STEADY

Summary: There are times when they bare each other's worries. There are times where they are insecure. But all those times, they can fall into each other. They manage.

Grounding touches.

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They come home giggling, occasionally stopping in their way to their bedroom to share a quick, sloppy kiss, to push the other against a wall and let their hands roam their partner's body. They never move past that, simply enjoying each other's touch, reveling on the warmth the other arose on their skin.

Alexander lets out a breathy laugh when he finds himself pinned against the wall, wrists held above his head as Thomas noseshis neck, the soft touch making the hairs on his nape stand on end.

"Get off me you jerk." Alex whines, leaning his head against the wall and closing his eyes. He was beginning to feel slightly dazed and sleepy. Probably due to the late hour and the alcohol he had drank this night.

"But I like to have you at my mercy, my dear." Thomas says, before kissing Alexander on his temple, making the kiss sound loudly.

Slipping his hands easily away from Thomas' grasp, Alexander pushes him, laughing before heading to their shared bedroom. "You're an annoyance," he says over his shoulder, rubbing at his ear. Thomas had the habit of kissing him in the ear or near it, purposefully making it sound. It was his way of messing around with him while being affectionate, and, while it was not something he did often, the times he did was annoying, as he had stated.

Thomas shrugs to himself, following Alexander to their lit-up bedroom (courtesy of Alex), watches as he collapses on their bed face-first. He leans against the doorframe and crosses his arms. "You won't take a shower?" He asks, and gets a muffled groan as an answer. They both probably reek of alcohol and cigarettes and sweat and whatever the hell that club they had gone to smelt like. He knows that if neither take a shower and change clothes, tomorrow their bedsheets will smell like that too.

After a few seconds pass, Alexander rolls on the bed, propping himself on his elbows and winking at Thomas. "Tomorrow we can do laundry." He says, and laughing, he drags himself across the bed, until his head is at level with the pillows and he lets himself fall against them. "C'mere, Jefferson." He says, lifting his arms as an invitation.

Thomas complies eagerly, kneeling at the foot of the bed before giving a soft slap to Alexander's leg. "Get rid of the shoes, Alexander."

Falling into a fit of giggles, Alexander covers his face with both hands, and Thomas rolls his eyes, before taking off his and Alexander's shoes.

"Thank you, love." The weight on the bed shifts around him and Alex can tell Thomas has moved to hover over him, his taller body covering his own with ease. He breathes in deeply and moves his hands away from his face, "…"

There's a hot lived second that make tears spring to his eyes, and his breathing gets caught as he looks up at Thomas, whose eyes are smoldering with love. And Alexander's chest is already bubbling with emotion. He smiles at Thomas nervously, and places his hands on both sides of Thomas' face, his thumbs moving over his cheeks slowly.

"Fuck," he breathes out, eyes glued to Thomas', "You're fucking gorgeous."

Thomas' smile is blinding, and only brings more tears to his eyes. He stays glued to his place, as his boyfriend leans in and kisses him lightly, before resting his forehead against his.

This time, Alexander's laugh is shaky, and his breathing becomes labored as he closes his eyes for a moment. He feels the tears slide down his cheeks, and Thomas' hand, warmth and comforting, moves away one hot trail away, smearing the wetness across his cheek. He doesn't mind.

"Hey, are you okay?" Alexander nods and bites down on his lower lip, hoping his tears would stop. It worries Thomas to see him like that, "Alex, could you open your eyes?" This time, he answers with a 'no', lip still held between his teeth and eyes still closed.

Thomas shifts to move away, but Alexander's hold on his cheeks pull him in for a kiss. It's messy, and desperate, and it only last for about four seconds, before Alexander pulls him away and turns his head sideways.

"You're beautiful, Thomas."

"It's not that I'm not flattered, Alex, but it's beginning to worry me… could you tell me why are you crying?" He moves away a few lose strands of hair from Alex's face, and waits for his answer patiently.

Sucking up a deep breath, Alexander turns to look at him finally, smiling apologetically through his tears.

"I can't believe you love me." He admits, and it makes Thomas' chest ache with a faint trace of pain. "That I'm lucky enough to have you. That I'm even worthy of—"

Without missing a beat, Thomas begins speaking, knowing where this is coming from, "Oh, Alexander, of course you're worthy, of course I love you." He kisses his nose and cheeks, presses a long kiss agains his lips until the pain he's felt on his chest diminishes a bit. "You know you're a great boyfriend. I'm happy I met you, and that I have you."

"Fuck. You're gorgeous. I don't deserve you."

Thomas laughs lightly, a bit nervous, and sits back, careful of not letting his whole weight fall on Alexander's stomach. He cups Alexander's hands on his own, and keeps them in place as he turns to kiss each palm.

"Come, now. Don't be saying all that stuff. It ain't what I think 'bout ya."

Alexander huffs amused at that southern accent, and looks fondly at Thomas. "I fucking hate it when you speak like that." He says, but his voice betrays such statement.

"Ya love it."

"I don't."

"Okay, you don't." He brings both hands under his chin, holding them for a moment, before bringing them to his lips, kissing each of the knuckles, watching Alexander smile sheepishly at him. "I worry about you, dear. I love you deeply, don't forget that."

"I'm okay." Alex whispers back, before sniffing and taking one hand to remove his tears. "It was just..."

"It's okay." He smiles, before leaning his weight once more on his knees, at each side of Alex's hips. "Well... I think we were in the middle of something." Thomas says, taking up his wrists once more to pin them on the pillows.

"I think we were..."

And one more time Thomas is in his neck, lips softly trailing a path towards his collarbone, hot breath fanning over his skin. He gently nips at the skin there, before going up once more, his breath tickling Alex's ear.

"I love you."

New tears prickled at Alexander's eyes, and he shifted his head to rest it against Thomas' cheek, smiling to himself. "I know."

"Good. Don't... forget that." Thomas croaks, sharply sucking in a breath.

There was a shudder from Thomas. Worried, Alexander looks up, his forehead brushing Thomas' cheek. A wet droplet falls against his skin, and his stomach churns with insecurity.

"Thomas? Are you crying?"

"I'm... of course I'm not. Just. Need a moment."

It was obvious, by the sound of his voice, that he was crying. But Alexander knew better than to push the subject. He knew Thomas didn't like making a fuss when he cried like this, says it's just some emotion leaking out unbidden. So he decides not to point it out and tries to change the mood.

"Want to call it a day and hug for a moment? I think it'd be great."

"That's a good idea. I'd love that."

Thomas lays next to Alexander, facing him, his chest raising and falling with timed exhalations and inhalations, clearly calming himself. Alex rolls to his side, smiles wide at him, his hand reaching towards his face and moving away the tears.

"Don't cry, please." Alex whispers, getting as an answer a weak 'I'm not' from Thomas. "You are. I'm sorry if I worried you."

"It's no big deal. You have the right to get emotional."

"You do too, Thomas." The frown on Thomas' face was tell-tale of the upcoming denial that he wasn't getting emotional. "Don't try to hide it, please. C'mere, let me be the big spoon."

There's a moment of silence, where neither speak or move. They simply look at each other.

Thomas wants to decline, turn the offer around and say that he'll be the big spoon. Uncertainty eats at him as he hesitates on his words, but finally, he decides not to make a fuss of it.

"I'll go turn off the lights, then."

"I will wait."

Alexander closes his eyes as he waits for him to return, thinks to himself once more how much he adores him. His stomach gets a funny feeling just for thinking about it, and he smiles goofily at himself.

When he feels Thomas's weight on the bed, he waits for him to fall against his chest so he can wrap his arms around him, and bury his nose on Thomas's hair.

"You're just that precious to me, Thomas. And I love you so, so much." Alex whispers, his hand slipping under Thomas' shirt, fingertips trailing softly the warm skin of his stomach and chest.

"I just... it was your night, not mine." Thomas says, curling into himself in shame.

"Hush. If it's a night I share with you, I'm happy."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Alexander reassures him, "I wasn't... I'm okay. I only lost my ground for a moment, found myself at a loss of words with how beautiful you are. It's overwhelming at times, to see you loving me so much."

Thomas stays silent for a moment, thoughts swimming around those words. He smiles at himself, a tad bit bitter about how this night unfolded. "I'm sorry." Thomas tries again, closing his eyes and pressing himself flush against Alexander, taking comfort in the warmth that embraces him.

Silence stretches between them, and Alexander debates between letting the topic slip off or trying once again to reassure Thomas.

"I mean it." Alexander says, and his voice sounds too loud to him, so he presses a kiss to Thomas' back for a moment, tries to find the proper tone. "I know you don't like it much when you have these... emotional outbursts. But never feel like you need to apologize for them. What you're feeling is valid, Thomas. And I respect you wanting to cover them until you're in a better spot to discuss them, but you don't need to apologize or feel sorry."

"I had just... planned this night to be all about you."

"Well, I don't see why it can't be about us."

"Because—"

"Hey, Thomas, baby, listen. Try to put this out of your mind, okay?" He pleads, pressing another kiss into Thomas' shoulder. "And, if you still feel bad tomorrow evening, you can always take me out to have pizza to make up for tonight."

A light snort makes Alexander smile wide. That was a good sign. A light snort means that Thomas' mind has wandered somewhere else. After a few seconds, the man turns around in his arms, wriggling his body so he is facing Alex.

"Hamilton, I'm not spoiling you. Pizza is shitty dinner."

Bitting back a grin, Alex replies, "Pizza is the greatest way to finish a day, Thomas, and you know it."

"I'm making spaghetti, if you wish to insist further."

"And chocolate cake for dessert."

"Don't push it, Hamilton."

Snickering to himself, Alex kisses Thomas' nose once he has identified it in the darkness of the room. "Wounding, love. Calling me by my last name."

"When you're being a brat, yes."

Alexander laughs at that, and he pulls himself to a half-sitting position in bed, before moving to straddle Thomas, who has moved to lay back on his back. Alex's hands soon hold his face, his thumbs moving across it so he can easily pinpoint where those lips he so desires are. "Shut up and kiss me, Jefferson."

When Alex's lips finds those of his boyfriend, he can feel the smile against his lips, and he's glad he's managed to dissuade him from the previous mood. These nights, Alexander thinks to himself silently, are particularly sensitive for both of them. They both have their own insecurities they try to smother down, insecurities that might as well come from a dark place. When they were both bare, their nerves a mess as thoughts and emotions bubbled up to the surface, it was hard to say what could happen. One's insecurities might feed the other's. But they always managed. Always put them back into place, cut them from the stem.

And as they hold each other, hands moving to leave soft caresses against uncovered skin, they seem to ground each other out, remind themselves that they do deserve the happiness each gives the other, doubts be damned. They had had their share of strife to keep feeding those negatives thoughts. But they had worked hard to come to where they stood. Had both struggled in their own way to accept the happiness the other gave and allow themselves to feel it. All the work they had put into their relationship wouldn't crumble under bitter thoughts that always managed to round their minds.

They had each other. They had themselves.

Thomas' knuckles softly trail along Alexander's jaw, the loving caress sliding down to his neck, where the movement stops and instead Thomas' fingertips, firm and grounding, follow his collarbone.

Alexander moves away from the kiss, just enough to allow himself a smile, before he kisses the corner of Jefferson's lips, shifting his body so he can press his cheek against Thomas' as comfortably as he could. "You truly are gorgeous, Thomas." He whispers, a sigh escaping through his lips. He feels blessed to have this man here, in their shared bed, laying under him.

A low huff leaves Thomas as he closes his eyes, moves his arms so he could properly wrap Alexander in a loving hug. Alexander lets him, and he further moves so he could lay on Thomas, chin softly pressed against his shoulder.

"Thank you, Alex. And, Alex…" He lets his voice drift, only finishing what he wants to say after Alex has hummed softly, "You truly do deserve me, darlin'."

Alexander's smile grows big, and he sighs at the words, pleased, allowing his heavy eyelids to fall close, enjoying the warmth of Thomas' body against his, the slow intake and exhale of breath, the lulling of his heartbeat.

He falls asleep to those sensations, feeling safe and loved.

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Sorry for not updating in a long time! I totally forgot I had an account here (sooorry about that). Apart from that, this chapter was a hassle. It just kept feeling wrong and wrong. And after many changes, I've managed to be content with it :D!

On the other hand, there's an already written chapter which might take it's time. Because, I, uh... suck at English poetry and can't seem to make it work/pick up the right words. So if anyone would be willing to lend a hand, I would very much appreciate it 3. Until next time!