His bed felt unnaturally comfortable this morning, the sheets clean and warm, the firmness of the mattress just right so that he didn't wake up sore. What was more, he didn't have to leave it anytime soon.

So why couldn't he sleep?

Groaning, Eli turned over, wrapping his arms around his pillow and burying his face in it, seeking desperately the peaceful realm of dreams that was now evading him for reasons unknown and unfair. He listened closely. Everything was quiet and dark, perfectly conducive to sleeping in. But he just couldn't do it.

Heaving a heavy sigh, he rolled over and pushed himself up into a sitting position, his feet finding contact with the cool floor as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, covering his face with his hands.

Don't worry—a career with the navy will knock that out of you soon enough.

He groaned again as he heard Yularen's voice in his head. The navy had certainly done its job there. Even Eli's days off were not unaffected.

Well, may as well not stay here and mope about it.

He stood, turning to straighten his bed, the action automatic and mechanical. A quick shower might help. He ran a hand over his face, rubbing at his cheeks. And a shave, he grimaced. He missed the days of his youth when he did not have to bother with that all the time.

Fifteen minutes later, he was fresh and dressed and ready to find something to eat for breakfast.

Pickings were slim this morning. Much of the crew was away for the day's shore leave. Nevertheless, he managed to put together a tray, topping it off with a steaming mug of caf and another of plain hot water. Balancing the tray expertly, he made his way to the admiral's quarters. As he entered Thrawn's office, he saw the Chiss in his familiar spot at the desk, datapad in hand. Glowing red eyes shifted upward to meet his as he stepped through the doorway.

"Good morning, sir," Eli greeted, moving quietly through the room and setting the tray down at the edge of Thrawn's desk.

"Good morning, Commander."

Thrawn said nothing more, but Eli could read it well enough in the other's expression. What are you doing up so early on your day off?

He decided to ignore it. Discussing the matter might just bring back his earlier irritation. Instead, he busied himself with sifting through a small drawer in a narrow stand against the wall, selecting the tea he knew would be Thrawn's preference for the morning. Then he returned to the desk, silently preparing the hot drink as Thrawn began scrolling through his datapad again.

Once everything was prepared, he arranged everything neatly on the side of the desk, pulling up a chair to join the admiral for breakfast as usual.

"Thank you," Thrawn murmured as he reach out to draw the tea closer, and Eli glanced up to catch his eye, giving him a quick smile back in acknowledgement. Then he pulled out his own datapad and brought up his latest reports for review, selecting a scone from the tray and munching it wordlessly as he fell back into normal routine.

Several minutes passed in companionable silence.

"Will you be joining the others on the planet's surface today?" Thrawn enquired conversationally, although Eli knew it was not merely small talk. Thrawn did not do small talk.

"No, I think I'm going to stay here," he said, keeping his eyes on his datapad. He could feel Thrawn's gaze focused on him but resisted the urge to look up.

"Is anything wrong?" Thrawn asked a moment later. Going straight to the point, as he always did.

"No," Eli replied, this time looking up with a tight smile for added reassurance. "I just would prefer your company today, if that's all right."

Thrawn's eyes brightened, and he bowed his head. "Of course. I would never object to that."

Eli smiled again, more relaxed this time, and they both returned to their respective tasks.

It wasn't that he lacked friends among the crew, nor that he was particularly disinterested in the planet they were parked above. But even after these past years, he could tell that few people really took him seriously. Whether it was his place of origin or his determined association with the alien admiral, or a combination of both, there were still plenty of side glances and whispered comments whenever he passed. Some days, it was just too wearying. Anyway, what the others were planning to do planetside were things he was not really interested in doing himself. He had meant it when he said he would prefer Thrawn's company.

Oh, he remembered the days when holidays were the highlights of the year, especially as a kid. He and his friends would escape as the sun rose above the horizon, running around wild all day, whether they wandered through town, stopping at their favorite places for snacks and cool, delicious ice cream, or ran off into the surrounding countryside to play and get into mischief.

He sat back, the datapad falling forgotten in his lap. It had been years since he had even thought about that, and yet the memories came rushing back full force, as if they had only happened last summer. He could remember the smell of the diner, the color and pattern and feel of the tabletops there, his favorite meal that he would always order. His dad complained that he never tried anything new, but Eli didn't care. He knew what he liked, and that was good enough for him. Oh, but it had been ages since he last had that...ages since he had last actually made a trip home...

He closed his eyes, the memories so real that he could feel the warmth of the sun on his face and feel the wind rustling his hair as he sat at the top of the ridge overlooking the valley. His favorite spot to get away from everyone—and, as far as he knew, still a secret. The old, weather-beaten tree stretched out over him, the scent of its wood and the brush around him filling the air as the insects and birds sang their songs around him.

Would he ever go back? Or was all of that now gone forever, lost to memory? A deep ache grew in his chest.

"If you wish to return to your quarters, you do not need to stay here," Thrawn's voice cut into his reminiscing.

Eli opened his eyes, realizing as he did so that it must have looked like he was falling asleep. "Oh, no, no," he said, straightening and glancing down at the datapad. "I was only...thinking..."

Thrawn sat back, laying his own datapad down on the desk and steepling his fingers in front of his chest. He held Eli in a curious gaze, as if trying to determine how much of Eli's excuse was true.

Eli sighed. "I was just remembering things. From years ago. Back when I was a kid."

Thrawn raised an eyebrow. "Indeed?"

Eli could see the spark of curiosity flaring up in those eyes, and he felt his own cheeks grow warm. Would he ever grow out of blushing, he wondered with some annoyance. Especially around Thrawn, who would catch it every time.

"Yeah." He flicked absently through the information on his datapad, not actually registering what was on there. "It's funny how things change sometimes. I never in a million years would have imagined myself here, back then." He waved a hand around the room as his eyes followed, his stomach fluttering oddly as it had the first time he had stepped aboard the Chimaera. "Sometimes I still don't believe it," he admitted quietly.

Thrawn observed him silently for a long moment. "Are you unhappy with the changes your life has taken?" he asked softly.

"No," Eli answered readily, but then he paused. "Not now, anyway," he amended, meeting Thrawn's gaze. "I know I haven't...always been open to change."

The corner of Thrawn's mouth twitched, but he said nothing.

"I'm afraid I've always been like that," Eli continued, running his hand against his leg as if brushing something away. "My parents had to push me to start helping out with the family business and then to get into the academy." He shrugged half-heartedly. "It's not that I didn't like it. I just...had been good with how things were already." He sighed again. "And I do still miss some of it. Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out if I stayed on Lysatra."

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Thrawn tilt his head slightly to the side.

"I'm not saying I regret any of this," Eli insisted, holding up his hands. "Because I don't. I'm in a far better place than I ever could have gotten to on my own, and I have you to thank for it. But..." He pressed his lips together. "Do you ever miss things yourself? Do you ever wonder what could have been...?"

Thrawn's eyes narrowed as he considered Eli's questions. "I do miss things, people and places," Thrawn said after a long pause, nodding thoughtfully. "Wondering what could have been is a useless gesture, unless done as an exercise in evaluating one's actions." His head bowed. "But I cannot deny that there have been instances where I have asked that of myself," he said, his voice low and carefully guarded. Eli frowned but knew better than to press the matter. "As it is, Commander," he continued, "whether or not you seek change, you have proven yourself fully capable of facing it and adapting to it with skill and wisdom. Do not discredit your own part in being where you are today."

Eli looked away as he felt his cheeks warming again at the praise. "All thanks to your patient guidance and understanding, sir," he said. "I know what it's like to be pushed into things without any regard for my own feelings on the matter, and you have always shown respect for my wishes." Even if was after he had already manipulated Eli into certain positions, Eli thought, smiling to himself grimly. But he knew Thrawn better now. He knew the Chiss had had Eli's best interest in mind, training Eli eventually to see his own qualities that had lain hidden from him. "Thank you for that."

Thrawn inclined his head. "You have grown, Eli Vanto," he murmured. "And grown well." He lowered his hands into his lap. "Life is full of change. It is inevitable. But I believe you are well prepared for it."

Eli grinned, leaning back and putting his hands behind his head. "Yeah, I'm not too worried about such things anymore. I know we can face whatever twists and turns are up ahead for us. We always find a way."

Thrawn's return smile was tempered by something Eli couldn't quite read. "Indeed."