Sorry to all of you who sent me excellent ideas on how to continue this... But... I've written and finished this chapter more than two weeks ago and unfortunately, at the moment have no more juice left in me to add more chapter to this story. But anyway, I hope you'll still like it. :-)

"Bad news…" Lancelot starts,

The only sound Arthur can hear is the wild rushing of his pulse in his ears. A horrible weight pressing between his shoulders, at the front of his chest. The air is nothing, he feels like choking as everything inside him breaking and collapsing. His knees shake and Arthur knows he is a split second away from hitting the hard surface...

Then he walks in…

His beautiful eyes are shining as they are focusing on him, wrapping around him like sunshine, warming him up and grounding him from tumbling down.

The widening hole that threatened to tear up Arthur's chest suddenly snaps close. The air rushes out of his throat as he takes a deep, long needed, shuddering breath. His heart is thudding wildly as their eyes lock together.

Merlin is smiling, one of those rare, beautiful smiles that always makes Arthur's knees a little weak, and makes him helpless to resist being drawn into its orbit.

The need- to move, to wrap his arms around Merlin, to hide his face into his neck and breath him in to confirm it's real, he is really back- is so strong Arthur's skin is crawling with it. Before he realizes what he's doing, he takes an unsteady step forward but his hands and legs are still shaking, his knees wobbling, so he stops abruptly.

His mind still reeling from the grief, relief, confusion and happiness, Arthur closes his eyes for a fracture of a second and takes a deep breath.

It's just too much.

When he looks up again, Merlin is still there, beautiful as ever. And he is still watching him, his gorgeous eyes turned even softer, and the intensity and deep affection Arthur sees in the look- makes him feel safe and cherished.

His heart is crawling up into his throat as he lets himself lost in the depths of that incredible blue, and his voice is cracking when Merlin's name falls through his lips.

" Merlin,"

He feels as his face is splitting up into a wide smile, and he knows that they are beaming at each other longer than they should, and he can practically feel his knights curious gaze on them, but he can't make himself to tear his eyes away. Because holding Merlin's gaze it's the only way to let it sink in-

Gwaine beats him with the hug, successfully popping their bubble. But Arthur doesn't mind. He's happy to stand aside, looking Merlin over again, and again, and again, feeling grateful to his core to be able to do so.

And he also needs time to put himself together, time for his guard to go up. Because, yes, he has questions. Because, right now pain, anger, and joy all fighting for his attention.

And when Merlin finally stands before him, he's still fighting his inner battles. His heart is beating too hard, too fast. He clears his throat and says, aiming for something cool, " It's good to see yo Merlin," he manages to grunt out through the constrict in his throat.

Merlin replies, ''Yes, me too'', and his eyes are wide and hopeful and his smile is so happy and ridiculously warm, and everything, all the carefully created façade is just crumbling down…

Arthur knows he shouldn't touch, but still confused, still shaking from confused energy, he lets out a shaky sigh and finds himself cupping the back of Merlin's neck and pulling the astonished man into a tight hug. His hand lingers at the curve of Merlin's neck a little too long, but he doesn't care. He dips his cheek in just a little, so, that he could feel the smooth skin of Merlin's neck. Just for a moment, Arthur tells himself before closing his eyes he buries his nose and breathes him in. The smell of him, his warmth, his closeness. He takes a deep breath. And another.

Finally letting Merlin this close is just too much. Arthur wanted to do it for years, and the warm press of Merlin's body against his, the way Merlin's breath hitchers against his neck and the way Merlin holding him tightly like it's everything that matters-doesn't really help.

A sad ache digs underneath his ribs while he steels himself to pull back.

But pulling back means looking Merlin straight in the eyes, and that turns out to be worse than holding him. Their eyes locked together, he can't move away. He's drawn by those beautiful eyes and by Merlin's warm- finally- finally, really-really warm-pulsing, living body. Slowly, without his permission, his hands move up to palm Merlin's face and he strokes then tucks his thumb behind Merlin's ear, over the crazy thrum of his pulse.

...

Merlin's gorgeous eyes narrow, watching him in a way that always manages to make Arthur feel naked and exposed. He wants to squirm under that familiar scrutiny but he takes a deep breath and forces himself to hold Merlin's gaze. And before he is realizing, his confession is rolling from his tongue. "All the things I faced, I've never been worried about dying."

Because he's missed it, missed him, and because he knows he can't hide it, not from Merlin.

And when Merlin ducks his head and quirks his eyebrow, lips curling into a cheeky smile that's so achingly familiar-just right before he insults him- warm flatters in Arthur 's chest and he can't help the laugh.

Then Merlin's face shifts into serious and he tells him in that sincere, firm, comforting way of his, that makes Arthur feel precious and protected-(no matter how ridiculous the idea is) that they'd defeat this horrible creature Arthur is for the first time in his life afraid of,-he feels like crying.

And he wants to give Merlin everything.

He's never been good at this kind of thing. He doesn't really know how to deal with something as difficult, foreign and terrifying as voicing his emotion is.

For his horror, he's feeling the tips of his ears flare up and he is getting more flustered by the second as he offers Merlin the only thing that's left of her, the one possession he values above all, the one that's most precious.

He waits with his breath held for Merlin to accept it, and for seconds there is a short, tense, wide-eyed silence from Merlin, whispering, "Arthur I can't …." and Arthur steels himself for what he believes is inevitable rejection, and he's terrified he'll have to explain it to a man he has been in love with for years.

There is a minuscule twitch of Merlin's lovely brow as it wrinkles together before smoothing back out, his seductive lips parting as the enormity and sincerity of what Arthur is offering comes to a realization. And the moisture gathering in his beautiful eyes and the small tremble of his lips, tell Arthur all he needs to know.

He has a very distinct sensation at that moment, like standing on the top of a very steep hill and realizing that you are about to tumble down, and he knows, he shouldn't make this any worse than it already is, but he wants it - Christ, he wants it -

He has loved Merlin so long he doesn't really know how to live without him. Without the constant nagging in his chest. Tomorrow, he might sacrifice his life to save Camelot, but in that few, horrible seconds when he found Merlin on the ground when his ice-cold chest didn't move with breath, Arthur would have given his life a thousand times over and over to save him. And in the past two days, he realized; he was glad to die because he didn't want to live if Merlin didn't make it. Loving Merlin has been the purest thing in his life, and the only regret he had in his grief-stricken mind was, that Merlin had never known the depth of that love – that he'd never found the courage to show him. But Merlin is here now, safe and sound and it's all he wants to focus on.

Because there is only so much sand left in Arthur's lifeglass...

And it makes him weak, unable to resist.

He doesn't want to die without having this, without the taste of Merlin's lips, he's been craving for ages. He wants to stroke his fingers through Merlin's hair, kiss the hollow of his throat. And before he realizes what he's doing, his hand touching Merlin's face, fingers skimming over his cheeks, down the length of his jaw while his eyes drinking thirstily in the sight of that lovely, wide-eyed face.

" Arthur, what-" Merlin starts with a gasp,

"Merlin," he says softly, putting an end to it. (Leave it to Merlin to completely miss intimation when it really matters.) But his mouth turns up into a gentle smile even as he rolls his eyes. Then his hand slides down and palms the side of Merlin's neck, tucking his thumb at the bolt of his jaw.

Something flickers behind Merlin's eyes and it lights up with a spark- something Arthur usually pretends not to see - and Arthur' s throat feels tight. "Shut up," voice rough, he huffs.

A weird feeling churns in Arthur's gut, a confused mix of fear and hope and want— want - that swirling inside him sharp and furious - and it doesn't stop, just doesn't.

So, with his heart crashing loudly against his chest, so loudly, he is sure Merlin can hear it in the quiet, he crowds closer, and lets his fingers card through the soft strands of Merlin's hair, before he tips his head a little up, then leans in and kisses Merlin's mouth.

...

Softly at first, testing. Then with a murmur of satisfaction, deeper, so that Merlin's lips part and warm. Merlin makes a soft, surprised noise into it, but he fists his hands in Arthur's chain mail and pulls him closer.

Arthur curls his fingers into Merlin's' hair and tugs a little more until they're kissing right.

Merlin's heat and the wet drag of their lips is just perfect... He feels Merlin's breath sighs out and into his mouth, feels his pulse throbbing just under his fingers. He holds Merlin' s face in his hands, and kisses him again, and again, and again. Merlin's slides his tongue slowly over Arthur's lower lip and it makes Arthur shiver and gasp, sending goosebumps rippling up his back. His mind blurring with astonished pleasure, even more astonishing greed, he is mumbling Merlin's name, and when Merlin's mouth falls open around a moan, he slips his tongue inside, and the slow curl of their tongues makes arousal beat under Arthur's skin like a drum.

When they pull apart for air, Merlin trails his fingers over Arthur's lips and Arthur can't stop himself from opening up and wetting the tips of them with his tongue. Merlin grunts out a noise, and the look in his eyes dig at the heat coiled in Arthur's gut.

" God, Merlin," Arthur hisses. He can't catch his breath. He stands and stretches out a hand to help Merlin up. "You ─ c'mere,"

Arthur glances around in the darkness. But everything is still, nobody seems to be up yet. His hand clutching Merlin's, he drags him out of the room.

...

They end up just outside the hall, wind gusting inside around them, Merlin pressed between the wall and Arthur...and Arthur almost laughed.

They'd been circling around this for years - even if he'd never been able to make himself act on it - and after all the wanting and waiting, and reckless nights, there's something painfully ironic about it happening now and here, it this crumbled building, with his knights sleeping ten feet away in the room... and he is about to die.

He's thought of this, imagined it a thousand times, but none of his fantasies were like this. He wanted to worship Merlin's body, to explore every inch, but he knows they don't have time. Nor the place for that.

So much wasted time...

He leans in again and drags small, wet kisses over Merlin's face. Then he tucks his head under Merlin's chin, his lips tagging the collar of his shirt to find Merlin's skin, and he closes his eyes and presses his mouth to the hollow of Merlin's throat, over the place of his crazy pulse. He presses a kiss there once─twice and feels the way Merlin's throat flutters. When he bits and sucks a mark into Merlin's smooth, pale skin, Merlin shivers and makes a low, breathless noise that goes straight to Arthur's cock. Then he's stroking his hand up Arthur's arm, then curls his fingers into Arthur's hair, his thumb stroking the dip behind Arthur's ear before he tugs on Arthur's head.

Arthur turns his head a little, brushing his lips against Merlin's thumb before he slides his mouth back up, along the side of Merlin's neck. He looks up and drags his eyes over Merlin's face. The pink flush of Merlin's cheeks, the wreck Arthur 's made of his hair, the heat in his eyes, his red, kiss-swollen lips─ and seeing him like this ...It's just ─ God,

He always knew Merlin would ruin him-and ruin him completely and for everybody else- if they ever had this, but the living, pulsing current inside, the sparking around his heart, between his ribs; still takes him by surprise. It's huge and deep and endless and... terrifying; this love he has for Merlin.

"Merlin " he whispers, a knot twisting in the back of his throat, then he palms the side of Merlin's neck and draws him in into a kiss.

''Yeah. I know. I'm here,'' Merlin breathes into his mouth. He skims his fingers down the side of Arthur 's face, and then they're kissing, sloppy and desperate.

They are shifting against each other slowly until they're both hard and breathless. Arthur can't keep his hands out of Merlin's hair, and when Merlin gets his thigh between Arthur 's and curves his hand over Arthur 's ass, everything turns hot and deep and wet.

Arthur nudges himself tighter against Merlin's front. He dips his hands underneath Merlin's shirt and slides them over Merlin's fever hot skin, then flattens his palm at the small of his back, before trails his fingers up to the stretch between his shoulders. Merlin digs his nails into the back of Arthur's neck and sucks on Arthur's tongue, then his teeth catch on the well of Arthur 's lip, nibbling it until Arthur is gasping and heat pools in his gut as more and more blood rushes to his cock.

"Merlin," he chokes out again, clutching Merlin's shoulders, and he's arching up and up and up ─ trying to get closer, trying to get more.

He rubs his erection against Merlin's and he can feel the heat through their breeches. He starts to roll his hips, twisting until their cocks are lined up, so when they do rub together it's a sweet shock, jolting through Arthur like lightning. He's grinding himself slowly along Merlin, relishing the sensation of the perfect synchrony of their rocking-the friction - the closeness-and the heat of Merlin's mouth.

Merlin moans quietly and pulls him even closer, his fingers digging into Arthur's skin hard enough to bruise. Arthur chokes out a deep, desperate noise against Merlin's mouth before he dips his head and sucks another mark into the hollow of Merlin's throat.

God, how much he wishes they were somewhere else— in his bedchambers, in the woods— somewhere, he could take off Merlin's clothes and kiss every inch of his skin. Somewhere, where he could unlace Merlin's breeches and wrap his hand around the length of his hardness. He wants to touch Merlin so badly he can taste it in the back of his throat, but he doesn't dare risk it here, not when any of his knights could walk out on them, not when they're already making more noise than they should.

He knows neither of them will last long. He feels he is too close already- so close that he's shaking with it. His blood is on fire, thundering under his skin. A hot shiver runs through him when Merlin thrusts into him, again and again... He slides his hands down to curve them around Merlin's ass so he can track the roll of his hips, and Merlin's back arching and his hand twisting in Arthur's hair as he keeps moving against him. The heat coiling tighter and tighter in Arthur's gut. His toes curl, and he can't help the deep, throaty noise he makes that makes Merlins' eyes darken with want. His fingers pressing into the curve of Merlin's ass and he's pressing and rubbing himself harder against the length of Merlin, needy and desperate ─ so close, so close.

Merlin murmurs, "Yes, yes," and drags a wet, open-mouthed kiss down the line of Arthur's jaw, "I want to see you come," and it hits Arthur like a punch.

He comes in his breaches like a green-eared youth, his eyes closed and Merlin biting kisses along the side his neck. His dick pulsing as everything under his skin sparks and rushes and thrums. When it finally ends, he opens his eyes and finds Merlin watching him, his eyes wide and burning before his whole body shivers and he says Arthur's name over and over when he comes.

...

"I knew you'd be beautiful like this," Arthur breathes with awe, then slumps his forehead against Merlin's and tries to remember how to breathe. His legs still shaking, he pulls Merlin against his chest and presses a gentle kiss to Merlin's temple before he hides his face in Merlin's neck. Breathing him in he closes his eyes, and waits for their heart to stop pounding so hard.

Merlin makes a soft, thoughtful noise, his fingers begin to move in soothing circles over Arthur's back, and Arthur's heart clenches.

He kisses the side of Merlin's jaw and strokes his thumb over his face, at the corner of his mouth. "Merlin—You — you — I'm—" He clears his throat once, twice. " Never do that again,... " He pauses... "—If you die on my again, I — I- " is all Arthur can say, before his voice's breaking down.

"I'm sorry. I won't," Merlin promises, catching Arthur's wrist. "I won't."

"Do you have any idea what it did to me?" Arthur asks, his voice rough. His arms tightening, his fingers curling around Merlin's body, he's pressing his face harder into the hollow of Merlin's throat. " To see you- "

"I'm sorry," Merlin whispers again. Then he leans back his head and looks Arthur in the eyes. His eyes are sad, worried, and even though there is a look of distress on his face, he musters up a soft, warm smile that somehow still manages to make Arthur's chest ache. He stares at Arthur some more before he moves his mouth against Arthur's cheek, over the shell of his ear, the warmth of his breath sending a hot shiver down Arthur's spine. "Arthur, promise me you will let me try to find an other way," he demands, soft but stern, and his hand drops to intertwine his fingers with Arthur's, "You know that, right? Know what you mean to me? What it'd do to me if you-"

" Yeah. I know...I know, now." Arthur cuts in, "Yeah, all right,- I will-I'll let you." he whispers against the side of Merlin's mouth.

He is not sure if he will have a chance to keep that promise, if he will even live that long, but Merlin is knotting his fingers in his hair, the other curving around Arthur's face and he is kissing him again, and for now, it's all that matters.