Saturday, 17th December 2016

09.48

Even wakes me up with a kiss.

"Morning." His eyes are wide open; penetrating blue by my side.

Penetrating. I feel myself go red because that word makes me think of last night.

"Morning." I probably have morning breath. Or even 'I blew my boyfriend last night' breath. Ugh. Basically I'm gross right now so I cover my mouth. "How did you sleep?"

"Barely, thanks to you." He smiles and tries to pry my fingers off my lips. "Why is this happening? I want to kiss you."

I shake my head; put both hands over my mouth and mumble behind my palm. "No."

"Yes."

"Seriously. You don't want to right now."

"You don't know what I want." He rolls me onto my back and I remember that I'm naked and so is he.

I love him like this. Alpha. Decisive. Throwing the covers off, getting on top of me, pushing in between my legs and pulling me to him by using them as levers. It's hot and I forget the bit where I am supposed to be hiding my breath. I reach up to touch his chest. I run my hands down his torso.

I fucking love his body.

He leans over to brush his mouth against mine. I like the weight of him on me.

"I love you naked." He whispers to my lips then captures them.

I pull him to me. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. You're easy access when you're naked." He feels me up and I almost purr with pleasure. "Look. Easy."

He tweaks my nipple. I squirm and swat his hand away.

When he presses his lips to mine, I feel a tingle. Every time he kisses me I feel it. It's stupid but, like, stupidly delicious. Sometimes I'll be in class at school and my mind will wander off as I think of him and of us fooling around. I feel that tingle. It's as if I am being startled and spun around but in a good way.

I hear myself moan. It comes deep from my chest while we kiss. I should feel dumb for being so easy but I don't. I sounded more desperate last night. There is no turning back after that performance. Desperate Isak. Desperate for sex Isak. 'Desperate for sex with Even' Isak. That's me almost 24/7 and after weeks of no action I was ready. Still am.

Even pauses our kiss, pulls away. "I have a confession to make."

"What?" Right now? When things were getting good?

"Um." He looks so serious all of a sudden.

Oh God! He has been hiding something from me. I knew he was hiding something. I could sense it but I have been ignoring it, scared that it would tear us apart. And when I found out he was bipolar, I assumed that was it. His secret. But it's not, is it? There's more…

"Well, don't drag it out." My mouth forces the words through a strained smile.

I brace myself as I feel my blood run cold.

"I fucking love you."

Wow.

I break a smile.

It feels like an arrow to my heart when he says the L word to me- Cupid's arrow not an actual weapon- because my heart swells, beats faster, skips a beat.

"No sorry. I got that the wrong way round…" He blinks because he can't wink- which is the most fucking endearing thing ever by the way. "I love fucking you."

I roll my eyes. Ugh. Why does he do that though? I love/hate it. It's funny/annoying. It makes me want to punch/hug him!

So I thump his shoulder and laugh.

"What? It's true! You are a great lay." He grins. He leisurely runs his hand down my body, settles it on my bum. I can still feel lube in and around therewhen I move. "Dick thinks you're an amazing lay too by the way. He is really into being in you!"

Why is my boyfriend such a dork? I had forgotten how playful he is; how light and full of joy. It rubs off on me which is good because, if I'm honest, 'grumpy' is my default setting.

"I like Dick too!" I hear that back in my head. "I mean-"

Even chuckles. "-Sorry what?!-"

"I didn't mean it like that!"

"Like what?"

"Fuck off!-"

"I like dick!" He imitates me. "I knew it! You are only into me because of him!"

He pretends to be offended for a split second then peppers my face with kisses.

"WhereasIlove every part of you. Your mouth. It's fucking divine." He slowly lavishes it with a sexy 'ugh more please' kiss. "Your eyes..." Kisses my eyelids. "...Your cheeks..." Kisses my cheeks. "...Your ears..." Kiss. Kiss. "Chest. Nose. Nipple! I like how you squirm. Belly button. Abs. Hands." He kisses every mentioned part. He's that level of cute. "I really like your hands. They do crazy shit to my cock so special shout out." He whispers.

I giggle.

"Your legs are cool too. They hold on to me while I fuck you so that's pretty awesome. But my number one favourite spot on your body is..." he gives my butt a squeeze.

"My bum." I decide.

He looks shocked. "No! How can you think I would be that superficial, Isak."

I can't help but smile. "Then what is it?"

"Your brain!"

"Yeah right!"

He nods empathically. "Fuck it. You're right. It is your bum."

"I work out so, you know, it's a decent bum."

"Exactly." He seems distracted. Holding my bum and talking about my bum. I guess. "I feel like we are doing too much talking and not enough fucking." He whispers.

Agreed.

-:-:-:-

We haven't done it on all fours yet so I want to try it. So after sucking Even off for a bit I pull my mouth off of him. I can deep throat him now; get him all slick and wet and horny. He can fuck my mouth if he wants but I get breathless; have to come up for air after a while. I wipe my mouth and feel satisfied. Satisfied with how amazing I have made him feel. It is written all over his face. His eyes are half closed, pupils blown wide. His smile gets me weak at the knees. It's like he is at my mercy. I have got him, hard in my palm. I jerk him off and I feel pretty fucking smug because he is high on lust that I have created.

I lick my lips. I want to tell him, 'Let's do it doggy' but, ugh, no. Can't say the words. So I kiss the tip of his dick and get onto my hands and knees next to him and wait.

Even just looks at me.

So I lick my fingers and tug my cock but it not my target. I reach back between my legs. Feel my asshole. Close my eyes because seeing him watching me is too fucking weird. I imagine that his fingers, his cock, are rubbing me there and it feels amazing. I rest my head on the bed and my shoulders drop too. I have my bum in the air and I want him to fucking get to it. What is he waiting for?

I push a finger in and slowly starting fucking myself with it.

"Fuck." I hear him groan. He moves on the bed and I wait for his touch. His warm hand. I feel its caress over my back. Up and down. I'm getting goose bumps.

I have a thought. I whisper. "Blindfold me."

"Really?" His voice is excited.

I nod. Fuck yeah. Just the thought gets me hot all over.

"Okay."

I keep my eyes closed. The bed bounces as he gets off the bed and then on it again within a few seconds.

He is using something relatively thin to shield my eyes. "Is that a tie?"

"Yeah."

"Not the blue and white one."

"Yeah."

"Can you get another one please? I used this one for my confirmation."

"Shit. For real?"

"Yeah."

"Catholic boy." He slaps my bum, bites it and I feel my ass contract against my finger. I take it out.

I feel Even's hands gently cover another tie over my eyes.

"I got the dark grey one." He whispers and kisses me. "This is fucking hot by the way. You should see yourself."

Too much talking.

I push my finger into me again and rock my hips. I relax and contract against it. I rub that nubbin of pleasure inside me. I whimper because it feels good but not good enough. I push in and out and I want more. It is as if Even reads my mind because he kisses me. First on one bum cheek then the other and then I feel a trickle of warm fluid onto my finger as it plunges in and out of me. It is his spit and I push my legs further apart and pop my ass up even more. An invitation. Please.

His finger joins mine, enters me slowly, and I gasp. I love the stretch. Makes me moan and push back onto the intrusion. I didn't think I would ever like this. I honestly spent hours freaking out over it. Anal sex. How much it would hurt. How I might catch something if I did it. How if I ever came out (which was doubtful at that point) I would have to be the top because there was no way I would be able to take it. I would experiment with myself; use my shower gel to rub against my hole and dare to try and pop a finger in during my evening shower after school. It was like homework. Bio. Maths. Chem. Norwegian. And anal. And it fucking killed. Never got past the first joint of my index finger.

There is something to be said about state of mind. Feeling free to desire what I want and not feel shame over it has changed things for me. I want to be fucked so much and I don't see that as a bad thing anymore.

I can relax.

And because I relax that pressure and feeling of being penetrated, feels unreal. I hear a pop as Even takes our fingers out and my hole shuts. God. He saw that. Fuck. I feel myself go red.

I hear the tear of a condom wrapper, the snap of the lube bottle and I am practically salivating. I push backwards and he chuckles,

"Fuck, you're impatient!"

I bury my head into the bed sheets and try to get a grip of myself. Stay still. I feel his fingers first, slathering on the lubricant, two of them pushing it in. And then the pressure that makes me bite the inside of my mouth. That makes me want to moan. That makes me feel overwhelmed for a minute- like this might be too much to take. That makes me think- at the very same time- that this may be the best sensation in the world. He fills me up and it's everything to me. He fills more than just the obvious. My mind and heart are full of him too.

I feel his hips against my bottom. He is all the way in deep and I grab hold of him to feel how we are joined. I push back even more and feel myself flatten on him so that I cannot find a space that separates us where we are connected.

He pushes into me and I make sounds that I didn't know I was capable of making. His strokes get deeper and firmer and I feel propelled forward, rhythmically. I get up onto my hands so that I can join that rhythm; push back in time with every push forward from him. His length ploughing into me. Fucking hell. I will never get tired of it. Even thrusts into me and his hands grip my hips. Firmly. He can't let me go. And I moan with every deep invasion. Can't help it. It feels good. So good. I reach for one of his hands and I move it across my stomach. My chest. I want him to hug him while he fucks me.

So he leans over me, on top of me and his weight pushes me down. I collapse into the bed. Feel his cock forced deeper into me still. I startle slightly.

"Sorry. Was that too deep?"

He presses his chest on my back, licks my ear. Kisses me. Fluttery wet sexy kisses on my skin. His hands intertwine with mine somewhere over my head.

"No... Don't stop..."

And he plunges into me and honestly I lose all sense of myself. If I was my normal rational self I would think to shut the fuck up so that my flatmates don't hear me. I would worry about getting suffocated by my boyfriend's full weight on me. I would low key worry about my blindfold kink. Didn't know I had it but it's real. WTF is that about?

I love feeling totally possessed. Every fibre of my being is his. That is how it feels right now. Like he can do anything he fucking wants with me and I'm down. Is that normal?

Even's thrusts mellow into deep, soul tingling rotations that make me pant and writhe like an animal on heat. He places languid, sloppy, sensual kisses along the length of my neck and over my shoulder, up my jaw until they finally reaching my lips. Our kiss is slow and open, tongues and sighs. The loss of sight only heightens the sensations of him kissing and fucking me. The pace of his thrusts builds up again and the kiss fizzles into breathes shared by mouths millimetres apart. I can't think of kissing when he is fucking me like this.

I feel that build up. That-

"I think I am going to cum." I whimper.

I touch my cock, trapped against the bed and feel the precum leaking from its slit.

I feel my muscles contract and relax as I climax. I genuinely think I might die from the intensity. Like my heart won't be able to take it. The clenching and unclenching around Even's cock. I can feel myself pushing him out. I feel it. And he does too so I push back against him and he buries himself back into me. Deep. I feel him as I cum all over the bedding. My shudders are violent shudders matched by his. He cums in me; into latex.

"Oh my God!" He gasps. Circles his arms around me. Grips me hard while we come back down to Earth.

We are a useless heap. He is still on top of me. Still in me. He raises himself off my chest but doesn't pull out. He thrusts again. Tired though. He fucks me a few more times, leisurely, with what energy I do not know. I can't move. I am done. Energy pulled out of me.

He pulls out and it feels like loss. He kisses between my shoulder blades, "You're amazing, Isak" and then falls onto the bed to lie next to me.

He slips the tie off my eyes and throws it to one side. He tugs the condom off, ties it off, looks at the contents and laughs.

"Wow!"

It's full of cum. He wraps it with the toilet roll by our bedside and quickly cleans his cock with some tissue too then rests back in bed. I want to kiss him all over to say thanks because that was up there with the best moments of my life. But I am too fucking exhausted so I get into a koala hug and close my eyes.

"Don't fall asleep." He whispers.

I make a groan of distress and burrow my head into his chest.

He pokes my cheek. "Remember we have lunch with my parents."

Oh shit. Yeah.

-:-:-:-

11.07

Cat Kisser and friends

Jonas:

Are you shitting yourself yet?

Magnus:

What. When. Where. How?

What are you talking about?

Madhi:

You were too busy yesterday making cat

sounds at Vilde

Madhi:

Magnus right now

*gif of confusion*

Jonas:

ISAAAAAKKKKKKK

Madhi:

He has probably died of panic

Isak:

No. I haven't. It'll be fine.

Magnus:

Oh yeah shit. I forgot! Meeting the parents!

Good luck!

Magnus:

Just remember not to swear.

Parents hate potty mouths

-:-:-:-

12.25.

I'm not nervous. I'm not nervous. I'm not nervous. I'm not nervous. I'm not nervous. I'm not nervous. I'm not nervous. I'm not nervous. I'm not nervous. I'm not nervous. I'm not nervous. I'm not nervous.

Even takes my hand as he puts his copy of his house keys into the lock.

"Ready?"

FUCK! I. AM. NERVOUS.

"No."

I slip out of his hold and adjust my snap back. I'm not sure I am ready for even this innocent PDA in front of his parents. No hand holding. Nothing to suggest we ever touch each other.

He gives me a comforting smile that doesn't really comfort me. "I promise they are super chill."

He takes my hand again, opens the door and steps inside. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT.

"Hello!" He calls out into the hall while we take off our shoes.

Deja vu. I remember the last and only time I was here with him. Only this time we aren't home alone.

"Baby boy?!" It's a woman's voice. "We're in the kitchen!"

SHIT. His mother?!

"Wait!" I hiss when he tugs me further into the apartment.

"What?"

"Shit."

"You'll be fine." He blinks/winks (I have decided to call it a bwinkin my head) and sets off down a corridor.

I hate how he does that- walks away expecting me to follow.

I jog after him.

"I'm back!" He says as he enters the kitchen.

"Baby boy!"

By the time I reach the kitchen he is already hugging his mum and chest bumping his dad while I hover at the edge of the room.

"This is Isak." He says while beaming at me. He takes my hand and pulls me into the cramped space.

"Hi Isak." His mum says.

I freeze. Performance anxiety. Even places his hand on my shoulder and gives me a cuddle. I turn to him and smile.

And then I remember where we are and every part of me is screaming to push him off me but I don't because his parents really don't seem to mind. In fact, his mum's smile gets bigger.

Her smile is identical to Even's. Infectious smiles. Side by side they look so similar. Even has got his lankiness from his dad though. Papa Næsheim is even taller than him and has really light blue eyes that are staring at me right now.

"Hello…?" He says to me.

"What?" I swallow.

"I was saying hello." He says.

"Oh. Yeah. Hello. Sorry." Why does my tongue feel like it is plastered to the roof of my mouth?

He nods like I have proved a point to him.

"Well done, son. He isa hunk."

What?!

"Dad!" Even looks mortified.

"Yes! Yes! He is! I can see why you didn't want to come back home!" His mother says.

His dad smiles while she laughs. I feel like I am the subject of an in joke. What the fuck is happening?!

"You promised me you'd behave, guys." Even groans as he rubs my back. "Don't scare him."

"Why are compliments scary? Everyone loves compliments. Hi, my name is Heidi." His mum pushes Even off me and pulls me into a hug. "You smell good too."

I feel so awkward right now.

"Mum!"

"Thanks." I mumble. "Isak."

His dad gives me a firm handshake. "Kristian."

"Isak."

"You are very welcome to our home."

"Thanks."

He lays a hand on my shoulder. "Before I start getting lunch ready why don't we all sit down in the living room and crack open some beers."

I look at Even then back at his dad. "Full disclosure. I'm seventeen."

"And?"

I grin.

"One drink won't hurt, right? Moderation is key." He winks. Like a proper wink not a bwink. "Tuborg. Right? Or... champagne?"

He raises an eyebrow.

I feel myself go red.

Even must have told them about my favourite drinks. I hope he hasn't told them about the circumstances around how he found out.

"Tuborg is fine. Thanks."

They all smile at me and I feel like I have stepped into a parallel universe where families are cool and nice to each other and happy.

-:-:-:-

Lunch is coming to an end and I have survived. TBH it wasn't so bad. In fact, I think I am a little bit obsessed with the Bech Næsheims. They intrigue me the way only something totally unfamiliar can. Being with Even's mum and dad has made me realise how families can be. It has made me question what it means to be 'family'. This- what the three of them have- feels like a proper family. They share things with each other; thoughts, ideas, feelings, experiences. They listen and speak. They are honest, kind, truthful and caring. They respect each other even when they agree to disagree. They don't shy from tough conversations and they hug it out at the end. When I see them I see an unbreakable triangle of love.

"You okay, Isak?" His mum says.

"Yeah."

I feel jealous because my family is made up of three islands separated by vast oceans.

She gives me a gentle smile. "Look at us talking like idiots. Sorry it's so dull. It's just been a while since we have seen this boy."

"You're not dull."

She stands and starts picking up plates. "Will you give me a hand taking the dishes to the kitchen?"

"Me?" I look at Even who is smiling at me encouragingly then back at her. "Okay."

-:-:-:-

"Are you feeling as full as I am?" She asks as she puts the dishes into the sink. She looks over at me.

"Yes. The pizzas were really nice."

"They were, weren't they? He makes the dough from scratch. My husband is a feeder, Isak. Can you tell?"

I smile politely.

She throws a dish cloth at me while she fills the sink up with warm water and squeezes in some washing up liquid.

"You don't have to be so polite or careful around me, you know."

"Okay."

There is a dishwasher right next to her so I know this washing of dishes by hand is an excuse to talk to me in private.

BUT LIKE WHY?

"Even tells me that you like science." She starts scrubbing the dishes.

"Yeah. I mean, yeah. I'm interested in knowing how the universe works."

She smiles. "So a modest ambition then? Has Even told you that I work at the university as a geoscientist and lecturer?"

"No."

"Yeah. Never thought that would happen!" She rinses a plate and passes it to me so I start drying.

"Why?"

"You may have noticed how youthful I look to have a son of Even's age."

I look blankly at her.

"That was your cue to go 'Oh, yeah, Heidi, you look very young'!"

I grin. "Yeah. But like you do."

"That's because Kris and I had Even when we were younger than planned. You can imagine our parents' reaction. We weren't out of our teens. We hadn't yet finished high school. You know."

I nod. Where is this going?

"But they came round in the end?"

"Yes…" She passes me another plate. "It took a while though. They felt betrayed. My parents are very devout Christians…"

I look at her. "My mum is too."

"And that's okay but at the time it was a battle for them. The love for me versus how they practised their faith. They didn't meet Even until he was 7."

She stops washing, turns to me and says. "It is hard being young and being faced with a tough challenge and doing so without the immediate support and love of your parents. It is heartbreaking to feel their rejection."

I stare at her. I feel my chest tighten up.

She stares at me and blinks. "At least that was my experience."

She continues to stare at me.

"Yeah." I whisper because 'yeah' it is fucking tough.

Her voice is low and gentle. "So that is why I said that I never thought I would be in the job that I am in now. I never thought that I would amount to much but I did."

I feel shaken and upset but I don't want to cry in front of her. Her story feels like my story. Not the teenage pregnancy bit but the 'absent parent' bit. She wipes her hand on my dish cloth and takes my hand.

"I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm not upset." But my body's betraying me because I am literally shaking.

"I don't want to presume that I know you, but I saw the way you were looking at my family over lunch. It is the way I would look at the families of my friends. And Even told me that you lived away from home. Away from your parents. That's unusual for a school kid. So I put two and two together."

"I'm not pregnant." I say and give her a nervous laugh.

WTF! Why did I say that!?

Her jaw actually drops and then she laughs. "Good! Phew. I was worried!" Her laugh peters out to nothing. "Kidding obviously. I wasn't worried."

"Yeah."

Awkward.

"But, uh..." She clears her throat. "The two of you- are you being careful when you have sex? Bagging up?"

I want the ground to swallow me up. Right. Fucking. Now.

"Yeah. Sorry. That was a bad joke. I make bad jokes sometimes. Yeah. We are careful." I can't look at her.

"Good. Okay. Good. So going back to your living situation..."

Thank God! "It's true. I don't live with my parents." I try not to sound defensive. "It's complicated. But it is for the best."

I know she is Even's mum but she is still a stranger and I have kept the real circumstances around my living situation close to my heart. I have only shared the full story with Jonas. No one else.

"Okay." She nods. "Well I just want you to know that we consider any friend or loved one of Even's a friend and loved one of ours."

It's kind of cool that she says that even though she is probably just being polite. I am not family to them. "Thanks."

"And you seem like a really decent boy, Isak. A fighter."

She smiles so I smile. She pulls me into a hug.

"Us dandelion kids know how survive and kick ass."

-:-:-:-

15.07

"I like your mum." I say as I climb up Even's bunk bed and flop next to him. "... and your dad."

"You and mum disappeared into the kitchen for ages. What gives?" He pulls me to him.

"I was helping her wash the dishes."

He raises an eyebrow. "Was she showing you childhood pictures of me?"

"No!"

"I can explain the one of me wearing the red dress."

"What?!"

He laughs. "Oh Shit! She didn't show you it!"

"No! But now I want to see it! I bet you looked really cute!"

"I actually did!"

I kiss him, laughing, until the laughter dies out because the kissing becomes serious business. We move in his bed and it creaks and creaks and creaks. I don't want us to break the wooden structure and fall through to the ground. Or even worse I don't want his parents to hear us.

Or…

"What if your parent's come in?"

"They won't." He kisses my cheek, temple, mouth, jaw, neck, everywhere he can reach. Little flutters but I am thinking about something...

"What is a dandelion kid?"

"What?"

"A dandelion kid."

"Like are you thinking about homework while I'm trying to make out with you?"

I lie by nodding.

"Ouch. But okay. Not super sure but I know flowers and I know that Dandelions are tough. They grow anywhere, whatever the environment. Regardless of how hostile it is. They grow out of fucking concrete. They just thrive. Unlike say Orchids which are beautiful flowers but they only really flourish if you put them in the perfect environment. So, I don't know, maybe the term 'Dandelion kids' it has something to do with children that are really tough and resilient or who have been through shit but somehow make it out the other end. They get up and keep on going. Like fucking superheroes."

I think I really like Even's mum.

"Why are you smiling?" Even asks. "Did I get it right?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I think you did."

"Can we make out now?"

"Yes please."