The Circle

Chapter I : A dream half remembered

Blackness. Void. Fire. Burning. And burning. I couldn't hear anything, but flesh spluttering. Or perhaps I was imagining hearing my flesh spluttering. But I couldn't see anything, that much I was sure. Only darkness and the feeling that instead of eyes I had two empty holes. And I was spinning, and spinning into nothingness. It was torture. It was more than torture. Where was I? My mind couldn't wrap around what was going on, as I felt my senses all numbed and all alive in the same time. It was overwhelming. How did I get here?

I know. Yes, I did. Or at least, I could recall the last thing I saw before I've fallen into this nothingness. Rain. And blood. And falling. A hole in my stomach as I was cutting the air towards the ground. And someone screaming. I'm sorry. But… For what? I stopped in midair. Drums. And ripping. Drums? A rhythm. Perhaps… a heartbeat?

And then air. And sharp noises, like knives tearing my ear drums to pieces. And light. TOO MUCH LIGHT. It was burning my eyes like acid. And cold. I was so cold. Soo bloody cold. I always loved cold, and snow but mostly the cold. I always annoyed my mother by not heating the house in the winter. Why should I? I loved winter and we weren't that far in the north to actually have hard winters. But she loved warmth. She always preferred spring and summer, while I couldn't stand the heat.

I opened my mouth for air. I desperately needed air. I felt like suffocating. My nostrils were washed out. THAT. HURT. I could hear a piercing scream somewhere nearby, while I was fighting the white light that was burning my cornea. But I could finally breath, and air came in like icy sloths burning my nostrils. I was desperately clinging to the air. I felt my skin sticky, like I've been bathed in pitch. All I could see were shadows and light, while the screaming and crying continued to vibrate in my hypersensitive ears. My trachea was burning and pulsing with pain. Could it be that I was the one screaming and crying? Possibly. Because of the agony I was in I did not really cared. All this pain… was too much.

And then I felt warmth. Something, a blanket perhaps, wrapped around me, and something else holding it close to me. I was unable to move, constrained and too much in pain to do something. My throat was burning. I tried to see what was keeping me from moving, almost crushing me. It almost felt like arms. But that was impossible so for a second I imagined myself wrapped in a straitjacket. Somehow, falling out of a window and waking up in a straitjacket made perfect sense, out of the sudden. Perhaps I tried to commit suicide and then became violent when the doctors tried to help me. Or perhaps I was a mad person, a schizophrenic who tried to kill someone. So many possibilities… to keep my mind occupied with while trying to cope with the pain. The crying and screams ceased, followed by upset cooing. Was there a baby around? That meant I was truly in a hospital. I still couldn't see anything but shadows and my hearing was as if I was underwater, which was disorienting. I constantly felt the urge to clear them, but I couldn't tuck my hands out of the blanket or whatever I was in. I must have been in a weird bed too, because it was bouncing me lightly from time to time. Like cradling someone. I remembered doing that with my cat. In the first year he didn't like it, not even one bit, but in time, he came to love it and became a really spoiled cat. Which I loved with every bit of my heart. Eh, looks like my flat mate has to take care of Tommy while I'm… whatever I'm doing now. Or not doing. In what kind of accident was I involved that I was in hospital? Because I couldn't imagine myself committing suicide or getting involved in a murder as in falling as a victim of one. Or perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps I was sleeping and this was a very vivid dream with very vivid pain. I was confused and tired. And chills began running down my spine.

A cold breath blew in my face. Why was someone so close to me? A doctor examining me? I couldn't be sure if the colorful shadows were a face but I wanted to believe that they were. My head turned towards the source of the cold. Someone's breath was blowing right in my face almost choking me. Someone's laughter vibrated beneath me and my position changed. I began to understand with a frightening and stupefied conscious that someone was holding me. And that this couldn't possibly be a dream as I was waaaay too lucid. Why was someone holding me? Why was this person so much bigger than me? Why wasn't I able yet to see or hear anything clearly? Where was I? Why wasn't anyone talking? Was I and this person the only beings in this room? Was I dead and this was God laughing in my face for not believing in him ever in my life, like 'surprise motherfucker'? But the laughter was very thin, either of a woman or a very young boy. Perhaps it was Morrigan, the Celtic goddess my best friend believed in. That would have been very ironical. Part of my daily routine was to laugh at my said best friend for believing in any divine force at all. I was even quoting Friedrich Nietzsche while she was backfiring with Spinozza. Why would anyone read anything from that man? Ew. I hate his philosophy.

''She's pretty''

I froze. I should be happy. Wasn't I complaining about no one talking? The voice vibrated beneath me, so I was held right above the chest of this enormous creature. Did it occurred to me that I was held like a baby? Yes, yes it did. Did I remember hearing a baby crying very close earlier? Yes, that too. Was I denying these two facts to be linked to me? Absolutely. A finger stroke my face and my response was immediate. I started screeching and moving with whatever force I had. Anything, anything but not this. Not touching me out of the blue. I never allowed my mother to do so, I will certainly not let anyone else, except for doctors but that wasn't something it couldn't be helped. And I doubted this woman was a doctor. She' shhhhh'-ed me, and cradled me.

… Why could she cradle me? Why was she so much bigger? Why couldn't I communicate with this creature? Then it occurred to me that she did not speak in English. And that I understood her.

"What's the matter? Are you cold?" she stopped for a moment moving slightly, gasping and breathing hard. She wrapped the blanket around me tightly. "It's ok. Shh".

Stop saying 'shhhhhhh' woman. My ears were hurting. The fact that she was trying to console me and comfort me like a mother does with her baby, was not consoling and comforting at all. This was frightening. It was like a nightmare but awake and very much real. The sounds coming out of my mouth were strange to my own ears. It's impossible. Impossible. IMPOSSIBLE.

"She's strong".

My head turned toward the source of the new voice only to see darkness. No longer shadows just plain darkness. My eyes were too weak to reach that far and the surroundings too dark. The woman moved and stripes of hair brushed my face. I turned startled to gaze at them. They were soft, but tangled and even sweaty and very… blonde, I guessed? My best friend calls it 'Viking hair', while I loathe it. My ENTIRE family is blonde, of course I was rather bored of the color.

"You have to take her" the woman said holding me even closer as if she wanted to mold me into her, contradicting her own words. "You have to take her to safety. He… he will take care of her. He will understand one day". She paused stroking my face again which I did not appreciate even one bit and I started protesting again but she was determined to ignore it. "She will understand".

Why do I feel like I'm part of a very badly directed movie? It was like being in a cliché movie with poor dialogue but with great intrigue and complexity since I still had no idea what was happening. Like Inception really, but that was excellently directed although the dialogue was exaggerated with complicated big words. Really enjoyed watching the parodies, almost as much as watching the movie itself.

Paces were getting closer and closer. Something wet was pouring on my face. The woman must have started crying or they both agreed put me out of my misery and drown me into a well. Another pair of arms picked me up and the woman reluctantly let go of me sobbing.

"Tell him to forgive me. Forgive everything. But not forget. Tell him… that I love him. And Kushina. And the little brat that must be torturing her now that she is due. And that I still think that he lost a drinking game to you for that name ". She laughed nervously accentuating the last two words with fake indignation and disgust. "And tell her… everything. When the time is right."

WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT?! This woman… I swear. I started fidgeting and making the same not so human noises, while the woman was soundly crying. Something else bothered me from what she said. That name was very familiar. Like I could hear it in the back of my mind but couldn't quite recall the memory or the exact time and circumstances I heard it. I had to search in my mind but I was too tired to do so. It will come to me … in time. I could hear my silent dry laugh in my mind. A calloused hand moved the blanket around me, bringing lighter. That really didn't help, although I did catch a blurry glimpse at my new holder. Guess what? More shadows. It was like trying to peep from behind your almost closed eyes. Like my eye lids were glued and I was seeing through glue. That turned my stomach. If the colors were strong enough I guessed I could see them. Like this person's hair. Which was white or grey. Or both. An old person, eh? But with steady arms. I could respect that.

"You will survive" he said and his voice, like before, did not sound old at all. "And everybody will be waiting for you."

"No" the woman said firmly. "I won't survive. Too much blood. I don't intend to."

"I see" the person holding me said quietly. "Any name?"

The woman started laughing and I heard her shifting in something, by the sound, more blankets. The person holding me waited patiently for her response.

"I… have no idea" her voice cracked in a yawn. "I have no name for her. Funny, that I haven't thought about this the past nine months. It's not like I had some substantial time. Choose something for her…." Her voice sounded muffled like a person barely awake. "…something less idiotic than usual, please."

The person holding me sighed exasperated and even a little annoyed. He titled his head so he could glance at me and pointed his finger to lose the blanket and let my hand free. I caught his finger …so much bigger than my hand. I tried to squeeze but my hands were too weak.

"How is she supposed to survive without feeding? It's a long way to the village" he spoke allowing me to attempt and fail crushing his finger.

"She's strong. Now leave."

The person 'hn'-ed. He freed his finger from my grasp and wrapped the blanked trapping my hands again. I did protest.

"Now. Leave."

The woman's voice almost sounded strong. A wave of exhaustion washed all over me and all the pain that I felt was concentrating in my bones. Or so I felt it. The person that was holding me moved. He was walking, bringing a dazzling feeling. Combining that with my fatigue, I could barely stay awake. Perhaps I dreamt but perhaps not, when someone muttered 'Farewell'. Or perhaps all was just a dream, a nightmare or coma. Either way, I returned to a cold, very cold and dark unconscious with little wet, icy spots covering my face.