Author's note: This has nothing to do with "I just want you to know who I am" All the lines are flashbacks. I just kinda felt like writing this because I was feeling sad and I really like depressing stories. (kind of morbid, I know) Anyways read on. Also if this is confusing I'm sorry.
TearsBy: Rainfall
Gwen Potter stood in Hogsmeade cemetery with a blank expression on her face as she looked at the gravestone before her.
"Only five years ago," She said directing her conversation to the grave, "you promised you would never leave."
She closed here eyes deep in thought.
******************
"No mommy!!! Don't leave me! Come back!!!"
At that moment Gwen's mother came running in to wake up her daughter.
"It's okay honey mommy's here. Shh, I'm here."
The crying girl looked in her mother's eyes and said in a small voice, "It was terrible, we were walking through Diagon Alley with Grandpa, I know he's dead but he was there. Then we went past the magical perfume store and there were these people spraying stuff in my face and it was cloudy and I was choking. I screamed for you but you couldn't hear me and you left, you didn't come back and I was scared." By the time she had finished the little girl was in tears.
"Oh, don't worry honey, I'll never leave you. Never. I promise."
Exactly one year later that promise was broken.
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"But you did leave, you left us. It's funny how that dream kind of predicted what was going to happen. You know when you first left dad was a wreck. It was all over the papers 'The Famous Harry Potter Loses Wife'. He was so crushed, we all were. He's trying to move on but you know it's hard. Those first few years were terrible.
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"Please come home, daddy, please!" whispered little Gwen.
Gwen Potter sat by the window praying silently to herself that her dad was on his way home. Lately he had been so depressed he was actually suicidal, every night she stayed by the window making sure that he came home safe. Sometimes she would wait up for him till midnight just so she could see he was alive.
"Please come home. I don't want to lose you too." She whispered again. Her dad was especially depressed as the holidays neared. Christmas had been her mom's favorite time of the year, but Harry Potter acted as if it didn't exist. Ron and the rest of the Weasleys had invited them over but he refused.
One hour later…Harry Potter was home and in a heated argument over the holiday.
"But dad it was her favorite holiday, we have to get a big tree, and decorate the house. She would've wanted it that way!"
"I know you want that but it won't bring her back Gwen!" he screamed, causing the little girl to cry. "I'm sorry," he said wrapping her in a hug, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell, I just miss her so much."
They sat there silently crying for the rest of the night.
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"You know I've been trying to make Christmas like it was before but I can't. I really hate change. I don't want things to change because that means I'm moving forward into the future and I'm leaving the past behind."
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Harry Potter and Fred Weasley were outside bringing in a new couch much to the disapproval of Gwen Potter.
"That couch is ridiculously ugly!" She screamed in anger. "Mommy would not want that couch!"
"Well Mommy isn't here is she?!" Fred screamed back.
That was the last straw for Gwen; she hated admitting her mom wasn't there. She ran into the house and up the stairs followed closely by her best friend Brittany Weasley.
"What's wrong? What did my Uncle Fred say?" she asked softly.
"I don't want that couch." Gwen replied through tears.
"Well I know that but…"
"No! You don't get!" she screamed, having calmed she continued, "I'm afraid of change. I want everything to stay the same. Actually I want everything to be how it was just before my mom died, when I walk into a room and see that nothings changed, I can trick myself into thinking she's still alive. I'll get an impulse to call to her, but it's only for like two seconds and then I remember she won't be there to answer back. It hurts to get that realization after but that two seconds fills me with happiness even if it's only temporary. If things changed I won't even have that." She finished.
The two friends sat there now both crying.
*****************
"Why did you leave me? I need you!" Gwen shouted angrily at the sky.
"Do you know how much I need you?! You're supposed to be there when I grow up! You're supposed to help me!" It was if the floodgates had opened in her eyes, because she was now crying hysterically. He conversation now switched.
"God, Why did you take her?! She was a good person and you took her away from me! I need her we all do! What did I do to deserve all this pain!? Do you know how much it hurts!? I see happy families all the time and I want that so badly! Do you know how bad my life has been so far? Let me tell you! Everyday I go to school and feel like an outsider, I don't fit in anywhere! I want to commit suicide to get away from the pain because it hurts so badly! I've become so morbid everybody thinks I'm some freak. "
It was good for Gwen that nobody else was there otherwise she wouldn't have been able to continue.
"To make things worse, you took her away from me using a muggle disease! So you know how painful it was to see her lying on a bed dying!? Do you know how painful it was to see her in so much pain and to not be able to do anything about it!?"
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Harry Potter was softly talking to one of the doctors tending to his wife, as he slowly nodded he looked sadly at his wife and daughter as they were talking about what they were going to do when she got better.
"Hey pumpkin, can I talk to you outside for a minute?"
"Okay daddy."
As soon as they were outside Harry bent down so he could look his daughter in the face.
"We need to spend more time with mommy now. The doctors don't think she'll make it." He said as tears streamed down his face.
"No, mommy's gonna get better! I don't believe you!" cried Gwen, who had inherited her mother's stubbornness.
"Listen I'm trying to make this easier, you have to accept it, there's nothing they can do for her."
"No! I won't! I've been praying to God that he'll make her better! He won't let her die because I've been praying! You said God answers prayers, and I'm praying! She won't die!"
With that she ran to the elevators and headed for the gift shop leaving her father to watch her go knowing that her childhood faith would be put through a test.
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At this point her screaming was so loud it probably could be heard at Hogwarts.
"Why? Why did you do this!? What was the point?! You didn't even let me say goodbye!"
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It was around seven o'clock when Gwen finally came home from Quidditch practice. The minute she stepped out of the car Ron came running to meet her and enveloped her in a lung-crushing hug.
'She's gone. She's gone." He cried as tears ran down his face.
Only after she was let go to breath did Gwen find out what Ron meant, her mom had died hours earlier. That night Gwen fell asleep crying on the hospital bed her family had rented for her mom hugging pictures of her. Also in her arms was a light brown teddy bear her mom had given her, Gwen gave it to her during the day so when she hugged it she could feel like she was hugging her daughter, they told Gwen her mom died with the bear in her arms. All Gwen could think about was that she never got to say goodbye.
******************
Gwen dropped to her knees and broke down in sobs. Now crying because she really didn't remember her mom as well as she thought, but after fifteen minutes of crying she regained her composure enough to walk home. As she got up, with tears streaming down her face, it started to pour down rain, and as she walked home she started to sing.
"Cuz' there's holes in the floor of heaven and her tears are pouring down, that's how I know she's watching wishing she could be here now, and sometimes when I'm lonely I remember she can she see, yes there's holes in floor of heaven and she's watching over you and me."
As she slowly walked away the rain washed the dirt away from the gravestone she stood at that read:
Hermione Anne Granger
September 18, 1986 – April 11, 2016
Loving mother, caring wife, and great friend
Ours for a while, God's forever
Author's Note and Disclaimer: Here we please bear with me and please read it all. I don't own anything related to Harry Potter. I don't own the song Gwen sings, it is sung by Steve Wariner. Gwen is actually me. The dream, my dad threatening to commit suicide, the couch, all of it is true and all of it happened to me. I just changed things around so they would fit with the Harry Potter characters. There was more but I couldn't bring myself to writing. This fic is dedicated to my mom, Nora Samayo Tilos Bukauskas. I leave you with this, cancer is a killer in any form so help find the cure in anyway you can.
Nora S. Tilos Bukauskas
August 24, 1956 – April 11, 1997Ours for a while, God's forever
I love you, mommy.