A/N – First Shamanic Princess fic, but not first fic ever. I'm obsessed w/ anime, especially Yu Yu Hakusho, Rurouni Kenshin, and Inuyasha. My friend got the entire Shamanic Princess series on DVD, and told me to watch it. So I did. I loved everything but the pairing. I think the fact that I watched episodes nine through twelve (Graham part) before one through eight had something to do with it (my first impression of Kagetsu was a pansy pretty boy and childhood infatuation of Tiara's). To be honest, I've nothing against those who like the Tiara/Kagetsu pairing. I'm just always going to prefer the romances-that-will-never-be (unless there's a sequel series of Shamanic Princess where Kagetsu becomes an evil psychopathic killer and Graham comes back- and we all know how likely THAT is). *sigh* And so I can't dump Kagetsu without feeling evil. Oh, well. I suppose I'll go with the next best thing! ^_~
Disclaimer: me no own, pesky lawyers no sue!
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Chapter 1 – The River
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I was nervous.
Mother said it was to be expected. She had been nervous, too.
But what if I don't pass?
Father patted me on the head and said that if my mother could pass, then I was guaranteed.
Mother hit him with a pillow for that.
Mother's partner counseled me as well. I go to her when I need to know more than simple motherly confidence in her only daughter.
A partner is an excellent source of assurance.
And yet I am still nervous. Perhaps I should listen to Mother, and stop thinking too much on it. Maybe she is right, and the butterflies in my stomach are normal.
Or maybe I think too much on him.
Him being Mother's first partner. The partner who roams the corridors of our mansion these days is not the first to do so. Another came before.
Another died before.
And this, I know, is the reason I am nervous.
When my kitten fell off a high branch and broke her neck, dying instantly, I wept for so long. It has been two years since, and I still cannot bring myself to find a replacement.
I have always been quiet. During the time others spend talking, I think. I think about Mother, and Father, and Mother's partner. I contemplate my adopted aunt and her partner. I wonder about the way things are here in the Guardian World. I fantasize other worlds. I consider others and their actions. I consider myself.
And I have had to face some difficult truths.
I do not fear death.
I fear my loved ones dying.
I have trouble keeping myself apart from others around me.
My greatest strength and weakness is that I must feel.
I cannot see anything as insignificant and just another life which will one day be gone.
I find it hard to let go.
I keep in my heart all those close to me.
My heart does not mend easily when one who is a part of it is lost.
Like my kitten was.
Like Mother's partner was.
Like my partner may be.
And that is why I am nervous.
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I would ask if you want me to continue, but I plan to anyway, so… that would be a waste of everyone's time. Instead, I shall tell you that I'm not telling you anything, I am evil, and to find anything out (well, everything that isn't obvious) you will have to wait and read the next chapter.
Wow, it's really late. I feel tired. Maybe I should, like, go to bed? *too late, she dies on the floor*