Warning: This story is rated T for angst, abuse, mentioning of rape and other topics that are sensitive. Please read at your own risk

Rahnsdorf, Prussia, July 19th 1753

People are staring at us. They don't say anything, yet I know what they are thinking "What are those high-class men doing here?". I wonder that too. Why did I come back? This ruin is nothing but a grim memory from the past. "Is this the orphanage?" My brother's remark makes me realize why I came here. "Yes, Ludwig this is it. This is the orphanage where I grew up. Shall we enter?" My brother nods and we enter the orphanage.

The inside of the building looks empty. Things like chairs, chandeliers and bookcases are nowhere to be found. It looks as if everything was stolen by thieves. The building that used to look so colourful has become grim. In reality it has been grim since they started to live here, but no-one has ever known that. The bright colours were nothing but an illusion. They made the orphanage look like a happy place where kids could live a carefree live. Reality was anything but that.

"How do you feel Gilbert?" Ludwig asks. How do I feel? I really don't know. The feelings I get from being here are mixed. On one hand I feel blessed that this is neither my, nor anyone's home anymore, but on the other hand I feel bitter, because this hell on earth used to be my home. "...Uncomfortable." Ludwig nods "It must feel strange. Home again after all those years." "It does feel strange, but this place is not my home." There was a time where this building felt like home, but that was long ago. It has been so long that I hardly remember anything of that time. The memories of the hellish years I spent here are long ago as well, yet I remember everything like yesterday "You know what, Ludwig? Home isn't necessarily the place where you grew up. Home is the place where you belong and where you feel loved." My brother smiles at me "So Potsdam is your home!" I nod "Exactly, Bruder. Come there's a room I want to show you."

I lead Ludwig to the stairs. The steps are damaged, but still steady enough if you walk carefully. Once I enter the room I notice that it looks just like the rest of the building; empty, abandoned. It hurts me more than I thought it would. This was the only place in this building that has ever been dear to me, the only place where I felt safe in dark times. "Is this her room?" Ludwig asks. I shed a tear. "Yes this was my mother's room. It was my safe haven, but it's all gone now. Even the big chair where we used to read books is gone!" Ludwig pats my back "Maybe we should sit outside." I agree with my brother "There's a courtyard downstairs."

We walk to the courtyard and sit down on the edge of the old fountain. The fresh air outside is calming, yet I can't calm down. As soon as I see the fountain my heart starts to beat fast. The water! I gasp for air! "Something bad happened here!" "I see" Ludwig says "Do you want to go somewhere else?" I shake my head. "No, I want to stay. I think this is the perfect place to tell everything." My brother remains silent. "It's quite a long story Bruder. It's fine if you don't want to hear it." "I don't mind if it's long. Please tell me about everything that happened here, and how you got where you are now!" I take a deep breath. "Okay then, I'll tell you everything!"