Prologue

Vulcan

Han'shir Province

Shi'khar

2296.65

Spock stood quietly, patiently awaiting his turn to process through customs. No special accommodations were given him – logic dictated he would receive the same, equal, exacting process as any other Vulcan citizen would. It was soothing.

As he waited, he reflected on the many tidbits Leonard McCoy had tossed at him over the many years of their friendship, and one surfaced… Spock, the bureaucratic mentality is the only constant in the known universe... McCoy was quite correct.

He stepped up to the Customs desk to a tall, burly elder Vulcan who recognized Spock immediately.

"Khart-lan Spock," he said as he accepted the necessary credentials, entering relevant data in to the computer. "Welcome home."

Spock nodded silently and stepped into the Terminus, making his way to public transit. As he located the appropriate tram and boarded, aware of recognizing glances that lingered only momentarily – any longer and they would have breached social courtesy.

He thought about the meeting that was fast approaching, and meditated upon how to approach a most complex conversation. There were no manuals for this. His PADD chimed softly for the incoming message from Earth, from his father…

Sa-fu,

While this day has brought great satisfaction to my life, it also has granted me opportunity for self-reflection and awareness, which in turn have revealed a failing in my logic as your father when you were a child. My illogic made a difficult situation even more challenging for you. It was not my intention, however your mother once told me the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. For that, I seek your forgiveness.

Should you choose the privilege of your own family, perhaps you will encounter opportunity to understand why I made the choices with your discipline and, if I may ask this of you, take the opportunity to guide my understanding of the needs your brother will have as another child of two worlds. It is illogical to repeat those errors.

Spock paused, and reread the first portion, realizing the depth of his father's words, and then continued.

In my meditation after the birth, I realized that I must clarify for you what uzh'keshtu t'nash-veh means to me also carries back to the date of your birth. I stood with your mother as she brought you forth, and when I held you in that first moment, I saw in you the value and contribution of your mother's heritage. You were so Human – an invaluable treasure.

I now possess a logical understanding of what it means to honor such a dual heritage. I would request your guidance as Emma and I raise your brother to adulthood. Your perspective is absolutely unique.

Peace and long life, my son.

The tram slowed gently as they arrived at the transport platform. Spock exited the tram and then began the walk to her flat. The neighborhood was quiet, filled with a unique blend of families, elders, and students attending the Academy.

Mentally, he assigned his father's unexpected communication to his meditation later in the day, and focused upon what he would say to her. He knew that the most important thing to happen would be acknowledging his avoidance of her, claiming it openly, and seeing her forgiveness. Then there was the issue of why it had taken him so long to recognize her, and finally, to seek out any indication of her willingness to consider changing her life's path for him once again.

He was uncertain she would forgive, understand, and agree individually, let alone all together. As he stood in the elevator, rising high above the small community below, the memory of his mother's counsel floated into his mind…

…Spock stood inside the greenhouse helping her with her roses, pruning exactly as she had instructed. She came by with a bromeliad in hand and paused nodded affirmingly at his work.

"That's just what they needed, Spock. Thank you for your help today," she paused, trying not to look directly at the black eye he'd earned from Stonn and his cronies. "How's the eye feel?"

He shuffled in place silently, unsure of how to say what he was thinking. "Mother, I," he paused, "recently I have found myself unsure of how to be what father expects of me. I would be truly Vulcan, sincerely, but I do not fully know how."

She put the plant down and hugged him, waiting patiently for his stiff posture to relax in her arms and accept her affection. She fully engaged in these rare moments, as she did not wish to awaken the stern and authoritarian nature Sarek often brandished at any suspected weakness Spock might potentially reveal.

As Spock reciprocated the gesture, she sighed and resolved his allowing her the embrace was enough, and tears would make it worse. Patting his back gently, she held her ten year old son and then released him.

"I needed that hug, my son. Thank you for understanding."

"It can only be categorized as necessary under the privilege you hold as my Terran mother," he answered softly, looking into her eyes, silently grateful for her love.

She smiled at him softly, gently touching his cheek just below the bruise. "That is a respectable shiner. Spock, I understand why you chose to defend my honor and dignity."

"Father will not," he whispered.

"Oh, I suspect he will, but he won't condone your actions. Spock, I won't pretend to know how you feel, but I will ask you to do one thing for me as you make decisions each day."

One small right eyebrow rose.

"I'm only ever expecting you to be who you are. It seems simple, doesn't it? I mean, just be Spock… but it's just not that easy. I want you to promise me you will think about things from a different perspective."

"Mother, I do not understand."

"Hear me out: I want you to find the courage to be authentically you. Not everyone is going to like you, or even grant you the respect you may earn, but no one can begin to do that if you do not allow them the chance to know who you truly are inside. Your heart will tell you what to do – just be authentic, genuine, and honest."

"It is my desire to be honest in all things, Ko-mekh," he answered sincerely.

"Oh Spock, I know it is. I see you – because you are genuine with me, only who you are, no pretense. This authenticity is not inherently created, rather it is revealed in your character over time. I know your father has strict ideals for your growth, and while it may not be easy for you to understand now as a child, you will see his logic as you grow into adulthood.

"Part of what you must work for is claiming you Vulcan heritage while releasing the notion of who you think you should be, with your true self being all that remains. May I advise you further?" she asked, knowing his cooperation would be given willingly.

"Of course."

"When you're challenged with these complex decisions, concern yourself only with what matters the most: truth, sincerity, self-knowledge, moral character, and most importantly, self-acceptance."…

Spock made his way through the building until he found himself at her door. Taking a deep, calming breath, he knocked gently. Moments later, she opened the door and they regarded one another silently.

Saavik stood quietly, observing him, her curiosity piqued by his communication the night before.

"Will you have water?" she asked, inviting him inside.

"Not at this time," he replied, following her into the living room of her small home. "I have come to ask your forgiveness, Saavik."

"You have caused me no offense - ", she answered only to be gently interrupted.

"But I have, even if you do not acknowledge it as such."

"Clarify."

"You made a conscious, definitive choice to preserve my life, including I survived the Pon Farr as the Genesis planet spiraled into destruction. You sought no reward for this, yet it should have been granted you."

She sat quietly, masking grief that followed her each day since that experience on Genesis. It had been the morally appropriate choice, the logical choice, and she had been the only one who understood what was happening to him. She'd been Spock's advocate – his Steadfast – especially when no other could, and without expectation of anything in return.

His mother had been moved greatly by Saavik's returning him to her, but none knew of all that she had sacrificed to bring him safely home. But she had remained alone as the years past because of one simple truth: she could never bond to another with those memories in her psyche. The Genesis Incident was marked as classified, and she was obligated to maintain secrecy.

He continued. "My just before my mother died, she asked me to reconsider the circumstances of isolated existence. When I sought clarification, she asked me to consider that which my life centered upon. For the years since her death, I have meditated upon her guidance. But before I could ever consider remediation of my current life, I had to seek you out: Saavik, I am in your debt for this continued life beyond what should have been a permanent end. I am grateful for your service in this," he whispered.

"The honor of service is mine, Spock."

"I seek forgiveness for my failure to acknowledge your actions, and the consequences you would bear as a result. I have failed you in this."

She observed him, and answered his searching eyes. "Spock, there is no offense. You were not yourself in that time, beyond the apparent concerns of the fever. You did not know what you were doing. How can I hold you offending in that?"

"Perhaps, but after the fal-tor-pan, and my subsequent re-education, I became aware of the circumstances. I did not perform my duty to you as Protector. I failed you in this."

Saavik took a deep breath, thinking for a moment. "Forgiveness is granted for this offense. It exists no more."

"I am grateful, Osu," he answered filled with gratitude for her understanding. It was completely within her right to disallow forgiveness, but she chose to grant it instead. "Regarding the matter of my obligation, albeit far belated you, I would ask you to consider a solution that relieves us both of undesirable solitude."

She met his gaze with curiosity and what was almost disbelief. "Your proposal?"

"That we two become one. I would find great satisfaction fulfilling the role of Protector to you – Saavik – is this possible? Will you bind yourself to me?"