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CHAPTER 4

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Frowning, Tammy stared out the window of the passenger seat of Ron's car. He was taking her home - to her house, and even though ordinarily she would have been excited that she'd somehow convinced him to come back with her, she couldn't feel anything positive right now. She felt a sense of dread and nausea in her stomach, not the exhilarating, warm, fiery glow she ordinarily felt when she was in Ron's presence.

She was fairly confident that she could convince him to get back with her if she wanted to. At this point, he seemed to almost care about her, which would make seducing him easier than ever. After what she'd just experienced though, she didn't even want to try. She could hardly believe it herself, but it was true. She didn't want to do anything like that... Not even with Ron. Not right now.

Getting Ron's attention was one of her biggest goals in life. She wanted him to feel jealous and possessive and lustful and all the most damaging emotions that came along with relationships other people would consider toxic. That's what she had been aiming for tonight, but she had gotten something else entirely, something confusing. Ron was giving her attention, but didn't seem to care that she had nothing exciting and dangerous to offer back to him. He hadn't looked at her with lust, passion, anger, or jealousy in his eyes. He had looked worried - and not in the way she was used to. He hadn't been worried about what she was going to do. He was scared for her, not of her.

Tammy pulled the jacket he'd lent her closer around herself and glanced toward the driver's seat, where Ron sat. His eyes were on the road and he looked entirely serious. She wondered what he was thinking right now. Maybe she had made him jealous... Maybe he did expect something sexual to happen between them. She hoped not. For once in her life, she really just wanted to snuggle under a blanket and do nothing.

"Is it this one?" Ron asked as he pulled up in front of her house.

She nodded before realizing he couldn't really see her in the dark. "Yeah," she answered. He'd never been to her house before.

Ron parked the car and came around to her side, opening her door and offering his hand out to her. She hesitated for a moment before taking it and letting him pull her up to her feet.

They made their way up to the door, where Tammy paused and looked over toward Ron. "You don't have to stay," she told him. She really didn't feel like playing with him right now. For once in her adult life, she honestly wasn't interested attempting to get back together with him. Even though she knew it would be so easy to reel him back in at this point, she just didn't feel like doing so. She felt defeated and really couldn't bring herself to care.

"I could come in for a minute," Ron offered. "...If you want," he added after a small pause.

Tammy smiled up at him, but felt a hint of tears stinging at her eyes. She wished she knew what he was thinking. She did want him to come inside. She didn't want to be by herself right now... But for once, she really wasn't in the mood for crazy sex, which was usually the only way she could convince Ron to come anywhere near her.

"It's up to you," he said, apparently noticing the fact that she felt conflicted. "I'm not trying anything," he added. "Just if you want to talk, or just don't want to be by yourself, I can come in and sit with you for a while. Nothing more. I promise."

Tammy swallowed a lump in her throat. This was weird. Why did he want anything to do with her if she had nothing to offer back to him? If they weren't having rough, passionate sex, why did he even want to be there? He never seemed to want to be with her unless they were doing something very dirty, very stupid, very illegal, or some combination of the three. She was never able to lure him back with anything less than raw passion and insanity, and they weren't exactly friends even when they were married. Even during their best days together, they never really sat around talking.

He continued looking down at her, waiting for her answer. He didn't ask again. He just continued patiently waiting for her response.

"Alright." She finally nodded. She opened the front door and he followed her inside. "Do you want something to drink?" she asked.

"I'm fine," he declined.

She turned around and watched him looking around the living room. She didn't have much in terms of decorations. No family photos, nothing on the walls, really... just a sofa, a coffee table, and a shelf full of books. She'd never really turned this house into much of a home. "You can sit down if you want." She offered as she sat down on her couch. She didn't have any other chairs in the room besides the one sofa, so he'd have to sit next to her if he took her up on that offer. She wasn't sure if he would be willing to do that.

Ron slowly sat down next to her and appeared to purposefully keep his distance as best as he could. "You know you can get those guys in trouble for what they did, right?" he finally spoke. "I saw them too. I'll back up your story. We can describe them to the cops... The bar may even have security cameras. You don't have to let them get away with this."

Tammy sighed and closed her eyes. She really didn't want to deal with that right now. "I know," she told him. She opened her eyes and stared across the room at the wall. She couldn't believe how awful tonight had been. What started as an attempt to win back the love of her life, even if only for one ill-advised night of passion had devolved into the most terrifying moment she'd ever experienced.

She knew the things she did were irrational and absurd. She was well aware of the fact that a lot of her ideas weren't exactly normal. Normal people didn't make out with strangers to mess with the head of an ex they knew full well was no longer in love with them. Normal people didn't put insane mind games above their own safety. A normal person wouldn't have decided that the chance of making their ex feel jealous was worth the risk of leaving a bar with two six foot tall strangers. She'd gotten them excited and then waited until she was alone with them in the dark before rejecting them. It wasn't a good idea, and she knew it... But she'd done it anyway, because she couldn't help herself. Insanity and jealousy won out over logic and care every day in her mind, especially when Ron was involved.

"I don't know what exactly they did to you, Tammy," Ron started, "and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to... but they shouldn't get away with it. You didn't deserve any of that, and they do deserve to face consequences for it."

"I told you already, Ron. They didn't do anything that bad. You scared them away before they could," Tammy told him.

"Tammy..." Ron stared at her with a somewhat shocked expression as he shook his head. "Even if they didn't quite get to the worst part, they still attacked you! I'm sure you didn't get down on your knees and have that guy holding you in place on your own. I'm sure those bruises up and down your arms, and on your jaw... those finger-shaped bruises on your legs... I'm sure all that didn't just show up on its own. They hurt you, Tammy. Maybe they didn't actually rape you, but they tried to, and along the way, they were violent and they hurt you."

Frowning, Tammy stared back at him. She was going to sort this out her own way. Ron didn't need to tell her that what Charlie and Max did was wrong. She knew it was. That didn't mean she wanted to get the policed involved. She could pay them back better by herself.

"And even if they didn't do anything that you feel is significant, they did try. They thought it was okay for them to force themselves on you, and they would have if the circumstances had been different," Ron reminded her.

Tammy shook her head. She'd already decided she didn't want to deal with this right now. "It's fine," she said. She didn't like what had happened, but she also didn't like the idea of going to the police. There were other ways to get even with people. She leveled the playing field without police involvement all the time. Those two guys may have thought they got away with assaulting her, but they'd learn otherwise soon enough.

"Well, it's not fine, Tammy." Ron frowned at her. "You're a deranged psychopath, but that doesn't mean people can treat you like that. There's nothing you could have done to justify what they did."

She nodded, but didn't respond. She knew the men who attacked her weren't justified in doing so. He didn't need to tell her that. But she wasn't going to do anything about it just yet. She'd settle it later. "Just let me sleep on it, okay?" She requested, mostly to get him to stop pestering her about it. She already knew how she was going to solve this, but Ron probably wasn't going to like her method, so she'd tell him a variation of what he wanted to hear so he'd stop asking. "I'll decide what to do in the morning."

Ron sighed. "Alright... I'm not trying to annoy you, Tammy... I just hate that they did that."

Tammy nodded and exhaled. She knew Ron was only trying to help. That was both comforting and depressing. Why did he want to help her? He hated her... It hadn't even been an hour yet since he'd painfully rejected her and told her to get lost. He wanted nothing to do with her. Everything he said to her was an insult. She couldn't understand why he would care if someone got away with assaulting her. She almost expected him to tell her she'd deserved it.

"Ron?" she spoke up in a small voice as she glanced over toward him and leaned back against the couch.

"Yeah?" He looked back.

"Did you find me on purpose?" Tammy wondered. "I mean, why did you go outside when you did? Were you looking for me?" She wondered if her plan had worked after all - not entirely how she had hoped, but still something worth appreciation.

"I was worried," Ron answered quite simply.

"You were?" Tammy wondered with a furrowed brow.

"Yes. I saw you kissing those two guys..." he started, "and I won't lie... I wasn't thrilled about that, but I was determined to not let you suck me back in. I did know why you were doing it - I knew you didn't really care about those men and that you were doing it all for show - to get me to notice and feel jealous. I forced myself not to care, because I didn't want to be with you and knew I couldn't tell you not to be with anyone else... but I got worried for your sake when you left with them. They seemed like creeps. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"You did?" Tammy frowned. She felt her shoulders slump. The thought of Ron looking at her with anything other than jealousy, lust, or rage confused the hell out of her. She could barely believe he had made an extra effort just to check on her, that he'd come after her not in hopes of scoring a night of ill-advised passion, but just to make sure she was physically alright. Not many people on the planet had ever seemed to make such an effort with her in mind.

Ron leaned back against the cushion too and exhaled as he stared back at her. "Tammy... It's no secret that you and I don't exactly get along. You cause me more stress than literally anyone else on earth. But I'm always going to care about you on some level, whether I want to or not."

"Really?" Tammy frowned back at him. He certainly never seemed to give a damn about her before. But then, she was kind of harsh with him. Maybe she was just a difficult person to care about.

"Yes, really." Ron furrowed his brow as he looked at her. "Of course I care about you, Tammy. You piss me off a lot, and any sort of relationship between us seems to be doomed to be volatile and verging on abusive, both ways, but I'm always going to care about you. You make me excited, angry, jealous, pissed off, scared, numb, insane, and everything in between. It's not healthy, but it's worth something. I wouldn't ever feel that kind of twisted passion toward someone I don't care about on some level."

Tammy sighed and brought her feet up onto the couch cushion. "I'm sorry I'm so crazy, Ron." She frowned and shook her head. She didn't ordinarily admit to being anything less than sane, but deep down she knew her behaviors were quite often pretty absurd. It was sometimes just difficult for her to realize that fact until well after she'd done something completely messed up and scared the hell out of everyone around her.

"It's not all on you, Tammy." Ron shrugged as he put his arm over the back of the couch how he used to when they were married. It used to be an invitation for her to lean over and snuggle up against him. She wasn't sure if he intended for it to have the same meaning right now though.

Tammy swallowed nervously as she scooted over a bit closer. She really didn't want Ron to tell her to back off, but she also longed to feel his arms around her again, to make her feel safe and secure. She didn't need anything more than that right now. "I bring out the worst in you and I-"

"You can't bring out something that isn't there." Ron interrupted with a small smile and raised eyebrows. "You bring out my insanity, but you couldn't bring it out if it wasn't a part of me. You make me crazy; I make you crazy." He shrugged. "My crazy and your crazy combine to form something completely terrifying. It's not your fault any more than it is mine."

Tammy smiled back at him and slowly leaned against him. He didn't object. She laid her head against his chest and closed her eyes as she felt his arm wrap securely around her shoulders. "Thank you for coming out to check on me," she finally told him. He would never have any idea how grateful she was that he'd come outside when he did. "And for chasing them away."

"No problem," Ron spoke in a calm, low voice as he hugged her close.

"I was really scared, Ron," Tammy whispered. "I do really dumb things all the time... I do things even I know are insane. I knew it wasn't a good idea to go out there with them... I knew that. When I was out there and they wouldn't let me go, I was pretty sure no one was going to stop them..." She felt herself shaking slightly at the memory. The two men had been so strong, and so forceful. She wasn't even confident that they weren't going to kill her once they were done with her.

"You're safe now," Ron reminded her as he moved his hand softly over her arm.

Tammy nodded. He was right. She was safe, thanks to him. She closed her eyes again as she leaned against his side with her hands on his chest. She was glad he didn't seem to want to do anything crazy right now, because for first time she could remember, she didn't either. For now, this setup was entirely perfect.

She wished she and Ron could make things work between them, but she just didn't think she had it in her to be the person he wanted her to be. She couldn't help herself. He really did make her feel certifiably insane. Maybe they never would be together long-term. It simply wasn't meant to be... But in this moment, she felt what their relationship could have been if they each had the ability to permanently turn off the crazy that they brought out in each other, and it felt really, really nice. It was a relationship she would have liked, but not one she could honestly pull off.

It wasn't going to be like this forever. Tammy didn't work that way... That didn't mean she couldn't enjoy this feeling while it was here. She snuggled closer against his chest and smiled. Everything would stay the same - she and Ron weren't ever going to have the relationship he seemed to want and she knew it, but that was okay with her. She could keep chasing after him like a lunatic later. For now, she was going to enjoy just feeling safe and normal for once.

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THE END

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Hope you liked it. I tried to keep them both in character while exploring a very serious, scary situation. I also kind of left the ending somewhat open - they are getting along in that moment, but it's kind of up to you if you think this could strengthen their relationship and maybe help them get back together or not. I feel like they are both extremely compatible and extremely incompatible at the same time. Maybe chaotic-compatible.