Author's Notes:

Notes at the bottom.

Enjoy, my horny, perverted readers~

Disclaimer: The Loud House Copyright Nickelodeon (2017)

I AM NOT A PERVERT!

A young, white-haired boy sat curled up in the recliner in the living room. He was perfectly unwary to the impending danger about to befall him, unknowing that his devious older sister was prancing merrily up the sidewalk. He was clueless to her evil laugh as she stomped onto the porch.

Lynn looked both ways with a mischievous gleam in her eyes, her shoulders up to her ears, her hands curling around each other as she chuckled darkly.

Lincoln turned another page in the comic he was reading, the pristine pages of Ace Savvy's adventures completely blocking his view of the front door.

Yep, he was completely defenseless and unsuspecting when Lynn crept slowly through the door and immediately spied her prey.

She chuckled, swishing her bangs and ponytail around as she straightened her back. Rubbing her hands together, she set off briskly walking around the back of the lazyboy. She leaned over the back of the armchair, resting her grinning cheeks on her folded arms. She just sat there, staring, as Lincoln turned yet another page in his comic.

Lynn could never figure out why he liked those things so much. But she shrugged it off as just another dorky thing about her brother that was, strangely enough, kind of endearing.

There were several things she found endearing about him, and yeah, there were some things that she found attractive.

But it's not like she woke up from having wet dreams about her brother every morning… just sometimes.

It's not like she memorized every ridge of his growing muscles every time he stripped down to his briefs… and she especially didn't spend the whole time wondering what his, uh, thingamajigger looked like underneath those tight cotton undies. No, sirree!

But… a small, quiet place deep in her mind would always admit that she was curious about her brother… She wanted to get to know him better. She wanted to, uh, learn certain things about him that maybe, just maybe a sister shouldn't even know.

And maybe, that little voice said in her mind, the thought of Linc getting himself a girlfriend is strangely frightening to me…

Lynn felt a lot for her brother, but she never expressed it. She had so much affection and energy and determination… but it always somehow came out in a, uh, physical way.

She couldn't help it though! Just look at her now… standing two feet away from him, the poor boy oblivious to the world around him, and she could easily lean down and finally know what it's like to kiss her broth- a boy! She meant… a boy. Not her brother, specifically.

It's not like she's a perverted sister whom kept a journal of every fantasy she's entertained about the two of them… and most of them were certainly not sexual either! No sirree!

She wasn't the one who carved their initials surrounded by a heart in a tree in the park either. That was a squirrel or something... maybe even an act of God!

She sighed as she flicked his adorable cowlick several times.

How can a boy be so handsome it makes her knees go weak? How can her own brother be so charming it makes her heart flutter… and he doesn't even try!?

It simply wasn't fair!

But you know what they say…

All's fair in love and war~

So, with a smile she reached down and tapped his comic annoyingly.

"Linc~"

Lincoln rolled his eyes in frustration. Seriously, already? When did she get home anyway? Laying his comic on his chest, he looked up at her twinkling eyes and tried his best not to glare.

"What do you want, Lynn?" came his monotone reply.

Lynn walked around to the side, putting her hands on his legs and pushing most of her weight onto him. She grinned when his face twisted in discomfort.

"What, didn't you miss me?"

She blew a kiss at him, feeling a very faint blush cover her cheeks. I am NOT a pervert!

Lincoln cringed, just imagining that icky kiss hitting his face.

"Eww, Lynn! Keep your gross lips to yourself!"

Lynn felt her heart skip a beat as he tried to scoot away from her. She suddenly felt like a lioness, stalking her meal, and boy, does he look delicious!

She bent her body over the arm and tried her best to ignore the way her tiny breasts were squishing against his knees. Mmm~ …I mean, uh, cool…?

She let her fingers walk up his legs, and accidentally slipped them under his shirt. She got a few seconds of precious time where she was able to lay her palms against his toned abs before he suddenly pushed her arms away.

Her grin tilted sideways as she wriggled her hips onto the arm, her limber legs floating midair. She put her arms on either side of his chest and let her face drift close to his.

"Don't you like my lips?"

Lincoln's face twisted as he felt her breaths sudden puff against his cheeks.

Suddenly, his whole vision was filled with her and his heart began speeding up.

Lynn watched as he pulled at his collar and her smirk widened, revealing her sparkly teeth.

"Come on, Linc! I thought I was your…" Her eyes turned half-lidded, her lips drifting a little too close to his. "…favorite sister?"

Lincoln couldn't breathe. His heart was breaking down. His body was on fire.

Lynn leant closer to him, closing her eyes lazily. She pressed forward, her hips sliding down the arm until her groin settled between his hips. Completely by accident, mind you.

She groaned as her soft lips pressed against the corner of his mouth at the same time her hips fell into his groin's loving embrace.

She didn't know if it was perverted or not… but she loved this feeling. Her lips touching the edge of her brother's, her breaths mingling with his, her stomach laying on her Linc's perfect body, and her girlhood aligning perfectly with his boyhood.

Now, that last one she wasn't so sure about… but, that little voice said again, it's perfectly natural for a girl to unite her special place with a boy's… even if he's her brother~

Well, you all heard it! And honestly, Lynn didn't care to take the time to even try to fault the logic.

Yep, this moment right here, as she pressed her lips harder… slid them a little to the left until she was able to capture his panting lips with her hungry mouth… was simply heaven~

That is until Lori suddenly walked in from the kitchen and paused with a raised eyebrow.

"Uh, what in the earth are you guys, literally, doing?"

Lincoln squeaked loudly, jerking his limbs so suddenly he accidentally flipped both of them onto the floor.

Lynn felt stars explode as her head crashed against the carpet, a gasp tearing from her body as Lincoln fell onto her body.

But when her hiss of pain ceased and her eyes opened to see the scared, vulnerable orbs of her brother… she took in their situation.

Her legs were opened wide; his hips pressing them firmly into the ground. She could feel a hard bulge pressing against her cleft and that made her eyes widen in shock, curiosity, and desire. Perhaps the most condemning thing was the fact that Lincoln's hands had accidentally fallen atop both of her breasts, perfectly cupping them with his palms… or that his lips had settled against hers again in a decidedly non-perverted kind of way.

She couldn't help it when her eyes closed and her throat purred out a throaty moan… all while Lincoln's heart had stopped, his eyes had opened wide in shock, and his body was frozen solid.

Lori's mouth fell open in surprise, her face cringing in a touch of disgust.

"You know, Lynn… if you suck on his face any harder I'm not sure he'll have one left."

Lynn's eyes burst open, her heart seizing in her throat as she took in Lori's blank stare and Lincoln's scared eyes.

Not knowing what else to do, especially with such a swarm of emotions stampeding on top of her heart like a herd of buffalo, she reached an arm back and swung.

Lincoln was caught off guard when her bony fist suddenly crashed into his shoulder, throwing his body off; his head hitting the coffee table on his way down.

The poor boy crumpled in a heap, moaning in pain as he clutched his head.

But, hey, at least the pain made my erection go away… yay, for small victories, heh.

Lynn scrambled to her feet as Lori started up the stairs with a huffy sigh. She ran up to the bottom step, her small stature looking even tinier as she stared up at her tall sister heading toward the top…

"Wait, Lori! We were only wrestling!"

Lori huffed again, pulling out her phone as she reached the top step.

"Whatever."

Lynn's heart skipped a beat.

"Seriously! We were!"

The sound of Lori's door slamming shut was deafening to her ears. All she could feel was a sudden fear fluttering around her stomach like moths, swarming and eating away at her insides.

She threw her hands against her face as she felt a few tears burn hotly against her cheeks. Her shoulders shook as she waged war with her inner mind and her emotions.

"I'M NOT A PERVERT, LORI!"

She fell onto her rear, her knees pressed against her chest as she sobbed into her hands uncontrollably. What a-a-are you, a little girl!? S-s-suck it up!

She felt two arms wrap around her shoulders and she instinctually turned toward her brother, burying her wet cheeks into his chest as her emotions ran wild.

"There, there, Lynn. It's ok."

Lincoln's smooth voice filled her with warmth and her sobs slowly petered out.

"I'm not a perv. I'm not!"

He rubbed circles into her back, laying his chin on her hair.

He was kind of out of his element comforting Lynn, but he was determined to give her whatever she needed.

So, he hummed softly to her, holding her close to his chest.

And soon her tears dried and her shaking stopped and her mood turned sappy.

She leaned back with a bubbly smile and looked into her brother's accepting eyes.

She let him help her up, let him be a gentleman and get her a tissue to wipe her cheeks, let him put his hands on her shoulders to make sure he'd catch her if she'd suddenly fall… It was dorky, it was unnecessary… but it made her feel so unbelievably special!

"Are you alright, Lynn?"

She chuckled a little as she balled up the tissue paper and held it out.

"Yeah, thanks, Linc."

Her heart skipped a beat when he picked up the used paper from her hand and walked it over to the trash can. But as she followed him, her eyes definitely not staring at his sexy butt and how those jeans hugged it like a second skin, her smile turned devious…

"Hey, Linc~"

He closed the lid and turned slowly toward her.

"Yeah- oww! Why'd you punch me for!?"

She was blushing as she held that fist near her heart, her heart racing in excitement. I wonder what it would be like if he chased me~

She grinned at him without remorse; his hand rubbing his sore shoulder.

Same shoulder as before, too, so it's probably bruised now, thank you, Lynn!

"Oh, that was for knocking me off the chair and falling on me…"

He started to growl but was hushed when her lips suddenly stole a chaste kiss right out from under his nose!

"And that… was for everything else~"

She ran a finger across the line of his jaw, letting her arm fall lazily as she turned and started for the stairs.

One foot on the step, one on the ground, she arched her chest forward and twisted on her hip toward him. With her sexiest eyes she could manage, she blew a kiss at him.

"If that shoulder's hurting, you can stop by anytime for a… deep tissue massage~"

That wink she gave him nearly knocked him to the ground.

Lynn chuckled as she marched up the steps.

Yes! I got to kiss him! Finally! And there was absolutely nothing perverted about that whole event! Woo, go Lynn!

Fun Facts:

My working title was "Seven Times Lynn Gave Lincoln an Erection." But once I started writing this it went in its own direction and I fell in love with her denial. Honestly, if any of you are familiar with the "De Nile" joke used in the Elsanna fandom/ship (and probably others) then you have a great idea of where my inspiration came from.

The main reason I'm writing this is because of something Flagg1991 pointed out to me. I am so heartless to Lynn. I pick on her all the time. He labeled me the Lynn-torturer... and this story is to make it up to her. Though, as you can tell, I'm still subtly torturing her regardless. Haha!

The part where Lynn leans over the armchair and stairs at Lincoln was inspired by Bored Artist's unnamed gif posted on Tumblr. It's cute and funny. If you have the time, go over and check out their artwork. Especially the unnamed gif where Leni opens the closet door sexily (which is based on a scene in the cartoon, by the way)... my gosh that is one hot image that does nothing but prove why Leni is the sexies- I mean, best sister of them all!

And that final kiss she gave him there at the end? Totally not inspired by DreamWorks' How to Train Your Dragon (2010).

Finally, I gave a nod to my oneshot, Deep Tissue Massage, my first attempt at showing Lynn in some steamy action with her brother. My goal is to take things up a few notches.