Immer: I told myself not to go into this fandom, to not write a story for it. Yet here I am, eight stories deep and adding this to my work load. I had hoped not to fall into the mistakes of one of my major accounts on here. Well, let's see where this goes and hopefully I get the first chapter out of my system so I can focus on the others.

As per usual the title of the story is from a song called Delusional by Simon Curtis.

Chapter One Precious Secret

COLORS

Very few knew of Lelouch's secret. Those that do know, are people he trusts with all faith they will carry the secret to their grave. This secret is something he guards to the extreme. And that secret is he had been born a girl, when he felt he should have been a boy.

Since he was young, Lelouch often proclaimed he is not a princess, but a prince. Even when he was laughed at from the other women his father had children from, he held his head high, gently encouraged from his mother and two of his elder siblings he grew fond of. Eventually, as time went on and nothing would make him change his mind, the emperor finally relented and changed his status from princess to prince.

And what he found puzzling years later was how easily people went along with the decision without a fuss. When he thought about it, the only conclusion he could come up with was that it had been an effect of Geass of some sort. But it wasn't his immediate concern, as he now carried the burden of the injustice Britannia had brought upon the world.

By this time Lelouch had been on hormone therapy for years. He no longer had periods, no cramps or any indication he was still fertile. He had already gone through surgery to remove his chest, as he had inherited his mother's bosom. He had yet to make a decision for surgery for his private area, he was a skeptic it would actually work despite the medical advances Britannia had made in the last decade.

And when he was reunited with Suzaku, Lelouch had been smitten. They fooled around a few times. Then, when Euphemia came to the picture, Suzaku grew distant. And even though no words were exchanged between them, their almost relationship was over before Lelouch found the courage to take it further. And with a bitterness in his mouth he closed his heart to the world.

But that wasn't all.

"I think you should see a doctor." C2 said one day out of the blue.

Lelouch glanced up from his computer with surprise. It was the middle of the night, and he was going over how to gain the upper hand on Cornelia. Before he could ask what she meant, she continued. And it was then he realized he had been munching on her pizza.

Since when did I start eating her blasted food?

"I sense another life form in your belly. I think you're pregnant. I could be wrong, but your behavior as of late has been drastic, even for you. And don't think I haven't noticed how you cry yourself to sleep at night." She watched for his reaction, her face so doll like, she could almost be a living statue.

Lelouch narrowed his eyes at her. He didn't believe her. There was no way he could still get pregnant. He had been on testosterone for too long to be fertile. On the same token, C2 had a sixth sense about her that he couldn't deny.

"I don't believe you, but I'll have Sayako buy me some pregnancy tests." Lelouch made a mental note to ask her in the morning.

"Don't wait too long. If I am correct, then you will have to be careful if you plan carrying to full term." Was C2 actually concerned?

Why does it matter if I'm pregnant or not? Suzaku won't stay with me. He has made it clear when he became her knight.

Lelouch buried the emotions that were ready to burst. To his horror he continued to eat the slice of pizza in his hand. He almost flinched as he remembered he didn't like Hawaiian Pizza. And yet he couldn't stop.

Okay, I will definitely ask Sayako in the morning.

The conversation had been awkward, but she was one of the few who knew his secret. Aside from her and Suzaku, Nunnally, C2, Milly Ashford and her grandfather knew about his secret. Madame President teased him every now and then about it, but she meant no harm by it. She often gave him unsolicited advice about how to take care of his "lady parts" as she liked to call it.

Sayako didn't judge him. And she told him she would pick a few up while grocery shopping. And like that Lelouch almost forgot about it, when his duties as Zero demanded he had to be away for a few days. He forgot about his possible pregnancy until Kanime Island.

His stomach hurt, and it wasn't because of hunger.

I'm starting to think maybe C2 was right.

The morning after a not so successful search for food, Lelouch was vomiting. Euphemia rubbed his back in concern. The fruit they found she was fine with, so either he had consumed a bad one, or it was true. He was pregnant.

How? The chances of such a thing are too slim. I must really have the worst luck.

This meant he was approximately one month along at this point, maybe close to two. Was he going to show later on? He had noticed he has gained a bit of weight. He wondered why he was only just slightly heavier than normal, but it didn't interfere with his outfits. The Zero costume was a bit more snug, but it wasn't uncomfortable.

No more stalling. I'm going to have Rakshata examine me next time I see her.

But later, upon literally falling to meet his brother and the ground lit up in a red bird taking flight, he felt it. He felt the life form for a split second as the ground shifted. The Power of Kings messed with his senses, and somehow he was so much more aware. He was almost drunk on the new feeling, but Kallen had directed his attention to the new knightmare frame.

With some difficulty he took control of it and they were off. The prototype could fly. This made their escape a lot easier, and so he taunted his brother by saying his thanks for the wonderful gift. As they flew, Lelouch reached out to the Black Knights. To his relief, they had remained loyal and stayed within the vicinity in case they escaped. Rakshata was delighted to have the Gawain as her new project, with the aim to fix the Hadron Canons.

"Rakshata, may I have a word alone?" Zero inquired her, and she blinked as her excitement dulled, her moment of victory ruined. However, soon concern filled her, as the leader never reached out to her like this. So this had to be something personal.

"Well, of course. Let's talk somewhere a little more private." She took the lead and he followed after her.

The hurt expression on Kallen's face wasn't unnoticed, but Zero would have to speak to her later. Dietard however, tried for follow, curious. Furious, Kallen tailed him. Then both arrived to Rakshata's office, where they and her assistant were pushed out of the office.

"Zero has requested a private one on one talk with me. Since I am the one in charge of everyone's safety and medical needs, I am afraid you three have to scram." She said before closing the door in their faces.

"So, what is the problem to request my help?"

Zero lowered his head in embarrassment. After a moment of consideration he raised a hand to the pressure points that relieved him of the mask. Rakshata stared in complete shock as she studied the young face.

"I would have imagined you to be older." She commented once she recovered from her initial shock.

"I took this off because telling you about a condition of mine is...too personal to wear the mask." He never had trouble with words before. He didn't think she would judge him, she was an oddball herself.

"And that is what, exactly?"

"First, I'm trans. I was born a girl. And I have reason to believe I am pregnant." He bit his lip, the silence deafening.

"...Well, I certainly wasn't expecting this. The little bean isn't from anyone within the Black Knights, right?" Rakshata was taking the news rather well.

"No! I mean, no. Did you just call it a bean?"

"In the early stages it has the appearance of a bean. Therefore, it's a bean. I think I have one machine on this submarine that should give us a quick and easy answer."

Ten minutes later she brought in a portable ultrasound. She hooked it up, and placed a large amount of cold gel on his stomach. Lelouch flinched from the contact, but a few minutes later it wasn't too bad. She expertly maneuvered the scanner over his stomach until she found it.

"There it is. See? It's a bean." She turned the screen for him to see it better. "Judging by the size, I believe you're a few weeks along, give or take. At most one month."

Lelouch stared, overwhelmed with emotions. The first thought he had was how tiny it was. Then he thought that she was correct, it really did look like a bean. And like that he made his decision.

"I'm keeping it." He knew the risks it would take to carry to full term. He was leading a rebellion, all the while staying ahead of his sister in her goal to end him.

Even if Suzaku chose someone else, I won't let his decision ruin this child's chance to live. I'll raise it by myself and guard the secret of its father to my grave.

"Will I be showing?" Lelouch asked her.

"How long have you been on hormones?"

"Almost six years."

"You wouldn't have a profound belly. The most you would experience is probably a bloated belly. How has morning sickness been treating you?"

"Not that bad until this morning. I ate some wild fruit last night so it probably didn't agree with it." Lelouch admitted with embarrassment.

"Then you might relatively have an easy pregnancy. Just don't go around eating wild fruit in the future." Rakshata laughed at her own joke.

Not my fault I suck at fishing.

COLORS

It was as she said, he had a relatively easy going pregnancy. And as she predicted he wasn't showing much. He did have to exchange the Zero costume to better accommodate his growing waist only once thus far. The only two downsides that occurred was how sensitive his nipples were to the point he had to wear the softest material shirt underneath all his clothes, and how incredibly horny he was.

Whatever hope he had to have Suzaku back in his life died with Euphemia. That had been his only close call to almost miscarry, but the child held on. It proved to be stubborn, and Lelouch silently made the connection that this child definitely had its father's stubbornness.

And he wasn't sure if it was a pregnancy thing, or if he gave off hormonal vibes to everyone around him, but he literally had three girls ready to drop for him. First was Shirley, then Kallen, and lastly C2 of all people. He was grateful it didn't all happen at once. Otherwise he would have lost his mind trying to calm them down.

Lelouch guarded his secret pregnancy from everyone, even his sister. Nunnally sensed something was off, but whenever she asked he never told her what was going on. So she dropped her questions in favor of not pushing the issue. Lelouch hated keeping secrets from her, but he didn't want her to worry.

A month after his discovery of the pregnancy, tensions of the Black Knights and Britannia was at about all time high. Then everything went downhill when he was forced to leave the rebellion to rescue Nunnally. His plan was thwarted by Suzaku, and now he was trapped inside of the Lancelot as a prisoner.

Lelouch was overheating, and his chest felt heavy. He prayed to whatever force out there that he wasn't going into early labor. His child was active however, he had been warned that inactivity could mean he was close to labor. Since his first visit to Kanime Island he had become aware of the tiniest of movements inside of him. It was weird, but it meant he wasn't going into labor just yet. At this stage it wouldn't survive after three months inside of him.

But it's so hot in here.

"Do you have any water?" His voice came out dry and raspy.

Lelouch was met with uncomfortable silence.

So it's going to be like that, Suzaku?

It was so unbearably hot, and he wasn't sure if it was his pregnancy, the cockpit of the knightmare frame, or the full body straight jacket Suzaku forced him into. Maybe it was all of the above that was driving him insane. And the tiny movements of the child inside of him wasn't helping.

How am I even sensitive at all is beyond me. But it serves as a distraction from the silence.

When his hair was sticking to his face and his breathing more audible did Suzaku finally relent. He pushed the button for the autopilot and set the destination for the capital of Britannia. The brunette reached for a water bottle and brought it to Lelouch's lips. He was startled and at this point lost sense of what was real and what wasn't and choked on the water.

Rough hands then pulled him into a familiar lap. He was reminded again he was still shorter than Suzaku as the other pulled his head back by a painful grip of his hair and mouth pressed against his. Lelouch started to come back to reality as he drank in the water Suzaku was giving him from mouth to mouth. He tried to move to be more comfortable, but his movement must have come off as coming onto Suzaku due to his reaction.

Another hand gripped his hip to keep him still, and Lelouch pulled away with a cry. That area had become so tender and sensitive that the grip that would have turned him on actually hurt. He squirmed in an attempt to get away, but Suzaku had him trapped. And to his horror Suzaku was being turned on by this. He could feel the length beginning to stiffen through their tightly formed their clothes.

"No! Suzaku - stop - let me go!" Lelouch came to his senses and glared heatedly at the Lancelot pilot.

Green eyes stared back with dead expression in them. Lelouch felt his heart sink at the sight. And he knew this was all his fault. At this point telling him the news of being a father soon would be useless. Suzaku was too far gone to care, let alone believe him if he spilled the secret here and now. The child inside had gone still, as if afraid of the man who was hurting Lelouch.

"Or else what? Your geass can't work on me anymore. There's no one else you can kill at this moment, so your threats are useless to me." Suzaku spoke with no emotion in his voice and Lelouch broke.

"So you're willing to rape someone who once loved you, adored the ground you walked on, and then walked away without explanation for their sister?"

"Don't you dare bring Euphy into this and tarnish her name after what you did to her! I was her knight!" The hand in his hair tightened, almost yanking black strands out.

"And she was my sister! If you love her so much, then don't go raping me just for some sick revenge for my sins!" Lelouch shrieked, his whole body shaking. "If there is any shred of the man I fell in love with left in there, then don't force yourself upon me. Or so help me Suzaku I won't ever forgive and forget."

For a long moment Suzaku was still, staring into his eyes. Lelouch wasn't aware until this moment that he was crying. Tears flowed down his cheeks, and he wasn't even trying to stop them this time around. Lelouch was pretty sure he appeared broken to Suzaku, a first in many years. For a second there was fondness in his eyes.

No, don't give me that look. I won't be able to resist you like that.

"You still love me?" There was something in his tone that tore at his heart.

"I love you and despise you." Lelouch answered honestly. And the fire was in those eyes again, burning the fondness into ashes. "You left me without saying a word, no explanation. I understand your love for Euphy, but you didn't have to be so infatuated that you left me to hurt and sought vengeance to hurt you back."

Yes, hate me. Hate me and never look back. I'll let him think it was all petty, a petty reason why she died.

"So that's all that was? Make her turn to kill so many people she wanted nothing to do but help, then turn around and kill her so it made you some hero to the masses!?" Suzaku growled, his hands were tugging and digging in as his temper rose to a dangerous crescendo.

"I was about to give up the mask for you! I was going to leave it for someone else to carry the burden, or fake Zero's death. I hadn't realized that you didn't want the same. And good thing I hadn't given up on Zero when it was the only purpose I had to keep going!" Lelouch struggled to break free, but he couldn't move very well due to his stomach and eventually gave up.

He promised me that he would never betray me. Yet here we are. If this is his wish, then so be it. Just so long as my child doesn't die with me, that's all I ask.

"And so that's your excuse to kill her? She believed in you! She was the common ground that would have ended the rebellion and none of this would have happened!" Suzaku yelled, the pain clear in his voice.

"Her idealism wouldn't have worked anyway. A noble goal, but her plans wouldn't hold any ground. She would have been the laughing stock of Britannia, and they would have swung in with the guns without her consent. So I did her a favor." Lelouch had no idea where these words came from. They simply came and he didn't bother filtering them.

Teeth bit at his shoulder through the straight jacket. Lelouch should have cried out, yet what came out instead was laughter. Insane laughter that echoed inside the cockpit. As hands squeezed his nipples through the rough fabric of his shirt did the laughter turn into cries.

A part of him couldn't deny he wanted, no needed this. In the short months of the pregnancy he had been so incredibly turned on so often, and he had no one to exert his sexual frustrations out on. He couldn't trust anyone to take him while he was still lacking in a certain department that made him male.

And he didn't fight it as Suzaku entered him.

Lelouch sighed at being filled after so long without the familiar cock inside of him. Without any indication from Suzaku his hips started moving on their own. They set a fast but brutal pace, and Suzaku watched with growing curiosity as to why Lelouch was acting so hungry for him.

When the brunette was close, Lelouch smirked like a devil and his hips stopped moving. He stopped and hissed at the feel of Suzaku buried deep inside, throbbing and hot at being denied release. Lelouch laughed breathily as he leaned to whisper into a tanned ear, a tongue licking the outline.

"Was she better than me?"

Suzaku growled and flipped Lelouch around and pressed him against the screens. He stood partially and leaned against Lelouch and started thrusting hard. He cried out in both pain and ecstasy at the feeling of being dominated. A short time later they both came, and Lelouch was left shuddering at the feeling of being filled. As much as he didn't want to, he started to drift off to sleep.

When he woke up by force and brought before his father, the man decided not to kill him. While he was somewhat glad for it, he was unsure what that entailed. Then a worse fate awaited him. Lelouch was forced to forget everything about his royal birth, his identity as Zero, Nunnally and his mother. With the memories being rewritten he had one last bitter thought.

Suzaku, I hope it was worth it.

One Year Later

Suzaku just arrived at the secret location where he had a team to watch Lelouch's every move. There was no doubt within his mind that he remembered, and he was the one behind the mask of Zero once more. He was so sure of this, that when his eyes were on the screens for the first time, there was nothing but shock.

When did he have a kid?

He watched as Lelouch carried the child, roughly five months old give or take, before helping the young boy to stand. Suzaku couldn't tear his gaze away from the scene before him as Lelouch beamed at the child. Suzaku leaned closer to change camera angles to have a better look at the face.

For the most part this boy was the spinning image of Lelouch. Same skin, same eyes and violet color, same hair texture. The few pictures he had seen of Lelouch as a child, and from his memory of meeting him at age ten, had him see the same face within the little boy. There was only one little detail that was different between them.

The boy's hair was brown like his.

"When was this child born, and has he ever said who the father was?" Suzaku asked Villetta Nu.

"His name is Elijah Lamperouge, born December 28th, 2017. He has never said who the father was, and I have already asked his friends. They don't know." Villetta answered, studying the boy's face before making a sideways glance at Suzaku, who was internally calculating in his head.

So...he was pregnant when I took him in. He was pregnant when I chose Euphy.

"Is there something you forgot to mention about you and Lelouch?" Villetta's voice interrupted his train of thought.

"Shut up before I write you up for behavior and insubordination. As I recall, you're on your last redemption with us." Suzaku warned with a growl.

Villetta didn't argue back. And as the child began to walk on wobbly legs, Suzaku left the room. He couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't watch it, shaken to the core. When he was alone he leaned against a wall as he grit his teeth, body shaking. After a moment he punched the wall with all his might. A tear escaped and flowed down his cheek without his consent.

Why didn't he ever tell me?