Author's note: This idea popped into my head while watching the second half of season 2, but doesn't fit at a particular point in the timeline. I just thought it was kind of a funny, so I went with it. Hope you enjoy.

Without a Clue

It was finally happening... and it wasn't happening.

"Lucifer, what is it?" Chloe's voice was soft, her eyes wide as she looked up at him. And that was the problem, right there.

Where was the hunger? Why weren't her hands tearing at his shirt, clawing at his hair? Why was he still dressed? Why was she still dressed, for that matter? He'd kissed her, that was usually more than enough, and yet all she was doing was staring up at him, fully clothed, a dreamy look in her eyes.

He sighed. "This isn't working, is it Detective?"

"What do you mean?" He could see hurt, and confusion, replacing that dreaminess. "It's not working for you?" She asked, her voice hardening, "Is that what you're saying? Not enough whips and cha-"

He clapped a hand over her mouth before she could finish, and her eyes burned into his with shock. For a second he thought she might bite him, and given he lost his powers around her, that would hurt.

"I'm not talking about me!" He protested quickly, "You're a beautiful woman, and I'm… me. There's no problem there." That wasn't the whole truth, but it was as much as he was comfortable sharing. "You're the one who isn't enjoying this!"

She pulled his hand from her mouth. "How can you say that?"

He gestured towards her body. "You're still dressed!"

Chloe sighed, sounding resigned rather than angry. "Look, it's been a long and eventful day, I'm tired, you're tired. Let's just… try this again tomorrow." She leant in so that their foreheads were touching. "We have time, Lucifer."

The words were on the tip of his tongue: Time? You're mortal, we have no time at all! But for once he bit his tongue.

The next morning he turned up at Doctor Linda's office at the exact same time she arrived. Which wasn't a coincidence, and neither was the fact that her first patient of the day had suddenly realised a desire to become a deep sea fisherman off the coast of Florida, and therefore left her with an opening.

"It's about the detective." Lucifer explained. "We finally… Well, the inevitable happened. Or rather didn't happen."

"I'm not sure I follow." Doctor Linda looked at him carefully. "Are you saying that you had a problem?" She lowered her voice slightly, "In the bedroom?"

Well at least the incredulous edge to her tone was flattering, under the circumstances. "No! Not me, her!"

"Tell me what happened, Lucifer."

"Well, you remember how it is when women have sex with me-" He broke off for a moment as her skin flushed, her eyes started to widen, her pupils dilating. "Yes, like that!"

"You know," Her voice had transformed into a purr, "I could help you forget the detective…" She started to unbutton her blouse.

"No! Down girl!" But as he realised his mistake, it was clearly too late. The doctor was already coming towards him, her lips parted, her glasses flung away.

Frankly, he was lucky to escape.

After the complete lack of assistance from Doctor Linda, he drove to Chloe's house, but as he pulled into the driveway, he saw Dan just leaving.

"Detective Douche!" Now this was an opportunity. "I need to ask your advice."

"And you think continuing to call me that makes me likely to want to help you?"

"Oh don't be silly, it's a term of affection. Now, tell me, when you were married to Chloe, how did you please her? In bed?"

Dan's mouth dropped open, but before he could reply, Lucifer realised his mistake.

"No, wait, why am I asking you? She divorced you! And you haven't got laid since."

The corners of Dan's mouth curled into a smirk. "Except with your mom."

And after that little fiasco, it was probably unwise to ask for guidance from Maze, but sometimes even the Devil makes mistakes… as he realised about five minutes into her detailed description of something involving a sex swing and several pairs of industrial pliers.

"…and that was my day." He concluded, as Chloe sat listening to him on his couch, her eyebrows raised so high they practically met her hairline.

"And you didn't think to talk to me?"

"I am talking to you. Now." He pouted slightly, "Since no one else helped at all."

"Lucifer," She shook her head. "What is the actual problem here? Last night was going fine, before you freaked out."

He sighed. "My powers don't work on you. None of them."

"We knew that already." She looked puzzled.

"None of them." He emphasised.

"Ohhhhh." He watched realisation dawn in her eyes, and then she started to laugh. "You mean, you'll actually have to make an effort in bed?"

"I always make an effort!" He protested.

"Oh please. I've seen what happens. You can practically make a woman climax just by looking at her right."

"Practically? I can, I'll have you know."

"Exactly! So not much effort required." Chloe was still giggling. "You know, in a real relationship, you actually have to ask the other person what they want. Learn what works for them."

"But that sounds… hard." He couldn't help the distaste showing on his face. "Sex isn't supposed be hard."

"Oh, it doesn't have to be hard." She looked up at him, and something in her smile had shifted, from humour towards seduction. "It can be fun. For example," She shifted suddenly on the couch, and before he knew it she was straddling his lap. "I like taking a little control."

"Oh, really?" He drew out every syllable, his mouth curving into a wicked smile of his own. "I should have guessed."

"Well now you know." And then Chloe kissed him, a different sort of kiss to the sweet and dreamy ones of the night before. And he kissed her right back, sliding his tongue past her lips to stroke against hers, which she seemed to like, judging from the breathy little moan she made into his mouth.

"It's like working a case!" He pulled back, triumphantly.

"What?" She looked confused, her cheeks flushed.

"Following the clues!"

Now clearly torn between laughter and exasperation, she replied, "Well then, what clue is my face giving you right now?"

"That stopping in the middle to talk about clues isn't something you enjoy?" He hazarded.

"Got it in one."

"Sorry, won't happen again." And he made up for it by launching back into the kiss, this time bringing his hands up to free her hair from its bun, letting it fall around her shoulders so that he could tangle his fingers in it, holding her head as he explored her mouth with his tongue. Chloe tasted fantastic, and she was pressing herself tighter against him, which felt like a clue to maybe…

"Ow!" She pulled back, wincing, as his watch caught in her hair.

"Sorry! Sorry." He quickly moved to untangle it. "I was trying to-" But she stopped him with another kiss.

It was slightly awkward, and yet somehow that made it more exciting. He had thought he'd miss the smooth, effortless nature of his past sexual encounters, but actually, that had become rather bland after a while. Hence all the props. No, this was different. This was…

"Chloe…" He groaned her name from pure instinct, as her hands found the first button of his shirt, and she gave another of those breathy moans in response. He slid his hands down her sides, finding the hem of her t-shirt, and edged his fingers underneath, finally touching her bare skin. As he spread his palms across her lower back, she felt warm and soft, and she shuddered at his touch, but he was pretty sure it was a good shudder, given that she popped another of his buttons, then another, and before he knew it, her hands were on his chest, and his eyes almost rolled back in his head at the feeling of her touching him.

"Lucifer…" Her hand was on his face now, and he met her eyes to see a slight concern there, something that didn't belong alongside her flushed cheeks and dilated pupils. "Are you okay?"

"You…" He groped for the answer, but he didn't have it. "Chloe." He said again, and kissed her once more, this time grasping the hem of her t-shirt and starting to pull it upwards, breathing an inner sigh of relief when she willingly lifted her arms and helped him to remove it. His lips founds her neck and she whimpered, a sound that he'd never heard before from her, and one that made him instinctively buck his hips up into hers. For a terrible second he wondered if that had been a mistake, but then she ground down on him, none too gently, and when he groaned, he saw her give just the slightest smile.

"Wait a minute!" He realised something, "You're reading my clues too!"

"Of course," Her laugh was a little breathy, "But if you want a clue for free…" She leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Take me to bed, Lucifer. Now!"

Dispensing with both of their clothes on the way to the bed had been entirely her idea, but he certainly wasn't protesting. The way she looked up at him, biting her lip as she undid his belt… Well, if he'd been a mere man, he might have lost it completely at that point. Instead he focussed on drawing his hands across every inch of her skin, recognising and cataloguing the shivers, the moans, that delicious little whimpering sound, until he felt as though he could elicit them at will, like a conductor with a whole orchestra at his disposal.

But she was doing the same to him now, using her lips to trace across his body, dropping random, feathery kisses, finding places that even in his countless sexual escapades of the past he was sure had never been discovered. And he was so lost in the touch and feel of her that he realised far later than he should have that she was straddling him, and her unclothed centre was pressing down on his hardness. He'd never felt this out of control before, so in an attempt to take that control back, he grasped her hips and went to roll them, but she resisted fiercely, and that clue was all too easy to read, even without the accompanying word.

"No!" Chloe lifted her mouth from his chest, "I'm not done." She started to shift down his body again, but it was his turn to resist.

"No." He echoed, his hands wrapping around her ribcage, holding her in place. "Not me, you."

"Lucifer..?" Her eyes softened as she asked the question.

"This is about you." He murmured, and this time she allowed him to flip them, so that she was on her back, and it was he who was moving down her body, dropping kisses on her breasts, her ribs, her belly, the warmth of her skin heating his lips.

He'd pleasured thousands of women in thousands of ways, but all of that was forgotten, this was brand new. He registered her scent as though he had never smelt another woman. He tasted the slick space between her thighs as though another's essence had never crossed his lips. And thankfully there was no need to search for subtle clues, because Chloe was crying out, her thighs trembling under his hands, and her voice, her lovely voice, huskier than he'd ever heard it, was urging him on.

"Please… more… I want… I need… Please… Lucifer!"

And he was filled with sinful, delicious pride as he felt her climax against his mouth. But there was something else there too, something that made him rise up over her, seeking her eyes, needing to hold her and tell her… Tell her…

But she stopped him with a kiss, and this time she was the one flipping them, climbing over him, settling above him, and he was so lost in wonder at the way she combined beauty and boldness, softness and strength, that he was half inside of her before he even realised it.

"Like this?" She breathed, and he could only nod as his eyes met hers. He had tricks, so many tricks, but in that moment he simply couldn't recall a single one of them. And who needed tricks anyway, when Chloe was on top of him, sheathing him in silky heat, taking what she needed and giving him something no woman, no one, had ever given him before. And if he was absolutely, completely, one hundred percent honest, it was all over a bit too quickly, but she didn't seem to mind, because as she collapsed down onto his chest, her lips found his ear, and she breathed the words he realised he'd been waiting to hear for a very long time.

"I love you."

And finally, finally, he was able to say them right back.

THE END