Mission candidates

''How about a change of surroundings?''

''Where did that come from?''

Tsunade wasn't wasting time now when Orochimaru finally got to her office, so she got straight to the point and that was sending him away, to both get some peace because he won't be around and some money, because the mission was a well paid one.

''Here is why,'' Tsunade said to an already grumpy shinobi. ''Yesterday you yelled for two hours because a nurse brought you a wrong Petri dish.''

''The other dish contained an important bacteria,'' he said flatly, as if yelling was totally acceptable and appropriate reaction.

''Then last week you attacked four genins because they were using your favorite training area. Needless to say, you didn't need it for training in months.''

''What's your point?''

''You should take a break.''

''I disagree.''

''You know I am right. Your work is exhausting and frustrating because your experiments don't go according to your plans. You should take a creative break.''

''Doing what exactly?'' he sighed with annoyance.

''For a start, go on undercover mission,'' she proposed, smiling.

''I don't need to be undercover. I can kill every witness, it has never been a problem for me.''

''The killing is not requested.''

''Boring.''

''With a partner it won't be.''

''You know I prefer working by myself. I don't trust others.''

''Of course you don't, when you are always hiding something.''

''Look, Tsunade, I am not interested into this mission. Don't interrupt my work any more.''

''If you walk out now, I will confiscate everything you have stolen from the pharmacy.''

Leaving Hokage's office was put off because Orochimaru looked his friend straight in the eyes and started to yell. Again.

''How dare you accusing me of such a thing? I got your approval. Every single time.''

''And what about the amount?'' Hokage asked pointedly.

''Oh well, it was a miscalculation, I simply needed more than I anticipated, so-''

Orochimaru's lame excuse was interrupted when young kunoichi entered Hokage's office.

''Tsunade-sama, you summoned me!''

''I did, Ino.''

''Oh you seem in the middle of something,'' Ino said, now noticing she wasn't the only person in the room. ''I was told you needed me as soon as possible, but I will leave so you could finish-''

''Ino, calm down,'' Hokage said and prevented Ino's departure. ''You arrived just in time to meet your husband for a mission.''

''What?''

''What?''

Ino stared at Orochimaru open-mouthed and then looked at Tsunade as if she was searching for a sign she misunderstood. Orochimaru glanced at the young kunoichi with a frown and then spoke to his friend.

''Your joke isn't funny, Tsunade.''

''I knew she was joking,'' Ino said with a relief.

''I am dead serious. You two are going on an undercover mission as a married couple.''

Orochimaru sighed, as if Tsunade was giving him a headache.

''And who is foolish enough to believe the two of us are married?'' he asked as if it was proposed he was married to a tree.

''You are going to make it believable. And the client requested it. The note about the mission conditions said his wife is young and attractive and he is not.''

''So my ugliness and age make me a perfect candidate. Persuasion was never your strong side, Tsunade.''

''Oh? So how come I am the one behind this desk giving orders?

Tsunade actually enjoyed provoking Orochimaru whose frown was deepening. He disliked his partner, but she was also trying to get away from this assignment.

''Okay, so the wife needs to be younger,'' Ino said and Tsunade nodded. ''Why Sakura can't do it? Or Hinata? Or-''

''Because you already have an experience in pretending to be someone's wife,'' Hokage explained.

''It's not that complicated, anyone can-''

''You are anyone this time, end of discussion.''

Now Ino sighed quietly, as if she was starting to accept the given task. But Orochimaru wasn't a quitter.

''Here you have a fifteen-year-old wife. I am certain the older husband doesn't have to be my age.''

Tsunade almost laughed because Orochimaru deliberately didn't describe himself as too old. But neither she was about to give up.

''We don't know details about this couple and both of you are skilled with disguise.''

''And why didn't you find out details? It could be a trap,'' Orochimaru persisted.

''That's why you are the one going as Ino's husband!'' Tsunade said victoriously, waiting for this question the whole time. ''The five people who are able to kill you are in Konoha so Ino will be perfectly safe as your wife.''

Orochimaru fell silent, probably because of too many people stronger than him, not the fact he was the best candidate to be Ino's older husband.

''And what about the duration?'' Ino asked quietly. ''I mean, for how long we will have to, you know.''

''You are supposed to meet with the client some time tomorrow. He will give you the instructions and additional information. I also think the place of your assignment isn't within the boarders of a Fire country, so I won't count on your return for at least three weeks.''

''Three weeks?'' Ino breathed. ''But I can't, I-''

''Three weeks?'' Orochimaru repeated. ''I can't lose that much time!''

''You are wasting time while you are arguing here with me,'' Tsunade said. ''You could have been packed already and getting to know each other. I mean, at least learn the real age of your spouse.''

''If you are trying to say she is younger than fifteen, I am not a babysitter.''

''I am older than that, Orochimaru-sama,'' Ino said evenly. ''And I believe Tsunade-sama thinks we are both acting like children.''

''I do, because you are grown-ups and this should be an easy task,'' Tsunade explained.

''Easy? For three weeks faking marriage and smooching, holding hands and whispering sweet nothings?'' Orochimaru muttered angrily.

''No, Orochimaru, you are confusing love and marriage. What you said is common for young couples, and you are married. You have been complaining ever since you got here and you can't stand each other, as if you were married for a decade. Your pretense will be excellent!''

Freshly married Ino and Orochimaru rolled their eyes. At the same time.

''Here you have all the necessary information,'' Tsunade waved with a little piece of paper and Ino took it.

''The client expects us tomorrow?'' Ino asked.

''That's right. Don't even think about not showing up,'' Tsunade said, looking at her friend. ''There will be a fine if you arrive late. Or if you don't arrive.''

''What should we take?'' Ino asked before Orochimaru managed to complain again, Tsunade could tell from his angry face.

''I recommend a bit of everything. You will hear the instructions right on the spot and the client is wealthy enough, so you can buy anything you need.''

''Oh I get it now why this mission is of great importance. You probably set an enormous price for our services and you will be spending it-''

''Oh will you cut off with the nagging?'' a male voice interrupted Orochimaru's complaint and Jiraiya peaked from outside the window. ''Tsunade is sending you away to spend three weeks with this beauty and you act as if it is some kind of punishment!''

''Jiraiya, I told you million times I don't want you to listen in!'' Tsunade frowned.

''I wanted to be a part of this mission,'' Jiraiya continued, ignoring Tsunade. ''A rich man having a beautiful young wife by his side. If I was the husband, the mission would probably last longer, on mutual satisfaction.''

''Jiraiya!''

Tsunade yelled so loudly Jiraiya couldn't be seen anymore. He either fell or jumped on the ground, seeking a shelter from the mad Hokage.

''Just for the record,'' Tsunade sighed as if she was tired, ''this mission is not my way of punishing you for something. I am counting on you because you are both reliable and you will keep a cool head whatever happens. Yes, the payment is good too, but you will also get a nice cut. Any questions?''

''Why don't you and Jiraiya go?'' Orochimaru asked casually. ''You can't stand him, as it is normal between spouses, he would flirt with other women, which is also common for married men and-''

Orochimaru shut up when Tsunade got up. He maybe had a tongue, but Tsunade had the power.

''I was trying to be nice and friendly, but I am done. Three weeks from now you will turn in your reports as well as the report from the client. If I find one word I dislike, you will pay for my next vacation. For the start, I am reducing your salary for this mission. Now get out.''

''And what if-''

''Orochimaru, if you don't leave this office within two seconds, you will be doing this kind of missions for a year!''

Tsunade knew Orochimaru never cared about money, so threatening him with undercover missions was more effective. While leaving the office as soon as possible, he almost bumped into Ino who was on her way out after the first warning.

Hokage took her seat again when the door closed.

For this one time she was looking forward to read the mission report.