.1.

And I got way too many feels

Way too much emotion

I don't even know what's real

I just say 'fuck it' and keep going

"I can do this." She breathed, "I can do anything."

The child was right in front of her. It didn't seem like a simulation when the child cried so loud that the sound was piercing Lily's eardrums. It was on the floor, surrounded by three cloaked figures pointing wands at its small form. Around Lily there were two other cloaked figures attempting to disarm her. Around her the walls of the simulation room were dark and only fake street lamps lit spaces in yellow haze. Lily waved her wand and the two dummy death eaters bounced off the opposite wall, simply exploding into pieces, as they were made by enchantment.

The child on the floor was as much an enchantment as the cloaked figures wrecking havoc but Lily's heart was still racing. She was determined to prove that she could handle herself out in the real world—where the spells were deadly and the children were real. Lily's green eyes assessed that there was marginal gap between the three cloaked figures surrounding the child. She surmised that if she could pull the child form the middle of the group, she could get the child from danger easily.

Lily took off at a run and slid like a baseball player slid from base to base, her knees skidding across the training room floor. She went between the cloaked figures circling the child. Lily's fingers gripped the cold doll arm, staring up into the blank faces of robotic death eaters. She remembered that yesterday, she'd been told she didn't make sure her citizen was all right while before pulling them to safety.

Lily glanced down for two seconds at the child, "Don't worry, I've got you—"

No sooner had she looked away from her opponents to assure the child, one of the cloaked figures behind Lily shot sparks fro his wand and Lily felt the sparks hit her back, stinging her with a hex so that her legs cramped. Lily tried to block the child while spells ricocheted off her back, making it feel as though someone was pelting her with rather large rocks.

"Evans how many time do I have to tell you to watch your back?"

Lily dropped the child in defeat and stood up, wincing as the mannequins continued pummeling her, "At least another—ouch ten—ouch—times."

Lily's teacher only heard mumbling, mercifully, and not Lily's sarcastic tone.

"What was that, Evans?"

All of a sudden the dummies stopped hexing her and Lily was able to keep her eyes open for longer than two seconds without being confronted by the stupid imitation Death Eaters. Lily's instructor, Shondra Drakes, was probably the most evil dictating bitch that Lily had ever met. She even looked like a bitch with a very sharp face and thin hands that always looked as if they were about to wrap around Lily's neck whenever Lily actually had the guts to talk back.

Shondra loved to critique the way Lily walked, moved, breathed, and rescued her citizens. Today would be no exception.

Shondra stood in front of Lily as the dummies disappeared and the child's robotic crying stopped because Shondra had raised her wand and silenced it. The lights in the room came on and filled the room with harsh white light that blinded Lily. The mirror on the wall opposite Lily showed that she'd received a bloody nose at some point during the last six simulations. Lily kicked at the child mannequin moodily as Shondra prepared to lecture her to Hell and back again.

"You cannot take your eyes off your opponents! Not even for one second Evans!"

This totally counteracted what Shondra had said yesterday when she'd yelled at Lily for not talking to the citizen before and being 'sympathetic to the plight' the citizen was in. Shondra had made it clear that Auror connection to the victim was essential to overall performance. Shondra had reamed Lily three days in a row for not connecting on an emotional level to her rescue.

Now, Lily was in trouble for looking at her victim and Shondra was still Lily's least favorite person on earth.

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you these things, Evans!" Shondra exclaimed, a vein practically popping from her forehead in frustration, "Do you even listen when I talk to you? All you need to do is make sure the citizen is alive but don't ever let your eyes leave your enemies! They'll take that chance to hit you with a killing curse!"

"Would you like me to go again?" Lily tried to sound unaffected by Shondra's verbal abuse, but she wasn't.

Lily had been running private drills with Shondra for weeks and she felt like the only thing Shondra had managed to accomplish was breaking Lily's spirit. In fact, if Lily was honest, she couldn't feel her legs anymore after the number of times she'd been killed by the enchanted mannequins. Lily wanted nothing more than to take a hot bath with healing salts but she'd never admit defeat to fucking Shondra, of all people.

Luckily, Lily didn't have too worry about having another go at fighting the enchanted dummies because Shondra took one look at the sweat (and blood) dripping down Lily's face. Lily was rubbing one of the multiple bruises on her pale arms.

Shondra sighed and then said, "Hit the showers Evans. Come back tomorrow, perhaps by then you'll have found your brain."

Lily's jaw clenched as she stalked off, muttering to herself as she went. She yanked open the door to the practice room and held in her scream as she walked past a few first year students chattering in the long brick hallway. Lily was in her second and last year at the Auror Academy. Her next move would be to join an Auror out in the field like the rest of her training class but if Shondra had any say, Lily would be stuck in demo training for the rest of her fucking life.

Lily pitched open the double doors that led to the front of the offices and classrooms. She threw her hood up over her red ponytail; most of which was sticking to the sweat on her neck. Lily's black shoes were hitting the cement outside of the old brick building so roughly that she could hear her footsteps over her fuming thoughts.

Shondra Drakes had picked on Lily from the moment she set foot in Auror training after graduating Hogwarts. Shondra had taught Dark Arts Security and was venomous to the new students, tearing them apart each class. The first day of school she'd kicked Lily and three other kids out just because they'd all answered a question on magical law wrong. Ever since being kicked out of lecture on the first day, Lily hated the old hag more than anything and it was like Shondra knew Lily hated her because Shondra attacked Lily's confidence and ripped it apart like a wolf.

At Hogwarts, the teachers praised Lily, loved her even, and made her feel like she had a chance at making some difference in the world. Almost two whole years after graduating from Hogwarts, Lily felt like she was nothing more than chicken shite after class with Shondra.

Lily made it back to the Arnold B. Fudge Dormitory in record time. It was a small building about a block away from the Auror Academy that was used as housing for the Aurors in training like Lily. The first floor was the girls' rooms, painted white and covered in old Victorian furniture. The second floor was where all the boys lived, a tan colored mecca where the boys drank, played cards, and listened to their favorite sets. There were fifteen boys in the Auror Academy, all ranging in ages 18 to 35. Lily was one of five girls, all who worked hard to make themselves stand out over the boys. Two of the girls were sitting on the steps of the dorm building so Lily waved at them but they only smiled politely at her.

They were twins who hardly spoke to Lily, unless they had too. The other girls in the training school were older and all were out in the field training so Lily hardly ever saw them. Lily much preferred the boys to the girls. One boy in particular was special…but Lily couldn't think about him now or she'd make a poor decision based on her current raging emotions.

Lily entered the long hallway of the dorms and immediately the smell of blood, sweat, and tears hit Lily like a projectile. Auror school was hard and most of them came home crying or worse, it's probably why the girls on the step didn't stop Lily to ask her if she was okay when they saw the blood on her face. To Lily's left, the long hallway had six doors, most open, but two closed. Lily's room was the last door on the left and she made her way over, allowing herself to glance to the right of the hallway when she passed a long panel of glass. Inside, a few of the boys were laughing over a pile of plastic cups filled with alcohol.

Lily's heart skipped a beat when she saw him.

His black curly hair was hanging over his eyes as he laughed at someone one of the other boys said. Lily gazed indulgently as his hands reached forward to grab his cup of firewhiskey. Before he placed the cup on his mouth, he licked his lips.

Lily ripped her eyes away from James Potter to stare at the floor feverishly.

She was not going to walk in there and pull James away from his friends. She was not going to keep looking in the rec room in hopes that he'd look up and see her. She was not going to bring her ire sensations into their relationship again. Their relationship was already fucked enough as it was.

No, Lily would not have sex with James to get her mind off Shondra's self-image obliterating abuse. Instead, Lily would drown herself in the shower.

Lily threw open the door to her room open and she began unbuttoning her robes impatiently. The buttons pulled at her fingers numbly and Lily kicked off her shoes, watching them hit the walls of her 112 square foot room. Lily's bare feet hit the cold plastic floor and she welcomed the temperature change, anything to remove the heat bubbling in her stomach. Her robes hit the floor and she pulled her hair from its ponytail roughly.

It took five seconds for her to get to her tiny loo attached to the side of her dorm and turn the water to scalding. Lily watched the water as it fell from the spicket. Her brain still reeling with Shondra's disappointing words. Lily was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't hear her dorm door open or close.

It was only the feel of his fingers, reaching around her bare waist that woke her from her reverie. Lily knew the scar on the wrist of her intruder because she'd given him the scar in their third year at Hogwarts together. Lily twirled to face him without saying a word.

Lily hated herself for immediately biting her lip and hitching her breath. James' curls glowed under the milky lighting of the mirror and his smile was calculated. His mouth didn't waste time before attaching to her neck, eliciting Lily to throw her head back and propel herself into his advance. He smelled like the firewhiskey he'd been masking himself in with the boys in the rec room and Lily had a feeling that if his mouth rerouted to hers, she would taste the zest on his lips.

Lily's fingers ripped at his shoulders, tugging him closer, despite knowing she should be pushing him back. Behind the couple, the shower was still filling slowly with scalding water but neither cared about the water waste. Lily always loved how he kissed and she'd been overdue for a fix. The water was just setting the mood to his spellbinding touch.

It was always like this for James and Lily, even in school. James had gone to Hogwarts with Lily and they'd dated briefly in seventh year before breaking apart to become just friends. Lily had been doing well for herself the summer after the broke up. She only thought about him three, maybe for times a day.

Then they both entered the Auror Academy within weeks of each other. Lily's training was slower than his. She learned much differently from James, who excelled at anything without even fucking trying. James had always been a star student. Even at Hogwarts he drove Lily up the wall when he didn't study and still managed to excel in all his classes. Lily was good at Charms and Potions, a fact Shondra was ever so happy to remind Lily when she was failing Defense Practical's.

James shined in Shondra's class, not only because he was quick on his feet but also because he was top of the school in Transfiguration and Defense Against The Dark Arts. James was already in the field. He'd been assigned to an amazing Auror and was working on local black market busts.

Lily had to beg to even get a meeting with an Auror, let alone a field day.

Despite their differences in training, Lily and James had one thing that was alike and that was the need to channel their passions…sexually. It had started after Lily bombed her verbal Defense test during her first year in the Academy. James had found her crying in the stairwell after she'd gotten the results back and one quarrel led to another—until she was pushed against the wall and he was kissing her rage away.

A week later they'd agreed to not do it again but then Lily found James positively peeved in an empty training classroom after some idiot in second year called him a careless git. She'd tie talking to him as a friend but that talk had ended with James' vexations being finished by her fingers and mouth.

A year later and they were still at their antics.

Unhealthy antics that had Lily thinking about James in the fervor of her frustrations with Shondra in her private Defense classes.

Obsessive antics that made her think about him at least three times a day when she was in lessons.

Zealous antics that had her currently stark naked with James in her loo, allowing his teeth to pull at her skin fretfully.

"Bad day?" James asked against her skin, "You're so tense."

"I did get hit by several hex's and a stunner." Lily rolled her eyes as James lifted his mouth from her skin so he could look at her with an arched eyebrow, "Shondra thinks I'm an idiot."

James sighed and pressed his hands against her cheeks, "Shondra doesn't think you're an idiot."

"I hate her." Lily said, "She's such a—"

"Hey," James grinned, pushing his hips into hers, "If it were a Potions Practical, you'd blow Shondra away."

"Yeah, but it's not a Potions Practical, James." Lily snapped, "It's a Defense Practical and I can't go five minutes without getting hit by a kill shot."

James winced at her sharp attitude, "Maybe you should stop thinking so much about it?" His fingers dragged down her neck to her shoulders, "I always find that if you think too much it makes you seconds guess yourself—"

"James I'm not you, dammit!" Lily hit her fingers against his chest, "I can't not study and ace a test! I can't not overthink a training session when I think about the fact that one day it's going to be up to me to save a bloody life—and I can't even save my own!"

Before James could say anything Lily pressed her lips against his lips passionately, ignoring the sound of ignition that came from his throat. It took exactly two point five seconds before James responded, unbuttoning his robes in haste as she pulled him backwards towards the shower. James' robes fell to the floor at the same time that Lily wrapped her legs around his waist. James kicked aside the pile of clothes while Lily pulled his square framed glasses from his nose. Lily tossed his glasses into the pile of clothes on the floor while she continued kissing him, her lips unrelenting even as he stepped them into the shower and the hot scalding water started dripping down their faces. James' tongue was relishing every curve of her mouth and Lily couldn't resist rolling her hips into him seductively when her back hit the awfully cold shower tiles.

James ripped his mouth away from hers friskily, "Remember when we snogged under the bleachers in the rain after I won that quidditch match?"

"Yes?"

He had a wicked smirk, "I'm going to that seem like child's play."

Lily tilted her head at him, remembering how young they were and how she'd thought she was so risqué for snogging him in the rain with his fingers under her shirt. Lily didn't answer and instead leaned forward to bite his lower lip breathlessly. James hitched her up his hips more, pushing her against the shower wall so firmly that she could feel her bruises pressing into the tile. James used the extra support to transfer one of his hands from holding her firm to pressing his fingers between her legs.

Lily felt like she was drowning. It didn't matter that the water was rushing over them, Lily was positively seeping the moment James started rubbing his fingers against her clit. Lily's hand clenched around his neck and her legs gripped tighter against his waist, sighing in satisfaction as James' thumb and fingers released the strain between them. Her whimpers were impossible to keep private, his name even harder to keep from her lips, as she grinded against his touch.

She couldn't help it that she needed him so badly. The water cascaded over them as he brought her crashing from a satisfactory high.

She tried to stay away from him but she couldn't stop needing him.

They went their separate ways when they were done showering like they always did, but James lingered on in her mind.

She thought about his fingers pulling sensually at her dark red hair as she drifted off to sleep.

She thought about his lips pressed into her skin as she entered the defense training room the next morning.

She thought about his endearing smile as she jumped over a shattered bench to grab a woman mannequin.

The mannequin felt cold to touch and Lily craved the warmth of James' body as she pulled the citizen mannequin to the ground to miss an oncoming spell from an attacking mannequin. Lily wasn't paying attention to how roughly she grabbed the fake citizen and as Lily yanked the body to the floor, woman's head promptly fell off and rolled across the floor.

"You cannot handle a person that roughly! You want to be thrown around like a rag doll Evans?"

Shondra's voice rang in Lily's head as she marched up the staircase later that night to James' dorm.

It was Shondra's imprudent voice that made her knock on the door of James' room like the building was coming down.

It was Shondra's bellowing that had Lily roughly pushing his door open and asserting herself onto James without a word.

She wasn't being gentle with James at all, knowing he didn't mind being thrown like a rag doll when Lily was doing the tossing. James was stripped in minutes, thrown against his door as Lily got to her knees and busied her mouth against his length. It was James being the loud one this time. He was singing Lily's praises along with a long string of 'fucks' and 'merlins' that made her lips curve into a mollified smirk against his sizzling skin. He had his fingers buried in her hair, keeping her tightly pressed to what they both desired, and a satisfying finish.

It made her feel worthy, to know that someone thought she was incredible, and James thought she was astounding…he told Lily so at least ten times after she was finished sucking him off and he was cleaning up in his bathroom. Lily sat on the edge of his bed, staring at her tingling toes. James leaned against the frame of the door to his loo and stared at her, arms crossed. He had a pair of bottoms on but his chest was still bare. Lily lifted her eyes so they could trace his form, only to stop in concern when she saw the red scare near his left pec. Lily stood up and off his bed, quickly running her hand across the scar anxiously.

"What's this from?" she probed.

James sniffed, "Nothing."

It obviously wasn't. It looked like James had been hit by a nasty spell that ripped him open. It was almost like someone with a nine-inch nail had cut him right down his chest. It was at least a day old. Lily looked up into his hazel eyes, furrowing her brows together.

"Talk." She told him.

James sighed and placed his hands on her hips, clearly annoyed by her worry, "I just kind of screwed up when I shadowed Frank yesterday, Evans. I'm fine."

"I know you're fine." Lily rolled her eyes, punching his stomach, "But the way you said nothing made it sound like you're cross about it."

James stared at her right shoulder, adjusting his glasses before admitting; "They pulled me out of the field for the week."

"What?" Lily ripped herself from his arms and covered her moth in surprise; "They took you off your field training?"

James reached up for his dark black hair irately, "Yeah, can we not talk about this please?"

"James," Lily said seriously, "What did you do?"

James' eyes shot up to stare at her in surprise, "What did I do?" He laughed self-consciously, "Evans, I did what I always do—I didn't think!" Lily took a step back when he turned and punched the wall angrily, "I saw Frank had a wand to his neck and I overreacted…I ended up blowing the entire thing. We lost the snatcher and Frank yelled at me for being an idiot playing the Hero."

She could see the muscles on his back, tensed from the truth.

"Oh James." She whispered in pity, because James had never taken notes well, especially when they knocked his pride.

Lily stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his torso, pressing her forehead into his skin. They were both smothered by their similar feelings of defeat. They stood there for a moment before James turned and place his fingers under her chin. He swiftly pressed his lips to hers. They snogged until their mouths were red and Lily only left when she grasped she still had homework to do before class the next morning. She left with the memory of James' lips pressed at the edge of her dreams the rest of the night.

The next day in training class Lily worked her hardest to please Shondra. Lily's task was easy: rescue the mother and child being held up by two death eaters. Lily was dueling one of the dummy Death Eaters, sweat dripping from her brow as she blocked his attack while simultaneously sending protection spells in the direction of the mother and child. Lily's head ached as every spell she'd ever learned came to mind. Lily's fingers were gripping her wand so tightly she felt like they'd fall off. Lily disarmed one mannequin and shot him with a stunner before turning to the final dummy.

It was brandishing its wand at the victims she was meant to protect. Lily arched her wand, ready to attack, when from behind; she was stung in the back. A string of curse words left Lily's mouth.

"Evans what did I tell you about turning your back!" Shondra screeched.

"I fucking stunned him!" Lily screamed, spinning to aim another stunner at her attacker, only to be knocked off her feet to the ground in her haste.

Shondra stilled the mannequins with her wand, eyes glaring at Lily on the floor, "You forgot to check and make sure he was actually down! You can't leave everything up to bloody chance! Use your brain! Death Eater's can't all be taken down by a fucking stunner!"

Lily screamed irritably and placed her head in her hands, struggling not to cry.

Shondra hissed, "I'm going to get a coffee from the break room, you'd better have your shit pulled together when I get back."

The figures, only enchanted when Shondra commanded them, stayed still like statues around Lily while she cried. Lily had been looking forward to Auror training since she'd learned about it at Hogwarts. Lily had gone to every dueling club, every seminar, and read every fucking book. She'd a good student in Defense Against the Dark Arts in school, so why did she suck now?

She was envious of James, who seemed to excel, even out of Hogwarts.

Lily hated thinking it, but she could really use James Potter's talents to pick her up off the floor before Shondra came back.

"You mean well."

Lily's head shot up out of her hands at the sound of his voice. James fucking Potter was standing in the doorway with a cup of water. Lily curled her knees to her chest and stared at him in skepticism.

"What?" she whispered.

James walked forward into the training room, dancing around the dummies, and sat on the floor beside her. He passed her the cup of water, which she took, begrudgingly.

"I was watching from the doorway." He admitted, "And you really do mean well."

Lily didn't answer, she took a sip from her water and stared at his fingers, dancing across his knee as he spoke. She wished he wouldn't talk. She wished that he would take her, right now, in the middle of the training room. She'd have him singing her praises in seconds and she needed that ego boost.

"You put your heart one hundred and ten percent into whatever the Hell it is you have to do and that blinds you." James told her.

Crossly, Lily slammed the water cup to the floor and scowled at him, "Oh, so you think I'm blind now too?"

"No," he said calmly, recoiling at her tone, "I think you lead with your heart and not your brain."

"My brains telling me to hit you with a stinger." She said moodily, lifting her wand with little threat.

"Do it." James dared her and she glanced up at him in surprise, there was no playful hint in his eyes.

"No."

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because I don't want to hurt you." She stated firmly.

James snorted mirthlessly, "You won't hurt me."

"Cocky bastard." Lily snapped, "I outdueled you at Hogwarts plenty of times."

"This isn't Hogwarts." James replied with a grin, pulling out his own wand and focusing it on her.

"Are we really doing this?"

"Ignisantre."

Lily's mouth dropped open the moment the lick of fire left his wand, aimed for her toes. Lily figured if she couldn't snog him, she might as well fight him. She had enough emotion to do one or the other. Lily jumped up at the same time he did and they circled each other, wands pointed. James' eyebrow was curved as she slashed her wand, aiming a hex and being disappointed when he shook it off.

"Hogwarts was a playground." James said, voice husky as they danced their dance, "This is real life."

James stepped forward and twirled his wand so a jet of sparks sprayed from the tip and hit her, erupting boils across her skin in an instance. Lily waved her wand to rid herself of the boils and retaliated with a huff, sending jelly-legs jinx James' way. James' legs gave out under him but he was quick, arching his wand as he fell to produce a protego thick enough to block her stunner. Frustrated, Lily swiped her wand through the air again, this time sending a wave of water. James' shields stayed intact long enough for him to gain his footing and launch at her.

Lily wasn't expecting him to tackle her to the floor like a muggle and she got the wind knocked out of her as she tumbled over James. She breathed forcefully as he lay overtop of her, holding her arms into the floor.

Their eyes met and in the fervor of the moment, Lily wished nothing more than for him to place his lips on hers. She'd never been more turned on in her life and she could feel that James was certainly aroused as well. James brought his face closer to her, a sly smile on his face.

"You want to know what your problem is?" he said.

Lily licked her lips, her eyes trained on his mouth, "Hm?"

"You get too focused." He rolled his hips into hers hazardously, "Too caught up in the moment." He lowered his head to press his lips against her ear, leaving her essentially overwhelmed, "You've gotta fight with a little…twist."

Lily was surprised when James lifted his body up and off hers, holding both their wands in his hand, having singlehandedly overcoming her. He had a stupid satisfied smirk on his face, knowing exactly what he'd done to make her lose. He tricked her.

James had used her heart over her mind and she was furious.

He looked so damn pleased with himself and the competition side of Lily came out roaring. Lily stood up, wiping off her robes, staring at the floor crossly. James snickered at her sour expression and took a step closer to her.

"Come on Evans," he teased, "I was only trying—"

Lily took the chance the moment he got close enough; she pulled her wand from his grasp, turned and was pointing the tip of it at his neck. James' smile dropped as she held her wand to his pulse point, feeling him tense up. She widened her eyes at him in dare.

"Are we going to have to do this again?" he asked, resignedly, before turning so they were facing each other, his wand now pointed at her neck.

Their foreheads were pressed together and she was breathing heavily, her green eyes scraping down his face.

In seconds they were shooting curse after curse at each other, stepping farther apart as the power overcame their need to be near each other. Lily was diving behind mannequins and James actually blasted one of the dummy's heads off, trying to shock her.

"Come on Evans!" he laughed precariously as she skirted around a workbench, "Give it your best shot."

She had to play him; she had to get him close enough to knock him off his feet. He claimed that she cared too much and that was her weakness but Lily knew his weakness as well and she knew she could fuck James up. Lily shot a shield spell up, jumping onto the bench. James was shooting jinxes at her on the bench and she took the opportunity. Lily half twisted and fell from the bench, landing against the floor with a loud thump. Her hands broke her fall but it looked nasty enough for James' spells to stop coming at her like fireworks. Lily let herself lay there, knowing James wouldn't be able to resist.

"Lily?" he called and she didn't answer.

She saw his feet under the bench; he was going to jump over the fucking piece of wood to get to her. He had made it no more than five steps from the bench and she launched up, surprising him and stunning him with a satisfied grin. James fell rigid to the floor, unmoving.

Haughtily, Lily jumped the bench and grabbed his wand from his hand before reviving him. His eyes opened and James stared up at her furiously.

"That was a low—" he began saying irritably but slow claps cut him off.

Lily chest was heaving as she apprehended that Shondra was standing into the doorway of the training room smiling—fucking smiling. Lily wondered if this was all a weird dream. Shondra's hands were completing one last clap as James jumped up and ripped his wand from Lily's grasp.

"Evans!" Shondra said as she stepped farther into the training room, "I never thought I'd see the day where you'd disarm James Potter."

"It wasn't my first time." Lily replied with a sneaky wink in James' direction.

James was rubbing his wand arm unhappily, looking quite put out by the whole event. Shondra looked James up and down.

"I heard you fucked up on your Field Day, Potter."

James glared at the floor, "Yeah."

Shondra crossed her arms as she stared at the mismatched pair, "You know what? I think this is going to be good for the both of you."

James' head shot up and Lily crossed her arms, "What?"

Shondra nodded, "Potter you need your ego dismantled and Evans needs you need your ego boosted. You two will be training with me the rest of the week."

"What?" James exclaimed, "But I thought you said you'd talk to Frank—"

"Enough James." Shondra controlled James with a stern glare, "This will be good for you, perhaps at the end Evans can join you out in the field. Especially if she keeps disarming you."

Lily couldn't resist the bubble of excitement at the thought of doing field days. Shondra gave them orders to return the same time tomorrow. James was silent as they walked back to the dormitory. He followed Lily to her dorm, something Lily was surprised about but she didn't argue as they entered her bedroom.

"You played dirty." He accused, closing the door behind them to give them confidentiality.

Lily took her hair out of its braid, "You're the one who said to fight with a twist."

"I meant actually fight." James said, kicking at her floor, "Not tricking me into thinking you were hurt."

Lily stuck her nose in the air, "You played with my heart," she said smartly, "I played with your brain."

James glared pointedly at her, "You just wanted to one up me."

Lily stuck her finger into his chest, glaring at him, "And you just wanted to feel superior."

"I was trying to help!" James shouted at her.

She shouted back, "I didn't need your help!"

"Why can't you just say think you?" he asked loudly, "Is it so hard for you to take notes?"

"That's the Pot calling the Kettle black!"

"You're so bloody frustrating!" he cried, "I wasn't trying to compete with you in there!"

"You're always trying to compete with me!" she retorted, "Even in school you wanted to beat my grades, my dueling, Hell even snogging you is a competition sometimes!"

"You act like you hate it!" James said, "And I should hate it but you fucking have me wrapped around your finger and I just—"

His lips crashed against hers, no more yelling required because they were ripping each other's faces off in a more productive way now. Clothes fell off. Hair was tangled in fingers. They fell into Lily's bed, James riding into her roughly, his fingers leaving new bruises on her arms. Lily was determined to have the upper hand; he had to sing her praises, not the other way around. She rolled them so she was straddling his hips, the gleam in her eyes dangerous as she began grinding into James at the perfect angle. His hands adhered to her thighs, impatiently pushing her down harder and harder. They were both groaning. They were both trying so much to get the other to say they were sorry. They were both trying to eliminate the sexual tension that had built in their duels in and out of the classroom.

The next day, in class, Shondra had them dueling each other until James got the upper hand and had Lily wandless and backed into the wall wheezing. He had a determined glint in his eyes when he passed her back her wand and Shondra dismissed them, happy with the turnouts. They ignored each other outside of class, both of them determined not to make the first move.

The next day Lily felt she was overdue for a fix of the touch of his lips while they were dueling. Shondra was yelling instructions to Lily. Lily's wand was ruthless, blasting away each retaliation James struggled to aim her way. Lily grinned confidently when this time, it was James' back pushed against the wall, Lily's sparking wand at his neck. Shondra clapped Lily on the back and gave her the rest of the day off. James sent her a look when she passed the rec room that night but he didn't act upon the smirk she sent his way in return.

They'd gone from battling in the classroom to battling outside of the classroom.

On their last day of training together, Lily and James were back to being well matched. James wasn't falling for her feints anymore and Lily wasn't falling for his sexual nuances. They both had trust issues with each other, issues flowing not only from the classroom duels but their emotional trysts outside of the classroom. Shondra loved the energy, finally praising Lily for choices she made when she tried to get the upperhand on James. James was not one for giving up, he tried everything but he was starting to overthink her and she was constantly leading him on.

Their last duel ended up with their wands pointed at each other's hearts, eyes locked on each other, waiting for the other to look away. Shondra awarded them both with her rare smile, kicking them both to the showers immediately after she'd broken them apart.

They walked in silence back to the dorms. It didn't feel right, he was supposed to be charming her, making her feel better. He had his hand on her heart and she set his mind on fire. They'd gone back and forth for months and she felt almost guilty.

"You're a great dueler." She said to him kindly.

"Sorry," he looked down at her as they walked up the steps to the dorm, "What?"

She blushed and stared at her toes, "Never mind." She whispered, "See you later, James."

She had her hand on her door, ready to go take a long shower, when a hand was placed on her shoulder. Lily glanced behind her to see James staring at her foolishly. His curls were falling into his eyes and he was smiling delicately.

"I'm sorry." He said.

She blinked back her shock and turned to face him, keeping one hand on her door handle, "What?"

"You were right," he said, "I let my pride get in my way sometimes, and I'm sorry it came between us this week."

Lily tilted her head at him, "That's not what came between us."

"Then what?" he asked, "I hated that you couldn't look at me yesterday. I just—I hate failing."

"Me too," she said, "and I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have been so smug when I beat you."

"I shouldn't have goaded you." James' fingers pushed through his hair distractedly.

"Guess we both put in one hundred and ten percent sometimes." She half laughed.

James tucked his fingers under her chin, lifting her eyes to his, "I think you are an amazing dueler."

"And I think you've got the biggest heart." Lily told him truthfully, "And that's not a bad thing."

James and Lily smiled at each other. James gazed at her lips, licking his own hungrily. Lily swallowed readily, aching for him to make the move. He seemed hesitant, for the first time in his life, to jump into anything.

"Kiss me." She begged and he sighed a bit, letting go of her chin.

"I can't do this." He whispered, taking a step back.

"Why?" she closed her eyes and opened them again to make sure she wasn't dreaming, "James…"

His eyes flashed back to hers, hazel and smoldering from hearing his name on her lips, "I can't keep needing you like this. It's going to damn well tear me apart."

Lily leaned against her door and glared at him, "I'm so sorry shagging me has been so painful."

"You know what's painful?" he asked, tone rising at her suggestion, "I know every inch of you Evans. I know how your brain works, how your heart ticks. I know how to make you scream. I know how to make you laugh. The only thing I don't know how to do, is keep you safe."

Lily's back was pushed into her door as he kept her eyes trained on James' passionate eyes.

"I can't keep you out of my mind." James stepped forward and her fingers pressed into the hard wood of the door, her body screaming for him to just touch her already, "You aren't just some heated shag to me Evans. I love just being with you. I like the way you laugh at my corny jokes. I think you're the smartest, wittiest witch I've ever met. I love the way you duel, I mean, it took all my willpower not to not fuck you in training last week."

"The feeling was mutual." She snickered and he sighed fondly.

"And your laugh," he swiped his hand across her cheek lovingly, "Evans I'm bloody in love with you and I don't know how to not be."

"Why don't you want to be?" she whispered.

James swallowed, "Because I don't want to ever have to be out in the field with someone I love. I don't even want to have to stumble across your body, lifeless on the floor like a fucking mannequin."

Lily blinked at him, "I feel exactly the same way."

"Really?" he looked hopeful.

She said slowly, "You know what we're going to have to do?"

"No?"

Lily pushed his glasses up his nose for him, "We're gonna have to keep each other safe."

She fell apart under his adoring gaze. Lily took a giant step, plastering her lips to his. They stumbled through her door, James swiftly closing it behind them. This wasn't like all the other times they'd shagged. He was kissing her extravagantly and his hands were driving her out of her mind, slowly tracing her whole body like he was learning it for the first time. She was the one vehemently pressing him faster, keeping her hands busy with unbuttoning his robes.

"Think Shondra noticed the sexual tension?" he teased as his robes fell to her floor where they belonged.

"I don't give a fuck what she thinks."

She bit his lip and he moaned, moving his own hands to unbutton her robes. As soon as she was free of clothes his hands became diligent working at her breasts as they stepped backwards towards her bed. His mouth replaced his hands when they fell down together, his teeth skimming her skin indulgently. Every lick, bite, and kiss had Lily squirming under him, her soft sighs a song for his ears only.

It was a give and take of heart and mind. Lily knew her heart ached for every bit of James, especially when his fingers relocated between them, making her hips rise keenly into his touch. Lily's brain was fogged and she wasn't able to overthink the way that his tongue traced past her navel. She couldn't do anything but grip her sheets as he parted her legs, overcoming her with his tongue and fingers until she cried his name in ecstasy.

James was satisfied when he was finished since Lily was unable to move for moments after, all her muscles seized from the wild high. He kissed her mouth gratefully and she happily hummed against his tongue. She loved the smug grin on James' face and was eager to replace her look of ecstasy with her similar grin. Lily pressed her hips up, rubbing herself up against his hardening cock impatiently. James snickered, aware she was trying to retaliate for his attack on her.

She wasn't just trying though; she was fully committed.

Lily wrapped her legs, skillfully twisting them so he was on his back. His glasses were askew on his face and she pulled them off, tossing them aside carelessly.

"Easy." He chuckled, "Some of us need to see, you know."

Lily leaned in, pushing her hips into his and grating selflessly, "You've had your fun, and it's my turn."

James half laugh, half moaned as Lily moved effortlessly so that he was able to slip into her. She had intended to ride him until his fuse blew and he was shouting her name but James (ever so quick in dueling and sex) flipped them again. She was under him and his fingers were between them, rubbing her with his fingers as he rocked into her at the same time. The combination was mind numbing and Lily felt like she was on fire. Her hands wrapped around his neck, her fingers threading into his curls as they fell into a delicious pattern that ended only after they'd both collapsed, their combined frenzy bringing them both to a satisfying lethargy.

Lily pressed her forehead against James' tenderly. She held onto this moment, where they were one living breathing unit. She knew they both had a long way to go before they were Aurors. She knew they both had a lot of issues they needed to work through. She knew that James loved her, issues and all. She knew that if Shondra pulled through and put James and Lily on the same team out in the field, there was no doubt in her mind that they'd be a fucking excellent team.

Neither James nor Lily was particularly quiet in their activities when they got together and soon, the entire Auror training team knew that Evans and Potter were in a relationship. Lily wasn't even ashamed as she and James were pulled into Shonadra's office and the instructor yelled at the couple for twenty whole minutes to 'fuck each other off property' for the 'bloody sake' of their fellow students. James and Lily didn't listen of course, but they fought to stay quieter in their exploits.

Eventually, James was released from his probations and was allowed to go back to field days. Frank Longbottom, the Auror who James was paired with, stopped by the dorms one day offering James his congratulations on being welcomed back to shadowing and introducing them to his pretty brown-eyed partner, Alice Readings.

"This is Franks girlfriend." James told Lily with a wink, "They're partners."

"Hi Lily," Alice smiled on Franks' arm kindly, "James told us all about you on his field days."

Lily flushed as James wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Alice and I were banned from the dorms," Frank told Lily merrily, "Shondra was livid when Alastor Moody caught us shagging in the rec room after a Field Day."

"Shondra was even more livid when Frank managed to convince Alastor to let us be partners together." Alice's laugh was soft and full of joy.

"Shondra hasn't let James and I do any simulations together since she found out we were seeing each other." Lily said, "I think she's only been passing me on practical's because she wants me out in the field and away from James quicker than anything."

It was only right that Alice went to Shondra the next day, requesting Lily to shadow her, thereby pairing Lily with Frank (and as fate would have it) James.

Written for the August Jily Challenge. Let me know what ya'll think. I have a hate/love relationship with writing smut but this prompt simply called for it. Loudly. With a megaphone. And ten signs.

xxx

Petals