Young Hearts Fade into the Flood

Such a monumental event cannot go by unnoticed. Yet, no one saw it but them. A gait's forcefulness leading to lips pressing against lips and caresses as light as the dim atmosphere of Donna's office. Pressed against his chest and cupping his face, she had exposed herself. Not to the world, she thought. But to her world she had. She had to know. She had to know two things actually. But processing those information in the elevator was not going to help her plan a reaction once he'd decide to confront her about it. Instead, her brain focused on how she felt. Self-esteem, self-confidence, those nouns she embodied, which her friends, family as well as her enemies had associated her with – tried to draw from or, inevitably, leech or break so many times – had disappeared in the blink of an eye. Esteem and confidence would have to carry on without her.

She had missed that train. No, scratch that metaphor, she thought. Maybe that train had always been moving forward without her aboard. It was ironic because, all things considered, she had been a passenger from the get go. A sad technicality is that she never wanted to be just a passenger. In the firm's elevator she is being transported downward, she has no control. A downward spiral of doom is about to set in. What's the point of living without him? What was the point of working with – she corrected herself – for him all those years?

"Don't go there," she whispered to herself, rolling her teary eyes as the elevator doors opened on the exit floor.

On an impulse, she had launched onto the man she wanted. Having cheated yourself for years doesn't give you the right to make the one you love become disloyal. The one you love. That was answer number one.

It had truly been a desperate move. She knew that she would be at the end of her rope in the morning.

Pausing at the glass doors, she looked back at the elevator one last time before leaving the skyscraper but not her memories. She stepped onto the soaked and darkened pavement of the city she felt she no longer gazed at these days. Maybe taking a break would be nice. Roaming around the city till dusk and letting go. Better than plunging into darkness and never coming back from it. Better than seeing – literally screwing your brains out with – a therapist for months, she laughed internally. She thought she was being bloody-minded but all she wanted to do was cry out the pain she felt. Her hair, face and dress were drenched from the rain. Her appearance epitomized a great role for an actress but a pathetic excuse of a woman for a former legal secretary. She hailed a cab and vowed never to let her world bring her to this breaking point ever again.

She never got into that cab.

She felt a hand grab her arm before she could turn the car door handle open. It felt like a familiar and yet unfamiliar hand at the same time. A grip she knew had been scarce. A grip that once allowed her to surrender to him. Another time and a different use.

"No," she heard him shout before he dragged her back inside the building. She had no strength left in her to fight him.

He closed the glass door behind them and watched her from head to toe. "Look at you, you're gonna catch a cold."

He took off his jacket and suggested she put it on for warmth. "I don't need your jacket to hear what's coming." Her voice quavered as she was rejecting his offer.

"What's coming is a lecture on teeth chattering," he replied, louder than he had intended to. She didn't budge. "Fine, you don't wanna wear the damn jacket?" He asked and added, "Don't wear the damn jacket. But you're going to tell me–" he stopped himself mid-sentence sensing the coming argument would put her in distress.

Harvey couldn't stand the sight before him. His former secretary looked worse than what he had in mind when he decided to run after her. She looked pale and fragile as if she were about to break.

She had been that good man for him up until now. He had every right to break her for what she had done and yet, he had no right to.

"Tell you what, Harvey?" Donna said softly, still managing to break him out of his daydream. She was dreading the coming question – the information that would annihilate her.

"Why now?"

That was answer number two. He will never be able to come to terms with how he feels.

"Wrong question." She cried out, trying to move past him. He grabbed her by the waist to stop her from moving,

"Oh, all right, let me rephrase then. Why now when I'm in a relationship?" He rephrased, abrasively. His eyes bore into her forehead and her hair. He was holding her and his entire being was screaming not to let go.

She didn't have it in her to say 'let me go'. Being physically close to him was too much. Instead, she settled for a quick – not so witted – come back. "Don't use that lawyer tone with me."

"Look at me, Donna." He said softly. She tilted her head back to look at him, the mixture of rain and tears now evident to him. "Just answer me, please," he begged.

"You know why," she uttered the way he had done once before.

"You're in love with me," he said, almost questioning the type of sentence he had just used as if realization hit just a tiny bit too much.

This was too much for her. "Let me go, Harvey," she said, trying to disengage herself from his grasp.

And that is when he let her go and lost it. "You're incredible, you know that?" he burst out. Donna had been dreading that moment since the moment he had stopped her from setting off into the streets of Manhattan. He was going to lash out on her. "Oh sorry Harvey, I had to know," he began. "I'm in love with you Harvey but oh, wait you have a girlfriend so I have to be sorry for what I'm making you do right now. Understand me, I'm Donna, I've been the perfect confident all those years but I've finally found the courage to tell you how I feel. Never mind the fact that you're in a happy relationship and have issues with infidelity. No, I'm the almighty Donna and I do as I please. I'm jealous of you guys. Oh yeah, it doesn't mean… right. Lies. We had everything Donna and you screwed it up in ten seconds time."

"You're being unfair to me. Deep down you know this has never been enough for you either," she answered, rage having taken over the better part of her.

"You kissed me first, Donna. The words came after!" he said and added, still angry, "Weren't you in a relationship last year? Weren't you satisfied? Did I get jealous? No. I never kissed you while you were with this guy."

"Why bring up Mitchell?" Donna asked, surprised.

"Because everybody at this goddamn firm seems to think the word family means we have the right to delve into each other's personal lives. See how good I am at giving back?" he said easing himself back into her personal space.

"Don't come any clos–" she gestured at their proximity but couldn't finish her sentence.

"Is a quick fuck what you want? Was that it? For old times' sake, huh?" He spat out, cutting her off bitterly. He wasn't really making sense anymore. Anger had built up to a point where Donna was not the recipient of his words. he just wanted to hurt her. "Cause I have to give it to you, that kiss did make me feel for sure," he stressed on the word 'feel' too long and regretted it the second he said it.

Donna felt beyond repair. All she could do was muster up the courage to give him some clarity. "You've said horrible things to me before, Harvey but never once have I heard you treat me like a whore. You're no better than Malik" She explained and added, "Your issues with your mother run deep but I'm not your mother. I'm a woman who made a choice. I've been in love with you since day one and I poured my heart out to you tonight because I'm scared of losing you forever. Yes, this is selfish. I had to do this for me. I do worry about tomorrow but I will never, you hear me? Never regret the moment I kissed you."

She was about to leave him standing there when staring at the ground floor he eventually uttered, "I hate myself Donna. I hate myself because…if I'm evil to the woman I'm with like the ones before her, how can I be good?"

"What do you mean 'evil'?" She asked, stopping dead in her track and scared of her own words.

"I've been cheating on them for twelve years," he said, meeting her brown eyes and added matter-of-factly, "like mother, like son."

I haven't written a fic in ages. But those two deserver it. Please rate / comment and let me know what you think and if I should continue. Thanks.