broken bird

He finds her exactly where he's known, since it happened, she would end up. He knew it even as he told her to get over it. He knew getting over it wasn't an option she would take even if she could, but he also knows how to get his team through a case without anyone falling apart.

Now the case is over.

Now he can allow himself to care, to empathise, to comfort.

She's so absorbed in her thoughts, she doesn't notice the hiss of the doors, doesn't register anyone has joined her.

(Or maybe she does, but she just wants him to leave her alone.

He wishes it was that simple.)

"Kate-"

She looks up, her eyes narrow and her face pinched. "I don't want to hear it, Gibbs. Leave me alone."

Okay. Option B it is.

He doesn't allow himself to react, just stands and watches her. She's trying to look strong and angry.

She gets the angry part right.

"I said, leave me alone."

Her voice breaks on the last word, and she knows it. Her face crumples, and she turns to shut the autopsy drawer with a slam, then lowers her head and aims for the exit. She tries to push past him, and he doesn't let her, pulling her in to his body and wrapping his arms around her. She shakes silently, and he strokes her hair.

It's awkward and uncomfortable. He's sure he's the last person she wants to see her this way, the last person she wants to comfort her, but it's also obviously what she needs right now and no one else seems to be offering.

At first she scrabbles half-heartedly against his chest. It reminds him of a long ago case, an airplane bathroom, except this time she doesn't actually hit him. He holds her lightly, and they both know she could free herself if she wanted to.

After the token protest, she sinks into his embrace, shivers as if the chill of autopsy has seeped into her blood and she needs someone alive and warm to save her.

Her tears gradually seep through his shirt, and he wraps his arms more firmly around her, presses his face into her hair. Allows himself, just for a moment, to care; to show Kate he cares.

"You did the right thing," he says eventually.

She shakes her head against his chest.

"You did," he insists. "If it'd been the other way round, I'd've done it. It's your trainin', Kate. You were protectin' your partner. Protectin' me."

"He was innocent, Gibbs. An innocent man - a boy."

"Suicide by cop ain't your fault."

She burrows in closer. It aches at him somewhere deep inside to see her like this. He understands - better than she knows - but if he could change it so this weighed on his conscience and not hers?

He knows Kate well enough by now to realise this is the kind of thing she won't get over any time soon. Maybe never. He wonders, not for the first time, why he ever offered her this job and why she ever took it.

She cares, cares deeply and sincerely, and it makes her valuable in a thousand different ways, but it could also break her. She cares too much, won't allow herself to develop the emotional calluses that might protect her. He'd hate to lose her, her skill set, her passion, her dedication, but some days he thinks it would be a kindness to give her a glowing recommendation and tell her she should find a new career.

She was never meant to be a cop.

"There's nothin' you coulda done different, Kate."

She shakes her head. If she could think of an argument, she'd be giving it to him with both barrels, but that doesn't mean she can accept the truth.

"I- I should've..."

"It's not your fault." He rubs the back of her neck where he can feel her tension. "It ain't somethin' you need to be beatin' up on yourself for."

"I should feel bad," she insists, her voice cracking. "I'm the cop, I'm the Special Agent. I'm supposed to protect innocent kids, not shoot them."

He sighs deeply. He's all out of words. He draws far enough away from her to look down and see her expression, wipe the tear tracks off her face.

"C'mon," he murmurs. "Lemme take ya home."

~ fin ~