September 18, 2011

Emma sighed as she wiped down the counter. Another Sunday, another dinner with David and Mary Margaret. She loved her brother and sister-in-law, she really did. She even mostly enjoyed their weekly tradition of meeting up for a meal and dishing about that week's happenings. However, the fact that it had been instituted in the wake of Killian's departure...that appealed less.

Oh, Killian. After their unfortunate hookup on New Year's Eve - not because it hadn't been great, because oh my god, had it ever been pleasurable - things had shifted. Emma felt the horror and embarrassment creep over her anew as she remembered his face, his "wanting to talk" the subsequent morning. While she could hardly delude herself into thinking he hadn't wanted that night, wanted her that night, she had been pretty damn certain it was only for that night. And she couldn't face him trying to kindly let her down. He was her best friend, and she just couldn't deal with that, with being a pity fuck to him.

Heading down the hallway to her bedroom to get dressed, she thought back to the girls' night in February when she'd finally confessed to Elsa what had happened between her and Killian.

They'd been out together, the six of them - Emma, Ruby, Elsa, Mulan, Belle, and Merida (Mary Margaret had bailed on them for a couple's game night with Anna and Kristoff) - when Emma had finally broken. Ruby had been needling her for weeks about the sudden lack of Killian-and-Emma Instagram posts and wondering at her sudden availability for hanging out regularly.

They had been drinking pretty heavily down at the Rabbit Hole for around three hours when Ruby finally honed in on her. "So, Emma, whatever happened to lover boy? I haven't seen Jones sniffing around your house for a while now. Hard to believe anything could tear him away…" All of this was said with a positively lupine grin and an accompanying (perfectly arched) raised eyebrow.

"Nothing, Ruby. It's fine."

"I'm sure, buttercup, but I was more curious about why he bailed on town. I heard he's gone back to England, but he and I don't exactly keep up with each other these days," she said, reaching out for Mulan's hand and squeezing gently.

Emma stopped, nearly spilling her double whiskey and coke, the glass' contents sloshing over the side from the force of its fall onto the table. "What? Killian's gone?!" Elsa and Belle looked at her sympathetically, while all the others except Ruby averted their gaze.

The tall brunette was incredulous. "You didn't know?! It was all the gossip down at the diner for days when he headed out last week. He told Granny he had gotten a job in-" Mulan had grabbed Ruby's arm and was digging her nails into her girlfriend's arm, having noticed Emma's distress.

Bile was rising in her throat. "Excuse me, I need to go outside for a minute," she managed to croak before all but running out the bar's door. Chest heaving, she leaned against the side of the building willing the tears not to flow.

"Emma, honey?" Elsa's kind, melodious voice echoed over to her, and she felt her friend's gentle hand on her shoulder.

"I, I didn't know."

Elsa's hand drew soothing patterns on her back. "I'm sorry. We thought you knew, since Killian is your best friend."

"We slept together. On New Year's Eve." Emma looked at Elsa defiantly, daring her to judge.

The only look that met her was one of paradoxically puzzled understanding. "Forgive me, Em, but I was under the impression that that was, er, the norm?"

"No. We weren't together. Not like that, just-"

"So what happened?"

"You want details?!" Emma's incredulity managed to halt the tears.

Elsa let out a musical but unmocking laugh. "No, dear. I'm just wondering why that was a problem. You two were such good friends. It seemed like you could have talked about anything."

"I'm in love with Killian." Emma had given up on denial, on pretending her feelings for the Irishman were just friendliness or a crush.

"I'm still failing to see the issue."

"He didn't feel the same way about me." She managed to say this, even as she began wailing. Elsa pulled her into her arms.

"Emma, he worshipped the ground you walk on. I'm fairly certain he still does."

"Earlier in the evening, before we hooked up, he talked about you wanting to set him up with Anna. And he's dated Ruby, and Ariel, and I'm nothing like either of them-"

"Oh, love, no. Don't do this to yourself." Emma hiccupped on Elsa's shoulder. "I mentioned setting him up with Anna...in June. Then I realized that you two were, well, whatever you are. And Anna fell for and introduced me to Kristoff just days after that."

"Oh," she said in a small voice.

"Have you considered that he has feelings for you? I mean, you were dating Jefferson for a while, and before that was Graham…"

"Oh, god, do you think he did? He texted me after, wanting to talk. I thought he was going to tell me he just wanted to be friends. I couldn't handle it, so I was doing the whole 'ignore it until I can deal' thing." Emma covered her face with her hands, realization crashing over her. All his little gestures, his kindness, those occasional looks when he thought she wasn't looking back.

"Emma, I'm certain of it."

"I need to go."

"I'll go in and tell the others you've left."

"You're amazing. Oh- could you not tell Ruby? I love her, but she's…"

"She has a tendency to be rather loud and meddlesome, yes? I understand. And your secret is safe with me." A pause, and then, "Though I think it may have only been a secret from you and Killian. And your brother."

Emma let out a laugh at that. "Thank you. For listening and everything."

"Anytime." Elsa smiled as Emma made her way across the street, heading home for the night.

Emma shook her head as she pulled on her comfortable button-up shirt and tucked it into her jeans. It had taken her almost a month to summon the nerve to email Killian after that night. When she had it had been brief.

Hey, Jones. I'm sorry I bailed on you and didn't answer any of your texts. It was supremely uncool of me. I hear you've left, and I wish I had the chance to say goodbye. I know that's my fault, but I am sorry.

She had been a nervous wreck for the three days it had taken him to respond.

Swan! I was surprised but glad to hear from you. My apologies for taking my time in responding; work has been insanely busy. I'm currently staying with Liam and Tink since this assignment is temporary and the company will be moving me around. I'll actually be heading to Australia next week, and I think they intend to keep me there for a few months.

After that, they had cautiously begun exchanging emails around once a week. She ascertained that he hadn't moved away for good, and he got her to agree to water his plants. She told him occasional anecdotes about Storybrooke life, and he told her all about Sydney, then Canberra, and then Melbourne. While the topics were never serious, there was nonetheless a measure of relief in talking again.

It had been over a week since she heard from him. Emma wasn't exactly worried, she told herself as she tugged her boots on. There could be any number of explanatio-

Then, a loud knock interrupted her train of thought.

Since she had planned on driving over to the Nolan-Blanchard home and everyone knew it was family dinner night, she was rather confused as she pulled open the door.

Killian Jones stood on the other side of the open door.