The underworld was no place for a kappa.

There wasn't much water, for one thing. The water all trickled down from aquifers above, then flowed through the capital in a series of shallow canals. They weren't even deep enough to hide in, let alone conceal an underwater hideout. More importantly, the underworld's denizens were the roughest and worst that Gensokyo had to offer. Most of them weren't too bad as long as you didn't cross them, but that wasn't much of a guarantee. Knowing that only one in a hundred oni were belligerent jerks was only reassuring if you didn't see a few hundred oni a week.

Ririsa just tried to keep her head down as she shuffled down the street. Fortunately, the noisy center of the city was behind her. This far out, she only saw the occasional youkai pedestrian. A few of them cast lingering glances at the bundle on her back; a quick flash of her crossbow was enough to scare them off. For most youkai of the underworld, knowing how to avoid an unnecessary fight was a survival skill.

The house they'd picked out was nearly a kilometer from the city's center. It made for a bit of a walk to go shopping, but that was a small price to pay for solitude. Like most others in the underworld, it was made from a combination of imported wood and local stone. The lack of weather meant that while wood was scarce, it would stand for ages. The place had been unused for apparent decades, if not centuries, before they'd moved into it, and the worst damage had been a few missing shingles on the roof.

The ancient wood of the front steps creaked under Ririsa's feet. She opened the door and navigated her oversized bundle inside. "I'm back."

The front room of the house was some uneasy combination of living room and communal workshop. A kotatsu sat in the middle, useful year-round in the chilly cavern, and scattered around it were toolboxes, bolts of cloth, piles of books, half-finished projects, blueprints, and drifting piles of notes. Near the back, in a small clearing next to a tailor's dummy, Orisa and Maeri were sitting on the floor, looking at a slate covered in scribbled designs. Orisa gave a disinterested grunt of acknowledgment, while Maeri looked up. "Welcome back. Did that last dress sell well? We did try to tailor it more to the expectations of an oni..."

"Fifteen hundred yen." Ririsa crossed to the center of the room and shoved a collection of wrench heads off the kotatsu, making room to lower her bundle. "It's enough for now. I think you'd do better making a lot of small stuff. Ribbons to tie onto horns or whatever."

"I make dresses. Not those things," Orisa muttered. She marked out a few more lines on her slate, then glanced over at the bundle. "What's that?"

"Probably a mistake." Ririsa tugged on the knot keeping the cloth tied together. The ends fell apart, revealing... a television. "... shopkeeper said they started running repeaters down into the caves."

"I really think I've seen enough of those things," Maeri sighed, but leaned over to inspect it. "Still... it would be nice to find out what's going on up there. Whether or not Touko is still on the loose, at the very least."

"Yeah, exactly. If we don't keep an eye on the news, we'll never know when it's safe to head back up, right?"

"Not worried about Touko," Orisa said. "... that wolf."

There was an uncomfortable silence. None of them wanted to admit that they were afraid of a tengu. They just were. It was a simple fact of life. Maeri was the one to break it. "Well, it's about time for the news anyway, right? We might as well see what it says."

She turned the television on and flopped back to sit amidst the mess on the floor. Hina's chipper expression beamed out from the television, and all three kappa immediately glanced aside guiltily. The studio was tied to some distinctly bad memories in their heads.

Today's news seemed pretty routine. The Hakurei shrine had held a festival for a holiday nobody had ever heard of to try drumming up revenue. Religious tensions had flared up after a hermit's personal jiang-shi was discovered trying to eat a Jizo statue. A firefly youkai had been offering to keep people's crops bug-free in exchange for a small payment of food.

"Boring," Orisa grumbled.

"It must be a slow news day," Maeri said.

The scene switched back from a brief interview with the firefly youkai back to the studio. "That's all we have for tonight. Thank you for watching, Gensokyo!" Hina said cheerfully from the speakers. "Before we play the next program, we have a brief announcement of station-related business. Have a good evening!"

There were a few seconds of muffled off-screen conversation and movement. A squat box slid across the desk to rest near the center of the screen.

Rumi stepped out behind it.

Ririsa stared at the TV in a mix of annoyance and disbelief. "What in the heck is she doing on there?"

"Maybe if you're quiet, we can find out," Maeri said.

"Good, um, good evening, Gensokyo," Rumi said, with her eyes drifting around everywhere but the camera. "I'm, um... I'm the station's new, um, research and development head, and I wanted to show you... this."

Somebody said something offscreen, too low to understand. Rumi looked toward the speaker, and they had a brief, whispered exchange. A hand poked in offscreen and offered her a card. She accepted it and read from it, with all the natural grace and charisma of a turnip. "A-ah, um! It's called the holographic... television. Now you, um, you too can see all of your... many favorite shows and movies.. in deli-full—" A sharp whisper corrected her offscreen. "Oh, delightful... 3D. We hope that you will enjoy this, um, product, which will soon be available from... from our retail business partners. Um. So. … here it is."

Rumi lowered the card and squatted down behind the desk to press a button on the box. Above it, lights flickered in the air, and soon settled into a scene from a movie, with little three-dimensional cars the size of Rumi's hand engaged in a late-night chase, screeching around obstacles within the confines of the box. Rumi beamed down at the scene and poked a finger into one of the cars, making it shimmer and distort. "We're still kind of working on it, but, um, I like it. It feels really trapping movie people inside a flat little box, even if they're just—"

Before she could finish that thought, the device jolted beneath her finger. The illusionary cars flickered and vanished in a puff of static, and sparks and smoke exploded out from the side. Rumi stumbled back with a surprised squeak. Several voices started shouting all at once, and somebody rushed forward to dump a bucket of water over the whole mess.

The screen went black. A few seconds later, with no transition or explanation, a movie started.

"And yet we're supposedly the dangerous ones," Maeri sighed.

Coughing, Rumi waved a hand to clear the last of the smoke from in front of her face. On the desk, the holographic television prototype was still giving the occasional sizzle deep in its guts, but for the most part, it seemed thoroughly dead. The water slowly dripped to the floor, forming a puddle beneath her feet.

"I'm sorry...! I don't know what happened... It was working fine before. Um. Maybe it doesn't like it when I touch the holograms like that..."

"Well, you can always try again." Hina sat the bucket aside, then paused, frowning thoughtfully. "I hope water isn't too bad for it?"

"I think catching on fire is a lot worse for it. Maybe it will be ready tomorrow..."

"But in the meantime, there's, like, a gigantic puddle of water on the desk," Hatate said. She was reclined behind the mixing desk, with her feet propped up on one of the few areas that wasn't covered in buttons. She didn't look up from her camera as she spoke. "Maybe, yannow, clean that up? That shopkeeper's show starts in half an hour, and he'll be coming by to set up or whatever soon."

"Oh! Right. … sorry." Rumi sat the television aside and searched around until she found a towel to start swabbing the puddle up with.

The door to the maintenance room opened, and Nitori stepped out. "Jeez, what was all that noise? … did you guys set something on fire out here?"

There was no immediate answer. Mostly, because Nitori was in an outfit unlike any of them had ever seen on her—a white tank top with fat gray stripes, a blue blouse unbuttoned over it, and a pair of forest green shorts. She had a purse.

Every eye was on Nitori, and she shrunk back under the attention, blushing and glancing aside. "What are you staring at me for?! I asked a question!"

"O-oh, um, right...! It..." Rumi hefted the still-dripping prototype and gave it a demonstrative shake. Something inside rattled. There were not supposed to be rattly parts in there. "It died."

"Eh? Do you know what went wrong?"

Rumi shook her head.

"Do you even know what component failed or anything?"

"If I knew how it worked, I wouldn't be able to make it..."

Nitori held her gaze for a moment, then shook her head, sighing to herself. "Right, yeah. Well, keep at it. You can borrow my tools if you need, but don't let your dog around them. The last time he got ahold of them, they were all... slobbery."

"Right...!"

"Today's your first date with Sanae, isn't it?" Hina asked, smiling.

"A-ah, uh, I guess it is, huh? It almost slipped my mind." Nitori gave a nervous laugh and crossed over to stand closer to the others. "She said she didn't want to make a big deal of it, so I should wear 'modern, casual' clothes. Like that means anything to me, jeez."

"I mean, she's dating a kappa," Hatate said. "As long as you don't show up, like, covered in industrial solvent, you'll probably be doing better than her expectations."

"Shut up! I'm already nervous, and you aren't really helping!"

"I'm sure you'll do fine," Hina said. "You and Sanae have talked plenty of times, right? Just think of it as another conversation, and try not to worry too much."

"Easier said than done..."

"And..." Hina hesitated with a sigh, glancing aside guiltily. "Please let her know that I'm sorry, again. I... think that spending so much time around my misfortune is the reason she got shot."

"The reason she got shot is that Touko pointed a gun at her and pulled the trigger. Don't beat yourself up about it." After a moment, Nitori added, "... seriously, though, we need to do something else to make it safer. Maybe get yousome kind of coat with charms woven into it."

"Oh! Oh! Um." As usual, Rumi's mind was about five seconds behind in the conversation, and her mouth was still lagging behind that. "I know a little about dating! Maeri and Orisa were dating, I think. I think, um... I think to date right, you mostly have to comb each other's hair and make presents for each other."

Nitori frowned at this. "Why would you want to date someone who can't even comb their own hair? Anyway, I need to get moving, or I'm going to be late. Until I get back, Hatate's in charge."

Hop. Hop. Hop.

In some ways, being a frog was simpler than being a person. You could take a nap whenever you wanted, and nobody would complain about you being lazy. You could eat whenever you wanted, and nobody would complain about you ruining your diet. When it got too hot, you just stayed in the water, and when it got too cold, you hibernated and waited it out. As far as Suwako was concerned, frogs had life pretty well figured out. Everybody else overcomplicated things.

"Suwako! Suwako, I know you're out here."

Like Kanako. Kanako always had some plan in motion, and wanted to be bustling from place to place while she carried it out. She hadn't yet figured out the secret of the frog: The best plan was one that let you relax and wait until whatever you were looking for just happened to drift by. In a frog's case, that mostly meant flies, but Suwako was perfectly willing to lower her standards if it meant she got to relax.

She waddled her way past a few clumps of grass and under a broad-leafed plant, then huddled up in the shade under its stalk. Above, she could hear Kanako stomping back and forth, brushing through the foliage with her hand. "Suwako, if you don't come out, it's mealworms for dinner again."

She wasn't going to be lured out that easily. Suwako crept back, putting a few more centimeters between herself and the searching hand.

It was apparently the wrong move. Kanako gave a triumphant, "Aha!" and before Suwako could react, a hand shot down and scooped her up. Kanako raised her up until Suwako was looking her face to face, with each of Kanako's eyes nearly the size of Suwako's entire head. "There you are. You know that the plans I'm working on are for your benefit, so I'm not sure why you're so intent on not helping out."

"Ribbit."

"Yes, it's a lot of work. That doesn't mean we shouldn't do it."

"Ribbit."

"No, I'm not going to do it all myself. Now, come on. If we start soon, we'll be done by dinner time, and you can goof off all evening." Kanako relaxed her grip as she turned back toward the shrine, and Suwako took her chance. She lunged forward, hopping out of Kanako's grip. For just a moment, she was flying through the air in blessed freedom... and then Kanako's hands closed around her. She wriggled free again, and soon, was bouncing in the air, flitting from freedom to captivity moment by moment as Kanako struggled to keep her contained. "D-dear, you are really starting to piss me off...!"

"A-ah, uh. Hey." Nitori's voice came from somewhere outside Suwako's view, and it distracted her for just enough for Kanako to get a good grip on her. She didn't seem prepared to relinquish it any time soon, either. "I'm not... disturbing something, am I?"

"Oh, no," Kanako said. "Suwako here is just being a brat. Dear—" Kanako gave a threatening squeeze, just enough to make Suwako squirm again, "—Nitori is here for her date with Sanae. You should really say hi."

"Ribbit."

"In human form."

Suwako squirmed again, but there was no escaping this. The writing was on the wall. After another few seconds of resistance, she caved in and pulled on her faith, manifesting her normal human body. To soften the blow of defeat a little, though, she immediately leaned back against Kanako, looking as casual as she could, as if the whole thing had been her idea all along. "I don't even know what there is to say," she said, with an expansive sigh toward the sky. "It's no fun teasing you about courting Sanae if you're actually doing it."

"I-it's not courtship!" Nitori sputtered. "We're just going on a date...!"

"What do you think courtship is?"

Kanako ignored Suwako's attempts to tease Nitori. "I'd normally be against Sanae dating a youkai, but she says you helped save her life. I suppose that counts for something."

"Yeah, gee, thanks."

"She's still getting ready, but I'll tell her you've arrived." Seeing Suwako start trying to sneak off, Kanako rested a hand on her shoulder, giving it a warning squeeze. "We were just heading inside, weren't we dear?"

"Funny you mention that, since I actually just remembered I need to run down to the village for—w-whoa!" Kanako tugged Suwako toward the shrine, and her protests were cut off. She pouted the entire way, but Kanako didn't show a moment of sympathy. Truly, she had the heart of a snake.

"Sanae!" Kanako called, once they were inside. "Nitori is waiting for you outside."

"Ah! Alright!" Sanae's voice came from the direction of her room. "I'll be right out!"

"And as for you..." Kanako's gaze turned toward Suwako, and she gave her a gentle push toward the living room table. "We aren't getting up until we have a plan to get fifty new worshipers for the shrine by the end of the month. If you aren't back at full power soon, some of the other gods will take advantage of it to move in on our territory."

"Fiiiiiiine. But I get to watch TV." Suwako leaned across the table to turn it on. It hummed to life, displaying Rinnosuke, holding up a blender and very seriously reviewing its components.

Kanako eyed the TV. "You're just looking for an excuse to not pay attention, aren't you?"

"What? No!" Suwako gasped, sounding mortally offended. "Haven't you watched this show before? It's great! Last week he thought an egg beater was some kind of weapon!"

"And this is entertaining, is it?"

"Ah, it's the best, trust me on this."

"Good evening, and welcome to Collectibles Corner. On this program, I examine the many devices from the outside world, and explain their purposes. It's both informative and educational." Without any further introduction, Rinnosuke reached under the desk and produced the controller for an RC car. He laid it out in front of the camera with silent solemnity. Suwako shot Kanako a look of anticipation. "For today's first exhibit, I'll be talking about this device, which is called a 'radio-control car controller.' This device is used to control vehicles in the outside world. I believe that the benefits are that it allows one to drive from positions other than the normal driver's seat. Now, if you look here, you'll see that there are two levers..."

"What do you mean technical difficulties?!" Nitori snapped.

The kappa in front of them glanced back at the doorway she was guarding, then leaned in conspiratorially. "If you want to get technical, the difficulty is that the movie isn't starting yet because the show before it is running over. There's this gray-haired guy and he just won't shut up."

"... Rinnosuke." Nitori groaned.

"Oh! That's right, his show is tonight, isn't it? And we left Hina and Hatate there all alone with him..."

"Jeez. That was a mistake. I guess we just have to hope Hatate will shut him up. Hina's too nice. If it was just her, he'd probably keep going until he passed out."

Nitori sighed, but there was nothing she could do about it. They said their thanks to the guard and stepped back to join the rest of the crowd mingling around the perimeter.

In the center of the clearing was a hastily-erected amphitheater, with a fence around it and a stenciled sign above the single entrance that read 'GENSOKYO THEATER.' At the lowest point of the bowl-shaped structure, there was a collapsible cloth screen, with a projector somewhere. Showing normal kappa ingenuity, a group of them had erected the entire structure nearly overnight a few days ago, including the excavation for the foundation.

… and Nitori hadn't heard a word about it until it had been completed and Hatate had gone to cover it for the news.

She crossed her arms, scowling down at the structure. "It still really bugs me. We did all the work of setting up the TV station, and these jerks come in and start showing our programs to people! … if we weren't on a date, I'd be tracking down whoever's in charge and giving them a piece of my mind."

"But we are on a date," Sanae gently reminded her. She leaned over and hugged Nitori from behind. "So you should relax and try to enjoy yourself!"

"A-a-ah, uh, um. Yeah. R-right." Being hugged by Sanae from that angle was a very interesting sensation. Squishy. Nitori reached up to tug her hat down to hide her blushing face, only to remember that she hadn't worn it. Damn date clothes. "... so this kind of thing is really what outside world humans do on date?"

"Mmhm!" Sanae released the hug and straightened up. "They call it 'dinner and a movie'! Dinner will come after, though."

"It seems a lot easier to just watch the movies at home."

"Going out makes it special, though! And you get to dress up!"

Sanae stepped away and spun to show off her outfit again. She'd dressed in a t-shirt and skirt, with her hair back in a ponytail. Nitori only knew it was what passed for 'casual' among humans because Sanae had described it to her. Her own idea of a casual outfit had a loop for holding your wrench and a waterproof pocket for storing blueprints. She still couldn't deny that Sanae looked very nice, in the hard-to-describe way that she'd started noticing ever since humans' weird ideas about romance had wormed their way into her head.

"Yeah, I guess there's that."

"And! You get to have popcorn!"

"... popcorn?"

"It's like corn that bursts open and pushes its guts out!"

"So, er, it's a weapon?"

"Huh? No, you eat it. Trust me, it's good! … I guess they don't have it in Gensokyo, though."

The kappa by the gate stepped forward and tugged the latch aside, waving a hand in the air for attention. "Alright, folks!" She pulled the gate open, with a squeak of metal. "The show is about to start! Please take your seats!"

"Oh!" Sanae grabbed Nitori's hand and smiled back to her, pulling her forward. "Follow me! I'm an expert at picking movie seats."

Sanae hurried toward the gate, leaving Nitori scrambling to catch up. She was nearly one of the first to step through it, after handing her ticket off to the guard, and chose a seat about a third of the way from the bottom. Soon, the projector at the back of the clearing came to life, and the station's current broadcast flickered into view on the screen, four meters tall. The last few seconds of Rinnosuke's show rolled to the end of one of his long-winded explanations, and a swelling orchestra announced the parade of logos at the start of a movie.

Nitori craned her neck to look back at the speakers. "This actually isn't a bad setup they have here," she whispered. "I'm kind of jealous we didn't think of it first. I bet there's basically no overhead once you're up and running..."

Sanae smirked over. "You're even thinking about that kind of stuff right now, huh? You've become a real businesswoman!"

"Ehe. I've learned from the best."

"While I was recovering from that fight, I had to watch a lot of TV, so I actually had a lot of ideas for improving the station! It's going to be really busy once I'm back full time. But, this is still a date. So, here!" Sanae's hand slid over and rested on Nitori's interlacing their fingers and giving it a squeeze. She flushed slightly, but smiled. "I'll teach you about this stuff, too."

Nitori gave a shaky nod and turned her eyes back to the screen, where they stayed glued until the credits were long over.