Song inspiration: I Miss You

Olivia tried her best to put her conversation with Fitz in the back of her mind, but that wasn't helpful. It took her a week to fully process everything he said. Words she didn't want to hear, but they were essential for her growth. She wasn't surprised that he was detaching, but more concerned with the honesty he gave. Along with her workload growing each day, she was too scared to call, rehash things. Fitz spoke the truth; they weren't going to have a successful life together if they weren't willing to tackle their issues. Separately and as a team. As a couple. She could finally see them this way.

They were going to fight. That was a given. It would be messy. There would be tears. Words could be hurtful. But if they were able to find common ground, there was a chance and she was ready to fight for the opportunity.

Life without Fitz would be a hard pill to swallow. As much as she tried to distance his memory, it always came back to him.

Olivia had the weekend "off" and it'd probably be the best time to fly up to Vermont. Quickly, she bought a ticket. Then, she texted Fitz.

I'm coming up tomorrow.

A few minutes later, she received an answer.

Great!

Smirking, Olivia messaged with caution.

Do you have time to visit with your favorite stubborn girl?

The response was positive.

Absolutely.

Thirty minutes into her drive from the airport, Olivia arrived at the property; down the long dusty road, the house came into view.

Not just any house. Their home. The place where they reconnected. Where she felt his love in more ways than one. So many dreams of being here - a normal life. She told him not to sell and he kept his promise.

When she parked, Olivia was able to observe all the details. The massive acreage. The open skies. Everything was so green, fresh and new. Olivia was determined to show Fitz that she was going to be different. Determined to win back his heart.

The front door swung open. Fitz was all smiles, wearing a grey-blue v-neck and jeans, as well as confidence prominent his sleeve. She couldn't resist noticing that casual, weekend wear was perfect for him.

"Hey."

"Hi," Olivia greeted, taking her carry-on out of the trunk.

"Welcome back."

"Thank you."

So much had changed. It had been four months since they stood in front of each other. Olivia noticed he showcased the same aura that she was drawn to when she joined the campaign. Before the ups and downs of presidential life. Fitz looked amazing, refreshed, youthful. Stress didn't frame his face like it had during his two terms. Seeing all this joy made her hesitant. Was she going to mess this up for him? Not knowing whether to hug him, peck his cheek, squeeze his hand. It was all or nothing when it came to affection. Curt smiles or full-on, toe-curling, tongue-tangled kisses. There was usually no in-between for them. They hadn't gone over how the protocol would be.

"Don't worry," he said, whispering. "It's okay. We're not strangers."

Olivia decided to not overthink and only do what was natural; her arms draped around his neck as Fitz lifted her petite self off the ground, swinging her around. This hug was overwhelming, comforting, and exhilarating.

"It's good to have you here."

Olivia looked into Fitz's eyes, already feeling the love he had for her. They were kind, not judgmental, as she thought.

When Fitz reluctantly let go, Olivia followed him into the house. Not much had changed since she came on that fateful night. Fitz gave her a tour, letting her see the office, along with the extra rooms that were finally completed.

"Coffee? Tea? Food? Popcorn was not on the grocery list this week."

A gentle laugh bubbled out of her. "Water and a ginger ale would do if you have any."

Fitz jogged to the second refrigerator, just full of beverages and snacks.

"There you go."

"Teddy's still coming for the summer?"

"Absolutely," Fitz smiled. "I cannot wait."

After a late lunch, Olivia opened the floor for discussion.

"Would you like to talk about what we discussed last week?"

"Sure," Fitz replied.

"What do you want to do?"

Olivia got comfortable on the sofa, waiting for his answer. Fitz leaned back in his chair.

"I think you know what I want to do, but we have to be real."

"Don't," she warned.

Ignoring her glare, he added with a smirk. "We gotta keep it real, Olivia."

"You always do that. Use slang."

"But you don't mind."

Olivia shook her head, still amused by his personality. "Hmph, back to the point. Should we still try, even with work?"

"That's on you."

"What?"

Fitz continued; "You're in D.C. and I won't be flying down until next month to get Teddy. My world is here now. You're going to be busy. I'm not even sure that you're going to follow through."

Olivia felt her eyebrows rise, taken aback by his comment. "What? I'm here now. Shouldn't that mean something?"

"But you could leave and then what? We're starting over. Are you willing to do a long-distance relationship?"

"What do you mean?" Olivia sharply asked. Hoping not to start any tension, but he was deliberately pushing the buttons she desperately wanted untouched. She had to defend herself and also protect her heart.

Fitz cleared his throat. "I'm about it. I want to make this - us - work. But I need to know that you're going to stick with this. Even when things get tough. Not if. When."

"Just give us a chance."

"You think I don't want to," he said with exasperation. "Listen to yourself, Livvie! You're full of contradictions."

"You're not?

"Wow."

Fitz mhmed. "Yeah."

"We can't have the same relationship as before."

"I agree."

"What do you want to do, Olivia Carolyn Pope?"

"I want something real. Something worth fighting for, tough."

Fitz "But we have gone through that, shouldn't we allow ourselves to a life that isn't so troublesome? Why do we have to be the ones who sacrifice our happiness?"

"You're right."

She realized that they hadn't left the living room and kitchen all day. It was getting late and she was dozing off.

"I don't want to fight."

"Me neither."

"Let's put a bookmark into this."

"Okay."

"This is good though."

"Yeah," she yawned. "I should get ready for bed."

"Where are you going?"

Olivia stopped, with suitcase in hand. "I'm going to look for a room to put my stuff in."

Fitz's nose flared, giving her a look of shock, as if she had grown two heads.

"What?"

"You were going to sleep in another room?"

Olivia narrowed her eyes. It seemed odd for him to ask that; anytime they were together, they had ever been in separate rooms. Always in the same bed, whether her room or his. But since they were in this state of limbo, she didn't want any confusion or bad habits to start up again.

"I didn't want to assume anything."

"You can say no, but you can stay in the master. There is plenty of space." Fitz paused to shift his eyes elsewhere, then returned to Olivia. "I know I wouldn't be able to sleep if I knew you were in another room."

Olivia's shoulders slumped. In a gentle voice, she asked, "That still happens?"

"Unfortunately. You've ruined me in that regard," Fitz reminded. "I've been ruined and spoiled by you."

"Okay. But no funny business."

Fitz lifted his hand, "Scout's honor."

As they prepared for bed, he asked, "You want to go out tomorrow? Maybe check out the farmers' market or a couple of the shops."

"Oh?"

"Mmhmm, it's only proper for you to see what lies beyond this house."

Olivia was encouraged by the promise of a day together.

"Did you give the house a name? You know people give their land some symbolic phrase."

Fitz twisted his lips. "I did."

When he didn't reveal, Olivia nudged his arm with her elbow. "Is it a secret?

"No, but you'll laugh."

"I won't."

"Maybe later."

Olivia carefully packed three days worth of apparel, nonetheless, he offered his Navy t-shirt. Not wanting to offend, she decided to wear it, allowing his scent and the familiarity to comfort her. It was one of her favorite memories, using his clothes. A comfortable pair of sweats completed her pajamas.

There were a handful of nights when they didn't have mind-blowing sex while in the same bed. Olivia was capable of keeping her hands away, Fitz had to work harder, but it was manageable. Mostly only when she was angry. But not tonight. They were on their best behavior, staying on their own sides. Not having to call for housekeeping to wipe up shattered glass, crumpled sheets, or tossed piles of clothes was a rare feat.

Five-thirty was her normal wake-up call, so when her brain wouldn't allow her to drift back to sleep, she chose to wait and think. Thinking about them. How the day before wasn't too bad. Olivia turned on her side and watched him. His dirty blond eyelashes drooped against his ruddy skin. Ever so peaceful. The opposite of the nights when she came after hours of restlessness had kept him awake. He was right; he did sleep better when she was nearby.

Olivia sighed when Fitz's eyes fluttered open. She missed this. Her breath hitched when his eyes met hers.

"Hmm," he stretched his limbs, giving her a lazy smile. "Good morning."

"Hi."

"You sleep okay?"

"Yeah. This is a great mattress."

"I'm glad."

Olivia scrunched her nose, just thankful to be in this moment.

He was the first to rise, which gave her time to doze.

"Liv?"

Rubbing her eyes, she answered with a "Mmm?"

Fitz returned from the bathroom, only in in jeans. He must have taken an extra five minutes to comb and style his hair, which was a little longer than usual. A flurry of nerves and lust filled her; seeing him get ready for work or whatever he was doing, always turned her on. He was just being himself, a regular man, preparing for the day.

"What?"

Olivia's lips rounded into a small "O", realizing Fitz was watching her. Her thoughts were probably written over her forehead. "Nothing."

"Hmm," he shot her a knowing look, but came back to his original thought. "I have to take a call in thirty, but I'll be right out, okay?"

"No problem."

Fitz moved around, finding his watch, socks, and a shirt. "Miss Renee should be done cooking breakfast, so that will be all set for you when you come downstairs."

"Thank you."

Olivia started her trek to the bathroom, when she noticed something outside.

"You installed a pool?"

"Mmhmm," Fitz casually replied, tugging on his shirt. "About two months ago."

"Teddy swims?"

"Not yet. But you do."

Olivia's eyes widened, before turning her head towards him. Of course he would pull a stunt like this. Always doing too much to win her approval and showing her that he remembered so many details.

"Seriously?"

Walking to her as if nothing was going on between them, Fitz gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek.

"Gotta go."

No one has me like you do, baby

Bring your heart, I'll bring my soul

But be delicate with my ego

I wanna step into your great unknown

With you and me setting the tone

Fitz stayed true to his word. After his conference call, he took Olivia on a drive into town. She was informed of the two gas stations, the best Italian restaurant, and a quick route to the major highway that led to Burlington and points south. As they walked around, Olivia was amused by the looks she received. Maybe the residents knew who she was. Or perhaps, the glances were just friendly and supportive. It shouldn't have mattered. She didn't come here for the recognition; she was only here for him.

"We could grow berries."

"Jammmm…" she teased, exaggerating the word.

Fitz scoffed while they got out of his truck. "I'm serious. There's enough land to start. What are you going to do when you're up here, ifyou're not working?"

"Sleep. Learn to cook," Olivia pondered, with her cheeks slightly rising. "Maybe decorate a room."

"You like it here?"

Olivia glanced at him lovingly. "I do. It's nice. It's peaceful. This is great for my blood pressure."

Her heart skipped a beat when Fitz clasped their hands together. It took a while for her to recall when they held hands in public.

"Fitz?"

"Yeah, sweet baby?"

"I'm ready."

"For what?"

"For us. I want to do this."

"Okay," he answered, with excitement in his eyes.

Olivia immediately looked away, almost scared of what would come next. The planner side of her brain turned on. "We need to lay some ground rules. Or something."

Fitz opened the sliding door that led straight to the living room. "Like what?"

"Let's promise not to shut each other out."

"Yes."

Olivia retied her hair into a neater ponytail - one of her go-to actions when she knew she was about to have a heart-to-heart. "I need to do better to communicating. So, I want to work on that with you, even if that means writing things down."

"Right."

"And if we need to take some time away, like an hour or the day to just collect our thoughts-"

"We can't go to bed angry," Fitz added. "That never worked for us."

"I think that's fair."

"I don't want to go to sleep with that vibe."

"I agree."

"It's a start."

"Absolutely."

Something was changing - completely different from their initial phone call. No uneasiness or fear. They were just talking, making plans that were logical, very normal. They weren't normal, but this was a good start.

"So, where do we go from here?"

Olivia simply replied. "Whatever you want."

"Whatever we want."

"But I want to know what you want." Olivia bit her lip. It couldn't be about her needs and wants. It was a relationship. Two people had to give and take. Not excessively give or take, depleting one's self, and leaving nothing.

"I want you. I want a life with you. Even if we have live nine hours away."

"I can do that."

"I'll...I'll start looking."

"Looking for what?"

"Therapy. A support group or something, so I can manage my anger and weird nuances."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I have to be better so I can do better."

"I've been talking to someone too. Ever since I moved here. It's hard. But it makes a difference."

"I want that too."

"Liv," Fitz sighed, giving her another hug, but now feeling more intimate.

"I don't want to put you through this again."

"You should do this for you. Forget about me."

Olivia whispered, holding tight to Fitz's waist. "But I can't lose you again."

As if an invisible director had given them a cue, an unspoken beat, their eyes met again. No one was watching. It was just them. They could proceed as quickly or slowly as they wanted.

Fitz lowered his head as Olivia inched closer. When their lips touched, Olivia sighed so deeply. Her hand roamed to tug on his curls, Fitz lowly growled, before deepening their kiss. Their tongues reuniting, starved for each other.

"Come with me," his voice was raspy.

With each step to the master bedroom, the anticipation grew. They were finally turning the corner. It wasn't going to be a quick-fix of a fuck, but a culmination of finding a middle ground. Now, they were at a point where they could become physical and not use their union as a distraction.

Olivia's adrenaline was pumping as she helped Fitz other undress. It didn't take long for him to unzip and pull away her clothes.

"Wow," Fitz marveled as Olivia sat on the bed.

As he moved closer to her, Olivia began to rethink.

"Fitz, should we do this?" She began to cover herself, turning away from his desiring eyes. "I don't want to fuck up."

"Hey, I know your heart. If you're ready to make this work, I'm ready too. I can handle the good and the bad. Your good, your bad, you everything." Fitz kissed her shoulder, then returned to looking straight into her eyes. "I know how you are. You don't have to completely overhaul yourself for us to be together. We can do this."

"I believe you and I feel the same."

"What's the same?"

She had to use her words, express her true feelings. Not just in familiar looks or simple phrases that covered the bases.

"I want to move forward. I want to be yours. I want you."

Fitz's hands caressed her face so quickly, she gasped. In between rushed and sloppy kisses, they continued to make declarations.

"Just...love me."

Their skin hitting the cool sheets, finding the delicate spots that stirred more than usual.

"I've missed you," he moaned, before returning his attention to kissing.

She wasn't a talker. Only showing her affection and love in her actions. As his hands expressed gratitude all over her body, she wanted to give him whatever he needed. Emotionally. Physically. All of the things he liked, the exact angles. Saying the right words. Digging her nails into his shoulder blades. Nipping at his chin. Cupping his face. Pushing her hips back.

"Oh, Fitz."

He grunted as their hips moved deftly. Exhaling deeply with each push and thrust.

"What do you want? Where do you want me," her voice lowered to a sultry alto.

Olivia was a controller but she didn't mind with Fitz; no other man could move her the way he did. He was able to handle her.

He asked her to lie down so he could look into her eyes, see her writhe and arch. Each powerful stroke created a fire. Four months away from this man was a slow torture. Longing for what she knew.

The pace quickened. Olivia didn't care how foolish and desperate she looked, she needed him. Kissing him while he moved in and out of her, was the perfect combination of fiery and sweet. Fitz whispered things she hadn't heard in a while. Twisting to sit in his lap, rotating, and moving slowly, always got him closer.

As her hips met the deep, upward thrusts, along with the fingers that knew every part of her, she shattered. As her jaw grew lax, the strong current of her orgasm ran through. He followed, after three strong strokes, dropping his face into her neck.

Olivia wanted to cry; knowing how their souls could reignite the passion, making their love stronger. Feeling him swell. Back in his arms. Hearing his voice. It was everything. If their hearts connected, anything was possible. It was beyond the physical.

When Fitz dipped her down to the bed, Olivia touched her cheeks; they were damp and flushed. Every time was better than before. Catching her breath, she looked at the ceiling. They were so high, certainly absorbing her shrieks and calls to God, Fitz, and fuck.

Then, she began to think about what happened after this. If it meant she had to schedule monthly visits to the house, so be it. The small steps taken were substantial, but short-lived. Admitting who she was, the interviews, being photographed, living at the White House, running out to him on his last day. Those visuals meant a lot, but it didn't complete the full course of living out her love.

A few fingers brushed against her leg and stomach.

"You're so beautiful."

Fitz tenderly kissed the planes of her skin, paying special attention to any scars and moles that enhanced her beauty.

His touch made her weak - over and over again. Squeezing her legs shut, Olivia grasped his jaw, interrupting his track.

"Mmm."

"Cuddle with me."

Fitz never rejected an opportunity to bask in their afterglow. Even if it was a break before starting all over again. Smiling in between chaste kisses. Re-syncing their breathing.

"You never told me."

"About what," Fitz mumbled.

"The house," Olivia reminded, "What's the name?"

Fitz slowly lifted himself to kiss her again, then gave her an earnest look. "Hope."

The one word that kept returning to her psyche. It was the theme of their relationship.

"What? Why?"

"Because," Fitz turned on his side. "I believed that no matter what happened between us, there would always be hope for a good life. We deserve that, right? My naïveté wanted you in the picture, so maybe it was a third eye or a hunch that you'd come here. At least to visit. But if you didn't, I'd still know that you were out there."!

"Like my ring?"

"Yes, but more than that."

It was going to be a long, tough journey, but there wasn't anyone else in the world she'd rather have in her corner than her Fitz. She wanted to be at his side as well, but this time in the light. No more hiding. They could finally have the relationship they wanted, without any pressure from anyone. Including the expectations they gave themselves.

After another slow round of love-making, Olivia laid on Fitz's back, dragging her fingers through his curls. The moment was simple and luxurious. There was no rush. A symbol of their reality.

She kissed his shoulder blade, letting her lips linger on his skin.

"Hmm?"

"I love you," Olivia lazily smiled. The words left her mouth effortlessly, quite the contrast from all the years of stunted growth. Fitz always had something to say to express how he felt. But it always took her longer. She knew she had to tell him more often.

"I love you, Livvie."

Thanks for reading! As of this time, I have no plans to turn this into a full-length story. There are some wonderful full-fledged stories that focus on Olivia and Fitz's journey, post-presidency. Definitely check them out! xo