat in Becs car I looked at the letter in my hands, mums writing, I decided to drive off, I didn't know what to do, before I realised I was on the drive way of Thomas parents. I looked at the door an before I had chance to knock I felt these big arms engulf me. 'come on my love lets get you a warm drink and a jumper. Beca said you took off. He kissed me on the head. Come on tell me what's going on.'

After a few moments of sorting myself out and several sips of my tea I handed him the letter.

'is this what your mum gave Beca, she mentioned it when she called.'

I nodded. 'I don't know hat to do with it'

'well you have two options, if it was me I would want to read it, and let's face it Chlo, you have dealt with many more terrible things than a letter. You had a baby when you were a child yourself, you have relocated countries, you have divorced my idiot of a boy, you have dealt with your feelings for Beca and faced that and then you have supported Siobhan and Patrick when they have had awful things happen, not to mention your illness around food. I wish you could see yourself through other eyes. This is just a letter.

I pulled my phone out and rang Thomas. 'hey,yeah yeah I am at your parents, could you have the children for today and overnight?'

'yes, of course. I will head over there now, what should I tell them?'

'just tell them I am going on a surprise stay out in the city with Beca. Siobhan knows mum wants to talk with me, and Alex was coming around so maybe best to message him as Siobhan will still want to see him. Could you tell Beca when you get there to come here please'

'Yeah of course I will, you need me to do anything else?'

'no thanks, but Thomas, thank you, for all you have done for me since we were kids.'

'clo, no thank you, I am sorry for all the hurt and pain I caused you I really am.'

'thanks, look after the kids and I will pick them up tomorrow night.'

'no worries but if you want me to have them longer just ask'

'Thanks Tom. See you tomorrow.'

Having known Chlo like I do I figured she would head up to Thomas's parents they were like parents to her and they always would be, she was scared and so I called him. Explained what happened and sure enough I received a txt off Thomas; mum to say Chloe had arrived there. That gave me peace. My phone went off.

Chlo: I didn't answer because I was so mad at you, and I needed to calm down to think. Thomas is going to come for the kids, he said if they are still in bed he will wait there until they wake up. When he gets there, come find me.

No kisses or emoji's clearly, she was still unhappy with me, but it isn't like I had given her mum the address or anything. I text her back telling her I loved her.

Chlo: xxxx

Next minute there was a knock and Thomas walked in.

'Hey Becs, chloe said can you go up to my parents'

'Yeah she just txt me, on my way now.'

'cool, take her a hot chocolate from the coffee place in the village, its her favourite, it will chill her out. When we first moved here and everything was crazy that's what she would do.'

As much as taking advice of my girlfriend's ex killed me I knew he would be right.

'cheers, see you tomorrow, help yourself to anything you want.'

I jumped in Chlo's car and headed to the village grabbed her a hot chocolate and drove to Thomas's parents house.

I walked in and Chlo was sat on the floor, back up against the sofa, Thomas's dad was on the chair letter in hand. He walked over to me handed it to me and placed his hand on my shoulder as he walked behind me and left the room.

Chloe never moved or said anything. I sat in the chair. 'Chlo, I got you this.' I handed it over, she gave off a slight smile and looked up. 'Thanks, Thomas has a good memory, open it.' She nodded towards the letter.

'what?'

She looked at me 'I said open it, an then read it to me'