Author's Note

Yep, It's a warning. This is not a fluffy bunny. There are references to things that might be triggers for some. I was listening to music while I worked on another chapter of one of my stories. I was considering Hermione's arm. Would it suit the story for her to be scarred? Then Diana Krall started singing, and this idea came on fast. I've tried to scrap it a time or two, but it keeps coming back.

Attack of the zombie plot bunny...

Hope you enjoy it.

-Anna

The secret to happiness is freedom... And the secret to freedom is courage. -Thucydides

It had started in a fit of madness. She knew it. Just as she knew that there was no future in it. She'd meant to end it time and time again. The looked in the mirror and forced herself to study the woman staring back at her. Her features were still familiar, but the slight twist to her lips and the cynicism in her eyes were permanent now. She wiped off the blood smeared along her cheekbone with a flannel and tried to remember what she had looked like before. The war had been bad, but the aftermath was far worse.

She'd watched as the Wizengamot did little to the surviving death eaters. Some fines and some community service had been deemed enough punishment. The threat of Azkaban was enough to keep the sane ones from rebelling.

As victors, the Order had split. Most of the older generation had fallen back in with the Ministry. The younger generation had been happy enough to trust them, happy enough for real meals and warm beds in safe places. She'd been willingly paraded about behind Harry and next to Ron at every major event the Ministry could muster up. It was supposed to help improve morale.

She'd been helpful and plastered a smile across her face because the Ministry had promised to help her find her parents.

She'd clung to that promise as she drowned in hypocrisy. They'd fixed her body, concealed the scars, and tamed her hair. Her wardrobe had been drastically overhauled. They'd given her lists of dancing partners for every ball. She had smiled up at men that had tried to kill her. She had learned not to flinch at their touch. She'd stood next to them for photographs. She had done it all. Again and again.

All in hopes of having her family back.

She blinked the tears away. They didn't serve her. Self pity was for the weak.

"Miss Granger?" The stylist didn't bother to knock. "I'm here to help you prepare for the ball."

"Of course you are." Hermione sighed. She heard the witch's quick inhalation as she moved into the room. The blood on the sheets was bound to worry the poor dear, but she refused to conceal the evidence anymore.

"Are you well?" The stylist sounded frightened.

Hermione stalked into the room and waved her hands. The broken chair fixed itself. The sheets flashed back to pure white. The torn silk blouse floated to the bin and slipped in.

"Got a bit carried away yesterday." Hermione plastered on her best reassuring smile. "Your glamours will be put to the test."

The witch examined her with wide eyes. Hermione could see her cataloguing the visible injuries. She managed not to laugh as the woman gazed on her in growing horror.

"Surely, you should see a healer?" The witch licked her lips.

"No need." Hermione shrugged. "Don't worry about me."

Hermione stared at Kingsley as he raged around the room. He'd been at it for a while and was winding down towards the inevitable sad entreaty. None of it mattered. She leaned back against the wall as he sputtered on.

"You can't keep letting them find you in this condition." He stopped in front of her. "Word will get out eventually."

"Like your obliviators don't check everyone?" Hermione smirked.

"Why are you doing this?" Kingsley slumped down into a chair. "You must know its insane."

"You had to know I would discover the truth, but you lied to me for months." Hermione dropped the affable act. "You may pull my strings in public by threatening my friends, but don't expect me to play nice in private."

"I'll have him sent away." Kingsley smacked the arm of his chair. "That will put an end to it."

"You think I can't find another?" Hermione laughed. "Look at my dance card. I can take my pick. Rowle will probably like getting his hands dirty. He had a reputation for preferring fisticuffs to straight torture. Pucey uses pleasure like a knife I'm told. Oh, and knives, he likes those. Malfoy may be gentle and differential to his wife, but he created the sexual form of the Cruciatus. I do my research, Kings. Our side offers me some options as well. They won't stop the curse, but it would still be a bit of fun."

"Merlin." Kingsley fell back into the chair. "Why?"

"Because I believed you." Hermione stood up and smoothed her gown. "Because I let down my guard. Because I forgot that I'm just a mudblood no matter what I do. Because there's a respite for me in it."

"I'm sorry I let you believe your parents were still alive." He looked away from her. "It was wrong."

"That makes it all better, Kings." She pretended at extreme joy. "I just want to get along with everyone now."

She whirled toward the door and skipped towards it.

"He won't be returning to your room tonight." Kingsley stood behind her. "I told him it was over. Say your goodbyes quietly. I tried to do this nicely, but you won't let me. Any one of them, even the ones from our side, will be buying a one way trip to Azkaban if they hurt you. If you continue with this nonsense, you will become a permanent resident of the Janus Thickley ward. Are we clear?"

Hermione froze with her hand on the door. Rage blazed through her. She wanted to rip him to shreds.

"I don't care what happens to me." Hermione took a deep breath.

"Yes, I am aware." KIngsley came up behind her. She could feel the heat of his breath on the shell of her ear and smell his clove laced scent. "That's why Luna would have the bed next to yours."

He put his hand on her shoulder and let his fingers spread out along her bare flesh. She felt the threat in it and the rise of his own dark desires. He enjoyed the control and he didn't bother keeping his sadism to the confines of a private space. The war had broken them all.

"Fine." She nodded and shrugged his hand off her shoulder. "But you keep your hands to yourself."

She danced the obligatory dances with Harry and Ron. She managed a turn around the floor with Kingsley. Neville brought her a drink and stood as they watched the others twirl. They didn't bother speaking. They'd all learned to keep quiet over the last year. The oddest things could be reported in the paper. She squeezed his hand and tapped the card dangling from her wrist. He nodded and bowed slightly.

It was all so elegant. She walked along the edge of the room. she didn't let her eyes linger on any one person.

"Hermione." Draco waved at her, and a genuine smile bloomed on his face. "It's quite the crush tonight. The Ministry must be pleased."

"They always are." She nodded and glanced down at her card. "I believe we get to take a turn on the floor in a few songs. You should talk to Harry. He has some idea about all of us going to Blackpool next month."

She smiled as he eagerly nodded. They passed a few more banalities before Draco headed over toward Harry. She watched them for a moment. She felt him come up behind her, but she didn't turn.

"Peace in our time." He spoke quietly, as he always did. "It warms the heart to see them even if it will never be."

"You could have let me pretend just a moment longer." She blinked at the odd moisture in her eyes.

"No fun in that, I'm afraid." He came up beside her. "I think I shall miss you."

"You will still see me from time to time." Hermione looked away from him. "I imagine we will even dance."

"I never expected to grow fond of you." He reached out and grabbed her wrist, letting his thumb glide up her arm slowly. "I hope you find some peace of your own, Hermione."

"Maybe some day." She looked over at him. "Don't do anything rash, Rodolphus. In a year or two, take a wife, renew your House. Don't give them reason to hurt you."

"What should I look for in this future bride?" He raised a dark brow.

"Sanity." Hermione grinned up at him. "You deserve some stability and some kindness."

"I would rather be wicked with you, but I will do what is best for us all." He bowed to her and lifted her wrist up, pressing his lips to the inside of it so gently. "Stability and kindness. I will remember."

"Peace in our time." Hermione lowered her head slightly as he released her. When she looked up he was gone.

She took a deep breath. This was not the place to indulge her emotions.

Hermione was halfway through bottle of fire whiskey when someone knocked at her door. She waved her hands and set the room to rights. No one needed to see how well she shattered mirrors and furniture.

"Come in." She looked toward the door.

"Draco said I should check on you tonight." Harry closed the door behind him. "What does he know that I don't?"

"He's sticking that nose of his into my business." Hermione sat down in the chair and was pleased it didn't wobble.

"He likes you." Harry sighed. "He hates Ginny."

"Of course, he hates Ginny." Hermione took a swig of her bottle and passed it to Harry. "She's the next Mrs. Potter, isn't she?"

"It's not like we have a choice." He lifted the bottle toward her before tilting it up into his mouth.

"You should run away with Draco." She looked at their reflection in the dark window. "Just go. You deserve to be happy."

"Then, they'll charge Ron with War Crimes. You'll wind up spending your days with Neville's parents much less find your parents." Harry sighed. "Kings knows where to apply the pressure."

"Rodolphus Lestrange. That's what you didn't know about." She shrugged. "Kings made us end it."

"Lestrange?" Harry raised a brow. "That's disturbing."

"In ways you don't want to imagine." She smiled. "Turns out you can grow fond of anyone if you fuck them enough. So, here I sit, inebriated, wishing I'd never made it through the war."

"Hermione." Harry looked shocked.

"I'm not allowed to take up with anyone else." Hermione blinked rapidly. "My proclivities have been noted and denied. My parents are dead. They never made it out of England. At some point, they're going to decide I'm not worth the effort and some poor sod will kill me. I'm betting on Percy."

"Percy?" Harry looked skeptical. "Really?"

"He knows what Kings is doing. Its not hard to see him doing what's necessary." Hermione shrugged. "I don't imagine he'll come at me with wands drawn. It'll be poison or something equally sneaky. he isn't fool enough to think he could take me in open battle."

"So, Lestrange?" Harry smirked at her. "It's just over?"

"I've been given my congé. It was Azkaban for him if he didn't end it." She leaned her head back and stared up at the ceiling. "All of us have something or someone too precious to lose. I wasn't expecting him to fight for me."

"So, it wasn't love?" Harry nodded.

"It was pain and it was punishment. At first, thats all it was. We'd just make each other hurt. Then, after a bit, there were these moments when he would hold me." she waved her hand. "Doesn't matter. It's over. I can't have him, and I can't replace him."

"They'll assign you a partner soon enough." Harry slumped down.

"It won't help me." she sighed. "This trap of holding us hostage will never end."

"We could fight." Harry straightened a bit.

"No, we can't." Hermione patted his hand. "We all swore on our magic to support the Ministry under Kings. He knew what he was doing. We were so tired and so trusting."

"So, he will control us forever?" Harry sighed.

"The Weasleys are happy." Hermione sighed. "You could gather the others. Take Draco. Run."

"And what would you be doing?" Harry examined her with narrowed eyes.

"I've learned a thing or two." She smiled. "I can bring down the tracking system and you can all go."

"Hermione." Harry grabbed her hand. The desperation in his grasp was obvious.

"I will destroy his ability to hurt you and our friends. It's a good legacy. There isn't anything for me out there, Harry." She looked away from him. "The things I need are here."

"We can find some dark wizard." Harry's grip tightened. "They're everywhere."

"Bellatrix carved her curse specifically. I need a death eater." She took a deep breath. "Kings has already put me on the path for destruction. I would rather spend my life doing something good than fritter away the endless hours of my descent in to madness."