Chapter 1 - Character Selection
"Speech" – Human/Creature Speech
'Thoughts' – Human/Creature Thoughts
"Speech" – Demon/Dragon/God Speech
'Thoughts' – Demon/Dragon/God Thoughts
Attacks – Attacks and Incantations
Just a little something that popped in my head one morning. Also read the below lines, it should trigger you and make you want to kill yourself. Thanks!
DON'T LIKE DON'T READ, NO FLAME, MY STORY MY RULES, INSECURE 13 YEAR OLD COMBO GO!
LevixErenxMikasa but dominatrix only!
OCxHaremxEveryonexMarySuexGaryStu
ALL HAIL THE REALITY DRAGON SLAYER GOD
PRAISE NARUTO SENJU UCHIHA TRUMP HYUGA KURAMA AKIMICHI TAKOYAKI SANDER-SAMA
PRAISE ONTO THEE, THE POWER OF THE CRUSH BLUSH
For those of you wondering where the Trope Discussions are, they will be put in a different story called 'Minipa's Trope Discussions and How to not Suck Shit at Writing'
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IMPORTANT NOTE: PLEASE READ THE STORY IN 1/2 SETTING FOR BEST SPACING.
May 5, 2018 Update: Check out my Youtube Channel: Panda Inspirations! I'm putting the Trope Discussions in video series form! First video will be out by tomorrow!
May 7, 2018 Update: Part I of Trope Discussion Video Series is out! Go on youtube and put the following in the url: watch?v=FyMKFVSZCLM
What a day! Woke up, did absolutely nothing, ate a bunch of random junk food around my house and sat down to drink some tea. I wonder, should I write my fanfiction or read fanfiction.
Decisions, decisions.
On one hand, writing fanfiction is perfect for relieving the creative stress that was just oozing out from staying up to 3:00am thinking of imaginative scenarios that probably won't happen in real life. But on the other hand, reading fanfiction takes absolutely no effort or skill whatsoever.
But…
The shitty OC's! I love reading OC stories but they are always Mary Sue, badly written, wise beyond their years, and/or OP! Hell some of them even use…defiantly in place of definitely. That's a guaranteed fill on the cringe meter right there!
What if I go read Svane Vulfbad's story on fanfiction advice? I actually enjoyed that shit more than I did those self-fulfillment cancer written by teenage girls.
As I turned on my I9-7900x processor, 2x GTX 1080ti, 64GB DDR4 Ram…okay enough of that. As I turn on my computer, I waited about 3.5 seconds before seeing my desktop screen, thanks to the M.2 SSD that I…ok last time I promise.
As soon as it turns on, I shoot straight for google chrome and open my bookmarked pages of Fairy Tail fanfiction exceeding 20,000 words.
I wonder if there are any new interesting stories.
Scrolling down the page, I read through the summary, scanning and filtering out and stories that could have potential, then bookmarking them for later. Respect to those authors who put 'DON'T LIKE DON'T READ', 'NO FLAMES PLEASE', or 'GIVE THIS STORY A TRY'. Really saves me the time of not reading the summary so I can just skip through.
Wait what's going on?!
On my screen, I noticed that the mouse kept scrolling and scrolling, exactly like what happens when you accidentally dump water on it and it no longer responds!
What the actual fuck? Everything's black! I don't remember being this drunk or high since last year! Wait, what happened to my computer? I didn't delete my internet browsing history! NOO!
…I feel like I'm floating.
Did I actually pass out from eating too much junk food? I don't remember it was possible to get a psychedelic experience from LAYS potato chips. Seriously I need to file a complaint or something. Say something like 'I am recording this message' and just shout at them then they can't talk shit back, hehe.
Wait, what is that?
From the almighty encampment of full darkness, a brilliant white light came to be, revealing a chubby man wearing an extremely pompous royal outfit with a symbol showing two huge white 'F's resembling a gate with a weird 'A' and a 'N' in between.
That's the Fanfiction logo!
"I am the god of ALL Fanfiction!" he spoke in a generic fat guy voice. The nasal sounds did not fit the rumbling god voice at all! But whatever, I'll bite!
"The fuck do you want?"
"I, and the other gods of ALL Fanfiction were having a party, and decided to pick ONE random author and send him to another world for OUR enjoyment!"
Okay the random emphasis on certain words is starting to get annoying. It's like some asshole on skype that speaks too close to the mic because they think that it's cool or some shit.
Damn whatever I took, it was some good shit…
"Okay then."
"PERFECT, we ROLLED a dice to decide which world to send you to, and we came up with…" the sound of a drum roll bombarded my ears. "…FAIRY TAIL!".
Hah! I know that show inside and out, as long as I get some cool shit I won't have to worry!
"Oh Question! What happens if I die in that world?" That question needed to be asked, I don't want any of that Sword Art Online die in this world die in the real world bullshit.
"ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, but if you last LONG enough, we will give you a prize! In the REAL world!" As the 'god' said that, it started flaring its fat arms around, trying to mimic some sort of…something? Seriously I don't know what that is. Well whatever, not going to question this.
"Oh a prize you say? Do you think I can get some…DANK memes?" I smiled to myself, that's the greatest treasure any twenty-one-year old can attain!
"That is NOT an ACCEPTABLE PRIZE."
Figures. Not even a god will be able to grant such a powerful gift. This probably isn't real anyway so I'll just get something stupid.
"Okay, just give me a cookie then."
"…ARE you SURE? I can give you RICHIES beyond your WILDEST DREAMS!"
"You know what…" a devilish smile plastered itself on my face, the god narrowing his eyes in anticipation for when I reveal my greatest desires.
"Give me…two cookies."
The god simply froze, staring at me like he just got an AFK in ranked league of legends solo queue. Nevertheless, he simply gave a huge sigh before continuing.
"It is DONE. Now, we have decided to give you a measure of POWERS and ABILITIES to complement your stay in the other world. HERE, is a list of possible CHOICES! You may choose TWO!"
Possible choices? Woah, we're diving into Mary Sue territory here, let's not get too ahead of ourselves. What am I going to do? Become a dragon slayer, join team Natsu, literally change nothing in Canon and take battles from other protagonists? PREPOSTEROUS! Oh wait that's been done so many times might as well call it the generic OC formula.
Oh for those of you wondering what that is: Bad grammar + no paragraph spacing + some guy named Kai or Alex + Dragon slayer magic + Generic back story + 'Mysterious Past' in the summary + no rippling changes to Canon = OC story! Procs to all those that successfully mastered this formula!
But anyway, let's take a look at what powers I can have! It seemed to be some sort of holographic skill-set choosing menu, and behind it, the god was…texting on some sort of phone. Anyways! Let's see what we have here...
1. Ice Dragon Slayer Magic
Now THAT's a big no-no, might as well make myself a girl and go gay for Gray if that's the case. I can already imagine just 2v1'ing Erigor with Natsu during the Eisenwald arc with that. Ok, next!
2. Gravity Dragon Slayer Magic
Sounds like what a Sue family member will choose, next!
3. Water Dragon Slayer Magic
Can somebody say CLICHÉ? Next!
4. Potato Dragon Slayer
Now THAT's a fucking meme! I am so tempted to choose this but that would probably be useless as hell. What am I supposed to do with Potato Dragon slayer magic anyway?
A giant dragon, made of some weird brown matter flew around the skies, barfing up hundreds of thousands of potatoes all over Fiore in his roaring rampage.
That is actually so dumb I just physically hurt myself, anyways next magic.
5. Everything Dragon Slayer Magic
Okay you know what? I'm going to skip all the slayer magics cause just reading this is giving me herpes.
Slayer, slayer, slayer, slayer, slayer, slayer…
Holy actual shit, does this fanfiction god have zero imagination? There are literally thousands of magics that are not slayer magic. It's like a list of 'how stupid of an element I can make a dragon have' made by drunk twelve year old's that should not even be allowed outside of their parent's supervision! Some of these aren't even an element!
Okay, I don't have time for this garbage.
"Hey god guy!"
The old chubby god, who seemed like he was talking on some sort of…phone earlier, looked up to me in confusion.
"Hmm? Have you MADE a decision yet?"
"Actually, can you filter out all the slayers? Just looking at them is giving me cancer."
'Fuck's sake, we should have picked that 13 year old girl named Emily, she would have picked a water dragon slayer right off the bat!' The god thought out loud.
I can hear you, you know…
With a wave of his hand, the god eliminated almost 99.9% of all the pages on the magic selection page. Where only two magics remain.
1,999,920. Angel-soul take over magic
Number 1,999,920?! There were almost TWO MILLION slayer magics? Jesus bloody christ this guy needs to go to the nearest discount store and buy out the imagination tablets and just overdose on them already. Not choosing this one though, sounds like a pre-cursor to a badly written OCxMira - I'm going to call her fucking Janey if I meet her, yeah screw tropes.
1,999,921. Self-choice.
I could have chosen myself…all this time? Wow, imagine if some kid actually looked through all of the dumb elemental slayers just to discover they can choose two of their own powers.
Hmmm…
A sly smile crept up to my face, as I knew exactly what powers I was going to choose.
"Hey god guy, I made my decision!"
"Oh? And what magic did you choose?"
"I choose, self-choice!"
The god began pinching the bridge of his nose, obviously not amused.
Sighing, the god thought out loud again, 'And we still have two more freaking questions to go through…I need ten thousand drinks after this.'
Does he seriously not know that his thoughts are echoing through this entire space?
Whatever, let him do him.
"I want Obito's Kamui, and Gilgamesh's Gates of Babylon…with everything in it!" I smirked to myself, EA was kind of OP but I'll let the god figure out the balancing mechanics.
"Ok fine," he began, snapping his fingers. "Now next question…do you plan on going as a boy or as a girl?"
What type of dumb question is that? Did he do this before with some fat millennial manlet that wanted a Yuri harem? But wait…
"I want to go as an Apache Helicopter!"
"That is not a real gender…"
"Yes it is!"
"No it's not."
"Yes it is! And you have to use rockethe to address me!"
"NO. IT. ISN'T. YOU ARE BEING SENT AS YOU ARE NOW, END OF DISCUSSION!"
Boy, I really pissed him off. Okay fine, CIS-gender male it is.
"Last freaking question, what back story do you plan to have in the new world?"
Once again, the god made a list of choices for me, but this time with far less pages.
1. Born in a small village, parents died, and was taken to the Tower of Heaven…
Yeesh, too angsty, let's look for a happier one.
2. Born in a war-torn country, parents killed and was forced into child slavery…
Jesus Christ! What is this back story! This would make Erza want to give me some sort of mental-handjob! Absolutely not! Next!
3. Makarov Dreyar's biological grandson, appearance will reflect this change…
Definitely happier, but not my cup of tea.
4. Found by the space dragon slayer, in which he parts onto you his special abilities
Not bad, gives me an nice excuse on how I get my powers, but not really. Okay this is a horrible backstory it's like writing ten paragraphs of bullshit to explain a fuck-up instead of fixing a fuck-up in the first place.
*cough, horrible OC Mary Sue fanfiction, *cough.
5. Mysterious past...[Only available to Ice Dragon Slayer]
What?
6. Parents died in…
That was all I read before stopping. What was with all this dead parent stuff? Is that a god damned requirement in an OC? Is it that hard to believe some kid with alive parents could turn out to be a decent mage? I mean, look at Laxus! His mother was pretty much never revealed but that doesn't mean she died! Not exactly a perfect example but he was still raised by Makarov! Ivan is also a cunt of a father…where was I going with this?
Screw it I'll pick it myself.
"I want to pick-"
"Just say it and get out of here…"
Okayyy then. Whatever, I'm done floating in an endless space with an ugly fat guy anyway.
"I want to be born in a nice village with loving parents, where I had an affinity with the magics I have chosen. Then at the age of sixteen, I moved out and left for a different country far away -Fiore-, in which I spent my days living alone on a mountain honing my magic."
Nice and easy, no dead parents, don't have to talk to people, and nobody close knows I'm alive, perfect for a new world! Seriously not everyone who reads/writes fanfiction have to be a friendless NEET hated by society who needs self-fulfillment.
"Done, now fuck off." As soon as I saw him snap his fingers, I began spinning out of control like I was being flushed down a toilet.
Then everything went white.
...Wait, I forgot to ask for eternal mangekyou when I asked for Kamui, NOOO!
...
"Thank god he left..." The fat god spoke, unzipping his entire body...to reveal a complete bombshell of a goddess underneath.
...
...
"Nope just kidding!" 'she' spoke, as the goddess unzips another layer to reveal a even fatter male body with boat loads of chest hair :).
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Chapter 1 Done! Next Chapter: Into the New World!
Make sure you guys check out my other stories!
Read my profile and join my Trope discussion forums!
[ROTLB: The Birth of the Light Bringer]
[ROTLB: Light of Fairies]
[Chef Ramsay]
[A God's Redemption]
[Minipa's Trope Discussions and How to not Suck Shit at Writing]
May 5, 2018 Update: Check out my Youtube Channel: Panda Inspirations! I'm putting the Trope Discussions in video series form! First video will be out by tomorrow!
Minipa, out!