this is one of my most angst-y one-shots. so if you're not big on that, probably don't read it.

but if you are, thanks for reading! :)

Her sobs were partially buried in his chest.

She couldn't be fully comforted, nor could her pain fully drown.

All the excitement, all the hopes and visions for the future, completely shattered in a fleeting moment. Passing too quickly to even try holding on, but leaving gut-wrenching, heart tugging pain, gnawing on her fetus sized vulnerability as a result.

The broken engagement, first time losing a child, even her father's prison sentence, never evoked so much heartache or tore her up like this.

Physically, she was whole.

Inside was grief-stricken, helpless, broken.

"It's gone."

He blinked at her. "Hap, what are you talking about?"

And then she looked up at him, tears she couldn't repress spilling down her face. "Toby," her voice cracked, "The baby…"

She started to cry harder, faster. The protection of Toby's arms wasn't enough to block her pain. But he still hugged her closer.

He might've been mumbling something into her hair. The words got lost between their harmonized outward expressions of pain.

Nausea twisted her stomach left and right. Though she remained hollowed out. Her heart throbbed, pulsing, beating against her chest. Why did her heart still get to beat? Why couldn't she have the other one? It hadn't even gotten to form.

"Oh my god…" His expression fell, lips parting, forehead creasing. It further pulled her heart in shreds.

She bit her lip to stop crying. No use.

His eyes glistened.

"The case…" she practically whimpered, "I-I was so careful..."

Several of his teardrops fell onto her scalp.

Someone besides him got so close to her, so quickly. Planted in the rawest corners of her heart. Something infused with parts of both of them, something full of love and future plans and ties and security, and so much more, despite not entering the world yet.

She felt pushed back to the little girl, the one who hadn't already closed herself off from the outside, waiting at the first of several orphanages for the red truck with the dented fender to come back to her. The one who forfeited her only parent, and her childhood, to alcohol. Because of a tragic event she possessed a key role in.

Not only had she lost the chance to ease that pain long boxed away, but the opportunity of providing a child the home, the love, everything she was deprived off. It slipped through her fingers before she could realize it'd fallen anyway. The damn case. One damn mistake.

She and birth apparently didn't mix. The double edged sword, taking decades to strike the second blow, as if freshly sharpened, attacked during her own birth, and now, with her child, taking loved ones victim before she even met them.

Toby continued to hold her, murmuring reassurance and attempts at comfort. But his typical behaviorist self fell prey to their shared excruciating storm. He was barely noticeable through the clouds as the gleams of painful lightning continued to strike. She hardly listened.

She started to choke on the confessions of her own miscue. Guilt flooded up the stream of her throat.

"Happy, please, it's not safe for you-or the baby. Just QB from the garage. Please."

"They need my expertise, doc." She quirked a smile. "Not like you and Walt could build a bomb in the field under this kind of pressure. There wouldn't be enough time to call up Rizzuto. Do you even know how anyway?"

Toby frowned, his forehead creasing. "That's not funny. I just want you to be careful."

"Am I never not careful?" Happy squeezed his hand, making her grip on him, and the seriousness of the situation more firm. "Nothing's gonna happen to me, or the baby. I promise."

If only she'd been more careful.

The first time, before they were married, she remained alert, exceptionally cautious, because the baby was a bridge for her and Toby, and she especially wanted it to stay intact. Then, broken as they were, stupid as she was, she didn't know if they were gonna float, provided that they took a plunge. She didn't know if he even wanted to cross, or maybe, if they met in the middle, she wondered whether it would hold under their stress.

Now they had the foundation of gained trust and their solid marriage. And only when she lost her footing did she realize how far the fall was.

Here they were. Letting the pieces shatter before they needed to pick them up again.

In her entire life, she'd never felt so broken.