How did it get to this point?

"I'm gonna enjoy crushing your fucking windpipe, you brat."

Katsuki laughs humorlessly. Fucking pathetic.

"Go right a-fucking-head. Saves me the trouble of doing it myself," he says. He can feel the hysteria taking over, winces at the corners of his mouth cracking from his grin. From this angle, he sees Class 1-A-what remains, anyway.

How?

Briefly, he makes eye contact with Kirishima. His usually smiling eyes are wide, no trace of humor left in them.

How did it end up this way?

"Baku...gou.." he hears to his right. He doesn't have to look to know it's Kaminari.c

"Bakugou! What the hell, man! At least use your quirk or something! You-" Kirishima's words are cut off with a gargle. He falls to the side, body thrashing and seizing in shock.

Why?

"Go ahead! It'll be a weight off everyone's back! No one gives a shit, right!? I'm more suited to be a villain, right!? Ochako! Isn't that what you said, you round face bitch!?"

Uraraka doesn't answer.

Stop.

"Heroes kill villains, right Shitty Glasses? Didn't you all tell me I wasn't fit to be a hero? If heroes kill villains, I should just end it here! Since I 'obviously can't choose', huh? Todoroki!"

Aren't these my friends?

Katsuki can feel his gaze. It's molten hot, piercing the side of his face. He can hear the bastard urging him to turn around with his eyes.

Friends? Yea fucking right. I don't deserve friends. I don't deserve anything. I already proved that.

"Do it. I dare you." He wonders what kind of expression he's wearing this time.

"Kacc-!"

What happened?

Deku…

Kacchan!

No.

Wow, Kacchan! Your quirk is so cool!

It fucking isn't.

I can't wait for mine to come in!

No, stop.

K-kacchan?

Stop it.

W-why, kacchan?

Deku, please.

It hurts.

It hurts, Kacchan….

No...stop….

Why did you hurt me, Kacchan?

Fucking stop. No. No-!

Katsuki sat up quickly, chest heaving and back rigid. There was a burning smell in the air, almost as if he was about to set off an explosion, but held back at the last minute. He opened his eyes, taking notice of his outstretched arm. He pulled it back down to his side with a sigh.

"Fuck."

He sighed once more, bringing his hand to massage his temple. He didn't close his eyes. He didn't think he'd like what he saw. He spared a glance at his clock, groaning at the time displayed. 4:27 A.M. If I was gonna wake up, couldn't I do it at a time closer to when school starts? Katsuki threw the blanket covering his legs to the side He stood, stretching his legs for a few seconds, before making his way to the kitchen. He flicked on the light switch and grabbed the half empty water bottle from the counter, chugging it all in one go.

Katsuki stood in silence.

Kacchan….

He crushed the bottle between his fingers. Stupid fucking dreams.

He doesn't know when the nightmares started. Maybe it was sometime last year? Ah, whatever. He can't be fucked to pinpoint an exact time. It's kind of pathetic, really, how a few offhand doubts managed to worm their way into his daily routine so easily. He used to fear them, he thinks. Used to shake at the thought of the demons his mind used against him at night. Now he embraces them with open arms.

What choice does he have? He can't get rid of them, he can't escape them, he can't even take refuge in reality because things aren't much better there either. Not like he deserves it. What else can he do, rather than welcome them wholeheartedly? Katsuki Bakugou had enough of a shitstorm going on already. He didn't need even more from his mind piled on top. His heart was already attacking him enough. Katsuki was still deciding on whether the pain was a good thing or not. His brain was leaning towards yes.

Kacchan wasn't a very well liked individual. He's loud, brash, and, quite frankly, one of the rudest people Izuku knew. His overall aura screamed 'danger danger do not touch', and the only ones that bothered to get close were the dumb and reckless. (See: Eijirou Kirishima.) Izuku knows that seeing Kacchan smile, actually smile almost never happened, but something was...off. He seems more tired than usual . No, this wasn't Kacchan's usual arrogant indifference. This was darker, almost alarmingly so.

"Kacchan?"

Katsuki rolled his eyes, turning to face the person he least wanted to see. All of the blood in Deku's face seemed to drain in that instant. Katsuki arched a brow.

"What do you want, Deku?"

He was met with silence.

He ground his teeth, trying not to get too irritated. He waited a few more seconds, all of which were filled with silence. Can't he get on with it? I'm hungry...

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Is there something on my face or some shit?"

That seemed to snap Izuku out of whatever weird place he'd just gone to. His eyes met Katsuki's, and a flicker of fear crossed his face. An image flashed through Katsuki's head, little Deku dirty and sniffling on the ground-fuck no. Not fucking now.

"I was just-"

Katsuki rolled his eyes, brushing his bangs out of his face. "You were just…?"

Izuku seemed almost paralyzed, eyes wide and nose twitching slightly. He looks like a fucking rabbit . Katsuki banged his fist on the desk in annoyance. "Damn it, Deku! Spit it out!"

Izuku flinched, the action panging somewhere deep within Katsuki's heart, making it hard to breathe for a second. He took a few deep breaths, clutching his chest. As if that would make the pain go away. He could feel those eyes on him, the eyes that were probably making the same expression as that day. He really didn't want to, really fucking didn't, but he looked up anyway. Deku looked fucking terrified. He wasn't sure he was faring much better.

'That's right. You should be fucking scared of me.' That sounds like something I'd think, right?

"Ah-nevermind. S-sorry Kacchan," Izuku said shakily, grabbing his things and heading to the cafeteria with the rest of the class. Katsuki squeezed his eyes shut, trying to chase the picture away. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't shake the image of Deku on the ground, near tears, because of his doing. He didn't notice all too familiar green eyes watching him from the door. The tell-tale burning in his nose started up. Somehow he'd lost his appetite.

Something wasn't right. No shit, Sherlock , he heard in his mind. The voice sounded suspiciously like Kacchan. Izuku never held eye contact with him for a long time, a habit he'd learned to stick to over the years. He didn't have much experience with looking at Kacchan head on, but he did have was a lifetime of observation and admiration. He'd never seen Kacchan so... wrong . The purple bruising and pallid skin didn't sit right in his stomach. Izuku shivered at the memory.

Is he sleeping enough? Does he have a job now? Maybe he started training and has to adjust? All three?

"-ku."

If we get out of class at 1500 and he goes to work until 1800 and gets home at 1820 and trains until 2100 he can go to bed at 2200 but what about homework? He does do it right he's third in our class so maybe if we take the training time down-

"Izuku!"

"-or maybe cut out the job in general but that doesn't work either if sleep is the issue well maybe he just stays up late and forgets to sleep or maybe sleep isn't the issue because he was fine before now with the same schedule-"

"IZUKU MIDORIYA!"

Izuku jumped, looking up from his tray. He met the eyes of Iida and Uraraka, both with worried expressions on their faces.

"Y-yes!"

"Are you okay?" Uraraka asked. She brought her hand to his forehead. "Do you have a fever? You were getting awfully red there for a sec."

"A-ah, no. Sorry Uraraka. I was just thinking about something." Wow. A+ explanation. Bravo, Izuku.

"Okay…" she replied, averting her eyes. She didn't look like she quite believed him. He saw her share a look with Tenya out of the corner of his eye. With a sigh, Deku stood. The churning in his stomach still hadn't gone away.

Katsuki felt Deku's eyes on him for the rest of the day. He ignored it.

"Kacchan!"

Keep walking, keep walking, keep walking…

" Kacchan! " Fuck no. Only one person called him that, and it just so happened to be the person he was actively avoiding at that moment.

Please, whatever fucking deity there is, please don't let him walk up to me …

He felt a presence behind him, and it wasn't long before a hand dropped on his shoulder. Fuck . Slowly, Katsuki turned around. He hoped his face wasn't as pained as he was. "Yea?"

Deku looked surprised for a moment, just like earlier-Katsuki drug a hand across his mouth-but smiled again. "Can I walk with you today?"

Katsuki sighed. He should say no. He should just tell Deku to fuck off. That they aren't fucking friends, nor will they ever be. He should squash whatever hope is left that they can make amends. He really fucking should. His stomach clenched at the thought.

"Do whatever the hell you want," he said plainly. He turned around and started walking again. He didn't look, but he could feel Deku next to him. He was like the fucking sun, cheerful and warm to the point of it almost being too much. They were complete opposites. It was fucking exhausting.

He's doing it again. I wonder if he knows how sad he looks ? Izuku looked to his left, eyes trained on the downward tilt of Kacchan's mouth. At that point in their lives, Deku had seen an array of Katsuki's emotions before, but-but he's never seen him like this . This overwhelming, suffocating aura of sadness. He's never seen that expression on Kacchan's face. It's terrifying.

No matter what anyone says, Katsuki's not an idiot. He's perfectly capable of understanding emotions and reading facial expressions, thank you very much. He knew why Deku kept looking at him. Shit, he could smell his concern from a mile away. His face must've been doing something stupid again. He never was good at hiding his emotions.

The real issue came up when they kept making awkward eye contact whenever Katsuki looked up for more than two seconds. It was really starting to piss him off. Did that mean he was gonna acknowledge the issue like the semi-adult he was? Hell no. It was still really fucking annoying, though.

Deku, being the great fucking human he is, thanked Katsuki for walking with him. Katsuki grunted in response. He was fucking exhausted. He felt like a creep watching Deku go into his house from down the street, but whatever.

He literally hopped up his steps- what the hell, Deku? -and opened his bag. Katsuki could see him panicking, searching everywhere. He sighed, dropping his bag on the ground and took a seat on the third step. He forgot his keys? Fucking nerd . Katsuki would've invited him over, but he isn't that nice and this isn't a shoujo manga. I don't get that type of ending. Oh well. It's too late to turn over a new leaf now.

When Katsuki woke up that night, he had a fleeting thought. If Deku is the innocent, naive bunny, then he's the cruel, bloodthirsty wolf. He laughed to himself.

Fitting.