This is an updated version of the original ANRFtW, with an actual direction this time. The first few chapters have had a moderate amount of updating, though it's mostly detail work rather than high level changes.

Can't believe, after all this time and the dozens of stories I've started and failed to finish in the past few years, that I'm actually coming back to what was originally just a throwaway me-too story meant as a mere trial run. I'd be worried about the additional crossover of Exalted pissing off this fic's fans, if I was at all worried that this fic still had fans after all this time. But hey, I'm having fun, so even if no one is left to keep up with this story, I'm content.

Unfortunately(or perhaps fortunately), my style has shifted somewhat over the intervening years, which has caused a bit of a conflict in the way I tried(and sometimes failed) to edit these previous chapters. Whether anyone will notice or care, I don't know, but it has caused a slight dissonance in the writing. Do keep in mind, I still consider this to be a rough draft, and as such retain the right to add, remove, or edit any part. Which, duh, but still, some people get angry over weird things.

Also, I realize labeling this fic as "Book One" is incredibly optimistic, as I've never actually finished any story, original or fan work, that I've started. Obviously I'd like to change that, but ultimately this is a hobby. I have no intention of earning a living off of this bit of fun nonsense. Whatever I do, I do it because I enjoy it. Otherwise, what's the point of having a hobby? So keep your expectations low.

Warning: If you're reading this on fanfictionnet, this site has historically treated my prose like it knows better how to edit it than I do. Unfortunately, that means it has a bad habit of deleting things without warning me. This used to bother me, and I tried to work around it, but now I no longer give a damn. This is presented as is. If missing words or strangely punctuated grammar(like my god damned interrobangs) bothers you, I will, eventually, if I finish it, be uploading this to AO3(and maybe SpaceBattles, SufficientVelocity, and perhaps their red-headed stepchild Questionable Questing … still not a porno, so don't let that last one get your 'hopes' up, you sick freaks ;-P). Hopefully those other sites will have less invasive formatting 'options'.

Sidenote: If you are reading this updated fic before the old one, feel free to check out the original version of this fic, the first piece of fiction I ever wrote. And laugh at it. That's laughing as opposed to the laughing you shall do to this one, of course. I make no promises that my kinks overlap with yours(still no porn, pervs).

Description: Dying had to be the most pleasant experience Ranma had ever had. Unfortunately, there ain't no rest for the wicked. Crossover with Naruto and Exalted. Light lesbian and trans themes, humorously applied. Draft 2

oOo

Ranma, in spite of a rather roughshod upbringing, had had perhaps the most eclectic education of anyone alive or dead. Martial arts? Mastered it. Ki manipulation? Child's play. Tea ceremony, ballroom dancing, cheer-leading, and Olympic level gymnastics? Humiliated their best practitioners at their own game left and right. Sexual and mating practices of Chinese Amazons, Musk tribe, oni, orochi, and spirits, both human and otherwise? She could write her doctoral thesis on the subject if she were so inclined.

Despite all this, dying was almost certainly the most unique experience she had had to date. It was also the most pleasant by far. Well, besides the whole 'died a girl' thing, but that was only a minor quibble, really. Drowning in the pure source of the pools of sorrow was bound to have side effects, and maybe it was just the relaxing energy that buoyed her up speaking, but Ranma couldn't help but feel that she got off lucky.

Certainly, she would rather be alive, if for nothing else than to check on Akane to make sure there weren't any lingering side effects from being dried up into a doll and then rejuvenated. However, had she a choice in how to spend her afterlife, she wouldn't change a thing. No worries.

Still a girl? Who cared? She was the best no matter what she looked like. Never going to see friends and family again? Well, it was sad, but at least she left secure in the knowledge that they were all alright. How many people got that?

No, no worries. Just bliss. And peace.

So, you can imagine Ranma's annoyance when, at just the edge of her awareness, there was a slight, tiny pull. Just an insignificant little pull at her essence. It was nothing really. It would go away soon. Except Ranma had experience with insignificant happenstance and they never went away. Instead they led to fights with annoying cheerleaders and perverted orochi and shriveled up old leches.

Still, in this pure light that seemed to reach every corner of her being, filling her with a quiet confidence even she had never known before, she could admit that many of her misadventures had come about because of herself, or rather himself. Here there were no such problems, no attachments to pride or honor, and no one begging for her help. Perhaps she could just ignore the problem until it went away.

With her mind settled in its new path, Ranma set about getting comfortable again. A basic tenet that even a half-baked martial artist knew was how to ignore unimportant distractions in the pursuit of a goal. And Ranma was more than half-baked. She was fully baked. Well and truly … baked. Couldn't get more baked if she tried.

So it went. Perhaps if she had spent more time in thought she would have realized that many of her troubles came not simply from interfering, but from acting without making a proper analysis first.

So, even without her attention, the pull remained. And grew. Slow at first, it graduated into greater and greater demand. Despite this, Ranma remained oblivious. It was mere whim that caused her to open her eyes in time at all. When she did, she quickly realized her mistake.

There in front of her, drawing her inexorably towards itself, was the biggest frickin' maelstrom she'd ever had the misfortune to lay eyes upon.

She only had a moment. One instance to make that split second decision. In true Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu style she reacted the only way she could.

"Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-"

ThundrBeagl presents

Ain't No Rest For The Wicked

With deference to

Rumiko Takahashi

White Wolf Publishing

and

Masashi Kishimoto

Book One

Dawn

Breathing heavily, Ranma slumped onto the nearest available seat. It had been a hard week. Waking up in bizarre circumstances was nothing new, but neither was it particularly pleasant.

Opening her eyes to find herself surrounded by a bunch of shocked looking men was barely worth mentioning. Finding herself still a she, a very naked she no less, surrounded by a bunch of unfamiliar men, set off her personal pervert warning, code blue.

Seeing those same men drawing weapons raised it to crazy perverted martial artists, code yellow. She had no time to debate whether the situation warranted an orange or red as waves of fire and earth sent her into full survival mode. She ran for her life.

Fortunately, the flames were nowhere near the intensity of Saffron's fire. Certainly not enough to give someone with a phoenix pill more than slight pause. Another unexpected bonus was that, in the ensuing tumult, she had taken the Umisenken to new heights, rebuilt the Yamasenken from memory, could likely teach Ryoga a thing or two about his Bakusai Tenketsu, and was well on her way to developing a ki attack based on pure, unadulterated exasperation.

She was also planning on beating Sasuke to within an inch of his midget life the next time she saw him, deserved or no. Even in Nerima people took a break from the ridiculous fights and challenges every now and again. Not so here. Here her pursuers seemed content to spend every waking moment making her life miserable, and then switch off when they got too tired.

At least they sucked at finding hidden opponents, even when she wasn't using her father's prize techniques. Which was a laugh considering this was supposed to be a ninja village. Less amusing was their combat abilities.

Her complete ignorance of her situation was what led her to her current location. Ninja school. Seriously. Not that she would complain about anything that could help her out, but if they seriously called it that… There was only so much manhandling by idiots her ego could stand.

She'd already ransacked the classrooms, digging through everything they had on just about anything. What she'd found had been … less than encouraging. Unless they were even crazier than she had originally estimated, she wasn't in Japan anymore, or even China.

Not that she hadn't suspected something was amiss before—she didn't even look at the night sky now if she could help it—but she had hoped. Hoped what, she wasn't sure. Now, now she was stuck in some crazy, alternate … shit, she couldn't even think it yet. All thanks to some crazy perverts who liked to call up naked dead girls and attack them. She couldn't even leave unless she wanted to give up all hope of getting back.

Being dead was so much easier. Life was just too, what was the word? Crazy. Had she mentioned that word to herself before? That didn't even touch on her body's current state, though oddly it didn't bother her as much as it might have. She tried not to think about what that meant.

Heaving a sigh and leaving her depressing musings behind, she cast about for one of the more promising books she'd brought with her. "Hmm, Treatise on the Politics of the Elemental Nations?" Pass. Useful if she ever left the confines of this stupid village—no sense walking into a war-zone if it could be avoided after all—but she needed something a little more relevant.

"Chakra for Dummies." Weird name, but definitely promising. Whatever this chakra was, it had only passing similarities to ki. Maybe it could even explain why the air seemed to almost burn. Her personal reservoir of energy kept drawing it in when she took time to replenish her reserves. Resting had been a serious challenge before she became accustomed to it and learned to filter the excess heat. It did make for some interesting applications of the Hiryu Shoten Ha, though. Whoever it was that had needed the book was a serious slob, crumbs everywhere. She had cleaned up a bit. It was a fair trade for borrowing without asking.

"Konohagakure, the Village Hidden in the Leaves, A History." Now this was more like it. If she was to pass herself off as a native, knowing what the hell a Hokage was or what the leaf on these stupid headbands meant was a must.

Fingering the forehead protector she had pocketed earlier, she glanced at it with lingering resentment, then sighed again. Getting herself as comfortable as the bench would allow, she started in on what was likely to be a long night.

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~o0{O}0o~

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Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

—Vint Bonner, The Restless Gun

Chapter 1

It Don't Pay

"Aaargh! Where is he!? I can't stand it anymore!"

"I can't believe I got stuck with you, Naruto. And yelling isn't helping anyone! Can't you be more like Sasuke?" The boy in question was studiously ignoring his so called teammates, instead choosing to sit apart from them, presumably to brood over the situation he had found himself in, and the future it portended.

Naruto made a gagging noise. "Who would want to be like that idiot?"

Naruto had spent the past hour complaining about how things weren't going his way. It was all 'grand adventure' this and 'Hokage's seat' that. Not to mention the utterly unwarranted shots he kept taking at Sasuke. Just about the only thing Sakura did agree with him on was their no-show jounin sensei.

Not that that was enough. "Who would want to be like Sasuke? Gee, I don't know, the dead last maybe?" Sakura was just about through with Naruto's nonsense. This was her chance with Sasuke and no loser wannabe ninja was going to ruin it for her. No matter how annoying his constant grumbling and the weird noises his stomach was starting to make. "And stop making that sound!"

That stopped any further argument from Naruto. "Uh, what sound?"

Sakura was not in the mood. "Don't play dumb! That annoying growling sound you've been making for the past ten minutes! Did you rush out so fast you didn't eat breakfast!?"

Stopping to listen, Naruto found there was indeed a noise in the background. He had been so agitated waiting that he had failed to notice it. "Ah, that's not me."

That drew the others' attention. "If it isn't you then…" Immediately, Sakura and Naruto began looking around. Even Sasuke looked mildly curious.

Quickly running a circuit around the room, Naruto soon honed in on the disturbance. "Hey, hey! Over here! I think I found it." Standing near the back of the classroom, he was poking around the last bench.

"Honestly Naruto, I don't see any—" But, as Sakura approached, she heard the sound rise dramatically in volume. "Is that … snoring?" Looking at each other, then back at Sasuke, who had finally gotten up and followed them, they turned back to the bench and began to—hesitantly—poke around.

"There's something weird here," Sakura murmured.

Looking more determined then ever, the pair both reached out for the spot that seemed to be screaming mediocrity … and hit nothing. Somehow, the area they were trying to examine … shifted? As they looked, the spot seemed to become more defined.

"Is that a person?"

Finally, as if a spell were broken, the space in front of them seemed to snap into place, and there was indeed a, well, still just a person. The clothing was nondescript, a simple dark blue pair of pants and shirt with a Konoha flak jacket worn over it. A straw hat covered the face. Underneath, they saw large opaque goggles and a dark blue bandana that obscured the person's face. On top of the person's head, completely covering the hair—

"A forehead protector!" Naruto crowed. "It's a ninja! He's a ninja? Whatever! That was so cool, I've gotta learn that! Then I'll be made Hokage for sure!"

"Damn it Naruto, be quiet! I don't want to get in trouble because you pissed off some random jouni—" Stopping mid sentence, Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke all looked at each other. "You don't think…"

Looking more closely, Sakura saw that the jounin was surrounded and partially covered by books. "Criminal Justice Illuminated? Military Transformation and Modern Warfare: a Reference Handbook, Contemporary Military, Strategic, and Security Issues? The Art of the Lesser, A Guide For Genin to Employing Low Level Jutsu to Their Greatest—why would a jounin need these? Unless…"

"A-ha! So that's where he's been!"

Excitement overtaking reason, Naruto stretched out his hand, intent on waking their negligent teacher … and missed his target completely.

"Um."

Reaching out again, more cautiously this time, Naruto managed to actually make contact. Grinning at his success, he began enthusiastically prodding. However, it was to no avail. The snoring didn't even abate. "Agh, how are we supposed to be ninja if teach spends all day asleep!?"

Silently agreeing with him, but not wanting to be seen as such in front of her crush, Sakura hesitantly suggested, "M-maybe some water will—" Before she could even finish, Uzumaki was out the door.

"I'll get it!"

Sighing in exasperation, she turned to face Sasuke, who hadn't moved his eyes off the jounin since they found him. Blushing, she realized that she was now in the perfect position to make small talk.

Slowly, she wracked her brains for the perfect opening. It had to be perfect of course. No sense throwing away this opportunity like a blockhead. Maybe a comment on Sasuke's intensity, or perhaps the likelihood of him quickly earning their teacher's respect. Or maybe … yes, that could … right! She had it!

"Um, so Sasuke, do—"

"I'm ba-ack!" Palming her face, Sakura decided that if they were ever in a fight for their lives she might be just a little slow in watching Naruto's back.

"Heh heh heh, check this out." In his hands was a basin filled with water.

"That's way more than we need Naruto." Couldn't he do anything without supervision? More importantly, if he got that much, how the hell did he make it back so quickly?

"No no, watch this, I heard about this from Kiba."

"Inuzuka? What does he have to do with—" But Naruto was already laying the basin down. Reaching out slowly, he drew the jounin's hand down into the water, grinning maniacally all the while.

"Now we just wait and—aah! What did you hit me for!?"

"You idiot! You can't be doing that to people! Especially people in charge of us!" Well, it was kind of funny but, "it'll take too long. Ah, I mean—" She had not meant to say that out loud. Before she could backpedal, though—

"Yeah, you're right. This will be much better."

Reaching into one of the dozens of pockets on that ridiculous orange outfit of his, Naruto pulled out a few balloons. Why he was keeping balloons on his person was a question Sakura felt was best left unasked.

Removing the hand, Naruto quickly set about using a jutsu to fill three up. Sakura very determinedly did not think on why he knew such a useless technique. Naruto rubbed his fingers. "Ah, geez. That's colder than I remember. Alright, here we go. One for each of us!"

"What!? Naruto, you can't possibly expect us to—" Well, again it was hilarious, but there was no way she could justify it in front of Sasuke.

"Aw come on. If he's really a jounin, then something like this shouldn't even phase him. If he gets mad we'll just say we thought he was testing us! Besides, any ninja that gets caught with his pants down like this deserves everything he gets! Believe it!"

Before she could argue further, Sasuke reached out and took one of the balloons. "Sasuke?"

For the first time since they'd been put together, he spoke. "Like he said, if he's really a jounin…" He left the rest unsaid. There was an intensity in his eyes that unnerved her.

"A-all right. If you say so, Sasuke." He was even better than she had dreamed! Yes!

Naruto seemed equally thrilled. "Woo-hoo! Alright, on three. One, two, three!"

Loosing their volley, the three each looked on expectantly. That was when the unexpected happened.

Almost lazily, the jounin's hand reached up and plucked the first balloon from the air. It was in hand for only a moment before an imperceptible twist of the wrist sent it flying back. One, two, three. Each was expertly caught and returned with no sign that the jounin had even become aware.

"Aah!" The cry from two of them was expected. The pitch of one was rather off though.

"What the hell was that!" Again, the timber was unexpectedly high.

"Naruto? What did you do to—what did you do to your hair!?"

Confused, Naruto reached up to finger a golden lock … and found in its place one of deep crimson.

"Oh my god! Naruto! Did you put something in those balloons!? Is my face splotchy! If my face is splotchy I am going to rearrange your face you—you little … idiot!"

Quickly backing away from the incensed female, Naruto hurriedly rushed out a defense. "I didn't! I mean it! You saw me! The only thing I put in there was the water! And what the hell is wrong with my voice!?" If anything, the stress had made his voice pitch higher.

"Enough, we shou—" Sasuke abruptly stopped his rebuke as he found his voice too had changed. Cautiously reaching up, he was relieved to find his brunette hair unmolested.

"Um, Sasuke? What was—"

"Nothing. I mean," Clearing his throat, he tried to sound gruffer, "It's nothing. Leave it."

"A-all right." No way was she going to touch that one. Whatever it was, Sasuke was sure to solve it. She had more pressing concerns at the moment anyway.

Sakura's hair was still its trademark pink, and no one had commented on anything, but as distracted as they were, and as bizarre as the situation was, she couldn't relax until she found a mirror and checked herself over.

It was at that moment the source of their consternation chose to arouse himself.

"Ah, goddammit. What's with all the racket? Can't get any frickin' rest with—" Her mumbling suddenly cut short, and it was a she after all, the jounin slowly rolled over to face the three genin. Said genin were frozen in shock and more than a little fear. She had to choose just that moment?

"Crap. Did it short out or? That coulda' been dangerous. If somebody—"

Sitting up, the jounin made to stand when her feet collided with the forgotten basin. The clattering sound somehow urged the genin to still even further. Slowly, she looked down. Then, lifting the goggles and removing the bandana, she raised her head and gave the bedraggled children a look.

"You uh, you weren't plannin' somethin'? Were ya?" The word punks was left unsaid, but it came through, emphasis and all.

Her blue eyes seemed to crystallize and the air around them suddenly chilled. The basin at her feet was already frozen, the water inside a solid block of ice.

Somewhere underneath her panic, Sakura's intellect analyzed the feeling. She had read about something similar. Killing intent. Extremely experienced ninja could take their intentions and make them almost palpable, giving lesser nin a clear view of their end.

This however, this was nothing like what she had read. There was no intention being conveyed, no desire to kill. Instead, what they felt was the purest form of confidence they had ever known. It went beyond anything they had thought possible.

Here, in front of them, this nin with a simple, open face and clear, honest eyes, she could destroy them. She could destroy the whole village if she wanted to. The Hokage was a mere plaything waiting to be trapped in her cat's paw.

In so many ways, this was far worse than what Sakura had read. At least if her intentions were known they could have a chance to avoid it, but this…

Go left and I'll destroy you. Dodge right and I'll crush you. Throw a kunai and I'll just laugh while I annihilate you down to your very essence. I am in control. This room is a battlefield and I am its reigning lord.

Sakura managed to open her mouth. Her breath, she noticed in remote, came out a fog, the water crystallizing instantly. Somehow, she managed to squeak out the name of the technique. "Sh-shikumi." Death foreseeing. It was still apt, even without the literal meaning coming through, as she very much would have preferred a hole in the ground to bearing this terrible feeling one moment longer.

Suddenly, the nin let up, leaving them a trembling mess. The only thing keeping them upright was the fear that she might change her mind if they moved without permission. "Ah, sorry 'bout that. Always a little addled when I get woken up early." Early? It was after noon. More importantly though, they all silently decided to never, ever disturb her slumber again.

Suddenly free from death's clammy grasp, Sakura's newly awakened feelings of self preservation went into overdrive. "It was him!" She pointed desperately at Naruto.

"Uh, what are you—"

"I told him it was a bad idea but he insisted hewastooconvincingdon'tpunishSasukehe'sinnocent and—"

"Hey!" Finally coming to his senses, his own well-being in jeopardy, Naruto immediately tried to cover himself, shouting over Sakura's panicked babbling. "You were the one who said to get the water! What do you think you're—"

"Shut up!" The effect the jounin's words had was instantaneous. They went right back to cowering. "Ugh, jeez. Why do I always get stuck with the—" Cutting herself off she again gave them a look. Not the look, it was fortunately just a regular reproving glance, but it carried far more weight for them than any had before. "Now, slowly, what exactly did you three think you were up to?" She gestured to Naruto and he hesitantly started.

"Well, ah, you see," The annoyed look Naruto received told him to get on with it. "We couldn't wake you up so Sakura said 'get some water' and—"

"Hey!" Before she could properly protest, the jounin's hand zipped out and clamped down on her lips. Naruto continued unabated.

"I brought that basin-full and put your hand in it cause I'd heard about it but Sakura said it would take too long so I filled up some balloons and we threw them at you and then you threw them back and then my hair changed color and I started sounding weird and then you woke up and looked at us and pleasedon'tkillusma'am!"

Taking a moment to parse through the wall of babble, the jounin pursed her lips. Then she started chuckling. "Oh, is that all? I thought you were trying to ruin the books or somethin'."

The genin looked at her incredulously. Sakura was the first to speak up. "So … you aren't mad?"

The jounin waved her hand dismissively. "If you coulda' gotten me with somethin' that lame, I woulda' deserved it." At her words they slumped to the ground, relief getting the better of them. "Ah, you three alright?"

Looking up with wide eyes, Naruto seemed to actually sparkle. "Teach, you have to be the coolest teacher ever! I am so psyched! You gotta teach me how you did that stuff! You will won't you? You just gotta!"

Leaning back from the bundle of enthusiasm, the jounin looked more confused and annoyed than accepting. "Eh, sorry kid, I ain't got the time. I'm … waitin' on somebo—"

"That's us!" Apparently Naruto's enthusiasm for the jounin's skills dwarfed his earlier fright. "We were told to wait here for you, but I guess they didn't realize you were already here. That was one awesome jutsu teach!"

The jounin grimaced. "Uh look, you got the wrong idea here."

Sakura chose that moment to speak up. "You mean you aren't our teacher, ma'am? What are all these books for then?"

"Uh."

Sakura continued, oblivious to the irritation that briefly crossed the jounin's face. "Obviously they're far below someone of your level. You can't be Mizuki's replacement since I saw the man replacing him earlier today, and there aren't any other openings in the staff. The only possible explanation is that you're a jounin sensei. Since we're the last left, you must be waiting for us. I know we're a little inexperienced, but we've all trained really hard to get here and we won't let you down."

Hah! Their teacher couldn't help but be impressed with her use of reasoning and observational skills. She wasn't top of the class on the written exams for nothing. They were bound to be accepted now and it was all thanks to her. Sasuke couldn't do any better!

She ignored the white lie she told when she included Naruto in the 'trained hard' bit, but if it was for Sasuke, she'd hammer quadratics into the brat's pea brain!

…

Ranma, right at that moment, was trying to escape the corner she'd been painted into. This was why she couldn't stand brats. There was no reasoning with them. And why were they even in the building? A quick glance at the clock on the wall told her it was well past school hours. What kind of sensei, especially a jounin sensei, would leave a bunch of brats unatt—

Suddenly, it clicked. There was only one jounin who could be so lazy, only one pain in the ass ninja who would leave his messes for unassuming innocents to stumble into.

Ranma had spent the last week and a half well. Everything from geography to laws to military discipline. Anything that could help her make sense of whatever this hell was, only leaving to forage for food. It was those forays into the city that had been the most dangerous. While she had no doubt she could handle any dozen regular ninja and still make her escape, there were some who were a cut above the rest. One-eye was one of them.

Unlike other ninja, he didn't seem to follow a strict regimen. He just seemed to wander wherever his feet took him. As he had been one of those few who could sense her before she perfected the Umisenken, learning everything about her opponent had taken priority.

Fortunately, it hadn't taken long to learn that those masked dorks carried a so called bingo book with them that contained essential knowledge about all ranking ninja, foreign and domestic. Lifting a copy had been simple enough and it had told her all she needed to know.

Looking back on it, the reason one-eye had been about so much lately was obviously because he was being assigned to teach these kids. Since he couldn't show up on time if his life depended on it, that left his students agitated and over-energized.

Knowing why she was in the mess she was in didn't help her escape it, though. This was a ticking time bomb just waiting to blow up in her face. Another glance at the clock reassured her that she had at least another hour before he showed up, giving her plenty of time to come up with a plan.

She couldn't just leave them. They'd spill their guts for sure. She hadn't scared them that much … yet.

It was then that an idea formed in her mind. A terrible, no good idea. After all, it wasn't in her nature to let others dictate her actions. To be chased sure, but only in the paths she set down. These ninja were a paranoid lot. Going missing was one of their greatest crimes. Going missing nin for even a few hours would leave them putty in her hands, just begging her to fix it.

And fix it she would. No matter how paranoid he was, the Hokage wasn't going to string up genin wannabes just for getting a bit lost. Not that they would know that.

Ranma remembered her father's training when she was young. It seemed like he had an iron fist. Of course, then she grew up and realized it was all bullshit, but still, that was a useful weakness to exploit. Play the foreign nin to the hilt, without actually threatening anything. No sense in making claims she wasn't interested in backing up even if she could.

Not only would she get out of this scott free, but she'd gain some ins too! It was perfect! Besides, Genma was always harping on how Ranma was supposed to take over the dojo and teach. Might as well get a good start on it! Man, was this how Nabs always felt? No wonder she always looked like the squirrel that ate the canary!

"Um, ma'am?" A hesitant voice broke through her musings.

"Yeah?"

The pink haired girl looked slightly ill. "Ah, w-why were you cack … um, laughing like that? I—did I say something wrong?"

Ah crap, she never did have the best poker face. Glancing over the genin she saw that she had managed to freak them out again. "Oh, uh, I do that sometimes. Don' worry about it." That didn't seem to reassure them, but no matter. "Alright, you got me. I guess I could give you three a try."

"Yes! I knew you wouldn't let us down, teach! You're the best!" The orange kid's enthusiasm threatened to sweep up her ego and hug it to death, but Ranma contained the unexpected glow the kid's words had on her.

"Ah ah ah. Not so fast," Ranma chided. "I said I'd give you a try. Beyond that, no promises."

"What!?" Jeez, did this kid have a lower setting? "But you have to! We've got our hitai-ite and everything!"

Poking his forehead protector, Ranma set about demolishing Tang's complaint. "Just because some know-it-all chuunin said you're half decent doesn't mean I'll agree. You don't just walk up to the most experienced fighter in the village and say 'hey, teach me!' You gotta audition first. If I don't like what I see, I toss you back. Honestly, are you all that ignorant? Didn't you look up what it meant to get a jounin sensei?"

By Pinky's shocked and ashamed face, and the others' clueless ones, she figured they hadn't. Perfect. "Every jounin tests potentials first. For every team that makes it," She paused dramatically, "two fail." She grinned at their shocked looks. She had them. "So, if you wanna just waltz into this genin gig, yer gonna hafta find another sensei, cause I ain't it."

For a long moment they were silent and Ranma worried that perhaps she had pushed them too far. They were only kids after all, but then Tang looked up at her.

Standing up straighter, he announced, "Bring it on! I will never give up! Even if you won't be our teacher, I'll still be Hokage! Believe it!"

Hey, not bad. Well, for a snot nosed, loud mouthed brat anyway.

"Alright then, time … to go on a training trip." And get the hell outta Dodge.