The Journey to Papi

Set mainly after season eighteen, with flashbacks to midseason.

Rafael felt the bed shift next him waking him from the light sleep he had fallen into, without opening his eyes he reached out and pulled her back against himself, smiling when he realized she was still undressed. He began trailing kisses down her shoulder slowly running his hand down her side resting it on her hip.

"Don't leave yet." He whispered moving his lips to her earlobe.

"Raf, I have to." She said with a slight whine to her voice.

"Twenty more minutes." He said, always the negotiator.

This time she laughed out loud, "We said that an hour and a half ago." She rolled over to face him placing a kiss firmly on his lips, "I have to go Rafael, I need to actually cook Noah dinner tonight."

He sighed releasing her from his arms and propped himself up slightly as he watched her get dressed. Smiling as he watched her search his bedroom for her discarded clothing. She had slid into her panties and pants and was holding her blouse while she searched for her bra.

"Looking for something?" He asked holding the black lace bra up from where he was laying on the bed.

Olivia rolled her eyes at him, "Hand it over Counselor." She demanded

He grinned at her, "Not until you admit you were planning this when you got dressed this morning."

"I will admit no such thing, this is just what happened to be clean." She countered but the blush in her face told otherwise.

Rafael crawled across the bed and tugged her back down, "You are a terrible liar, how do you ever get suspects to believe you?" He asked as he moved his lips down her neck.

"Well for one thing, my suspects and I are both usually dressed." She said her voice catching slightly, "Raf…" She sighed.

"I know, I know," He answered rolling off of her and getting off the bed pulling on his boxers. "I was just doing my best to give you something to think of when you get dressed tomorrow." He teased.

"I always think of you when I get dressed." She finally admitted.

"You know it might be nice to be around one of those mornings." He said hesitantly knowing this was shaky ground.

She finished buttoning her blouse and looked back at him, "Raf, we both know that's not as easy as it sounds."

He leaned back against his dresser, "Liv, it's been almost six months don't you think we are ready?"

"I don't like the idea of bringing men in and out of Noah's life." She said clumsily.

"I didn't know I was one in a series." He snapped back the hurt obvious in his eyes.

She crossed the room and pulled him to her, "You aren't, I love you and there is nobody else, and I have no plans for anyone else. I think it's still my hang up about how everything happened. "

Rafael nodded his head to say that it had been a complicated year would be an understatement, "Liv, it's been six months." He said again this time with gentle empathy in his voice and eyes.

She nodded, "How about the park and maybe ice cream on Saturday?" She offered knowing that he was right.

"Sounds perfect." He told her, "I love you, now go home to your boy."

Six Months Earlier

Olivia was unusually quiet as she sipped from her glass of wine, he had been surprised when she had texted him but happy for the invitation nonetheless. He figured she needed some time to decompress before going home after the case she had just faced. Cases involving kids had always been hard but since becoming a mother they were even more so.

"You want to talk about it?" He asked her after she finished her first glass.

She shook her head, but then surprised him with her response, "Do you ever think about quitting? Doing something else?" She asked him.

"Of course, don't we all?" He responded, "But at the end of the day we both know that we are good at what we do and we are needed, right?" He finished his drink and looked at her surprised to see tears in her eyes.

"What is it Liv?" He asked placing a hand on her arm.

"You want to go for a walk?" She asked.

It was January and probably snowing outside but he did not hesitate to grab his coat and help her with hers and they walked outside. She slipped her arm into his and they walked silently for a while.

"You want to tell me what's going on?" He finally asked.

She paused and turned to face him, "Ed put in his papers and he wants me to do the same, he wants us to stop and smell the roses together."

Barba stared at her, trying to take in the words she had just said. He knew Tucker had taken her to Paris after Dodds died but since then he had the feeling things were not that serious between them.

"Do you want to retire?" He asked.

"No, I tried to entertain the thought, I really did, but I can't this job is too much a part of who I am." She told him.

"What about smelling the roses with Tucker?" He pressed almost afraid to hear her answer.

"I keep trying with that too." She said with a sigh, "I really do but…"

"But what?" He pressed again.

"I'm not in love with him, I keep trying to be in love with him but I am not." She confessed.

"You shouldn't have to try to be in love with someone Liv, that's not how being in love works." He told her looking into her eyes.

Silence fell between them and they began to walk again, the snow falling softly on them. After a while Liv spoke again, her words stopping Rafael in his tracks.

"What about trying not to be in love with someone, how does that work?" She asked him in the faintest voice he had ever heard from her eyes directed at the pavement at her feet.

He stepped closer to her lifting her chin with his hand, "In my recent experience not very well."

"What are you saying Rafael?" She asked him.

"What are you saying Olivia?" He asked her back.

"I need you to go first." She whispered, the words barely escaping her mouth before she felt his lips cover hers, his hands running through her hair and electricity through her body. She reached for him pulling him closer taking in every part of this moment she had avoided for so long.

He finally pulled back and looked at her standing under the street light, snowflakes covering her hair, her eyes sparkled in a way that he had never seen before knowing that he was responsible for that was almost enough to cause him to forget they were still in public.

"That is how it should feel when you kiss someone you are in love with." He told her waiting for her response.

"Then there is a very good chance that I am in love with you Rafael." She confessed. "And that I have never been in love like this before." Unable to deny just how deeply she felt for him any longer.

"Olivia, I have been in love with you longer than you can possibly know." He said drawing her in for another kiss.

She pulled back and looked at him, "This isn't going to be easy you know that right? And I need to try and explain things to Ed."

Rafael fought the urge to roll his eyes at the mention of Tucker instead he nodded, "I am ok if this isn't always easy, and as far as Tucker, you do what you need."

"I should get home." She told him reluctantly, "I need to get that over with."

He nodded again and flagged her down a cab, "Just remember that what kissing someone you love feels like." He told her with a smile.

"Don't worry that is not something that I am likely to forget anytime soon." She told him before closing the cab door.

Present Day

When Rafael rang Olivia's bell Saturday afternoon he felt more nervous than a teenager meeting his date's father on prom night. He knew that Olivia loved him but he knew ultimately Noah came first. He shifted nervously holding a bouquet of flowers for Liv and a gift bag with Thomas the Tank Engine trains for Noah. He knew from Liv they were his favorite. He relaxed slightly when she opened the door and glanced around before giving her a quick kiss.

"Where's Noah?" He asked just as he saw the preschooler come running down the hall.

"Who's here?' he asked stopping when he saw Rafael.

"Noah you remember ?" Liv asked

Rafael knelt down, "How about you call me Rafael? This is for you." He said holding out the gift bag.

Noah hesitantly took the bag glancing at the flowers his mother was now holding. He opened the bag and removed the trains slowly looking at them and then back at Rafael, "I don't like trains."

"Noah!' Olivia gasped but Rafael shook his head.

"Well, do you like the park? I would love to take you and Mommy to the park and maybe for ice cream?" He offered.

"No," Was all the boy said before turning and walking back to his room.

Olivia apologized, handed Rafael the flowers, and followed after Noah, leaving Rafael standing there realizing that this was going to be harder than he thought. He picked up the trains and carried them to the living room placing them next to Noah's train table. He took the flowers and found a vase in Liv's cabinet. After a few minutes Liv and Noah reappeared from his room.

"Sorry, ." Noah said but he still did not look happy.

"It's ok Noah." Rafael offered, "We can do the park another day.,," He started to say but liv interrupted him.

"Noah, go look at your new trains for a minute." She told him and the boy must have recognized Olivia's no more argument voice as Rafael did because he complied.

"Maybe you were right Liv, maybe it's too soon." Rafael told her,

Olivia shook her head and crossed her arms, "Nope the four year old doesn't get to call the shots. I told you this might not be easy Rafael, it will take time and we will be patient but we can't leave it up to him."

Rafael nodded, "I have no idea how to do this Liv, you are going to have to show me."

Olivia smiled and pulled him to herself, "We'll figure it out together." She said before kissing him.

TBC