Mistakes are the only thing I own.

It was the last thing he would think about. He knew someone was after her. He knew that sooner or later she would get hurt because of that case. What he didn't know was that it will happen at the funeral of their captain, while she was giving her speech. He didn't know that he won't be able to save her. He didn't know that she will be dying when he first tells her his feelings. Well... life is full of surprises, right?

He was watching her die. He was watching Lanie trying to rescue her, which she probably did. He was in too big of a shock to do anything on that grass when she was lying beneath him with a bullet in her chest. He wasn't able to save her from the sniper, from the men who killed her mother, from her obsession. Montgomery, even her father, thought that he was the only one being able to stop her. And he failed. He failed her so many times that day and the only thing he could do now was to pray for her life, for her to be alive, for her to forgive him and for her to remember that he loves her. He just felt so useless, watching her in the ambulance. Just watching and praying. Being afraid of losing the most extraordinary woman he had ever known. Noone before made him feel this way. Noone before was as stubborn, frustrating, maddening, beautiful and kind as Katherine Beckett. And he knew for sure that noone will ever replace her. He was helplessly in love with that women, so despite remembering about her dying, he was lost in a memory from not that long ago.

It was the 9th of January. That day they didn't have a case, so she was catching up with paper work, told him not to come because there was nothing for him to do. So he stayed at home wondering how she was feeling and what she was doing every year on that day. Was she meeting up with her father? Was she sitting alone in her apartment, crying and thinking about her mother? Was she drinking to not be able to feel the pain? Or maybe she was treating that day as any other, not wanting to open up the wounds even more? The last possibility he never wanted to consider was Josh helping her with the demons of that day. But he knew Kate, he knew that she would never show him her weakness and pain. That she will never open up to Josh as she opened up to him. Because he was sure Kate never loved that men.

So later that night he dressed up, bought a cup of coffee and chocolate, picked up a couple of movies and called a cab to her apartment. When he was standing at her doorsteps, for a while he thought that it was a mistake, but the need of helping her was stronger. Taking a deep breath he knocked on the door and waited with his heart pounding as crazy. When she opened the door his heart nearly broke up. She had no make-up on, her hair was tied in a loose ponytail, her eyes were wet from tears, but she wasn't crying now. He was sure she stopped when she heard the knocking. Looking at her the only thing he wanted to do was to hug her and never let go. But she would've probably killed him, wouldn't she?

"Castle, what are you doing here?" she asked, her tone a little bit irritated. He knew she wasn't pleased with his visit, but he was sure she needed him.

"I brought coffee for you and something to watch, you can pick something, here" he gave her a package with DVD's and walked through the door in spite of lack of invitation.

Kate closed the door and followed him inside, looking at his silhouette positioned on her couch.

"And may I ask, why do you think I would like to watch something with you now, Castle? I don't recall inviting you."

Typicall Kate, he thought. Normally, he would come up with something funny to cheer her up, but that day? She needed honesty, somebody to be there for her, somebody to lean on. So he decided to bury his inner 9-year-old-on-a-sugar-rush inside.

"Because I don't want to you to be alone, Kate. So let me sit here with you, watch something together, talk if you need to. You can even ignore me, but I'm not leaving."

For a moment he thought that she will kick him out as soon as he told her that. He was sure that it will be the end of their friendship, partnership but she surprised him in the best way possible. She sat beside him, took the chocolate he offered and picked up one of the movies he brought, telling him to play it on, so he did. Somewhere in the middle of the seance, she fell asleep, so risking once more during that evening, he positioned her in his lap and started to play with her soft hair. She did not move, so he hadn't stopped. He just looked at his broken muse, completely ignoring the tv screen. He just wanted to take all of her pain, he wanted her to be happy.

He was sitting like that till his phone vibrated, looking at it he saw that Alexis was calling him, so he turned the tv off, picked up Kate and carried her to the bedroom. What he found on her bed surprised him - there, in the middle of her pillow, was laying a plush elephant. Castle never dreamed that she would have such a thing, but today was special and she most likely got it from her mother. Those days it probably was giving her some kind of comfort. So he decided to forget about it, kissed her in the temple and with one last look walked out the door and smiled. She let him comfort her. He was with her in her misery. Even doe they weren't talking, he was happy. Because at the end of the sad day he was the one she let in, not Josh, not anybody else - just him. And maybe, just maybe, that meant she had feelings for him after all?

"Where's Katie? Where is my daughter?" familiar voice snatched Castle from his memories. He looked up, a little embarrassed, because how could he look in the eyes of a man whose only child was now in surgery? But he must, right? So he looks up and the same second he does the writer is lack of word. There, in front of him with a little girl in his arms is standing Jim Beckett, and all he can see in that kid are green eyes, so similar to the ones he knows all too well from 4 years now.

Thoughts?