The Odd Combination of Fate and Humor

Notes:

This is my second fan fiction story and it was caused due to a rather insistent idea that wouldn't leave my mind. Fear not, I will be updating both this story and The Friendship of Rivalry at least once a week (twice if I'm not too busy) and I will make sure to give both stories equal attention.

Disclaimer:

I do not own Harry Potter in any way; those rights belong to J.K Rowling. I can imagine however that many of us actually DO wish we could be her for at least a day, but I doubt we would be able to find all the right ingredients to be able to pull off a Polyjuice potion to achieve that. The plot and any extra characters are my own though.

Warnings:

This story WILL contain slash!

I may at a later date decide to make a male x female story, but this story will be purely male x male slash regarding the main characters. Please do not read if you find it offensive to read about two guys kissing…etc.

This chapter also contains a certain amount of violence and abuse so please be advised and don't read it if you don't like it.

Everyone else… please enjoy

Key:

"Speech"

"soft spoken or seemingly vague speech"

'thoughts'

- Parseltongue -

Chapter 1: Meeting

"Harry? Harry! HARRY!" Harry hurriedly sat up and barely avoided banging his head on the stairs above his bed as he scrambled out of it. "Coming Aunt Petunia."

He grimaced as he waited for his cousin Dudley to run down the stairs and throw him back into his closet again. He was so used to it happening that it took him a whole minute to discover that the stairs were awfully silent for some reason.

Not being one to pass up a chance to get a head start, Harry quickly made his way to the kitchen to start breakfast. He had to remind himself not to make anything too flashy as the thought of supposedly being locked up in the cupboard again for another week without food, made him frown.

He didn't know what they had against his food if he was still forced to cook every day, but evidently trying to cook something fancy he'd seen on the TV while Petunia was watching her programs, wasn't the way to gain a seat at the table as he had imagined it would.

Instead, they had been furious as a feast had been laid out before them and he'd immediately been shoved into his cupboard and locked inside. His uncle had opened the small vents in the door and declared that he would be severely punished if he continued to act better than the freakish waste of space he actually was.

The memory made him keep his head down as Dudley and his uncle entered the room and he could see them openly smirking at putting the 'freak' back in his place. They thought he hadn't eaten anything throughout the entire week, but he had learned long ago that there was a way to open the locked door from the inside. He could only imagine what they would do if he showed them what he could do and the thought was enough to send a violent shiver through his body. It wouldn't fit into their 'perfect' world and he wasn't foolish enough to reveal anything strange to them.

He didn't want them to find out that he only had to place his hand against the door and imagine that he was unlocking the door from the other side. This always caused the locks to spring open and then he was able to grab something to eat and wash up while his aunt, uncle and his cousin were either out or sleeping.

He had gotten the idea of trying psychokinesis after he'd found an old comic book hidden under the stairs in between the cracks of the floorboards. Being locked up in the cupboard most of the time allowed him to practice it to stave off his boredom and he had been extremely shocked to find that he could actually use psychokinesis after training for only two short weeks. Now he could pretty much do whatever he wanted, he just had to ensure that he locked the door behind him each time.

Harry glanced up to see that Dudley was wearing a school uniform. It didn't take him long to realize that Dudley hadn't taunted him because he was getting ready for school. He felt relieved at the thought that he would be left alone at home then since his uncle worked and his aunt practically spent all her time with her friends during the day. He wished he could also go to school, but he knew his aunt and uncle would never pay for him to go.

Harry let his mind wander as he cleaned the pots he had used. His stomach clenched in hunger, but he refused to show it. His uncle would probably say that it serves him right and then lock him away again just for the idea of it. No, if he wanted to eat, then he would have to wait until it is safe to do so.

To his relief, his aunt forgot to throw out the leftovers to the neighbor's dog, but he squashed the hope. He wouldn't believe it until they drove off. He didn't put it past his aunt to seemingly 'forget' the leftovers before turning back and then 'catching' him in the act as he ate the food without permission.

Luckily his aunt and uncle were so excited to take Dudley to school at the start of each year that they barely cared about anything else, even if they forgot it in their rush from home. This allowed Harry to calmly sit down at the table and serve himself some breakfast. He didn't each much since his stomach didn't allow it, but he felt much better as he threw the rest of the scraps over the wall before cleaning the rest of the kitchen. Even though he ate more frequently than in the past, he still had to make sure that he didn't draw attention to the fact that he wasn't so skinny anymore. It was easy when wearing Dudley's oversized clothes, but it required him to still go hungry most of the time to keep up the act.

Next, he had to do the washing and weed the garden. At least the garden only had a few weeds and he finished the task off quickly. He was tempted to leave the windows, but his aunt always left a dirty streak on them to ensure that he actually did clean them when he was ordered to.

Harry then tidied the house before quickly ducking into a shower. He never left traces about the fact that he showered, but luckily his aunt and uncle never came close enough to notice and Dudley was too dense to realize anything. They probably thought that he used the hosepipe outside. It didn't really make sense to him that they would force him to cook without showering, but it would probably never occur to them and if it did, then they would probably blame him for it. They would probably say something along the lines of him trying to poison them or something. They really weren't imaginative people.

Harry smirked at the thought. By the time he finished, it was barely past twelve and Harry found himself sitting on the grass outside and soaking up the sunshine. He knew his aunt would probably be home any minute now, but then he would just pretend that he was weeding the grass. He hated being in the house when he had the chance to sit outside and he usually made the most of it every chance he got.

A rustle started up in the flower bed and Harry jumped up in fright. He knew that it was probably just one of the many rabbits that seemed to plague the neighborhood, but instinct told him that it was much bigger than a rabbit.

He held his breath as a huge snake seemed to appear out of nowhere. His feet were glued to the ground as the snake approached him, but instinct chose to aid him. Harry barely registered that he was already throwing open the back door to escape into the house when hissed words reached his ears.

- Thessse darn muggles. How dare they treat me like thisss? When I find Tom, I will make sssure they regret injuring me. If only there wasss another wizard out here who could underssstand me. Sssurely they would help me, but no Parssseltongue jussst had to be a language that had practically died out over the centuriesss. - Harry froze and turned to the snake. He was pretty sure that snakes couldn't talk, but weird things have been happening around him throughout his entire life, so Harry decided to take a chance.

- You are a snake. How can you speak English? - The snake turned her full attention on him and for a few shocking moments, they could only stare at each other. The snake recovered from her shock first and her voice was tinged with excitement and relief as she spoke.

- Yesss, I am a sssnake, but I am not ssspeaking Englisssh. We are currently conversing in Parssseltongue my little friend. I guesss thisss isss my lucky day, I can't wait to tell Tom that I've found another ssspeaker. He will be ssso pleasssed. Are your parentsss nearby? I didn't think I would find a wizard living here. Not to mention one who can actually both ssspeak and underssstand the language of the sssnakes. Your parentsss will be able to fix me up. I am sssure of it. -

Harry shook his head and fear rose up inside him. If his aunt or uncle saw the snake then they would immediately either kill her or capture her. Dudley would probably want to keep her as a pet if they caught her, but she would slowly be starved to death if Harry let that happen. His cousin was quite notorious for not being able to care for his animals for very long before he forgot about them completely and neither of his parents ever jumped in to help unless it was to throw out another dead animal.

- I'm sorry, but my parents are dead. I live with my aunt, uncle, and cousin and they would rather kill you or capture you than save you. What did you mean when you called me a wizard? Strange things might occasionally happen around me from time to time, but I'm sure I would have known if I was actually a wizard. -

The snake seemed to think for a moment before she nodded. - Only thossse with magic can ssspeak to sssnakes, but even in the wizarding world, they are practically extinct. Trussst me when I sssay that you are a wizard little one. Hmm now I will have to go. I am badly wounded and I need to find my massster. I hope we meet again little one. My massster would be ssso happy and pleasssed to meet you. -

The giant snake started to sail away, but Harry knew he couldn't just let her go. - Please wait, I want to try something. I promise I won't hurt you and I can dress your wound if it doesn't work. I can't just let you go while you're injured. You say that I'm a wizard, so I am pretty sure that I can do something to help you if I put my mind to it. -

The snake nodded, but Harry could see humor dancing in her eyes. He knew that she didn't believe that he could do it. - I accept your help little one and I thank you for worrying about me, but wandlesss magic isssn't sssomething a child can do. Mossst grownupsss can barely even concentrate enough to do it. And sssince you didn't know that you were a wizard; I am pretty sssure that you also don't have a wand. It also means that even if you did have your wand, you would be unable to do any underage magic with it, without being in a controlled environment. You alssso don't know the correct ssspells yet. -

Harry refused to listen to her and instead he placed his hands over her scales and willed the wound to close. She didn't move and he guessed that she was probably just humoring him. He could feel the familiar feeling of power rushing through his hands, but he didn't open his eyes until he heard the snake gasp. Harry looked down and he was glad to see that the wound had completely closed. He looked up at the snake but was suddenly thrown back as she launched herself at him. He felt slightly squashed as she hugged him, but let her be.

He felt happy to know that he was able to help. - Thank you ssso much little one. How can I repay you? I can't believe it! Wandlesss magic and at such a young age! You are going to be a very powerful wizard when you grow up. - Harry just shook his head. - You don't have to repay me. I did it because I wanted to. And thank you for the compliment. I don't have a way to learn more though. -

The sudden sound of a car in the driveway made Harry panic and he quickly stood up and looked over the wall. His aunt was getting out of the car. - Quick hide! If my aunt sees you she will try to hurt you and if she sees me talking to a snake, she would tell my uncle and my uncle would probably beat me to death! Please hide, quickly! - The snake nodded and hid in the garden bed. Harry sat down on the grass and acted like he was still weeding the garden.

His aunt came to the back door and after making certain that there was no one close enough to hear her shout, her eyes landed on Harry. "I hope you finished your chores you stupid freak. I want you to go fetch Dudley from his school. He is having a few friends over and I don't want my Dudley to hurt his back while carrying his book bag around."

Harry nodded as a feeling of dread ran through him. "Yes, Aunt Petunia." He knew what would happen next. He would go to fetch Dudley from school and carry his bag. After a while, Dudley's friends will give him their bags as well and they would probably make bets to see how long it will take him to carry the bags until he stumbled.

Then they would think up a suitable 'punishment' for not being able to listen to their orders and the punishment more often ended up being a beating than not. Harry looked around the garden and saw that the snake had completely disappeared. He knew it was for the best, but it had been great to finally talk to someone who didn't think he was a freak. It was sad to know that he would probably never see her again.

Harry stood up and put away the tools he had used earlier. He had to start walking immediately if he wanted to pick up Dudley on time. He had to make sure that he wasn't too early, but he also couldn't be late. Dudley would punish him for the slightest thing if he wasn't careful.

He noticed that his aunt had left again and he grabbed the house keys from the kitchen. After locking the front door, Harry walked in the direction of the school. He kept glancing at the time as he walked, but he swore that he felt someone following him. Yet every time he glanced around he was nothing. It didn't take long for the school to come into view and Harry felt himself cringe.

The last school bell rang just as he reached his usual waiting place and it didn't take him long to spot Dudley and his friends in the crowd. Dudley was built like a bull and nobody dared to cross his path when the group walked around the school yard. Harry knew they should have been suspended for fighting at school numerous times, but the money the parents gave the school to overlook the incidents, always ensured that they wouldn't get in trouble for bullying other kids.

He felt his entire body shiver as Dudley spotted him through the crowd and his cousin immediately stomped his way towards him. Dudley's friends eagerly followed and he could see the hunter-like glint that entered their eyes the moment they spotted him. Harry didn't doubt for a moment that they saw him as prey and he had to force himself to stand still as he tried to hide his nervousness.

The group purposely made their way towards him and Dudley eagerly tossed his bag over to him. Harry barely caught it and he slightly stumbled under the weight before placing it on his back and trying to walk home as fast as he could with the group following not too far behind. The more ground he covered with Dudley's bag, the less ground he had to cover when the rest of the group handed him their bags as well.

Unfortunately, as dimwitted as they were, it didn't take the group of bullies long to figure out his plan and they dumped their bags on him as soon as they were out of sight from the school. Harry closed his eyes as the bets started up around him. It was a usual occurrence and the people who walked past them easily just averted their eyes. Nobody wanted to get mixed up in a situation they could just as easily avoid.

Harry tried to concentrate on something else and when the feeling of being watched returned, he mentally grabbed onto the sensation with both hands. Unfortunately, it also took his attention off of the task at hand and he soon felt himself stumbling as his foot made contact with a crack in the pavement.

He barely had enough time to shield his face before he found himself sprawled out on the ground. His cheek, knees, and elbows were scraped raw at the skidding impact. His breath hitched in his throat as he realized that his cousin and his friends were about to beat him up and the fear triggered a flight response that he couldn't control.

He didn't quite know where he was running to since he wanted to just get away from his cousin and his friends, but soon enough he found himself at a dead end within a dark alley and his cousin was slowly advancing on his with an evil grin on his face. The rest of the group eagerly closed in behind Dudley.

"Oh Freak, I didn't know you ever had it in you to run. I wonder what my dad will say when he finds out how rude you were to us. I can't believe you would go so far as to throwing our bags down onto the dirty sidewalk and calling us those awful names. Don't you know how much, school things cost? I know you're jealous that I can go to school and you can't, but we can't have a violent and unstable freak like you in our school. Can you imagine what the parents would say?"

Harry closed his eyes as the taunting voice made him realize his mistake. He should have just taken the beating and got it over with. Now he will have to suffer through their wrath and he would get beaten by uncle Vernon when they returned home. That was if Dudley and his friends didn't just leave him to die in this alleyway. The thought sent a chill through his body. He didn't think that Dudley was capable of murder, but his cousin would also be too dumb to notice if Harry actually died under their 'care'.

The first fist sent him straight to the ground and Harry's mind reeled as the world began to spin around him. He tried to protect his head as they hit him and it wasn't long before they resorted to kicking him into the ground. Harry felt his mind drift as his body disconnected him from the senses of his body. It felt strange to float around without pain, but it only reminded him that there was a great possibility that he wouldn't survive the present encounter. Common sense told him that a person's mind only cut off from the rest of their body when something was really wrong. It was a natural instinct for the body to shy away from things that are too intense.

Suddenly Harry found that he did not care anymore. It was nice to not feel pain for once in his life. It would have been nice if he could have lived a more fulfilling life, but apparently, he hadn't been destined for that this time around. A loud hiss startled him out of his thoughts and Harry was able to keep himself awake just long enough to see a gigantic snake rear up before him as his cousin and his lackeys turned tail and ran as if their lives depended on it. It probably did if the anger in the hiss was any indication.

He didn't know if it was really happening or if it was just his imagination, but it was nice to think that someone out there cared enough for him to want him to live. It was strange to think that his first ever friend had been a snake, but it was nice to finally know the feeling of being able to depend on someone.

- Come on little one, don't give up on life. I'll take you to my massster; he will know how to help you. I'm sssorry that I wasssn't able to ssscare them off before they did any damage, but you ran ssso fassst that I couldn't keep up at all. Hold on I will carry you. We live in an apartment near here and I can at leassst cassst a glamor over usss, I refussse to let you go back to that awful family and I promissse that we will protect you. -

Harry's mind registered the words, but he was too far gone to understand them. All he wanted now was to fall asleep and perhaps to never wake up ever again. If he woke up then he wanted to believe that the snake would keep her word, but who could ever love a freak like him? Was it even possible? Harry sure hoped so as he managed to open his eyes one last time to catch another glimpse of the snake. Apparently good deeds are worth something, after all, he decided as a pained smile graced his lips and the world went black around him.

Thank you for reading this fanfic… No solid pairings yet, but I will put an open poll on my profile.