A/N: I always did wonder what happened to Professor Binns, so I had a go at what occured (set during their fifth year). I'll up the rating to T for the innuendos, and maybe the swearing. I mean, they're teenagers, and teenagers swear. Deal with it.

"While Deadfoot was the figurehead of the war, the real chief was Goldsnout, Deadfoot's advisor. When he saw they could not win, Goldsnout made sure that all evidence of his puppeteering was erased. And so Deadfoot was the only goblin executed that August morning in 1276." Cuthbert Binns, History Professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for over sixty years, droned on with a voice that could put an alarm clock to sleep, not giving one bloody squirrel that all but two of his class were visiting the plane of dreams, fighting alongside Superman or swimming in a building full of gold. And even those two who had not quite left him had to seriously fight in order not to follow the rest of their class.

Harry's consciousness was slipping for the nth time during the double history period with the Slytherins, the only thing keeping him from departing the land of the awake being the collision between his forehead and the desk he sat at. "Oh for fuck's sake, this is ridiculous. You'd think having a ghost as history teacher would be fascinating, but no, he's the bloody cure for insomnia." Harry supported his head - which by now was weighing twenty kilograms - with his left hand, talking to the only other two persons who managed to fight off the hypnotic effects from Binns' words, Hermione and Daphne.

"Yeah, you'd think he hasn't noticed his own passing, so enthusiastic he is. I mean, come on, he's been talking about this goblin rebellion for the last two weeks, and I swear he continued talking even after everyone had left the classroom on Monday." Hermione, normally the studious and serious - not that Sirius! - student, actually rambled on about the faults of a teacher, Harry was impressed.

"Rumor amongst the ghosts is actually that he hasn't even realised he's dead. Apparently he doesn't show up during any of their parties, not even his own death day party. Although that may be because even when he's not in class, he's still droning on about goblin and giant wars like it's the most exciting thing since the invention of underwear." Daphne Greengrass, heiress of the most Ancient and Noble house of Greengrass, added her own two knuts to their conversation. Although even she, with rather strong occlumency barriers, was swinging precariously left and right.

"Chuckle, yeah, you'd think no one has ever thought of telling him… Hang on." Harry suddenly sat upright, his earlier sleepiness nowhere to be seen, eyes losing their focus before a mischievous glint replaced the glazed look. Then, a grin spread on his face, and his eyes were practically glowing. Elbowing his two partners, he said: "Hey, watch this."

Harry stood up and went to stand in front of the professor, who hadn't reacted, even though two students talked openly and one stood two steps from him. Hermione and Daphne in the meantime just raised their eyebrows, a hint of amusement seen when the corners of their lips went up by a small margin. Hermione wondered if the ghost would even react, for he didn't seem to give a crap that his students were all in Morpheus' realm. Daphne was envisioning some form for exorcism spell or ritual Harry had found somewhere - it was an old magic castle after all. Both girls were dumbfounded when Harry performed his actual exorcism.

"Professor Binns, you're dead." Straight and simple, Harry thought. Binns suddenly stopped talking and looked up at Harry. The girls were shocked, Harry had actually managed to get a reaction from him. This one, they thought, they had to observe properly. The ghost was by now staring at his hands, his eyebrows had disappeared into his hairline seconds ago, his expression full of disbelief. That feeling didn't last long, though, and he once more looked at Harry's face.

"You're right. I'm dead. I suppose it's time for me to move on, then! Darling, HERE I COME!" Normally, the Professor of History had about as much energy as Filch had love for children, but now he was positively radiating giddiness, his eyes having taken on a shine of youth once more, and his voice filled with energy they'd never before seen him display. When he disappeared through the nearest wall on the front of the classroom, Harry was chuckling, while Daphne was muttering "But… wha…", Hermione was banging her fist on the desk, , laughter escaping the no-longer-tired fifth year student, her eyes tearing from the sheer ridiculousness that was Harry's exorcism of their Professor.

"Hey Daphne, how about we properly thank the newly minted exorcist properly for his noble deed? The class won't wake up for another hour, so no-one will notice us gone." Hermione was waggling her eyebrows and a lecherous grin threatening to split her face in two. Daphne's cheeks were flaring a soft red, but she nodded nonetheless.

When the rest of the class woke up an hour later, they were confused about the absence of their droning professor, but didn't think much of it, and Hermione and Daphne had long since dragged Harry off to thank him privately in a broom closet.