'Aight, so, before you hit me with a stick. Yes, it's been a long time. Yes, I'm sorry yadda yadda yadda. College is a demanding lover and I've hardly had the time to write ok? :'(

Anyways, this is shorter than I wanted it to be but as I said: no time to write. I won't abandon this but the chapters will probably be this lenght from now on and reeeeally sparse. I hope I'll have more time during summer...

Debriefing at the Hokage tower went exactly as expected: badly.

The Hokage wasn't furious, not exactly, but feeling his disappointment is short of humiliating for Shikaku, who is used to always succeeding with his team. Then again, he is perfectly attuned to both Chōza and Inoichi, and this new one... not so much. Obviously, there is much for him to learn about his students if he hadn't been able to predict their actions.

Now he knows that he should have listened to Inoichi and Chōza, and, as hard as it is for him to admit it... his father. 'You cannot predict people's actions based only on their fighting styles,' the old man had told him once, 'emotions can cloud people's thoughts and are important to keep in mind.' And he had been right... again, much to Shikaku's annoyance.

He had forgotten for a moment that, as Inoichi had told him once, these ninja were not only genin, but children as well; and that had cost him the mission. Perhaps, with an older and more experienced group, he would have done well to let them devise the plan without interfering. With them, however... it had been his mistake. Learning with little guidance might have been what suited him the best as a genin, but he shouldn't have expected them to work the same way as him. He is a Nara, after all. And they... aren't.

Reishi, perhaps, would do well with that sort of lax guidance, but she is a special case, and he cannot tailor his teaching method just for one of his students. He knows that Ibiki is very sharp when it comes to tells and body language, and that Shirakumo is good at devising strategies while in combat, so they are obviously not stupid. They all have different types of intelligence and he probably should try to find a way of teaching that suits all of them together.

Being a teacher might or might not be more complicated than he thought it would be. Like a puzzle. On one hand, his lazy attitude is pretty annoyed at this... on the other, he is pretty excited about a challenge. He hadn't been very on board when his father had pushed him to be a Sensei for a group of brats instead of joining the rest of the Shinobi in the fighting. He was aware that Clans would want their heirs and Clan Heads close to Konoha, and that he should be useful somehow despite that, but that didn't mean he had to like it.

Now though, now he thinks this could even be interesting.

...if he can fix them.

He's pretty sure that Reishi might or might not be developing PTSD and that the smell of blood might or might not be a trigger, and if the boys aren't traumatised yet he will be pleasantly surprised.

(He still doesn't know how that had escaped him, Reishi might have been keeping a lot of things to herself since the test, but this is ridiculous. Why is it that nobody has mentioned any of this? Surely, her over protective Shishō must have been aware of this. More importantly, how could he not see it before? Had she reacted like that in a real battle, he would have already lost one of his genin.)

He should speak to them, he recognizes now that he hasn't been the best Sensei, and though they made a huge mistake on the mission, the blame falls on his shoulders. If he had just given them a plan, or even some vague guidelines of behaviour with hostages before entering that damn house...

He will be better.

Right now what they need is... Okay, he doesn't exactly know how to handle this, but Inoichi probably does. Yeah, he'll ask Inoichi to help him with this mess, maybe even ask him to speak with them as a therapist as a big favour. The one that worked with Reishi didn't do a good job of it, it seems, so he's reluctant to leave them in the hands of some unknown.

Speaking of which, she could have ran the moment they left her alone, but instead she stayed and carried out a surprisingly good investigation. He feels slightly proud of her for that, not that the girl would appreciate it if he told her. She still hates him, even after her problems with the Uchiha diminished – he doesn't think they will ever disappear completely, if the books Inoichi told him to read are anything to go by.

Maybe hate isn't the best word to describe it.

Despises him. Yeah, that's more accurate.

Shikaku sighs. How can so much hate fit inside such a tiny person? Why are children, in general, so complicated?

… is he expected to still be their sensei through puberty? Oh hell no.

"Shikaku-san?"

The voice yanks him out of his thoughts and he blinks the surprise away when he sees Namikaze Minato in front of him. "My apologies, Minato-san, I was lost in thought. Did you say something?"

Minato chuckles good-heartedly. "It's fine, it's fine. I was just asking if you and your team are here to also get the application form for the chūnin exam?"

Shikaku realizes then that Minato came with his own gaggle of kids too. They are standing behind their sensei, the girl is waving at his own kids with a smile, while the small Uchiha does his best to avoid Reishi's stare – Shikaku can relate – and the Hatake kid stares at them with a bored expression.

Well.

"Not really, we were just coming back from a C-rank that got complicated," he says.

Minato grimaces sympathetically, looking at Shikaku's team for any signs of injury. "Well, at least you guys are okay, right?" he addresses them with a smile.

Ibiki agrees, though his smile is clearly faked for the sake of being polite, while Shirakumo nods and Reishi merely crosses her arms and looks away, shuffling from one feet to the other like she does when she's uncomfortable. Shikaku sighs and mouths a 'sorry' to Minato, who rubs the back of his neck awkwardly.

"In any case," Shikaku says to break the silence, "aren't they a still a bit green to be doing the exam?"

Minato nods his head surreptitiously towards the Hatake kid so only Shikaku will see it. "I think it will be a good experience for them, there are many things to learn during an exam, even if you don't pass it."

Shikaku hums, out of the corner of his eye Shikaku sees that Reishi has noticed as well, but she doesn't seem inclined to mention it so he pays it no mind. So, Minato thinks that Hatake can pass the exam, even if his teammates can't; well, at least all of them will get some experience out of it. "Can't argue with your logic," he says, " though I'd like to train my team some more before tossing them to the tigers."

There's no objections amongst his team, though after what they just went through, he can't imagine they'd be eager to participate in the chūnin exams. He spots Minato eyeing Reishi with curiosity and then looking at him. Shikaku shrugs and Minato rises an eyebrow at him before widening his smile.

"Why don't we train together sometimes? It would be good for the kids to have someone else to fight against. It would prepare them for different fighting styles."

Shikaku represses the twitching of his smile. It's not like he has any reason to say no, and it will be beneficial to both teams, as Minato says. Still, when he knows that it's mostly an excuse to pester him about his youngest student... it's a bit annoying. He knows that Minato will find a way to ask his questions sooner or later though; once his curiosity has been piqued he's like a dog with a bone.

Finally, he concedes, "that sounds like a good idea, Minato-san. I will make sure to get in contact with you soon."

Minato's curiosity appeased for now, they part ways; Minato and his team to get the application forms and them to finally get out of that tower. Shikaku has never liked it, it's like a beehive, but instead of honey they have paperwork.

The kids politely decline his offer of eating together. He can't blame them, they must be itching to go home after such a fiasco. First missions aren't supposed to end like this, they are supposed to lift the group's morale, to make them feel more at ease during missions. During war though, the missions are much more dangerous, so this isn't unusual. As understaffed as they are, they can't avoid sending genin to more hazardous tasks than they would like, but that's how it is.

He's still a bit disappointed, he can't lie. He used to always go for lunch with his team whenever they came back from a mission and he misses the easy camaraderie and bantering. He supposes it will come with time, if he manages not to fuck up further.

He should probably go talk to Inoichi and Chōza, and ask them how they are managing with their teams.

Reishi arrives to a quiet house. It doesn't surprise her, she knows that little Itachi usually naps at this hour and both Mikoto and Fugaku put their abilities as ninjas to use by being as silent as possible, which is really cute of them to do. Knowing this, she isn't surprised – much – when a pair of arms snake around her and she feels a soft cheek rub against hers.

"I'm back," she whispers, and feels the curve of Mikoto's smile.

"Welcome back," Mikoto says, "did you eat yet? I bet you didn't. Go take a bath while I make you something."

Reishi knows better than to argue with Mikoto on this, and she's too tired anyways. She nods and slips away, quietly peeking into the living room as she passes it and waving at Fugaku, who gives her a nod of acknowledgement over his steaming tea. She frowns when she sees that in his hands isn't another crime novel as usual, but some papers with an official look to them.

It is very unusual for him to bring his work home. Later, she wonders what they are about while taking the bath, but she cannot imagine what would be so important as to take the little free time he has at the manor. She toys with the idea that it is related to the war, but why would the internal police of Konoha have anything to do with that? Their concern is inside the walls of the village, not outside. Perhaps some of them are being drafted? That could be it.

She drifts off after a bit, too tired to keep wondering about it. Whatever it is, she's sure that Fugaku has it under control.

Evening comes and goes with her napping, she hadn't realized how tired she was until she dropped like a rock in her futon. Suddenly, she is exhausted, and everything that happened comes to her raw and bitter. The nightmares, the death of a child and a murderer- the images linger in her mind like a bad aftertaste and there's nothing she can do to get rid of them. They seem to know that here, now, it's when she's at her most vulnerable.

In the end she sleeps away the rest of the day and doesn't wake up until the next morning, peeling away the cobwebs of a nightmare she can't remember.

She doesn't try very hard to.

Everyone is already up and having breakfast when she arrives at the kitchen, and she is treated to the sight of Itachi blowing a raspberry – still with mush on his mouth – at his father. Fugaku sighs and tries to ignore the baby's giggles as he wipes the mush from his face with a napkin.

Mikoto turns from what she's doing when Reishi sits at the table. "Feeling rested?" she asks.

Reishi looks down at her glass of juice, feeling a bit embarrassed. "Yeah, I hadn't realized I was that tired..."

"That's normal for first time missions outside the village." Fugaku is still trying to get Itachi to eat, or at least keep inside his mouth whatever he manages to sneak in with the tiny spoon. It's an exercise in futility.

"You don't have training today, do you?" asks Mikoto after a while of watching the scene.

"Sensei said we would have three days to rest, so no."

Mikoto nods in approval. "It's good to rest after a big mission. Do you want to tell us how it went?"

Reishi thinks about it. Mikoto probably already knows either the whole story or, at the very least, that it went badly. "It... didn't go well."

She sees Mikoto's pursed lips and Fugaku's small pause, but neither of them says nothing, waiting for her to be the one to talk about the mission, if she wants to. She appreciates it, this, but she can't. To talk about it is to relive it, and she isn't sure she wants to do that first thing in the morning. She doesn't want to think about it today. There will be another talk with Hisoka soon, she knows, and she will have all the time to think about all of it then, she thinks with resentment. She doesn't mind describing what happened, but she knows that that woman will keep asking questions and prodding until she finds the part of her that is open and bleeding. She detests it. She detests how vulnerable it makes her feel.

Thankfully, Mikoto knows that talking about that wouldn't lift her mood and decides to drop the subject entirely. "That's fine Reishi, not all missions go well! You know what, why don't you come with me and Itachi? We're going grocery shopping, and I could use another pair of hands."

The opportunity to forget the mission is appreciated and accepted, and soon the three of them are leaving the house, Fugaku staying behind with a stack of files for company. Reishi is still curious about those, but she finally decides that it's none of her business and that she already has enough shit to work through. Like the terrible nightmares that seem to have followed her into the village like twisted puppies.

The grocery shopping goes well, and Reishi finds herself entertained by Itachi as the boy giggles and points at one thing or another with chubby fingers; he's already starting to mumble half formed words. Mikoto hums quietly under her breath as she carefully picks the vegetables for dinner and some fruits, commenting how they could probably buy some sweets later when they head home.

It's all so normal that one can almost forget that outside the village walls there's a war raging on, that there's people constantly dying out there.

Reishi frowns, frustrated for not being able to just forget about all that for one minute to enjoy the evening with her – dare she say it – family.

Speaking of which.

It has been almost two years now, since she last saw her, and it takes Reishi a moment to recognize her Mother. She is walking with a man, laughing at something he just said, and she almost looks... happy.

Don't get her wrong, Reishi is very glad to see her like that, free of the depression and constant anger that had plagued her since Ryouji's death. Right now she looks like a new woman, her cheeks have filled out and her face looks more rounded, more healthy. She has regained some colour, and her eyebags have receeded, even though there are still hints of them under her eyes. All in all, it looks like she is finally building a new life.

Reishi, however, can't help but feel a small pang of hurt, of envy upon seeing her like that, after everything. Doesn't she deserve to get that too? Instead, all she has gotten since the last night she saw her biological mother has been death. Maybe that's what you get when you steal somebody's child to be reborn, you get a second life but in return you have to live it surrounded by death.

Mikoto, who had been talking to her, notices the stillness in her posture. She follows her gaze to where Fuhaku is, and Reishi can tell the moment she realizes who she is looking at by the tension around her eyes and how the smile that was in her face doesn't feel that warm all of a sudden.

And then, as if fate wasn't cruel enough, Fuhaku sees them. It's slow at first, her face goes slack with mild curiosity, as if analysing a particularly odd insect under a microscope. Then it twists into a grimace as she tries to walk past them.

Reishi wouldn't have minded, really, but Mikoto seems to have other plans, because she greets Fuhaku like an old friend and easily engages her and her companion.

"Oh my, it has been so long, hasn't it Fuhaku-san? What have you been up to?"

Fuhaku looks at her like one looks at an object out of place in a familiar environment. What is this doing here? How did it get here? Did someone leave it and then forgot about it?

Finally, her gaze lands in Reishi with an expression that wants to be disgust but falls short, leaning more on the side of distaste. The subsequent stab of pain in Reishi's abdomen and lack of oxygen are completely unrelated.

"-arried this summer."

Mikoto and the man that was walking with Fuhaku seem to have been talking about something, and Reishi can only catch the end of the last phrase. He seems excited, unaware of the tension surrounding him.

Reishi takes a moment to study the man. She could tell, even from afar, that he was no ninja; now that she sees him up close and can appreciate the quality of his clothes and his mannerisms, she concludes that he is a merchant. He is young, probably younger than Fuhaku by a bit, and the lines in his expression tell her that he smiles often.

Then she notices the ring in Fuhaku's finger.

Distantly, she can hear Mikoto. "Oh, congratulations! You two make a wonderful couple."

What are they talking about? Ah. A wedding. Fuhaku's wedding. With a man that is not Ryouji.

It makes sense that nobody told Reishi. She has been a terrible daughter – in fact, she isn't even her daughter at all, is she? No, she never was. It's okay. That's okay. Why would she even care? She didn't think that she would be the only one rebuilding her life, so it shouldn't be a surprise that Fuhaku is doing so as well. She doesn't. She doesn't care. She shouldn't care. This is none of her business.

Reishi concentrates on breathing, which is something that she should have been doing, but probably hasn't done for the last minute, because now she feels out of breath and one does not feel like one is asphyxiating when one breathes. That's right, breathing, she should do that.

...It's not working. Why isn't it working?

She needs air.

Reishi turns away from the conversation and starts walking. If somebody were to ask her, later, where was she going, she wouldn't be able to give a proper answer. 'Away', maybe. Or 'nowhere' perhaps, but her feet don't know that at this moment, and so they keep moving. One right after the other. Even when Mikoto calls out behind her, even when they start to carry her faster and faster and the wind blows in her face.

Air, she needs air.

She doesn't know how long she has been running, but eventually she decides to stop. Not for a particular reason, she just- stops. She unclenches her fists as she surveys her surroundings, shifting from one foot to another.

She is, actually, in a place she knows very well.

The park where she met Obito all those years ago is a little worse for wear than she remembers. There is rust in the edges of the slide, and one of the swings is missing, the chains swaying slowly in the soft breeze. She observes them for a bit, and concludes that they capture pretty well her feelings at the moment, as abstract as the concept is.

There are no children playing about, and without them, no adults to supervise them. The park is empty save for a few pigeons and Reishi herself.

She decides to go sit on the nearest bench, and she notices, once already seated, that this is the exact bench in which Fuhaku used to sit when she brought her to the park. She would sit here and just read a novel, or observe how she and Obito played with a soft smile. At first, at least.

She stays on that bench well past lunch time, thinking about nothing in particular, or at least trying not to, and when the sky starts to turn an orange hue she decides it's time to go back.

Mikoto isn't there when she returns to the Uchiha manor, which was to be expected, because she usually spends the evenings either busy with clan stuff (maybe?) or with Kushina, so she isn't surprised. Given that Itachi is nowhere to be seen, she would say she's at Kushina's- or maybe still looking for her, Reishi doesn't want to think about it. Fugaku, however, is sitting on the kitchen table when she arrives, reading. It reminds her of the night of the test, and she feels a pang of guilt at the memory of it.

If Fugaku is reminded of that too, he makes no comment about it. Instead, he turns the page without lifting his eyes off the book. "You missed lunch."

"...Yeah."

He hums, then, "are you hungry?" he asks. He continues before she can answer. "There is a plate of gyudon for you in the fridge, you should eat something."

Reishi nods, even though Fugaku can't see her, and walks to the fridge. Fugaku gives a nod of his own and turns another page.

She doesn't bother to warm up the gyudon, eating without much appetite. It doesn't taste nearly as good as it would warm, but it's not like that matters to her right now. The air still can't seem to get past the lump in her chest and it's getting quite annoying.

When she is done eating, she distractedly washes the dishes. She hears, at some point, the sound of a chair being dragged, and Fugaku's footsteps walking to the living room.

This is what she likes about him, she thinks, that he gives her his silent support by being near her, just a calming presence. She doesn't like to talk about these things, mostly because half of the time she doesn't even know why she feels bad, she can't put it into words, and so, trying to explain it to somebody else is very frustrating. Some part of her, deep inside, understands why she feels like shit all of a sudden. Why it's so hard to breathe. But she doesn't feel like digging for that information right now, and introspection isn't something that has ever interested her.

When she is finished she follows Fugaku into the living room; the truth is, she doesn't particularly feel like being alone right now, even if she doesn't want to talk to anyone.

Fugaku is still reading, and she pauses by the door, suddenly unsure until he looks at her and rises a questioning eyebrow. Reishi snorts and goes to sit right beside him, leaning her cheek on his arm and feeling her body melt into the warmth.

The next time she wakes up, she is in her bed, and there's a box of a dozen mochi in her desk.