A Mess of Gold

3

Boundaries

Things were quiet around the Tower for quite some time. The gang easily fell into a comfortable routine, and Beast Boy may as well have dreamed his encounter with Raven on the rooftop. The days crept along and turned into weeks, with Damian still barely around and Starfire falling into her natural groove as leader. Crime was low, and training was frequent. For all intents and purposes, the atmosphere was…normal – so normal in fact, it may as well have been boring. Not that anyone was complaining. This sort of lull came appreciated, especially after the fiasco they'd all been dealt only recently.

Losing a Titan had been hard on everyone, and although they'd each taken an immediate liking to Donna, it didn't take her long to realize that she was no replacement.

Nonetheless, they'd all done their best to make her feel welcome – even Damian. At least, when he was around. Thankfully, his absence was no longer affecting Raven like it had before. Either that, or she'd gotten better at hiding her displeasure.

Maybe that was why Beast Boy felt like he'd been blindsided on the evening she'd decided to pay him a visit.

It was a Tuesday night – in other words, another boring weeknight in which he'd convinced Jaime to marathon a series of classic Mario games with him until they either passed out from eating too many Cheetos, or rage quit one of the levels. They had a record time of staying up until six in the morning and they were looking to beat it.

If he was being honest, he'd have expected the knock to belong to Donna or Starfire, asking them to be quieter. However, the rapping of knuckles against his door were somehow hesitant and slow, with none of the urgency either lady possessed. There was no super-strength behind the sound. Instead, both boys barely heard it the first time around.

They exchanged looks before Garfield shrugged and leapt to his feet. He meandered to his door just as the second series of knocks concluded.

"Hold your horses, I'm coming!" he bellowed with a roll of his eyes.

Upon noting the subtle aroma of Raven's scent just outside his door, Beast Boy hesitated in his step, his boyish features pinching in confusion.

Raven was normally in the library at this hour, nose buried in a series of books. It wasn't like her to retire so soon. Garfield knew her routine well because their rooms were right next to one another's, and therefore he had to be mindful of the noise level the second she'd go to bed.

He opened his bedroom door and found the empath standing before him, as suspected. She didn't appear annoyed or contrived in the slightest, and was still in her uniform. Instead, she almost looked surprised by his presence despite it being his room.

They stared at one another for a moment, a strange, uncomfortable silence settling between them despite the background music of Jaime's videogame. Raven's mouth was agape, as if to take a breath – or to prepare the words she wanted to get out. It was anyone's guess. As per usual, Garfield didn't know what to expect from the resident empath, and her stone-cold demeanour made it even more difficult to decipher.

Had they even spoken since the rooftop agreement? Beast Boy couldn't recall. So why was he suddenly tongue-tied and nervous, and why was that the only thing on his mind when he'd come face to face with the demoness?

"Uh, sorry, were we being loud?" He forced a charismatic grin, scratching absent-mindedly at the nape of his neck.

Raven promptly shook her head before peeking in behind him to catch Jaime stretched out on Garfield's bed, controller in hand and a bag of Cheetos beside him. He didn't seem to be all too perturbed by what was going on by Garfield's door.

"Is this, uh, a bad time?" she mumbled.

Beast Boy followed her gaze before snapping his attention back to her. "No! No, no. Not at all! What's up?"

He closed his door behind him as he joined her in the hall, leaving only a crack visible. For some reason, he didn't want Jaime prying on their conversation, or wondering what it was that had the changeling currently indisposed from their promised game night.

Raven's gaze fell to the floor while her fingers fidgeted with the silken material of her cloak. "N-nothing. I can come back later, you two seem to have an evening planned."

He lifted a brow. "Rae, we have game night like, every other night. It's not a big deal," he reassured her.

It didn't do much to assuage her concerns, despite his best efforts. She still appeared somewhat uncharacteristically tense, and when she spoke, she couldn't meet his eyes. "I was just thinking that maybe…it's time I take you up on that offer?"

Her voice was softer than usual, and she cleared her throat as though she had a hard time getting the words out.

The tips of Beast Boy's ears tingled from the heat, and he tried to act cool, even when he knew the exact 'offer' the empath was referring to. "O-oh. Uhm, right. I did promise to help, didn't I?"

He forced an uneasy chuckle for her benefit, because he couldn't imagine it was any easier on her to come to him so boldly. "You, uh, wanna do that tonight?"

Raven tucked her hands behind her back and glanced at him earnestly. She nodded once. "If you're busy, though, it can wait," she added hastily.

"I'm sure Jaime won't mind, so long as I let him keep a few bags of snacks," Beast Boy joked, his face hurting from how hard he was smiling..

"Are you sure?" she asked once more.

Beast Boy dismissed her concerns with a wave of his hand. "Positive, just give me a minute."

With that, he bounded back into his room and promptly informed Jaime of the change in plans. "Hey dude, sorry but I'm going to have to call it a night. Something, uh, came up."

The older teen gave him a puzzled look after he'd paused the game. "What? Why?"

Beast Boy rubbed at the back of his neck, trying to avoid Jaime's penetrating stare and quizzically raised brow. "I promised I'd help Rae with…something. I completely forgot about it."

At least it wasn't a total lie.

Jaime got up and sighed. "Whatever, man. You owe me for this." For good measure, he snagged a few bags of chips and a couple of cans of soda.

"Sorry," Beast Boy called after him sheepishly, wincing as Jaime fixed him with an angry glare on his way out.

Garfield could have sworn he'd cursed him under his breath in Spanish, too, but he wasn't going to open that can of worms tonight. Jaime nodded a brief goodnight to Raven and disappeared down the hallway, shovelling a handful of popcorn into his mouth. They both watched him go until Beast Boy heard him close his door behind him a few moments later.

The empath then stepped into Beast Boy's bedroom as if she was walking into a booby trap – slowly and very cautiously, her eyes darting everywhere but at the green boy standing in the middle of it.

The silence rang in Garfield's ears, the heat from the pot lights overhead making his head feel like it was ablaze.

Once realizing it was safe, Raven turned to close the door behind her with tremendous care, and the click of his lock made Beast Boy involuntarily shudder – like the two of them were about to engage in some kind of dirty act that none of the others could be made aware of.

"So," he started, inhaling deeply, "how did you want to, uh, go about this?"

Raven didn't seem to trust her own feet, and thus remained rooted to the spot just by his door. "Well, you could start by maybe brushing your teeth?"

His cheeks grew warm. "Right! Of course. Minty fresh, that's important. I'll-I'll go do that!"

As he made a mad dash to the bathroom that he shared with Damian and connected their bedrooms, he paused just before the door and turned to acknowledge the empath once more. "You can, uh, make yourself at home," he stammered, bashful.

Raven continued to observe the various posters on his walls, as well as all the toys and figures that decorated his shelves and desk space. Beast Boy promptly vanished beyond the bathroom door, and the rush of tap water could be heard a moment later.

Raven didn't seem to know what to do with herself. Had this been the first time she'd actually visited the changeling's room? Or had she simply never paid attention to it before, like she felt obligated to do now?

She meandered over to his bed, swaying in her step like a drunkard, but mostly she was just uncomfortable, thoughts of doubt and guilt plaguing her restless mind. Raven took a seat on the very edge of his mattress, as if the more of it she touched, the more tethered she became to this decision – to him.

It wasn't too late – she could still change her mind. She could still leave and pretend none of this ever even happened. But Garfield was already out of the bathroom and observing her from across his room as she entertained her more cowardly thoughts. His hands were at his sides, his fists clenching and unclenching in an anxious fit. With one more deep breath to steady his nerves, he walked over to her, crossing the distance in a few long strides before plopping down beside her, always conscious of the space between their bodies.

As if somehow reading her mind, he spoke in a low voice, "Rae, we don't have to do this if you don't want to…"

She inhaled sharply, staring down at her feet because it was easier than meeting his golden stare. "No."

She'd brushed her teeth, ate a mint, and applied chapstick to help soften her lips. It had taken her weeks to find the courage she'd needed to go through with the plan. If she gave up before they'd even started, it meant giving up on Damian entirely, and she wasn't quite sure she wanted that yet. Besides all of that, Beast Boy had been surprisingly accommodating and very trustworthy regarding the personal matter. She would have said it surprised her, but the more she thought about it, the more it made sense of the loyal shapeshifter.

"I can do this," she told him, meeting his gaze head-on, determination flickering beneath the deep violet of her irises.

He searched the planes of her face, looking for any sign of complacency, and found nothing. She was a mask of stone – unreadable, with no emotion forthcoming. Beast Boy finally let go of his own inhibitions, and struggled with the idea of making the first move.

He gazed into her eyes, like he was looking at her for the very first time, and maybe – in light of the newly developing situation between them – he was. Raven had always been somewhat otherworldly to him – mythical, like a unicorn, or another creature of the fantasy lore he could find her reading. Often, he'd been grateful just to be allowed in her presence, as silly as it sounded to him now. So maybe that was why he was suddenly more aware of the quickening thrum of his heartbeat the closer he drew to her, with the intent of kissing her. Maybe that was why he started to notice all the little things, like the length of her inky lashes, or the slight bump on the ridge of her nose. He'd always just assumed that the colour of her eyes were a generic dark blue, but there were swirls of violet when he caught them under the light.

Beast Boy's stare flitted down to the curve of her mouth, her full lips, slightly parted in anticipation.

Had they always looked so…soft?

His breath hitched in his throat, and his fingers trembled at his sides. Raven's gaze darted from side to side, and she chewed on her bottom lip, as if she were struggling with the urge to fidget. Beast Boy steadied her – brought her focus back to him – by cupping her face with his hand in a daring motion, his thumb grazing along the line of her cheekbone. His other fingers slid into the black silk curtain of her hair, pushing the strands away from her face. Raven froze, regarding him with wide eyes.

Garfield then leaned in, careful to avoid the tip of her nose as he slowly brought his mouth down to hers. His eyes fluttered closed, and he told himself that it was to match the intensity of the moment, but the truth was, watching her watch him made him feel even more awkward than he ought to have felt. She made him self-conscious - something that Garfield Logan rarely ever was.

Besides, he had been the one who'd told her it had to come naturally. What sort of teacher would he be if he couldn't even follow his own advice?

His bottom lip gently grazed the top of hers, and Raven let out a small but sharp gasp, barely audible if he hadn't been so near to her. Her breath - quick and shaking - was hot against his face, the pink of her mouth as soft as he may have expected. Then, without another moment's notice, Garfield kissed her, tenderly, capturing her lips with his, ever mindful of his fangs. He lingered that way with her for a few seconds more, allowing her to adjust to the new sensations she was no doubt experiencing.

However, despite this stimulation from his end, Raven remained stiff as a board – and as tense as a coiled spring. It was no wonder her and Damian had struggled to make a connection, when both of them had no clue how to navigate any romantic gesture, even if they'd been handed a map and a set of instructions.

When Beast Boy finally pulled back, the sound of their lips smacking softly as they parted, he opened his eyes to find Raven staring back at him. Her mouth had remained slightly open, as if she hadn't even flinched from when he'd kissed her, and her eyes betrayed the embarrassment she wasn't typically fond of displaying. The pallor of her cheeks was replaced with a subtle, rosy tint, and Garfield couldn't believe that he'd found himself thinking how cute she looked just then. It wasn't an image he was quite used to seeing on her, and therefore made it even more difficult to comprehend his intentions with his teammate.

Raven gulped and, unblinking, she asked, "What do I do with my hands?" She brought them both up for his inspection, and he couldn't help but notice how her fingers were slightly trembling.

Beast Boy felt like his own face was burning and tingling, and he was suddenly unable to speak, afraid he'd manage to get more of her taste in his mouth – or maybe that was just the flavour of her chapstick? Cherry cola was an odd combination for any lip balm - one he anticipated she'd borrowed from Donna or Kory, no doubt - but mingling with the taste on Raven's lips was something both bittersweet and strangely intoxicating.

Should he have been flattered that she'd gone the extra mile exclusively in preparation to kiss him?

Those were dangerous thoughts, and Beast Boy shut them out the minute they'd formulated in his mind.

He was here to help her, not act on his…feelings.

"Well, uh, girls really like my hair. So, if we're kissing and things get heated, their hands go from my shoulders into my hair," he explained, his voice cracking slightly, and forcing him to look away in embarrassment.

Raven's hands fell back to her lap, and she stared down at them uneasily. "Shoulders. Then hair," she repeated in her monotone pitch.

She then quirked up a single brow and gave him a perplexed look. "Damian doesn't have hair like yours…it's shorter, not much to grab."

"Uh, right! Guess that's a bad example then. Well, maybe stick to shoulders then?" He grinned, but it looked more like a snarl with his prominent canines on display.

The lines around Raven's mouth twitched, but she couldn't bring herself to return the gesture.

The room was then struck with more silence, and Beast Boy felt like he was going to drown in it if she didn't say something soon. His heart was still racing, her lips still a crisp memory against his. He'd kissed girls he liked before, and he'd never felt so insecure about it like he did with Raven. He couldn't think past the maddening, semi-incoherent thoughts racing in his mind to figure out why that was.

Her voice called him out of his own internal dilemma and brought his attention back to her. "Should I…should I try next?"

"I-if you want…"

He could see her chest rise with deep inhalation as she seemed to brace herself for what she was about to do. Beast Boy found himself holding onto his own breath as Raven sought to mimic his previous actions, bringing her slender, pale digits to his cheek, and brushing along his tender skin with her icy touch. The room was overbearingly warm, and while Garfield's own palms were sweating, he couldn't understand how Raven's were still so cold.

Beast Boy watched her lean in – noted the way in which her hair moved forward like a curtain of obsidian – and he felt as if time itself had slowed to a crawl before they'd inevitably collide.

Just as Raven's lips hovered over his, a hairsbreadth away, she hesitated. Beast Boy's pulse was a rush in his ears, his fingers grasping at the bedsheets in anticipation, and he could feel the way she exhaled against his mouth, her breath like warm honey.

"I can't do this." Raven pulled away suddenly, the moment shattering like smashed glass. "I'm sorry." She shook her head, her eyes squeezed shut because she couldn't dare bring herself to look at Garfield's dazed features.

Before he could even think to stop her, Raven had bolted for the door, her hood raised and her dark cloak a blue shadow after her silhouette as she made a hasty retreat.

Beast Boy, on the other hand, remained perfectly still where she'd left him, too stunned to give chase or even call out her name. Instead, he brought his own index finger to run along his bottom lip, and wondered what it was that he'd possibly done wrong to scare off the unusual girl he'd agreed to help…

A/N: I apologize for the cliffhanger, but I got to writing the rest of this chapter feeling like it was better off as the beginning of the next one instead. I've also been stuck on this story for a while now, and I really wanted to push out an update. Anyways. I hope this was good. Thanks for reading! :)