Chapter 15

AN: I have a million excuses on my finger tips as to why it has taken me so long to update, but I'll spare you. Read. Review. Enjoy.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO. THIS FIC IS RATED M. THERE IS A LOT OF CURSING.

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Sakura

Getting shot at in an epic car chase...

"I'VE BEEN SHOT, I'VE BEEN SHOT DATTABAYO! Naruto screamed at the top off his lungs as we wized through the bustling streets of Paris, dodging pedestrians and other vehicles oh, and the bullets of course. Let's not forget about the barrage of bullets Marko's team and the cops are sharing. Honestly, this was getting ridiculous! Why aren't they running out of bullets? You would swear we're in a fucking Bad Boys movie!

"WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M TRYING TO KILL PEOPLE HERE!" I yelled as killed three of Marco's goons. Nothing like some head shots and a car chase in the evening.

"OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKK IT HURTS. I'M GONNA DIE IN THIS SHITHOLE!" Naruto screamed as Sasuke drove like a beast through the city. He swerved sharply and suddenly as he rounded a corner, causing the car to almost flip. Neji and I braced ourselves but the wailing man-child that is Naruto Uzumaki didn't.

I laughed like a maniac when he was tossed about like a rag doll causing him to land face-first in Marco's exposed butt crack.

"AAAAARRH!" He screamed in a pitch reminiscent of Ino when confronted with a roach. "I FUCKING TASTED HIS ASS, SAKURA JUST FUCKING KILL ME! I DON'T WANNA LIVE ANYMORE! HOW CAN I BE HOKAGE KNOWING THE TASTE OF ASS!"

"GVIE ME YOUR GUN YOU USELESS IDIOT!" Neji yelled as he flung his empty weapon out the window, hitting the head of one of our chasers square in the head, causing him to fall unconscious out of the car. This was made easy as the car he was in had no door. Now the car has no driver as one of my bullets hit him in the throat. And now there was a pile up of cars as the driverless car crashed and blocked the road. Things were not looking good for our chasers to say the least.

"All right Sasuke, I think you've lost them. You can kind of slow down now. You will have to dump this car and steal another before you get to the safe house. Sakura knows the way, I'm gonna get the room ready for our guest of honor" Omi said ominously through the radios. She did a marvelous job of guiding Sasuke through his first car chase.

"I am never going on a mission with your fucking team! Do you hear me Sakura? Fucking Never!" Neji screamed. Like seriously, what the everloving fuck is his problem? Naruto is crying like a bitch and now Neji is having a bitch fit!

"Can't anyone just appreciate the most awesome fucking car chase we just had and bask in the smell of gunpowder and burnt rubber like normal people?" I asked, throwing my hands in the air in disbelief at their ungrateful attitudes.

"Wha.. are you fucking kidding me!? I was nearly raped by a psycho you crazy bitch!" Neji screamed and he tossed his gun, hitting Naruto directly on his supposed gunshot wound.

"Yea, but did you die?" I countered sarcastically. I swore his hair was fizzing with rage and my brilliantly timed clapback. I was very tempted to ask if it would have even bee rape, but the guy has been through enough so I'll spare him...for now.

"Hun, I appreciated it Sakura." Sasuke adds, I think just to piss Neji off more.

"EXCUSE ME, BUT I'M FUCKING DYING HERE!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP NARUTO!" we all yelled in unison.

"Look, let's just calm all our tits, ditch this car and head to the safe house humm. The mission is still in progress." I say in my most calming diplomatic voice.

"Fine" Neji pouted.

"Fine" Sasuke muttered.

"FINE!" Naruto shouted.

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Naruto

After we lost the ninjas of this world (police officers or the popo) and ditched to bullet ridden car for a 'less conspicuous' car, Sakura guided Sasuke to an apartment in a building looking like the one Sakura has in that other place. I can't remember the name exactly or properly describe this new place because I'VE BEEN FUCKING SHOT! So excuse me for not being aptly descriptive.

"Quit being a lil bitch Naruto, it's just a graze." Sakura grumbled as she slung me over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Feeling slightly put out by not receiving the much deserved attention for my life threatening injury and being 'Sakura-handled' like a cheap whore, I did what I do best; annoy the fuck out of Sakura or Sasuke till one of them reacts. Fuck, if I'm miserable, who the hell am I to deny them some misery as well?

I've had a pretty shit fucking day ya'know. I've been dressed in a garbage bag diaper, seduced a man, drank a cinnamon concoction from hell and got shitfaced, nearly been ass raped and now I've BEEN SHOT! A little sympathy would be fucking appreciated!

"HEY TEME! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Nice try dope, I just 'Fast and the Furious' the fuck out of that car and I'm too much in a good mood to get it ruined by your miserable ass." Sasuke says as he and Neji carry the still unconscious Marko out of the trunk.

"Wow teme, a full sentence. Don't hurt yourself." He flipped me off and gets in the moving metal box, holding the door open for Sakura. He didn't care that he dumped the naked 6ft tall, bulky and oh so very naked man on Neji to be chivalrous to his wife.

"Sasuke-kun, could you hit the red button to take us down? My hands are a bit full. Holding a lil bitch is hard work ya know"

"Ugh Sakura-chan, aren't we 'down' already?" We were in what Sakura called, a parking lot, which was under the massive building.

"Oh, yea. I had a special rooms built when I bought the building. The above is a just some boring office space, the real fun is down below." She says impishly. I don't like it when she says shit like that. I would say 'I could feel in im my bones' but I can't because I'VE BEEN FUCKING SHOT!

"That's great Sakura-chan, by chance do you have some lube down there?." I say sweetly. She shakes her little pink head and waits for me to elaborate."Because I would like to shove that useless information up your ass!"

"Tch, 5 minutes in a sex dungeon and you want to shove something up someone's ass." Sasuke muttered.

"Well pardon me if I didn't spend quality time with pedos in Sound like you teme! This sure must bring back all the fun times of Orochimaru teaching you his five palm snake stroke technique and braiding your hair in his little den of horrors."

"Naruto, I feel you man. You've had a traumatic experience. But you know what you gotta do when life gets you down?" Finally some sympathy! I knew Sakura-chan would understand.

"What Sakura-chan?"

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" she sang and she walked out of the elevator.

"What the actual fuck Sakura-chan!"

"Just keep swimming swimming swimming. What do you do you swim! La lala lala.."

Well those two can go fuck themselves. I crossed my arms and pouted at their lack of obvious lack of emotion towards their best friend.

She walked and walked for what felt like forever until she stopped. I assume it's a door because right now the only view I've got is Sasuke's crotch. Great. Just what the doctor prescribed, more cock.

"Password"

"What the fuck Omi, its me. You fucking know its me, why are we still even doing this?"

"Excuse me your royal bitchiness, but you came in here with your freaky ninja friends who could do shit I've read about only in mangas. Calm your fucking tits and give me the password."

"She's got you there Sakura-chan. Hey, what is a manga?"

"Oh my god I'm surrounded by idiots. Fine Mischief Managed happy now?"

"Why yes. I am pleased and you may enter."

"Thank you."

Those two are so weird. Always talking in their best friend codes and laughing at their stupid inside jokes. I'm Sakura-chain's best friend. That crazy… hey what the.. Ow!

"free ride is over Naruto. Do me a solid and help Neji move Marco to the first room down the hall on the left. Thanks."

"What! Why the hell do I have to carry that Oorchimaru wanna-be with no hair huh? I have a piece of metal lodged somewhere in my body and Sasuke is fucking eating a banana! Where the fuck did you get a banana? I want one too"

"This is the last one."

"Would you stop bitching and come help me carry this beast! I have had enough of this crazy shit! You're not even bleeding you buffoon!"

"Hey! Fuck you...ohh you're right..hehehe.."

"Geezz Naruto, took you long enough to notice. You do remember that Kurma's chakra heals your wounds faster than I can right?" Sakura deadpans.

"Sooooo, where too Sakura-chan?"

"First door, down the hall on the left."

I take a quick look around to room while we head to the room Sakura said to go. The place is designed similarly like the other but smaller. There is a kitchen and some doors which must lead to bedrooms and a bath.

"Sakura-chan, aren't you forgetting something?" I asked as she took a bite of Sasuke's banana. Ew, gross. Now I can never eat bananas again.

"no but I'm sure you're going to fill me in"

"Don't sass me young lady!

"Don't ask dumb questions old buffoon"

"ha ha very funny. What do you plan to do with captain nipple clamps over here?" I gestured to the still knocked out naked man in my arms. Note to self, burn all my clothes and shower for the rest of the night.

"Torture him of course. What did you think I was gonna do? Paint his nails and talk about the woes of menstruating?"

"Oh, OK…..

…..

…..

"Wait! What!?"

"What?" she shrugs and walks into the dimly lit room.

Torture? My sweet little Sakura-chan is gonna torture someone? I know she killed people, heck I've killed loads of people and don't get me started on the teme's body count, but this is different. No life or death clean kill. This is ….

I walk into the room and freeze, dropping the heavy weight of Marco on Neji.

The room is cold, freezing cold. The smell of dried blood assaults my over sensitive nose. And then I notice the set-up. The room is bare except for a table with instruments, a wooden chair with straps on the legs and arm rests. A bright tall standing lamp directed at said chair. Omi standing with her arms crossed in a full plastic jumpsuit with goggles on her forehead and plastic. Lots of plastic. Its on the floor, the walls, on the chair.

"Easy clean up, Naruto." she says as she walks over to her crazy friend.

"Who the fuck are you?" I whispered.

Her grin is sinister and her eyes are as cold as the blood now running in my veins.

"It's me Naruto, I'm the Legendary Sakura Haruno. How did you think I became legendary?"

Good question. It's a shame I wasn't able to ask. I couldn't ask as black closed in on me and I promptly fainted. Not like a bitch, I fainted like a man. I'm Uzumaki Naruto, I don't faint like no bitch. That's for Neji.

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Sakura

Paris Hideout

How did you think I became legendary?

How indeed.

So what if I'm not an upstanding citizen in this world like I was back in Konoha? So what if I wasn't a renowned doctor who saved thousands of lives? Like seriously, who the fuck is nowadays? The Sakura Naruto knew is long gone and in her place is a bad bitch who loves Harry Potter and won't hesitate to fuck a chigga up. I didn't get filthy rich and a legendary reputation by flouncing my medical skills. Nope, that I definitely did not. What I did do was lie, cheat, maim and kill my way up the proverbial ladder to get where I am.

And if we're being honest with ourselves, working as a child soldier in Konoha is basically the same thing. Only difference is that I've got a choice. I choose which jobs to take and which not to take. All my life risking missions were for my benefit and my bank account. My life wasn't put on the line for the sake of some poor old politician or lord. My life was mine. I don't know how I'm going to transition back into my old life as my new one has moulded me into who I've become today. I guess I'll cross that bridge later.

I should focus on the task at hand.

Good, old fashioned torture. And in my own place too! Saves Omi and I the trouble of finding an abandoned shithole and no witnesses to you know...take cake off..

And to think, I nearly passed this place up. Omi must be feeling pretty fucking smug right about now.

"And you didn't want to buy this place. Look at how many uses we are getting out of it! This is what, our 10th 'guest? Now that's what I call good investments."

Yip, pretty fucking smug.

This hideout is a special one. Omi and I bought it a couple of years ago and fitted it with everything that would make Jigsaw jizz in his pants. The walls are thick and we're down low enough that gut wrenching screams would just be absorbed. This is one of the places I take the tough nuts to crack. Tough nuts like my buddy Marko. I'll have him singing harder than Beyonce when she realises her ugly ass man has the audacity to cheat on a queen like her, anyways let's not get carried away.

"Uhh, hey Omi, when did you get in?" Neji shyly asked.

"I flew in on my Nimbus 2001 just yesterday, it was a bit windy but I managed to "Slytherin" quite nicely if I do say so myself." Omi says primly. I snorted at the little HP reference that no doubt went right over Neji's head.

"Oh, that's nice. I trust your experience was better than mine." He says as he fixes Marco to the chair.

"I bet it was a "snitch" I added, because I just can't help myself when it comes to good ole wizarding fun.

"Golden" Omi says with a chuckle. " You wanna suit up or you good" she asked as I walked over to the table to check over tonight's choices.

"Oooooo you ain't playing tonight girl." I cooed as my fingers danced along the cool metal of the blades she has laid out. "I think I don't have much of a choice."

"Cool beans. You guys good or do you want to participate?" Omi asked. She shook her head as she lightly kicked at Naruto's foot. No response. "Ahhhh what you wanna do about this fool?"

"Meh."

"I thought you chiggs were big bad ninja? This guys has a fucking demon in his small intestine and faints at a little torture session. Sakura ain't even cut anything off yet!"

"Naruto is more of the bleeding heart type." Sasuke says quietly.

"And he's used to the old Sakura." I add. " The old me was a hero. Over here, I'm a villain. I will talk to him when the time is right. Right now, we have questions for a man who doesn't like to share his answers. Let's say we get his tongue wagging. Shall we?"

I watch as Omi injects Marco with some adrenaline to wake him up. I pick up a scalpel and fiddle with it, waiting for my guest of honor to wake.

I guess now my friends are going to see for themselves how I became legendary.

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AN: Hope you enjoyed! Please know that I do try to update but my busy schedule is getting busier and busier by the day. I actually had half of this written a month ago and didn't get the time to finish till now.

Just know that I do not start things I can not finish, I'm way to fucking stubborn for that shit, so it would just take longer to finish. I can't say when exactly I'm going to update again but know that I will update and eventually finish this fic.

Please review if you wish! Thank you.