So, I've been asked to do something about "No Such Luck". Personally, I didn't hate it, but I can see WHY other people do. I do agree that it needs something done with it, though authors such as AustinDr and That Engineer have done a pretty good job with it. Then, I remembered it's April Fool's Day…a couple months ago. Kinda been going through some stuff lately. But still, consider this a late April Fool's joke.

It's partially inspired by a segment in Robot Chicken season 8 episode 1. Hope you enjoy :)

Lincoln sighed as he watched Lynn strike out for the third time, effectively losing the game. He had hoped that by being here in disguise (as the mascot), he could watch Lynn win the game and later prove to his family that he wasn't bad luck. But it seemed that that wasn't going to happen. It looked like Lisa's fallout shelter would be his new home.

"No!" Lincoln's eyes lit up with fury, "I shouldn't stay here and curse my family any longer! If anything, I should at least go somewhere that my bad luck can be put to good use. Now…where would that be?" Lincoln exited the stadium the opposite side as his family, worried he might cause a leaving car to strike them in the parking lot.

As Lincoln headed down the sidewalk, making sure to ditch the squirrel outfit in the process, he wondered exactly where on earth being horribly unlucky could possibly be a good thing.

It was quiet the ride home. The family knew Lynn was obviously upset at having lost the big game. Though they wanted to, they knew better than to try and comfort her when she was this upset. Silence was the better option.

When the family arrived home, they all went to their separate rooms to do their own thing. Upon getting to the second floor, Lynn was about to follow Lucy into their room, but she stopped and looked at her brother's room. She suddenly felt horribly guilty as she realized that Lincoln had not been at her game, yet they still lost. Sighing in regret, the sports fanatic headed downstairs and to the backyard.

"Linc?" She called out, turning the backyard light on, "Lincoln, I need to talk to you!" She heard and saw nothing, so she sighed, "Look, Linc, I get that with all of us, you don't have a lot of time to yourself, and when I went crazy and started this whole "bad luck" thing, you took advantage of it because you thought it's what you wanted. But then…then you realized it's NOT what you wanted, but by then it was too late. I'm so sorry I stupidly turned the family against you, and I'm gonna talk to Mom and Dad in the morning. If you wanna come in tonight, I won't tell anyone." She paused, looking extra guilty, "We…may have pawned your bed and dresser for a few bucks, because we thought your bad luck had rubbed off onto your stuff, but we'll buy them back, and you can have my bed while I crash on the couch tonight. Anyway…night, bro, and I'm really sorry." At that, Lynn headed back inside, making sure to leave a spare key under the porch as she did so in case Lincoln wanted to come inside.

Unknown to Lynn (or ANY of the Loud family) Lincoln had not heard her, because he was nowhere near the house at the moment. He had actually taken the bus out of town after the game, and was only getting farther and farther away with each passing minute.

1 week later…

Lincoln got off the bus and looked around at his new location. After spending the evening on a bus, he had come up with the perfect plan: He overheard a news report that stated New York's crime rate had nearly doubled in the last year, so he would infiltrate a gang as a homeless kid looking to make money by running drugs, and allow his bad luck to disrupt the gang without him having to so much as lift a finger.

Lincoln had had the bus driver tell him where the bad part of town was, claiming that he needed "medicine" for his sick grandmother, and he couldn't afford to go to a pharmacy. The bus driver, having grown up with a rough life and understanding that sometimes you had to play dirty to survive, understood and took Lincoln to the edge of the city, where most of the gangs hung out. He even gave the name of a cheap, somewhat honest dealer: Max Barker.

Lincoln thanked the bus driver and started heading to the street corner where one of Barker's top sellers, some guy named JT, was said to frequently hang out. He saw the guy, a somewhat big African-American kid who was no older than 20, wearing causal clothes and leaning against the street sign. Lincoln timidly walked up to him.

"Excuse me?" Lincoln nervously asked, hoping this guy wouldn't try to mug him or anything.

JT opened one eye and peered down at Lincoln, "Whaddya want, kid?" He asked in a gruff voice. Lincoln instantly realized that he was using a voice to make himself sound tough, like how Lucy purposely spoke in a monotone voice.

"I…I…" Lincoln was nervous as heck, but he knew he had to do this, "I just…escaped from an orphanage a couple states over, and asking around, I was told some guy named Max Barker has no problem hiring kids, as long as we're willing to work." Lincoln could tell he had been shaking throughout that whole line. He just hoped the guy didn't notice.

JT raised an eyebrow in surprise at the kid's bluntness; not often people got right to the point when asking to work for Max.

"Um…sure, I guess I can take you to see him," JT shrugged, walking off and motioning Lincoln to follow.

Lincoln smirked; taking down this guy would be easier than he thought.

Max Barker was what you would expect a high-ranking drug dealer to look like: a mixture of high class and scumbag. He had jet black hair slicked back, wore a nice suit, and had a cigar in his mouth. He appeared to be early to mid-thirties, and was well-built.

"…but before we could get over the state line, Clarence succumbed to his wounds," Lincoln sighed, looking down and struggling not to cry. He had just told a far-fetched tale about escaping from the abusive orphanage he grew up in, along with his best friend and unofficial brother, Clarence, who was gravely injured by the head of the orphanage during the escape.

Max had stayed silent throughout the whole story, observing the kid. Lincoln (or "Lawrence" as he had introduced himself, making sure these scumbags couldn't find his family if things went sideways) tried to keep his cool, hoping Max wouldn't figure out he was lying.

After an eternity of staring at Lincoln, max finally spoke up, "I feel for ya kid, I really do. But before I can let you work for me, I gotta know you're right for the job."

"How can I prove that I am?" Lincoln asked, hoping he wouldn't have to do something drastic to prove himself, such as kill some snitch or break the arm of someone who owed Max money.

"I've got a shipment of drugs coming in tomorrow night," Max said, "At the docks, around midnight. Normally this supplier has been ok, but he's been a little on edge since his sister overdosed. I'm pretty sure someone's been manipulating him to get some drugs for themselves to try and screw me over. All you gotta do is show up at the meeting, make sure he has ALL the stuff he promised me, and only pay him half of what I owe him."

Lincoln's eyes went wide; that sounded incredibly dangerous. But he had made a personal promise that he would use his bad luck for good, and ruining this guy was a good place to start.

"Ok," He finally said, nodding, "So…how am I gonna do this? I mean, is there a truck or something to transport the stuff? Will I be able to take a guy or two for protection? Are there any dirty cops I gotta pay off?"

Max smiled at the fact that Lincoln was already asking the right questions; he was certain this kid would be a good addition to his crew.

"Well, Lawrence, here's what ya gotta know…"

"…and then we chased the kid to this warehouse, where we found Max," The New York City police captain, Captain Janson, said to the news crew, as Max was handcuffed in the background, yelling curses at the cops and reporters.

"Amazing!" The news reporter sated, looking around in awe, before turning back to the camera, "Max Barker has been on the city's radar for over four years, being linked to several drug deals and at least a dozen drug-related murders. I'm no judge, but I can only imagine that Max will spend at least the next 2 to 3 decades behind bars."

"I can guarantee that," Janson nodded, "We've also caught almost all of his dealers and thugs. The only one we haven't caught is the kid that lead us here."

"Disgusting," The reporter shook her head, "The fact that Barker has no problem putting children in the line of danger. I can only imagine what that poor kid's life has been like that got him working for Max."

Janson shook his head, "Sadly a lot of people aren't ready to be parents, and their children suffer for it. Most kids would rather live on the streets than in their horrible homes." Janson then looked right at the camera, "To the kid who was at the southern docks tonight, I ask that you turn yourself in. If you cooperate, we can help you turn your life around. You don't have to turn into Barker. Please."

Across the street, Lincoln was on his knees, taking deep breaths as he watched Barker get tossed into the back of a police car and Captain Janson give his interview. He smiled at the fact that his plan had worked:

Around 11:00, Lincoln had left with JT and two other guys to make their way towards the docks. Playing the "hungry kid" routine, he got them to stop at a late-night pizza place. While they ordered, Lincoln excused himself to the bathroom, swiping a lady's cell phone out of her purse along the way. Once he got into the bathroom, he made an anonymous call to the police about the deal.

When they got to the docks, Lincoln immediately noticed Max was right when he said the supplier was clearly unhinged. They made the trade, at which point the police stormed the scene. Lincoln stayed in the shadows, before emerging at the last moment and grabbing a couple blocks of cocaine and hopping on a bike and speeding away, making sure to catch the attention of a few cops.

They chased him down in one of their squad cars, though Lincoln was able to use alleyways to avoid them. He made sure they couldn't catch him, yet could still follow him. Finally, they ended up at Max's warehouse, where Lincoln slipped in, staying in the shadows as the officers barged in. Max instantly opened fire on them, which resulted in a shootout while the officers called for backup. Lincoln then slipped out of the warehouse as more cops showed up and surrounded the building.

From what Lincoln could gather (as he struggled to catch his breath from all the running, bike riding, and sneaking around he had done), apparently 8 of Barker's men had ended up getting shot and killed by the police, while the rest, including Barker, were subdued and captured. On the other side, a few officers had gotten shot in the chest, though their bullet-proof vests had protected them.

Lincoln smirked as he slinked into the shadows, eager to keep using his bad luck to take down criminal empires.

Over the next month, Lincoln kept infiltrating crime rings throughout New York. He had a couple close calls, but for the most part he got out unscathed. Over the course of one month, he ended up dismantling over a dozen gangs, with nearly 200 thugs either killed or locked up.

As for living expenses, Lincoln would always steal just enough cash from his "bosses" so that he could have a place to sleep (usually a run-down motel) and enough to eat.

He would alter his appearance and use different fake names and cover stories, knowing these scumbags would likely be talking when locked up. Of course, he was sure sooner or later a few of them would put to and two together about a kid "showing up out of nowhere" and "unintentionally" ruining them, but for now he needed to keep at it.

One day a couple weeks after he started this, Lincoln was sitting in a small café, and he overheard two college-age girls talking at the table next to him. One commented that just that morning the police had called her and told her that the man who had killed her older sister had been killed in a shoot-out the previous night, and she was overjoyed that vengeance had finally been dealt. This made Lincoln smile, as the thought of someone hurting his sisters enraged him, and the idea of that person getting their just desserts pleased him.

At that, Lincoln sighed as he thought about his sisters. Sure, in the last couple weeks they had avoided him like the plague, but they were still his sisters, and he loved them. But he knew that it was best that he stayed far far away from them, for their own good. He only hoped they were doing ok.

At the Loud house, the sisters and parents were all in their rooms, moping. Lincoln had been gone for a month, and they all felt terrible. At first, they thought he was just avoiding them out of anger, and decided to give him space. They bought back his furniture, and left a note on the tree in the backyard saying they were sorry and he was allowed to come back inside.

After a couple of days, the family began to get worried. A few of the sisters assumed Lincoln was at Clyde or Ronnie Anne's, but neither had seen him. Lucy even used her ability to move around undetected to search both houses and prove that Lincoln was not in either.

The younger sisters looked for their brother at school, but they did not see them. Then on Tuesday, Mrs. Johnson called the house and asked if Lincoln was ok, asking why he had missed the past couple days of school.

As soon as Rita was done talking to Mrs. Johnson, she called the police. Of course, as you can imagine, there were questions as to what exactly had happened. This lead Lynn Jr. to admit everything she had done to her brother, and how the rest of the family followed suit. Word quickly got around, and the Louds were shunned, their friends outraged at them. Ultimately, Lynn Sr. and Rita were suspended indefinitely without pay from their jobs, and were given ankle bracelets to be placed under house arrest while awaiting trial for possible child neglect (the police were thankfully understanding that the rest of their kids needed them, and thus agreed not to lock them up until their trials).

Bobby broke up with Lori, Sammy broke up with Leni, and all the girls' friends stopped talking to them; Lynn was even kicked off all her teams.

A month later, the sisters only had each other. They missed their brother, and felt so horrible that their friends hated them. Lynn, of course, felt the worst. While most of the sisters spent all their time with each other, particularly their roommates, Lynn avoided everyone, just getting through the school day, then coming home and laying down, only getting up to eat a small snack and go to the bathroom.

To say the Loud house had never been this sad would be an understatement.

"So…" Max said, looking at the four people at his lunch table; all of them were former rivals of his in the drug trade. Normally, as soon as they all got locked up with each other, they would have started fighting. But Max was a smart man, and he knew all of them getting caught and locked up so close together couldn't be a coincidence; thankfully he had managed to get a couple of them to talk with him, and he was very interested in what they had to tell him, "This kid showed up out of the blue claiming he escaped an abusive orphanage a couple states over, lost his best friend/friends/girlfriend, and asked to work for you. Either that day or the next, he "accidentally" botched a job and lead the cops right to you. Did I miss anything?"

The four gang leaders shook their heads; though there were some variations between their stories, they were all pretty much the same. And they were all pretty PO'd at realizing that.

"Could it be another gang leader?" A scrawny white guy with a bald head, Bruce, asked, "Trying to get rid of the competition to take over New York himself?"

"Nah," Max shook his head, "We're ALL locked up. If this was a rival gang leader, the only ones locked up (or killed) would be us. I had nearly 40 guys working for me, and I can think of only 2 or 3 that are actually loyal to me; the rest are just in it for the cash and drugs. This "rival" would only take us heads out, while recruiting our thugs to add to his numbers. After all, a couple people aren't gonna take over a town; ya need a small army." The other leaders nodded at that.

"Well it can't be the feds," A muscular Mexican guy with a shaved head and a few visible tattoos, Carlos, spoke up, "They wanna take us out from the inside, they ain't gonna send a kid in to do it. And it definitely ain't gonna be a done in a couple of days. Heck, how many gangs have been taken down in a month? It would be at least a couple months before they would be ready to take down ONE gang." The others all pondered this, knowing it to be true.

"Then that means we got ourselves a little hero," Max snarled, "Some kid who thinks he can take down our operations on his own and get away with it. We need to make this kid pay."

"But how?" A guy with an eyepatch, Zane, asked, "This kid is an orphan, so clearly he has nothing to lose. He's probably doing all this with the thought that he could get shot at any moment."

"That's just it," Max said, chuckling, "I don't think this kid is an orphan. I don't know why, but I just have a feeling that that part of his story isn't true."

The other gang leaders smirked as they listened to Max explain his plan to find the little twerp.

Lincoln sighed as he returned to the motel he was staying at. He had just lead the police to yet another drug gang doing business at the docks, and he was exhausted, He figured that, after a month and over a dozen gang busts, he had earned a couple days off. He figured he would just sleep for the next couple days; he had bought food and put it in the minifridge, and his room was paid for through the next week, so he had no reason to leave his room.

Closing the blinds and turning off the lights, Lincoln changed into his pajamas and curled up in his bed, putting the two pillows behind him to prop himself up as he turned on the TV, figuring he would just watch some cartoons or whatever until his body finally went to sleep. Turning to the clock on his bed side stand, he saw it was almost midnight. He then took out his family photo of him and his sisters and propped it on the nightstand, letting a tear fall before turning his attention back to the TV.

Unknown to Lincoln, one of Max's lower lever thugs had recently gotten out on bail, and had been informed of the meeting between the gang bosses. As such, he was told to find the kid who kept ruing the town's drug businesses. And unfortunately for Lincoln, he had been hanging around the docks, and recognized Linc when he "accidentally" lead the police to the drug deal.

Hanging back, he followed Lincoln to the motel. Slipping the front desk guy a 20, he learned what room Lincoln was staying in. As he had been ordered to just do surveillance, the guy hid in a janitor's closet right across from Lincoln's room, watching the glow of the TV from under the door. Around 1AM, the TV was still on, but he heard nothing else. Carefully, he picked the lock to Lincoln's door, then used a nail file on the chain.

Opening the door, he saw Lincoln asleep with the TV on, showing an episode of Dream Boat After Dark! Carefully looking around, the guy didn't see much. Max had specifically stated he didn't wanna kill the kid; instead, he wanted him to suffer first. And just as the guy was about to give up and leave (thankful he at least knew where the kid was staying, so he wouldn't be going to his boss with nothing), he saw it: the picture on the nightstand. Grabbing it, he looked over all the girls in the family. Despite the different looks, he could tell they were all related. He smirked as he tucked the picture into his pocket and exited the room, closing the door as he did so.

When Lincoln woke up the next morning, he laid in bed for a while, before getting up and deciding to have a bite to eat. He got a microwave burrito out of his mini fridge and placed it in the microwave. As he waited for it to cook, he absentmindedly looked around. For some reason, he felt something…off about his room. Then, he noticed the picture was gone.

Frowning, Lincoln figured he simply must have been tossing and turning and knocked it off the nightstand at some point. Getting on all fours, he looked under the bed, but couldn't find it anywhere. He knew he took it out of his jacket and put it on the nightstand, just like he did every night so he could feel like his family was still with him.

'Ding'

Lincoln got up and turned to the microwave as it dinged. However, he felt his heart stop when he noticed the door to his room was both unlocked AND the chain and been broken. Someone was in his room last night. And Lincoln just KNEW it wasn't a random break-in.

Grabbing what he needed, Lincoln hurried out of the room and down the hall to the stairs, where he descended to the first floor. As he was hurrying to the entrance, the front desk guy stopped him.

"Lincoln Loud?" He asked, and Lincoln froze in his tracks as he turned to see the guy dully handing a phone towards him. Gulping, Lincoln stepped over to him and took the phone.

"Hello?" He meekly asked.

"Lawrence!" He heard Max exclaim happily, "How the heck are ya? Been wondering what happened to you since you "accidentally" got my whole business busted. Hope you're ok. Hope you're not…missing anything near and dear to you, like a family photo that could easily be used to find out who you and your loved ones are."

"What do you want, Max?" Lincoln asked, close to peeing his pants at the thought that this guy knew exactly who he was, meaning he also knew about his sisters.

"Well, Lincoln," Max said, the overly happy tone dropping to a venomous snarl, "I want you to pay. Don't know if you've seen the news, but last night, one of New York's top drug dealers escaped. Can you guess who?"

"Where are you?" Lincoln asked, the panic in his voice evident as he silently prayed that Max was nowhere near-

"Just passed a sign saying, "WELCOME TO ROYAL WOODS". Looks like a cute little town," Max chuckled, "I imagine I'll be at your house in within the hour."

"Please," Lincoln choked out, trying to keep it together, "This is between you and me. My family is innocent."

"Really?" Max chuckled, "Not sure if you've been keeping tabs on them, but your parents are in pretty big trouble for child neglect. Between the news and FaceBook, I've found out that your family are pariahs in your town. So after what they did to you, what does it matter if I blow their brains out?"

"PLEASE!" Lincoln cried, "I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, JUST DON'T HURT THEM!"

"Sorry, Lincoln," Max sighed, "But ya gotta learn that your actions have consequences." At that, Max hung up before Lincoln could say anything else.

Now fully panicking, Lincoln tried to figure out what to do. He figured the best bet would be to call his sisters and warn them.

However, each cell phone he tried only resulted in a dial tone; unknown to Lincoln, all their phones had been shut off, due to Mom and Dad being suspended from their jobs and needing to save money.

Groaning, Lincoln prepared to call the home phone…only to realize he didn't know it. While he and his sisters had all memorized each other's numbers in case they had to call each other without their cell phones and speed dial, none of them had bothered to remember the home phone. Same went for him with Clyde and Ronnie Anne.

Lincoln began panicking, as he knew there was no way he could beat Max to Royal Woods, and he couldn't call anyone. He briefly wondered about maybe looking online, hoping he could find his house's phone number, but then he heard it…

FOOOF FOOOF FOOOF FOOOF

Looking out the front door, he saw a police helicopter land at the end of the street, where some nut job was trying to rob a drug store.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," Lincoln muttered, running in the direction of the helicopter.

Somehow, Lincoln was able to steal the helicopter. The gas tank had also recently been filled, and there was an aerial GPS inside that he was able to punch his address into.

Though he had had a rocky start, Lincoln was now flying the helicopter fairly well, heading towards Royal Woods. He had, of course, taken the radio out when several officers tried contacting him, telling him he was in big trouble and to return the helicopter immediately. Lincoln had not, however, taken out the copter's remote GPS, figuring it would be GOOD for the cops to follow him to his house so they could arrest Max and help rescue his family.

According to the aerial GPS, Lincoln was only about 10 minutes away from his house. And it had been just over half an hour since he talked to Max, so this hopefully meant he could beat him there to warn his family.

"Does this thing have any weapons?" Lincoln asked, putting the helicopter on autopilot and looking around, hoping to maybe find a gun or a taser of something in case he needed to fight Max.

Looking underneath his seat, Lincoln was surprised to find a katana. It was wrapped in plastic and had "Evidence" written on it. Lincoln nodded and placed it on the seat next to him, figuring it would be good in case he couldn't find anything else.

Lincoln looked underneath the passenger seat and found a box labeled "THEFT PROTECTION". Curious, Lincoln opened it…

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Lincoln dropped the box in shock. A can of pepper spray had been rigged to go off as soon as the box was opened. Trying to get his bearings, Lincoln fumbled around. He slammed his hand against the radio, which was blaring at the highest frequency. Shocked from the loud sound, Lincoln fell out of his seat and landed by the box. He wondered if maybe there were some wet wipes or anything he could use to wipe his eyes. He reached in, his hand fumbling around, before finally pressing down on something…

HHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNKKKKKKK!

Lincoln yelped in surprise at the painful ringing in his ears. He had accidentally activated the OTHER system in the Theft Protection box, an airhorn. As he tried to figure out what to do next, he realized he could no longer hear the radio blaring; it sounded like whispering.

"OH CRAP!" He yelled, as he realized he was now effectively blind and deaf. If it hadn't happened to HIM, he would have acknowledged it was a great theft protection for a helicopter.

Feeling around, Lincoln tried to get back in his seat, hoping the autopilot hadn't been turned off, and that he wasn't too late to stop Max.

Lynn was in her room, lying on her bed. She and Lucy had been up there all weekend, not doing anything. Like the other roommates, they had been sleeping in the same bed for comfort. Right now, Lucy was downstairs, getting a glass of water. The other sisters were either moping around, or trying to work on their homework.

DING-DONG

"I got it!" Rita half-heartedly called up the stairs. Lynn paid no attention as she stared at the wall. It was weird. She wanted to be alone, but she also wanted Lucy there so they could be alone together. Despite their radically different personalities, the two roommates cared for each other a great deal, and if Lincoln wasn't around, usually sought comfort with each other. They had mainly just been laying in Lynn's bed, staring up at the ceiling, but it was just nice knowing they had each other.

BANG!

Lynn shot up as she heard the gunshot. Her eyes went wide as she froze, unable to do anything or think clearly.

"PLEASE! TAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT, JUST DON'T HURT US!" Rita yelled, and Lynn knew this was no joke. Reaching into her closet and grabbing her metal baseball bat, she quietly opened her door, as another BANG was heard, followed by their mother screaming.

Being in the very middle of the hallway, Lynn had instant access down the stairs, where she saw a man pistol whip Rita, knocking her down. The man glared down at her, not looking up and seeing Lynn. But the athlete knew he would any second. Turning to her sides, she saw Luna with Jailhouse Rock, her oldest, biggest guitar, along with Lisa holding a beaker of what the athlete could instantly tell was a highly combustible chemical, just waiting to explode.

At that moment, the twins exited their room with a look of fear on their faces. Lisa motioned them over, and handed them Lily while pointing to Lincoln's room. They entered and crawled under the bed, even Lily knowing she needed to keep quiet. The door to Lori and Leni's room opened, and they peeked out, Lori brandishing her lamp, and Leni holding her sewing machine above her head. Finally, Luan peeked out beside Luna, holding two bowling balls.

Knowing how serious this was, they all looked to Lynn, who held up one finger. Looking forward, the man was gone, likely looking around downstairs. Lynn's heart skipped a beat as she remembered that Lucy was downstairs, getting some water. She silently prayed for her Gothic sister to use her ability to move through the shadows to avoid detection.

"HEY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU-?" She heard her father yell, before another gunshot went off, followed by a girlish shriek; Lynn instantly recognized the shriek as her father, meaning he was still alive. Whoever this guy was, he didn't want to kill them, at least not right away.

Looking at Lisa, she motioned her toddler sister to throw her the beaker, before pointing at Lincoln's room and dipping her hand down. Thankfully, Lisa instantly understood that her athletic sister meant to use the inflatable slide she installed at Lincoln's window to escape.

As Lynn motioned to her older sisters, she heard a yelp of terror she knew belonged to Lucy, meaning the guy had found her. Carefully aiming, certain the man would appear at the base of the stairs, she got ready to use the bat to hit the beaker when the time was right.

However, right as she was about to…

"WAAAAH!"

The older sisters all froze at hearing Lily crying and the twins struggling.

"I caught the littlest ones trying to use a slide to escape, boss!" A voice called, as Lucy saw a big guy enter the front door, holding the four youngest Louds. Unlike his boss, however, he looked straight up and saw Lynn instantly. He glared, "Go ahead, girly, be a hero!"

Sharing a look with her older sisters, Lynn sighed in defeat, dropping her bat and tossing the beaker into Lisa and Lily's room, where it safely exploded. She then put her hands above her head and made her way downstairs. Lori followed suit, motioning for the others to stay hidden.

"Don't hurt us, we'll do whatever you want!" Lori cried, trying to keep her cool.

"Glad you wanna live," the first guy entered, carrying an unconscious Lynn Sr. by his shirt collar. Another guy followed, dragging Lucy by her hair as the Goth whimpered.

"Shut up!" He snarled, kicking the back of Lucy's leg, causing her to cry out in pain. "You wanna escape a home invasion, don't just try to walk out the back door!"

The leader looked at Lynn and Lori again, before looking at the thug staring at them from the front door. He chuckled, "Clever, you come down, along with your oldest sister, and then you think we won't know about the other three." He smirked as Lynn and Lori got looks of terror on their faces. "Looking at who's here, I believe we're missing the rocker, the joker, and the fashionista. Do be a dear and call them down, unless you need some motivation." He pulled out a gun and pointed it towards Lucy, who struggled not to cry.

"NO!" Lynn cried, turning back up the stairs, "HE KNOWS YOU GUYS ARE UP THERE! COME DOWN!"

A couple of thuds were heard as the remaining sisters dropped their makeshift weapons and slowly made their way down the stairs, hands above their heads.

"Good girl," The leader snarked, putting his gun back into his jacket pocket, "Besides, I want you ALL alive, at least until he gets here."

"Who?" Lynn shakily asked, as 5 more men entered, one grabbing the still unconscious Rita, the others detaining the older sisters.

The leader chuckled, "Figures you don't know. Well, ladies, do I have an interesting story to tell you about your brother…"

Lincoln was at a loss. He couldn't see or hear a thing. He could feel, though. At the moment, he could feel the helicopter in a tailspin. While fumbling around, Lincoln had accidentally turned off the autopilot, and now he had no way of turning it back on.

Knowing he had nothing else to lose, Lincoln fumbled around. He reached out and grabbed some type of bottle, which burst open and covered his hand with a sticky substance. Trying to shake it off, Lincoln accidentally grabbed the katana. Angrily crying out, he tried to find a parachute.

Finally, he gripped a backpack. Quickly strapping it on the best he could, he opened the door and jumped out (thankfully since the helicopter was in a tailspin, he didn't have to worry about the blades shredding him as he jumped). He could tell the helicopter had fallen away from him, so he knew he was safe to open the chute.

He fumbled around for the string, but couldn't find it. Panicking, he simply grabbed a pocket on the side and tore it open, thinking the string may have gotten caught. He then felt the chute get lighter…but still felt himself falling.

Lincoln shrieked in terror as he realized he had just grabbed a backpack, NOT a parachute. There was no way he would survive this. The only thing he could pray was that Max would find his splattered corpse and realize there was no longer a need for revenge.

CCCRRRRRRAAAAAAASSSSSSSSHHHHH!

Lincoln heard the helicopter crash, meaning he only had a few seconds.

"GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!" He cried…as he did the wort belly flop of his life!

Realizing he was still alive, Lincoln instantly realized he was submerged in water. He quickly swam around, trying to find which way was up. Thankfully he made it to the surface. Also thankfully, the water helped partially clear his eyes, telling him he was at the park pond a block from his house. He also looked at his hand and saw the katana covered in a sticky white substance, making him realize the bottle that had burst open in his hand must have been glue.

With his vision still incredibly blurry, Lincoln looked around, before seeing the street sign for his street. Running towards his house, he continuously prayed he wasn't too late.

Finally arrived at his house (which he could tell was his due to Vanzilla being in the driveway), his heart stopped at seeing the door open and two black vans parked in front of his house. Taking a deep breath, Lincoln ran straight inside. He looked all around, but couldn't see his family anywhere.

"GUYS?" He called out, looking all around as he walked farther in, he tripped, and waved his arms to try to keep himself from falling. Suddenly, he stopped falling. It took Lincoln a moment to realize his katana had gotten caught on something. Getting balanced, he tried to pull his katana free.

He succeeded; however, whatever it had been caught on had it good, so when he pulled, the pull was so strong that it flung the katana backwards, getting stuck in something else. Groaning, Lincoln again attempted to pull it out.

Finally succeeding, Lincoln headed towards the basement, figuring that would be a good a place as any to investigate. As he headed there, he noticed a strong copper smell, which only fueled his worry.

"MOM? DAD? ANYONE?" He yelled out, as he stepped on the top basement step…

Only to fall down the stairs, rolling and yelling all the way.

"…so as soon as I found out there was a little hero, I knew he needed to be taught a lesson. One of my guys got out on bail, and he happened to see your brother as he got another gang arrested. He followed him back to his motel, where he broke into his room and stole his family picture. Needless to say, it was easy for me to use it to find you after that," Max snarled to the Loud family, all tied up and gagged on the couch, which had been moved to the basement so as to avoid anyone passing by and absentmindedly looking in the front window. "I imagine it'll be a while before Lincoln gets here, but until then-"

"GUYS?" The family, Max, and his goons looked up the stairs in shock. Max's shock turned to a smirk however as he told two of his goons, "Go upstairs and get him. I want him to see as I take out his family, one by one."

The two nodded and headed up the stairs, ignoring the pleading Louds who tried to get them to stop.

Max sighed as he stepped closer to them, "Look, I truly am sorry, but the kid had to be a hero, and now he has to learn a lesson. I mean, do you have any die how hard it's gonna be to rebuild my empire? I'll probably have to head out to LA or something, and that'll just be a hassle. If not for Lincoln, I could still be going about my normal business, as would you all. Look, I have no grudge against any of you, so I'll make your deaths quick and painless."

This, of course, did not soothe any of the Louds. However, before they could cry or struggle again, they heard, "MOM? DAD? ANYONE?"

Max looked up the stairs with a curious look on his face. He silently motioned a couple guys to wait at the bottom of the stairs while he stepped back into the shadows.

At that moment, Lincoln came tumbling down the steps. The oddest part was that he appeared to have a…bloody katana in his hand. As he landed at the bottom of the stairs, the katana pierced the guy who was directly in front of Lincoln. He choked out in pain as Lincoln got up and tried to pull it out.

"GUYS, LONG LONG STORY SHORT, I TICKED OFF THIS DRUG DEALER, AND NOW I CAN'T SEE OR HEAR! PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE OK!"

At that, Lincoln pulled the katana free, only to stumbled around and slice the head off the other guy who had been waiting at the stairs.

The Louds looked on in shock, while Max and his remaining thugs looked on in horror.

"GET HIM!" Max cried, watching the dozen grown men rush at Lincoln. Looking at the lone lightbulb lighting up the basement, he smirked, "So, he's going for the blind swordsman routine, huh? THIS should even the odds." At that, he pulled out his gun and shot the light out, plunging the basement entirely into darkness.

"BOSS! WHAT THE HELL! WE CAN'T SEE!" One goon cried, as Max and the Louds heard multiple slices and groaning.

After a minute, Max turned on the backup light to see his entire forced dead, Lincoln covered in blood. "Perhaps I should have thought that through a little better…" He muttered, as red line appeared from his right shoulder, going diagonally down his chest and stopping right below his chest. As the Louds looked on, the top of Max's torso fell off his body, and he fell to the ground, dead.

"WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED? WHY AM I ALL STICKY?" Lincoln yelled in confusion, trying to look around. Between his still half-blind vision and the basement's poor lighting, he had no idea he had just saved his family and killed a bunch of very bad men.

"MMMMMM!" His family all cried together, as they tried to get Lincoln's attention. Thankfully, his hearing was starting to come back and he made his way towards them. However, he tripped over a severed arm, falling face down and smacking his forehead against the concrete. As he slowly blacked out, he looked up to see his family, still blurry blobs, all sitting on the couch, looking at him.

"Guys, I think he's coming to."

Lincoln blinked a few times as he slowly woke up. Though a bit drowsy, he managed to sit up and look around; he was surprised to see that he was in a hospital bed, with his family all around him.

"Son, are you ok?" Lynn Sr. asked worriedly.

"I…I think so," Lincoln said, "Are you guys ok?"

"Well yeah, twerp," Lori said, slightly confused, "Why wouldn't we be?"

"Did Max hurt you in any way?" Lincoln asked, starting to get riled up, "If he did, I swear I'll kill him!" Lincoln paused, remembering what happened, "Again!"

However, the family looked at each other in confusion, before Luna asked, "Who's Max?"

"Ya know, Max Barker, one of the biggest drug dealers in New York," Lincoln said, surprised his family apparently didn't remember what had just happened, "Remember? I went to infiltrate gangs in New York so my bad luck could be put to good use. However, my first boss eventually found out I was trying to shut crime down and came to Royal Woods to hold you hostage. I arrived and managed to save you, even though I was temporarily blind and deaf."

His family looked at him with incredulous looks…that slowly became smirks as they started chuckling.

Needless to say, Lincoln was confused at his family's reaction to the fact that they had nearly DIED because of him. Because of his bad luck.

"Lincoln," Lynn chuckled, "That, uh, that didn't happen."

"What?" Lincoln asked, surprised, "Yes it did! I was trying to get rid of my bad luck, but because I couldn't see or hear, I ended up taking out that gang."

"If you couldn't see or hear, how do you know what happened?" Lana asked, chuckling.

Lincoln opened his mouth to respond, only to pause as he realized his tomboy sister was right.

"Sweetie, WHEN exactly did you leave to infiltrate this gang?" Rita asked, trying to sound serious, but even she couldn't stop herself from laughing.

"About a month ago, after Lynn lost the big game," Lincoln sighed, "Because I was there in disguise."

"You mean this disguise," Lynn pointed across the room, where the squirrel suit was laying sprawled out.

"But…but I got rid of that after you lost," Lincoln said, now more confused than ever.

"Lincoln, I WON that game," Lynn said, chuckling, "It was only yesterday. And then we all made up with you, but we…we…" Lynn shared a guilty look with the rest of her family members, before sighing, "Then we thought you were good luck as long as you were wearing the suit, so we made you wear it to the beach…"

There was another pause full of guilty looks, before Lynn Sr. spoke up, "You passed out from heat stroke."

"We tried to wake you, but you were being a son of a beach and not waking up," Luan said, chuckling as her family groaned. However, her father looked at her sternly.

"Luan Loud! What have I told you about mixing puns and swears?"

"Not to," Luan sighed.

"Anyway, we hopped in the van and rushed you to the hospital," Luna said, rolling her eyes at her roommate, "Me and Leni spent the whole drive using the water we brought to try and cool you down, but you just wouldn't wake up. Thankfully when we got here the doctors were able to properly cool you down and rehydrate you."

"Oh…" Lincoln said, not sure what to think about all that.

"Anyway, Lincoln," Lynn sighed, still looking guilty, "We wanted to say we're sorry about ALL of this. We're sorry we kicked you out and even tried to cut you out of our lives. But we're also sorry for how all this started. You're a great, supportive brother, so if you want some time to yourself every once in a while, we understand." The rest of the family nodded.

Lincoln smiled, grateful, before shaking his head, "Thanks guys, but after a couple weeks of solitude (plus a very realistic month in my dream), I think I'm good on alone time. I'm looking forward to whatever you guys have going on, promise!"

The rest of the family smiled, before Lisa spoke up, "Royal Woods Community College is having their annual Science Fair this Monday, and I'm one of the judges."

"I've got a concert this Wednesday," Luna said, "I could get you VIP seats and some free snacks and swag."

"And I got booked for two birthdays next weekend," Luan said, "Could really use my assistant."

"Also, Twerp, I figure you could use this," Lori said, handing Lincoln a small black notebook. Opening it, Lincoln saw it was a day planner, meaning he wouldn't have to remember what all he needed to do, he could just write it down.

"Thanks, guys," Lincoln said, smiling, as everyone got together for a group hug. Lincoln then turned to the audience, "So, this was an interesting couple of weeks. I guess the moral here is, if you want some time to yourself, just tell your family. But it's always good to be supportive of each other."

Because of fanfics like "What is a Person Worth?", "Shattered Innocence", and "Losing Him", I figured "No Such Luck" needed a more humorous fanfic to "fix it". I hope you all enjoyed, and again, sorry I couldn't get this out for April Fool's Day.