Author's Note: The previous story in the "Team Seven vs. Paperwork" series is "Team Minato vs. Paperwork", which I do recommend reading first (along with the prequel to that, because I think I'm hilarious), featuring poor Namikaze Minato having to deal with Kakashi, Obito, and Rin as genin.

As many of you likely guessed, Kakashi's bad luck took a much different turn.

TEAM KAKASHI VS. PAPERWORK

So it seems that Kakashi's not going to be facing Obito's Perilous Journey to Hokage Tower, but it's always possible that it's just waiting for a later time. This first time, they made it; they made it to the tower and now they're inside it and headed for the Mission Assignment Desk.

Kakashi's adorable little monsters have been looking so confused at all the shinobi – random assortments of janitors and T&I shinobi – diving out of their way. The guards throughout the tower took one look at Kakashi's frazzled and stressed look and immediately waved them through, without any questions whatsoever, not wanting to get in the way of a fourth-generation curse.

It's a terrible security loophole, but Kakashi doesn't care right now. He just wants this over with as fast as possible before Naruto and Sasuke figure out a way to fry his nerves entirely, making him permanently useless for shinobi work ever again.

This suspense is really, really unnecessary and it's going to kill him.

Can't something horrible just happen already?

Well... he doesn't actually want anything horrible to happen, it's just that... something horrible is going to happen and it doesn't need to make things more horrible by being late about it. Oh god... late about it... this is the universe coming back to get him! It just figures that Kakashi's impending doom would be late about it and keep him waiting – makes perfect sense, really.

It's so fair and he hates it.

"Well, this has been a waste of a morning," Sakura says grouchily as they step into the Mission Assignment Desk after what feels approximately like forever. "I can't believe... where is everyone?"

The Mission Assignment Desk, usually fairly busy at this time of busy, is completely free of any shinobi who don't work here. Even at four in the goddamn morning, Kakashi has encountered other shinobi just returned from dangerous missions, but not now. Now there are only the desk-shinobi, three times as many than would normally be staffing this room, lying in wait and armed with more weapons than Gai's kunoichi genin.

The one that is clearly the supervisor has a blade that's longer than Kakashi's genin are tall.

"Is that them?" one desk-shinobi whispers. "Team Seven?"

"They don't look like much," another desk-shinobi whispers back.

Another desk-shinobi smacks their colleagues. "You fools!" they hiss. "That's what people thought the last three times and remember how those turned out?"

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura look around the room a bit more, obviously trying to figure out what the hell is going on. The desk-shinobi all hold their breath until Kakashi's genin look questioningly back at him. Kakashi does his best to look back at them as though this is nothing out of the ordinary for the Mission Assignment Desk, and not something pulled out of one of the Shinobi Wars.

"Well!" Kakashi proclaims cheerfully, putting away his precious spare, spare copy and clapping his hands together. "Go hand in your mission reports, my adorable genin!"

Every single one of the desk-shinobi flinch back. Every single one.

Except...

Umino Iruka, the Academy teacher? That's interesting. What's he doing here? With the feud between their factions, Kakashi was under the impression that the desk-shinobi accepted Iruka from a combination of the Hokage being increasingly fed up with their bullshit, increasing retirement numbers, and the chuunin's sheer stubbornness. He wouldn't think that the desk-shinobi would let the teacher anywhere near the Team Seven paperwork disaster.

Iruka, who's been looking around the room with a confused yet unimpressed expression, stares back at Kakashi and raises an eyebrow questioningly. Kakashi suddenly recalls that he owes Iruka some paperwork from before the mission to Wave and decides that he should probably get on that, because Iruka is dressed like it's just a normal day and somehow that makes the chuunin the most terrifying person in the room next to Kakashi's cursed genin.

With a confused but determined look, probably thinking about how she has to get home, Sakura steps forward and makes toward a green-haired, female desk-shinobi to hand in her mission report. The grown woman flinches back, stumbling out of her seat and pulling three swords out of nowhere, two of them held in a single hand. Sakura understandably pauses.

"Desk-Shinobi Midori!" the supervisor snaps.

The green-haired desk-kunoichi looks up like she's suddenly realized what's happened – Kakashi gets that – and starts shaking her head and backing away. "I can't do it," she says fearfully, her face pale and her swords still raised. "I'm sorry, Supervisor Naoko, I'm too weak. My mother told me stories and I can't do what she did. I just can't."

And then the woman turns and flees the room through the backdoor, sobbing. The supervisor looks disappointed but understanding, and all of the other desk-shinobi look desperately like they want to follow her. Umino Iruka, last but not least, still looks confused and unimpressed.

Sasuke, next to try, takes a step towards a young, male desk-shinobi's station. The young man – whose name is Kenta, Kakashi is pretty sure, and is the grand-nephew of the Head Desk-Shinobi – leaps back and screams at the top of his lungs. He just... screams and keeps screaming until he runs out of air, demonstrating an impressive lung capacity, and then he jumps out the window head-first.

Sasuke takes a prudent step back and glares up at Kakashi like this is all his fault.

Well, technically... a part of Kakashi's mind helpfully starts to supply, but Kakashi squashes it before it can get into the details of how he definitely deserves this and is partly responsible for the mess.

Kakashi just shrugs at Sasuke, which earns him an especially frosty glare.

As one, Sasuke and Sakura both turn to Naruto.

Naruto, the only son of the Yondaime Hokage and the previous jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, as well as the only son of a Team Seven cursed paperwork shinobi and the desk-shinobi's most fearless and fearsome prankster, looks blankly back at his team. At this expression, Sasuke and Sakura both shove their teammate forward, making several desk-shinobi flinch back for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with that damn demon fox.

Naruto quickly regains his footing and glares back at his teammates, then looks around the room, and marches decisively up to Umino Iruka's desk. To the teacher's credit, Iruka doesn't flinch or stumble back, and doesn't draw a weapon like many of the other desk-shinobi have.

"Hey, Iruka-sensei!" Naruto says brightly.

And then the chuunin smiles back at Kakashi's genin. "Hello, Naruto," he replies. "I heard that you had quite the exciting mission." A glare is shot in Kakashi's direction so quickly that the jounin nearly misses it in his confusion as to what's happening. "Are you here to hand in your mission report?"

"Yup!" Naruto answers, digging around in his pocket for the paper. When he pulls it out, many desk-shinobi make the sign against evil, but Iruka just accepts it without even dying or anything. "It's my first mission report, so I tried real hard to remember everything you taught us and get it right."

Kakashi is desperate to pull out his Sharingan to check, but it looks like Iruka's smile is completely and utterly genuine. Something's wrong here. Something is so, so wrong here. What's happening? Kakashi has lost all understanding of what the fuck is happening now.

What the fuck.

"Well, I can tell you that the shinobi behind the desk always appreciate hard work," Iruka replies gently, then leans to look at the rest of Team Seven. "Sakura, Sasuke, if you come here, then I can process your mission reports as well."

The room is dead silent as Sakura and Sasuke immediately obey, walking up to the chunnin's desk and handing over their own mission reports. Kakashi follows behind, at a slightly wary pace for his own safety, and is absolutely astounded when nothing explodes. Of course, perhaps the explosive tags are delayed or inside the paper folds – that must be it.

Iruka unfolds Naruto's report and skims it, then looks up and smiles. "Well done, Naruto, this looks ready to be filed – a perfectly professional shinobi report. Your first, isn't it? An excellent report for a mission excellently done. Just watch your grammar and ink blots with your next shinobi mission, alright?"

Naruto beams. "Thanks, Iruka-sensei!"

The entire room of desk-shinobi watches as Umino Iruka processes Uzumaki Naruto's report as though it's really just paper and not a horrible, three-generation-going-on-four-long manifestation of a curse. Then in utter confusion and awe as Iruka unfolds Sakura's report next and skims it as well.

"As neat and detailed as always, Sakura," Iruka says after he's finished, smiling at her as well. "Just watch giving too much detail for the sake of your wrist. You don't need to include research made using Konoha resources after returning, we already have that information and that's what the desk-shinobi services are for. But if you believe you've discovered something important, like a connection that may be relevant, don't hesitate to bring it forward. You've got a good mind."

Sakura blushes slightly, but nods. "Thank you, Iruka-sensei."

Kakashi watches out of the corner of his eye as Supervisor Naoko sends one of the desk-shinobi off with rushed, whispered directions. The desk-shinobi goes wide-eyed and after a long look towards the impossible thing happening in front of them all, vanishes in a swirl of leaves.

"And well done to you as well, Sasuke," Iruka says finally, moving to process the last Team Seven report along with the others. "You've summarized mission events very effectively. Excellent work. Don't be hesitant to write more, however, as sometimes small details can be important and you have a way to see and remember more than most."

Sasuke doesn't say anything, but he does nod thoughtfully.

Iruka finishes processing the reports and smiles at all three of the genin now. "You've all written excellent first reports as shinobi," he says, and he doesn't look to be lying at all. "I'm very proud to have been your teacher and I look forward to seeing your work in the future. I know some people -" Iruka briefly glares viciously at Kakashi again here. "- don't bother with paperwork, but-"

"How else are the future generation gonna hear about our awesome shinobi adventures?" Naruto finishes brightly for his Academy teacher. "Don't worry, Iruka-sensei! I know that mission reports are an important part of being a good shinobi, so that people can read all about the cool stuff I do!"

Sakura lightly – lightly, what the hell – punches her teammate on the shoulder. "They're also vital to Konoha's information network," she reminds him knowingly. "Missions are how we know what's happening in the world and how to react. Information is one of a shinobi's best weapons and communication is one of a shinobi village's best defenses!"

Naruto rubs his arm and laughs. "Well, yeah, that too!"

Sasuke crosses his arms and rolls his eyes at his teammate, but doesn't call Naruto any names.

Kakashi is partly wondering if he got attacked by rabid squirrels on the way to the tower and is actually passed out in a puddle right now, when Iruka turns a glare on him that makes Kakashi stiffen where he stands. Is this chuunin teacher real? What's happening? This can't be real.

Oh god, he's dead. This is what this is.

Except... this can't be hell because there'd be green jumpsuits everywhere then.

"I don't suppose that you actually have a written mission report to hand in today?" Iruka asks crossly.

Kakashi, unable to form words, shakes his head.

"Why am I not surprised?" Iruka asks the ceiling, then says to the genin, "My wonderful students, he may be an excellent jounin, but please don't ever look to your sensei for a role model when it comes to paperwork."

"Well, that's what you're for, right, Iruka-sensei?"

Naruto laughs. "Yeah, and you'd kick our asses if we did that!"

Sasuke still doesn't say anything, but he nods.

"Language, Naruto," Iruka reminds, although he looks quite pleased with himself. "I'm glad that that lesson sunk in – good paperwork is important. Now, isn't today your off-day? You should be resting and enjoying yourselves. Being a shinobi is hard work, so it's good to relax after a hard mission. Do you have any more need for your students today, Hatake-san?"

Kakashi, still unable to form words and also unable to think, shakes his head again.

"Good, then you three should go enjoy the sunshine," Iruka says decisively, still smiling at Team Seven like nothing is wrong in the world. "Naruto, I'll see you around for a meal sometime?"

"Yeah! Believe it!"

Iruka laughs. "Alright. Goodbye, Sakura. Goodbye, Sasuke."

"Goodbye, Iruka-sensei!"

"Hn."

"Bye, Iruka-sensei!"

"Bye," Iruka repeats as the three genin exit the Mission Assignment Room. Then the chuunin looks down at the Team Seven reports in front of him and checks them over again, making several notes as he makes to finish processing them entirely like a good desk-shinobi would with normal reports.

After three minutes where nobody's moved, Iruka looks up again and raises an eyebrow at Kakashi again. "Can I help you with something?" he asks unhappily. "Because unless you've got all that backlog paperwork here, proper, and ready to be processed, then I really do have work to do."

Kakashi, unable to believe this is reality, just keeps staring.

Iruka scowls at him, then seems to notice that the rest of the Mission Assignment Room is also staring at him. Desk-shinobi – both old and young, jaded and naive, and all armed to the teeth and back – are all staring at this chuunin with wide eyes and open mouths, like they're seeing the Sage of the Six Paths come back to life as an Academy teacher to save them all from a fate worse than death.

"Miracle worker," someone whispers.

"Okay, seriously," Iruka says after another two minutes of silence. "What the fuck is going on?"

At first the room is silent, like no one dares to answer, but then an old man steps through the entrance, a cane in one hand and a stack of papers under the other arm. The desk-shinobi stare at him reverently, bowing their heads in respect as he passes by, and Kakashi automatically steps out of the way, nodding his own head slightly, as the old man comes up in front of Iruka's desk.

Kakashi recognizes this man, from the stories if not how he was frequently kidnapping Minato all those years ago, and also from how this man would come over to Minato's and Kushina's for supper about once a month and Kakashi basically lived there even after he got an apartment. Kakashi still doesn't know the man's name, but neither did Minato, nor did Jiraiya before him. Even the Sandaime Hokage might not know, for all Kakashi knows.

"Is this the one?" the old man asks.

Iruka looks severely, severely unimpressed and Kakashi suddenly understands how a person can control thirty nin-children and come out alive – by being made of pure levelheaded unflappableness and I-don't-have-time-for-bullshit stubborness.

"Excuse me?" Iruka says.

Supervisor Naoko steps up beside Kakashi, bowing her head in respect. "Yes, Desk-Shinobi-sama," she answers. "He taught the new Team Seven at the Academy and their properly written reports have been processed without any incident at all." Her eyes are wide with awe. "None at all."

The old man has not turned his eyes away from Iruka. "Is this true, Umino Iruka?"

Iruka raises an eyebrow. "Yes," he says flatly. "I'm sorry, who are you?"

"I... I am a relic of a time passed now," the old man says heavily.

"Excuse me?" Iruka repeats.

Then an old woman suddenly appears in the doorway, the same age of the man but badly out of breath, staring wide-eyed at the Head Desk-Shinobi. "Is it true?" she demands. "Has it been done?"

"Headmistress Hitomi?" Iruka says, wide-eyed himself at the sudden appearance of his boss. "What are you doing here?"

A good question, Kakashi acknowledges, because no Academy teacher besides Iruka has stepped into the Hokage Tower besides when absolutely necessary for decades. The Head of the Academy, Headmistress Hitomi, the beloved pseudo-mother of Konoha's toddlers, herself has not stepped into the Hokage Tower at all for decades, not since the feud started.

The Hokage actually has to leave the tower to meet with her, and the only reason no one calls her on it is because if she got upset, almost all of Konoha's children would probably somehow start crying because someone was being mean to their Granny Hitomi-sensei. Kakashi knows because Minato complained at first and then started using meetings with her as a way to escape from the mountains of paperwork than came with being Hokage for as long as he could.

Which is exactly why Kakashi will absolutely never be Hokage.

"Is is true?" Headmistress Hitomi repeats, looking incredibly desperate. "Is it true?"

The Head Desk-Shinobi turns to look at her and nods. "It is true," he answers, looking more aged in this moment than Kakashi has ever seen the extraordinarily stressed man. "The cycle has been broken," he announces to the room at large. "Team Seven's curse has been snuffed out." Then he turns to look at Iruka again. "And the prophecy has been fulfilled..."

Headmistress Hitomi comes forward to stand next to the Head Desk-Shinobi, which Kakashi has never seen before without one of them immediately trying to stab the other, which itself was extremely rare and last happened about fifteen years ago. Instead, she only looks beseechingly towards the teacher in front of her, looking like she was about to burst into tears.

"Iruka..." she says softly. "I knew you were special, but... I... thank you."

"Er, you're welcome?" Iruka replies, before shaking his head like he's also trying to wake up from this reality that is definitely not real. "No, wait, what? What the hell is going on? What cycle? What curse? What prophecy? What are you all talking about?"

The Head Desk-Shinobi and Headmistress Hitomi look at each other and smile.

"The impossible is often achieved by those who are not aware that it is impossible," Headmistress Hitomi reminds her once-lover and current-nemesis, who may or may not be her nemesis any longer, Kakashi is also still trying to figure out where his life has gone and how to get back to it.

The Head Desk-Shinobi chuckles, then looks back to Iruka. "It was secretly prophecized, long ago, that one would come to end our both our curse... and our feud. They would be an impossible being, both of the Academy teachers and the desk-shinobi, and the chosen one would end our suffering and bring peace, rejoining the great divide between two factions of Konoha."

Hang on, that sounds really, really, really familiar to Kakashi. He's not a desk-shinobi (god, no) or an Academy teacher (GOD, NO) but he has definitely heard that before, he just has to remember where he heard it... oh shit. Kakashi remembers where he's heard that stuff before.

Kushina made that prophecy. And when Kakashi says 'made', he really means: Uzumaki Kushina made that up.

That so-called 'prophecy' was just Kushina dicking around one night, trying to cheer her husband up from a terrible day of dealing with the feuding Academy teachers and desk-shinobi. She got really dramatic about it, utilizing a bed sheet and standing on the coffee table, speaking so grandly that Minato actually collapsed giggling on the floor and couldn't stop for ten minutes. Kakashi remembers it so well because his eye actually hurt the next day from rolling it at his dumbass sensei and his ridiculous wife so much.

There's no way that the desk-shinobi spied on the Yondaime Hokage's personal life, but Kushina used to prank the desk-shinobi like there was no tomorrow. It got to the point where there was a petition to permanently ban her from Hokage Tower as a genin, which never worked because Kushina was the Shodaime's wife's great-niece, so the desk-shinobi just had to suffer squirrels in the filing cabinets and all their furniture on wheels until Kushina apparently found other hobbies.

It's entirely possible and incredibly likely that Kushina went back to her old hobbies and made a prophecy out of sheer nostalgia. Or maybe Kushina spread her false prophecy around as the beginnings of a plot to give her husband some relief from the feud. Kushina was clever like that, and she was always was damn good at ending fights – starting them too, which Uzumaki Mito apparently repeatedly and disapprovingly told her a lady should not do, but especially good at finishing them (which Uzumaki Mito apparently approved of greatly and considered very lady-like).

Kakashi resolves never to tell anyone about this, because... if this is real... oh god, if this is real...

An invented prophecy to solve an invented curse? Believe it.

Iruka stares the Head Desk-Shinobi and Headmistress Hitomi. "You're joking, right?" he says, still unimpressed but also maybe a little desperate now. "I thought that feud stuff was a really bad joke, because it made no sense. You don't need to keep trying it. I'm not going to fall for it."

The Head Desk-Shinobi and Headmistress Hitomi exchange another look between them, and turn back to their prophecized (Kushina, you masterful trickster) chosen one. Their expressions are soft but not pitying, and Iruka looks absolutely horrified.

Kakashi understands why, but he can't understand how Iruka convinced himself any of these people, or Konoha's shinobi in general, were sane. Like... how? When would any of these people have given any indication that they were joking about this stuff?

"You may not believe it, Iruka, but it is true," Headmistress Hitomi says gently.

The Head Desk-Shinobi. "We have been waiting for you for a very my longer, my... successor."

The room of desk-shinobi gasps as the Head Desk-Shinobi sets his stack of papers down on Iruka's desk, then reaches inside his clothing to pull out something that sets off whispering among the watching desk-shinobi. It gleams brightly with reflected light, so it takes a moment for Kakashi to understand what the metal thing is, but he quickly realizes that it's a nameplate.

The Head Desk-Shinobi sets it down on Iruka's desk as the teacher gapes at it, then at him. One random desk-shinobi faints into the arms of their fellows. Kakashi almost feels like gaping himself, or giggling, because it just reads 'Head Desk-Shinobi', with no name on it whatsoever.

"...What?" Iruka says.

"I am old and I am tired," the old man answers, leaning heavily on his cane. "I have done my duty to Konoha, and I have been waiting for one who could do my faction proud for a long time. Umino Iruka, that person is clearly, undeniably you... the breaker of the Team Seven curse."

Iruka looks like he wants to cry from frustration. "What curse?"

The Head Desk-Shinobi – previous Head Desk-Shinobi now, Kakashi guesses – and Headmistress Hitomi ignore him. Instead of answering, Headmistress Hitomi pulls a second nameplate out of her own clothing, which sends another wave of gasps and whispers through the desk-shinobi as she sets it down next to the second nameplate on Iruka's desk.

This one reads 'Head of the Academy'.

"I too am old and tired," she says, expression grateful. "It is time for us relics of a time passed to make way for a new generation and a far brighter future. I can think of no one more suitable to lead our factions in this new tomorrow than the chosen one of prophecy... together."

Iruka just stares at both nameplates, probably praying to anyone who's listening. But unfortunately for him, Kakashi thinks, they're going to have a hell of a time hearing him over the sound of Kushina's cackling from the afterlife. Kakashi is almost surprised they can't hear it now.

"You will do well, young Umino," the previous Head Desk-Shinobi says, bowing low like one might to the Hokage or Daimyo. "Desk-Shinobi-sama."

Hitomi, smiling proudly, also bows lowly. "Headmaster Iruka," she says respectfully.

But before Iruka can do anything like break down crying, scream, faint, or do any of the hundreds of things he probably wants to do by the bewildered expression on his face, the previous Head Desk-Shinobi turns to ex-Headmistress Hitomi and takes her hands in his. The room of desk-shinobi gasps again, and another poor desk-shinobi faints with a hard thump.

"Hitomi," the old man says desperately, "I know that we have made enemies of each other in these long years, out of a terrible argument and that idiotic issue with the shinobi postal service, but I want you to know that I still love you. I have loved you always, even though I have been terrible at showing it. I know that I am no longer the Head Desk-Shinobi anymore, only an old man, but can you ever forgive me?"

"Oh, I already forgave you a long time ago," Hitomi replies. "Can you, my beloved Ren, forgive this stubborn old woman, no longer an Academy Headmistress, who has loved you always too?"

The previous Head Desk-Shinobi, whose name is apparently Ren, nods, eyes full of tears, and the two old shinobi embrace lovingly. Kakashi, who most certainly does not need to brush away any sentimental tears and isn't going to be telling Gai and his sensei's sensei all about this, looks around the room and sees several desk-shinobi sobbing with emotion. Oh good, not just him.

Hitomi and Ren pull apart just enough to look at each other.

"Did we ever finish filing those divorce papers?" Hitomi asks thoughtfully.

Ren appears to think about it, then shakes his head. "I don't think we ever got past Form 7D," he answers, above more gasping and fainting by the desk-shinobi. "Actually, I don't think we ever told anyone that we got married. Did we remember to do that?"

"No, dear, I don't think we did. Perhaps that's why we had that trouble with the postal service?"

Ren nods. "That would certainly explain it."

"Well, let's go tell them this time so they don't mix up our mail again," Hitomi says with a decisive nod. "I already have all my paperwork filed for retirement and the position transfer, so we can leave right away, if you like."

At the declaration of prompt and efficient paperwork, Ren sighs. "No wonder I fell in love with you. I already have everything filed too; let's go tell your previous employees of the good news and their new leader, then go home."

"That sounds nice," Hitomi agrees, and the two old shinobi walk out of the Mission Assignment Room together, hand in hand and obviously deeply in love.

Kakashi wonders if the Hokage knows that the biggest faction feud in all of Konoha happened because of a marital spat. Kakashi decides that if not, someone who will greatly appreciate their sensei's sensei's sensei's reaction should tell him. Kakashi intends to be that person.

Kakashi looks back at Iruka again, who is still staring at the two nameplates like he can't believe his eyes. Understandable, since even with the unorthodox promotions that happen in shinobi societies, it's not every day that a chuunin in his twenties gets made the head of two of Konoha's oldest and most powerful factions because of a marital spat, a prank that turned into a prophecy, and accidentally breaking a curse by just doing his job.

"Congratulations, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi offers brightly to the man that unknowingly saved him from a terrible, terrible fate. He's so grateful that he's going to go home and do all of his paperwork – just this once – as a present of thanks.

Iruka whimpers, not taking his eyes off the two nameplates. "This can't be happening," he mumbles, probably mostly to himself. "This can't be happening. It'll be so much work. I can't do that much work so this can't be happening. I'm dreaming because this can't be happening."

"I assure you," Supervisor Naoko says beside Kakashi. "That this is happening." Then, before Iruka's wide eyes, she kneels in front of his desk. "We are prepared to serve you in whatever capacity you wish, Desk-Shinobi-sama, and grateful to follow you into a new age of peace and enlightenment. What is your will, Desk-Shinobi-sama?"

"Please don't call me that," Iruka says desperately to the whole room of desk-shinobi now kneeling in his honor, except for the ones who fainted and are just unconscious on the floor.

Supervisor Naoko's brow furrows in confusion. "Umino-sama?"

"Oh god," Iruka moans, dropping his head into his hands and then onto the desk.

"Hey, supervisor, I think your new leader needs some time to himself to adjust to the changes," Kakashi offers on the other man's behalf. Naoko nods and quickly goes about ordering the desk-shinobi out of the room, the conscious ones carrying their fainted friends out of various doors and windows, clearing the room in less than ten seconds.

Iruka hasn't moved.

"Are you alright, Iruka-sensei?" Kakashi asks.

"I don't know what's happening anymore and I want to wake up from this nightmare," Iruka replies flatly, head and hands still on the desk. "I don't want to be in charge of things. I don't want two jobs. I want to teach children, then to go home and sit on the couch and watch a stupid movie while eating junk food and ignoring my marking for longer than is sensible."

Those are very admirable goals, so Kakashi nods approvingly even though that's never going to happen now and this poor bastard has no idea what he's in for. "I don't think your new employees are going to let you do that, Iruka-sensei," he reminds the other man. "Ending a feud and breaking a curse... those are big things."

"I still don't know what either of those are about. I literally just did my job. I thought people were sane."

"Well, that was your first mistake."

Iruka snorts, then stays silent for awhile, probably coming to terms with suddenly being one of the most powerful people in Konoha next to the Hokage. The desk-shinobi's paperwork prowess alone can bring department to their knees, but with the Academy as well? That's a formidable amount of power for any one person to have; probably exactly the sort of job that the person who has it shouldn't actually want to have, which Kakashi takes as a good sign.

"Hatake?"

"Yes, Iruka-sensei?"

"This didn't happen until you brought your genin team in. I'm blaming you for all of this."

Kakashi just shrugs, because he was prepared to suffer a lot more than he did today and he's pretty sure that Iruka won't screw over his life at least while Kakashi remains Naruto's jounin-sensei. As far as returning bad energy goes, there are far worse forms it could chose to take to improve his perspective on life than an irate and overworked Umino Iruka... at least... probably. Kakashi's like... forty percent sure.

"Sure thing, Headmaster Desk-Shinobi-sama."

"Ugh," Iruka says.

oOo

END

oOo

Author's Note: So, yeah... congrats to anyone who called it that they'd be normal. Poor Iruka.

Tbh, this was written partly to write Frazzled!Kakashi and partly to answer people who kept asking for more and more. Like, I am not a writing machine. I only have so many crack ideas. Naruto and company will be driving the village nuts soon enough for non-paperwork-related issues. Let there be something resembling normal for these kiddos.

The next part in the "Team Seven vs. Paperwork" series is "Team Iruka vs. Paperwork", which follows the fall-out of Iruka uncovering one of the administration's most scandalous, embarrassing, ridiculous secrets: that Konoha has unwittingly been the host of a shinobi-style Vegas chapel for generations. If it cannot yet be found on my FF account, then it and the rest of the series can be found on AO3.