Bats and Spooks

Don't you dare surrender
Don't leave me here without you
Cause I could never replace your perfect imperfection

Batwoman landed smoothly on the rooftop, cape billowing around her, muffling the sound the way the wings of an owl soften the sound of their approach; something Lucious worked into the cape design a year ago. She would be far less mysterious without that man and far less effective. Thankfully, she had good people on her side. She was a symbol, more idea than reality, but it was her support system that kept her that way.

Stood beside the Bat-signal was one such supporter, the man that probably gave her more hope than most, the first man she let herself trust when he picked her up out of an alley many, many years before the Bat existed.

"Commissioner." She greeted simply, sliding from the cover of darkness as she usually did. He hated it but it always held a little pleasure for her, so she did it anyway.

No matter how many times she sneaked up on him, he always jumped just slightly, the barest reaction, "Hey... thanks for the help the other night. Those guys sang like canaries once the DA got down here. We've got plenty of evidence thanks to your help." He grinned suddenly, eyes lighting up with a secret, "You and Nightwing did a great job. I saw you two leaving the scene."

No wonder he looked so smug. How much of that encounter had he or the other officers seen? She would never ask and the silence was often a good enough motivator to get people to elaborate.

Jim looked positively smug, almost proud or simply pleased, "I think I understand what the falling out you two had a few years back was about now. I always knew he started the rift but I assumed he just needed to find his own feet, I didn't realize it had anything to do with his developing feelings for you. I'm glad you've really... patched things up!"

She refused to respond to that!

"How old is he anyway?"

Batwoman nearly gaped at him, only just managing to control it.

"Sorry, sorry!" He must have noticed anyway, "It doesn't matter. They say it's actually better for women to marry younger men anyway! He's plenty old enough now. I'm actually glad for both of you! You deserve someone that can understand you, can support you. I'm glad you found one, honestly! I already swore Moralez to secrecy, don't worry!"

How were they having this conversation? How was this her life? How was she supposed to explain this to Dick when he returned home? Batwoman swallowed, trying to find some graceful way out of this. She had intended to tell him she found some lesser-known hero to take his place for a while until he returned but if people thought they were involved, how was she supposed to explain that? He was going to kill her! They would have another 'falling out' once that news hit the fan! At least they would not have to fake a breakup.

"Who's the new Robin anyway?" He ventured, clearly not swayed.

New Robin? Did he mean Tim Drake? He had very little training yet and she almost never let him out as Robin. She had sent him to school as well, promising to train him more in time. "Excuse me?"

He shrugged, "Oh, right, secret, I wasn't thinking before I asked. I just noticed you had a new one again. Bullock... uh, was there that night too, just so you know. I had to threaten to demote him if he spread a word of his theory."

"What theory?"

Jim shifted from pleased to uncomfortable, she had noticed the discomfort creeping in over time, "Well, after you and Nightwing... seemed to be closer than you used to be, and you have another Robin around..." He looked all the way to the other side of the roof at that point, "Bullock said you like them young and raise them up for later."

"Excuse me!" For once, her bat-voice gained a rather high pitch.

Gordon looked at her then, shocked, "I shouldn't have told you! Sorry..." he looked guilty though, "you don't, right? I'm not really saying you do, I just-"

Batwoman advanced, using her usual stance of intimidation, "How could you tell the Robins were different? I specifically changed the suit design-" she pointed to the lower portion of her own mask, "to hide the differences! I made sure no one would be able to tell when the Robins switched places, or when Nightwing switched places!"

"There are two Nightwings?" He scratched his chin thoughtfully, "That matches up with the differences I noticed." He looked at her speculatively, "There more of you too?"

She glared at him from under the mask, "No. But I want to know who else noticed!"

Jim did not seem even remotely afraid of her show of anger, "No one that I know of. I haven't heard anyone mention it."

Batwoman spun on her heels, ready to leave.

"Why so many?" He asked more quietly, thick mustache hiding the movement of his lips.

"Because," her steps hitched, "they need lives of their own. They need a chance to live normally once in a while."

"Now that you say it, I guess I have noticed Nightwing behaving differently lately. I always knew you had to have a network, I just didn't consider you'd have more than a few sidekicks, but it makes sense." He tapped his knuckles against the side of the enormous light, "You love him? The new guy?"

Her sharp look made him grin again, "I know, I'm prying into your life. Indulge an old man? You're like a daughter I never knew I had sometimes, so I meddle. You think they need lives and I think you deserve one too."

The tapping of his knuckles reminded her that she came for more than a chat, "What's the problem? You turned on the signal." She tried not to sound brisk.

"Right," he picked up a stack of folders that he'd set on the hinge of the light and handed them over, "I need you to track someone down. We have evidence he is connected to the Wayne case. He goes by Tadija, or in some cases, Taliesin. We couldn't touch him even if we found him considering we would never get him extradited."

More good news, she knew that without opening the folder. The night kept getting better! Somehow she was feeling sick all over just at the sound of the name of her self-appointed 'beloved.' The worst possible mistake of her life, getting involved with that man, the son of her greatest enemy. When she made mistakes they were extensively large. She might actually vomit.

"I'll look into it." Batwoman turned to leave but paused when Gordon called her.

Jim cleared his throat uncomfortably, eyes moving over random objects to avoid looking at her, "I never said it before, but I'm sorry about Wayne."

Batwoman could do nothing but stare at him for a beat or two, fighting to keep her expression lax, "What?" That should be vague enough considering she had no idea what he meant.

He shoved his hands deep into his pockets, toeing the gravel of the roof, "I know you two were friends. I guessed you had to be when she helped you out on some cases. The more gadgets you got over the years... I guess it just seemed... At first, I just thought she might be backing you financially, supplying you with technology to help you keep Gotham safe. It made sense and I understood why both of you would play that close to the chest, keep her and you safer. But when you sent her in on that Hugo Strange case, I knew you two were closer than I assumed originally."

Batwoman said absolutely nothing, frozen in place, hardly able to breathe for so many reasons. She always knew he was smart, and the conclusions he had drawn really were logical. The human mind tended to stick close to what it believed were established facts, and everyone knew for a fact that Brooklyn Wayne was a rich girl that could never last in anything but a social battle. He drew the only connection that would make logical sense to the mind. Brooke was backing Batwoman because Wayne's always protected the city with their money and power.

"I thought... someone should tell you, honestly, that what happened to her was not your fault. I know you did everything you could to find her. I know it has to bother you, seeing her now, but it just isn't your fault. She made her choices, she did what she felt was right to protect Gotham, just like you, and I know she understood the risks. The Wayne family always seems to pay too high a price for the good they do... but honestly, I doubt they would ever back down ."

Batwoman nodded and made to grapple away, instead she nearly swallowed her tongue when a voice asked, "Sooooo do you?"

"What?" She had a nice range of witty responses tonight.

Joker, impersonating Nightwing, shrugged casually, "He asked if you loved 'the new guy' and I noticed you never answered."

"How long have you been here?" She snarled.

Another shrug, "You two were so intent on your conversation that I felt it wrong to interrupt." She could tell, even with the mask, that he was grinning.

This time she did take that dive, almost before thinking to pull out her hook too.

"Don't you just hate it when she does that?" Joker mused, watching her go.

"Mhmmm!" Gordon mumbled as he made for the stairs, "But I think she answered more questions tonight than she has in all the years I've known her, so she's making progress."

Brooke always pretended not to notice when Joker crawled into bed with her. She knew how to control her breathing and seem very much asleep or unconscious depending on the case at hand. For a murdering psychopath, he seemed to enjoy cuddling close to her. She always noticed he had no sense of personal space or boundaries but she never equated that in her mind to his pension for snuggling in under the blankets with her. Even when she had the pillows around her, he simply wormed his way in between the barriers.

Close was also seemingly not enough for him. He might be wedged right up against her, but halfway through the night, he would deem that not good enough, repositioning until he was essentially laying on her. Even when she took to sleeping on the couch, it never helped. Joker would lounge on the back of the couch until he decided she was sleeping and make his move to invade her space. By morning he would have returned to the back of the couch, but she was not fooled.

He reminded her of a cat. Openly aloof at times, but when no one was watching, the affection suddenly flowed. He also liked to suffocate her the way a cat would to a sleeping owner. Sometimes she woke up wondering why she was fighting so hard for breath only to discover it was very much his fault.

On this occasion, he was not even trying to hide his approach after she climbed under the blankets. He slid in behind her, acting as the big spoon, curling up around her like he grew new arms just for her.

"I've been thinking!" He announced.

"That's never good." She muttered against the cool skin of his arm.

He ignored her, "I need a suit of my own! We can modify one of those old ones you keep in the back and I can be a new... whatever I'd be. I was thinking, White Knight for your Dark Knight! We'd go together like peanut butter and jelly!"

"White is not at all conducive to our work, you would stand out like a glow in the dark decoration!"

"Oh, because red, green, and yellow are so great for darkness! I never did understand why you let him go around like that if he was supposed to be stealthy!" He retorted snarkily.

"His cape was black and he knew how to use it. White is worse than those colors any day. It literally reflects any light that hits it. It's why white cars are better in the summer."

"Fine, fine! But what do you think about this one? I was thinking; Jack of Clubs and I could carry a club around! You know, make it punny!" He vibrated with a laugh. "Always right beside my queen. Don't you think that's great? Maybe you could make a second costume too! Queen of Diamonds maybe? Hearts would be cliche, but it would need to be a red card."

She decided that might be a good time to pretend to be asleep.

"Or," he went on, "if we just coated the outer parts of the suit black, leaving the inside white, I could still be the white knight! How would you feel about a dark purple outer coating instead of black? That way I could be the white bat! Batman to your Batwoman! Ultimate power couple! Terrors that flap in the night! Can't you just picture it!"

Really time to be asleep!

"Batsy!" He whined, intentionally wiggling to shake the bed up and down, "Don't play dead, I know you can't fall asleep with me talking right in your ear!"

Brooke was mainly tuned out while Lucious and some stick of a young man that looked like he spent his entire school career in a library. The man had been around before, she remembered that but she remembered very little else, not even his name or company. It seemed she always tuned him out. For all she knew she might tend to sleep through his visits like she was tempted to do now. It had been a long night with another drug cartel on the rise.

Lucious did not seem to care for him and neither did Joker. The knife danced over and through those dexterous fingers and she wondered what this man did that made Joker want so badly to do him harm. The way Fox spoke to him she would believe that he was crooked in whatever it was that he did. It might be worth a look but that would mean she needed his name.

It was hard not to yawn until he said something that woke her right up.

"How much did you know about The League of Shadows, Ms. Wayne?" Who was this guy? He worked for another company, right?

Joker tensed, a deep growl rumbling in his whole body, "Don't answer, it's a trap!" He moved closer, eyes fixed and still growling like a guard dog.

Brooke laughed like an actress, "Enough to stay away from people with a horrible sense of taste! Who could hold their heads up under such a silly sounding banner? I believe I've more pride than that." Why was her body buzzing suddenly, tremors starting to show in her fingers? Gordon did say he thought Rees' son was involved in whatever happened to her, not that she could find the files now.

"You must know why they targetted you." He persisted, sounding annoyed.

Luscious stood suddenly, "Well, that's all we really have time for." The smile was more a threat than she would have expected him capable.

The bespectacled young man turned an unimpressed stare on Fox, "You can't shield her forever! Eventually, she has to face the truth."

"She's not ready!" Luscious snapped with surprising ferocity.

"Don't listen to them, Brooklyn, just listen to me!" Joker knelt in front of her, so close, but all she could focus on was his use of her given name. He'd never called her that before.

"Jason Todd died two years ago in an accident! Everyone knows that!" The man seemed irate, waving his hands like a conductor, "It makes everyone crazy the way she can't face reality!"

"That's enough!" Lucious hissed through gritted teeth.

Joker grabbed her hands and tugged her quickly from the room but the man followed the retreat like he was hunting her. "The longtime butler to the Wayne family was killed a few months after you were kidnapped by the League of Shadows, as was Richard Greyson, your longtime ward! It's tragic, but it's reality! If you intend to run this company, Wayne, you need to live in the real world! Stop being so weak! A woman should not be in charge of such a large company! They are too addle minded!"

Brooke jerked free of the Joker and spun, a sort of rage taking hold of her, one she could not even place, but it told her to sink her teeth into his neck and rip. Everything in her took her to kill. It was wholly unfamiliar, like being swallowed in toxic gas she could not identify and cold not name.

Lucious grabbed the man's arm and spun him around, "Where are you from? The dark ages! What right do you have to judge her or anyone! You think you have some right to judge her for weakness when you've probably never even seen a tragedy in your miserable little life? I'd like to see you live through watching your parents die in front of you, then watch the last bit of family you have in the world snatched away too, then see how well you hold up, you pathetic little-"

Brooke never intended to scream, "Liar! They're not dead! They're studying! Alfred is on vacation!" It was she that spun him around next, her hands clutching the front of the nameless man's shirt as she shook him like a rag doll, "Bloody liar! They're fine!"

His eyes were so wide, even frightened, the kind of fear low level thugs offered when Batwoman swooped in. It was familiar, this posture. Did she seem so weak now? A backhand to his cheek sent him right to the ground.

What was new was the desire to follow him down, sink her fingers under his ribs and pull until they snapped. Something was happening inside her, something was stirring, like a terrible storm. Things inside her vibrated with need, the need to claw and bite and shred. Her lips wanted to pull back even though her jaw was clenched tight, throbbing. Something was happening to her and she could not name it.

Joker came up behind her, both arms coiled around her like twin bands of metal, "No, no, not here, babe!" He whispered roughly in her ear, "If you want him, I promise we'll get him, but not here! Have to wait till no one's watching!"

Brooke's body relaxed in that tight hold and she shook her head, "It's fine. Everything is fine. They are fine! I just talked to Dick a few days ago. They're fine, fine, just fine, finefinefinefine." So why was she seeing blood, why did she remember blood, chains, screams, wide, familiar eyes staring at her, the smell, "Oh, God, they're fine! No!"

Her hands were in her hair, pulling, nails sinking into her scalp, but Joker tightened his hold, "That's right, pumpkin! They're fine! Just keep saying it. Come on, they're fine, they're fine, nothing is wrong, everything is fine, they're fine. Nothing bad happened. Everyone is safe and fine."

And she did, she repeated after him over and over again until the blood faded from her vision and the need to destroy simmered low. Only then did she notice Lucious and several other people gathered around her. They looked worried, decidedly worried. She couldn't even see the little man anymore. The tree fur the forest. They were saying things she could not manage to hear through the pounding in her ears.

"I need to go." Brooke made a mad dash for a window, planning to throw aside the curtain and dive away to a safe place, a quiet, blood-free place.

She needed to fly and clear her mind. That always worked. Diving away from danger and unpleasant conversations. Frantic protests erupted behind her but she refused to listen. It was Joker that stopped her.

He threw himself in front of the window like a traffic cop, "No, Brookie, darling! Don't go into the light! You don't even have your wings."

Her pause was long enough to bring many hands to tug and pull her in a new direction. She dazedly insisted that she needed to leave and they surprisingly agreed with her. Joker worked his way into the crowd and put both arms around her, walking awkwardly behind her. The clouds in her mind started to lift until she was ready to assure everyone that she was perfectly well and did not need the sheer amount of assistance simply to go to her car. Once she realized she nearly went out a window she also assured them she had simply forgotten where the door was and had never intended to go through an extremely high window. That one they ignored.

Joker never let go but he cackled, talking to himself, "I'm suddenly reliable? Heh, what a punchline! But one of us has to be the sane one in this relationship."

On the car ride home, she made sure the keep the divider between the driver and her section closed firmly. If she intended to have a conversation with Joker she would need to be sure no one saw her seemingly talking to herself. Even if she told them she was simply conversing with a ghost she highly doubted it would do her any great favor. Her mind was clear once again, perhaps more than it had been in a while. She found she felt more logical and in control of herself. The violent need to kill might have sobered her up, and she knew, even past the shaking in her hands, that it was time to ask questions.

"What killed you, Joker? Was it me?"

He tilted his head far to the side to rest it against the window, "What makes you think I'm dead? What makes you think you broke your rule?"

"I wanted to kill that man but you stopped me. You knew something was wrong with me..." at the point she hesitated, unsure she could take it farther, but she knew she would, "You also know what happened during the time I don't remember."

His toxic green eyes shifted from her to look out the heavily tinted window, "Oh, darling, the mind is a tricky thing. It protects itself better than any computer defends against a virus. If you don't remember it's for a reason. Why not leave it that way? You always go back to this even if I tell you."

She frowned, "You've told me before?"

"Yes. And you never remember later. Don't you wonder why you're not more curious, more consumed with your usual need to know? It's because you already know but you don't want to." He sounded strangely resigned, unlike himself

"If I'm just going to forget, why not answer?"

"Because it's never been pleasant in the between times. You do things you shouldn't." She was surprised he had not looked at her again.

"Maybe I'll do better this time," She offered.

"You never do." Finally, he looked at her, serious in total for once, "Why ask if I promise you it's better this way?"

"Because I'm stubborn." She stated simply.

He chuckled but it was short, "I'll give you that one, you are immovable when you wanna be."

"So give in and tell me?"

Planting elbows on knees, he leaned forward and looked so deep into her eyes it was a little frightening, "You know how I always used to try to bring you to my way of thinking? Break you?"

She nodded, smirking, "It never worked no matter how many times you tried."

"That's because I knew it had to be done right."

Brooke arched a brow, "Done right? And how would that be, exactly? The way you were? In chemicals? Doubt I'd live through that the way you did."

He shrugged, smiling slightly, "I am a special case. You can't recreate perfection, so no."

"Then what did you plan on? Killing me? You tried that enough times too."

Joker sighed, "I admit, I tended to let my temper get hold of me, but I always regretted it. Every time I almost got you, that instant," he ran his fingers over his eyes in agitation, "when I thought you'd be lost, I regretted it, tried to take it back if I could. In the end, I never wanted it, could not endure it if you went first, if I lost you."

He looked at her, eyes dilated with real emotion in them she would not have foreseen, "I'd never let you be lost, Batsy, not if I could stop it! You know that, right?"

It took a long time for her to force out the words stuck in her throat, "Was I lost, Joker? Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

"Maybe all you need to know is... I gave you, freely, willingly, what they couldn't even with all those experiments."

"What?" She blinked at him, wide-eyed and with that feeling inside her like something was shying away just like he said she would.

"Life. A beating heart. Choices. Freedom and beautiful individuality. You were always color in a black and white world, darling, but now you're every color, just like me. We're both different from anything else now. You are my only chain and I don't mind."

"What did you do?" She breathes, suddenly frightened the way she should not be able to be anymore, "What are we if we're not like anyone else?"

"We're joined." He reached out and took her hand, "I shared what keeps me alive with you, and now it keeps us both."

Brooke started to stand up but was stopped by the tug on her hands and the memory that she was in a car, "Are we dead? Is that, somehow, why only I can see you?"

"Neither of us is dead," he soothed, rubbing his thumbs into her palms, "I just gave up my human body so you could have what kept it together. My metaphysical aspects are all just fine. Believe me, I never would have let you go. I always planned to do something so you could never leave me, I just didn't expect it to be this way is all, or this soon. I'd never let you leave! We have a destiny!"

"What are... what are you?" Brooke asked, wishing she could stop herself.

He shrugged one shoulder offhandedly, "Most would call me a fae or a changeling. Part Pooka, part sluagh, or something like that. Hard to say with things the way they are these days and my mind as it also is. Either way, I'm part of the Unseelie. Chaos and discord rule the universe and I am a vessel of chaos. Fae don't see things like humans but... we can fit in. Technically, with what we both are now, we're not supposed to be friends, but I never was much for rules."

It felt like being strangled to ask, but she had to, "What am I then, that would make us more of an enemy than we always were?"

Asking made her head spin and her eyes pulse inside the sockets. Part of her knew the answer already and that part did not care to let the secret go free. He must have told the truth, she did know, she did forget.

Joker regarded her for some time before he moved out of the seat across from her and into the one beside her, "They made you like Tadija..." he smiled sardonically and shook his head, "or, no, they made you into a new Ris, a new Ghoul's head. They tormented and murdered you before the different clans within the League forced you back with various vitae to recreate you, make the childer of Ris, allowing her to pass on the title to you. The title must be passed to a strong, driven, powerful woman like you, and you were the 'chosen one'. Lucky you!" His voice turned to a low snarl, his hold on her tightening,

"But then it got worse! When I found you, I knew what they'd done." He let go only to begin petting her face and hair, "They crossed that delicate line between breaking and shattering... a line I never wanted to see you cross, darling. They did it all wrong! They took away who you were! They destroyed you! So... I chased them all away and I... fixed it."

"What are they?" There was that smell sinking into her senses again, the glimpses of blood-spattered of pooling, and she grabbed hold of him to quell the shaking running through her body, "Am I like you then?" She should not believe him but something inside her was beginning to understand. "How did they break me? Did you make me forget?"

Joker leaned in to rest his forehead against hers, "At first I made you forget, but after that it was you. They killed you, they ruined you, I couldn't let you stay that way!"

"What happened? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!" Her voice was shrill, unlike herself, but she remembered blood covered ground and frightened eyes staring at her, waiting, "What did I do? What are they? Tell me!"

Brooke never noticed the car had stopped but she did notice the door open when the interior lights clicked on. The lights from the garage were dull and yellow. She never saw the sun anymore. They always pulled into a garage and windows were always covered. She only went out into the real air, under a real sky at night. It had been that way long before her memory vanished, but never so extensive. She never cared for daylight but this was different. The car windows were so tinted the sun was nothing but a thought.

"I'm dead, aren't I?" She whispered.

"Dead?" The driver stammered, "N-no, no Ms. Wayne!"

She stopped listening to his stammering, as she stumbled drunkenly from the back seat of the limo. Her head was spinning and she felt like vomiting, like gouging her own eyes out, puncturing her eardrums. Anything to make the screams go away and get rid of all that red. The hallucinations made more sense now. Seeing the blood in the halls had not been the first time, nor the blood in Alfred's room. She had seen Jason's broken body before, dead eyes staring up at her, a crowbar discarded near him. She had rounded a corner in the house to find pools of blood that lead to Richard's body. She could nerve go near their rooms, not without hearing terrible sounds. The nightmares she had every night began to seem more cohesively linked.

"You're not dead! I took care of that! You're heart beats, you're alive! And you're not bound to them! You're as free as a bird!" Joker assured her quickly, following after her.

Joker killed Jason. She remembered now. He was not off in some school enjoying life, he was gone! She nearly killed the clown for it but she held back, stopped herself.

As for Dick and Alfred, they... She passed a mirror in the entryway and paused to look at herself. There was a reflection. She could see herself, the flashes of blood smeared over her face. Something animal snapped inside her, a rage she could not control. She flew at the mirror, cracking it, destroying it, crushing the glass in her hands until pieces of the frame were scattered, shards of bloodsoaked glass littered the floor and pooled around her like modern art.The echo of an alto, heavy accent rattled around in her brain like a bomb being thrown, "You will be by my side, child, bringing in the new, better world just as it should be." Ris al Ghul's long black hair framed her sharp features when she leaned down; the stripe of white along the temple the only thing to indicate her age; watching the painful tremors run through Brooke like earthquakes.

"You understand, this is your own doing. If you had joined me willingly, this would not be necessary."

"I will never join you, you pathetic, lunatic!" Batwoman grit out.

"Child, you have no choice! You are most worthy to be beside me! Centuries have passed with none better than you! It is an honor to be so chosen."

The shaking would not stop, her teeth chattering harshly thanks to the shock, "I'll remember that when I drive a wooden stake through your chest!"

Brooke jumped back, startled by the memory. Sickened by the tange of leather, sulphur, sweat, and hemoglobin old and new. It felt entirely to real, too close.

Alfred stood by the door, looking on sadly, his normally perfect uniform drenched in red. Richard stood at the top of the stairs, arms draped over the banister as he watched her, his uniform glistening with blood that pooled at his feet and ran down the steps like liquid rubies.

The wounds on their necks told her all she needed to know. The flashes of memory came together like a patchwork. She had no idea how long they must have tortured her in all those various techniques designed to make her go mad. They told her everything, explained their plans, explained the horrors that awaited her. At the very end, just before they took her life, Nightwing must have found her, but he was no match for a room full of monsters. They planned to bring him in all along, they just never found him. Had he not found her, perhaps he would not have met his end when Alfred did.

The League wanted her but it was her tiny family who suffered. It always ended that way. She should have learned long ago, should have hung up her cowl before it was too late, before she attracted the attention of monsters she could not overpower. She fell into their hands like a toy, pitiful and useless. It was all her fault!

Alfred shifted in front of the door, smiling like he understood but would try to stop her as any father figure might. He always knew her too well. A whirlpool opened around her, sucking her into the tremulous downward swell. She choked on a cry, feeling the rips in her soul just looking into his eyes caused. He looked at her with no less love now than he had when she lunged at him, fangs bared, mind lost to the overwhelming need to quench a thirst. She had been utterly mad, unhinged, frenzied, but that was simply no excuse.

Brooke felt the tear run down her cheek but the sorrow shattering her very soul made it impossible to care amidst her own tattered shrieks.

She. Killed. Them. Murdered. Them. Stole their lives from them, and for what? Thirst? To survive herself? To become a monster?

Brooke vomited violently at the phantom taste of blood in her mouth. Joker was right! She did not want to remember. She had not wanted to remember from the very moment she returned to herself and saw the bodies of those she loved far more dearly than life locked in the small room with their killer. That which she loved most in all the world, her beating heart, her hope, the ground beneath her, they were stolen away. To be reborn, they required everything her mortal soul clung to most to be vanquished, vanquished by her own hand. Alfred had not even struggled, just whispered assurances.

The driver was on the phone, frantically talking to Lucious. She shrieked like the monster she knew she was, rage and pain coiled together as she called to them, understanding they would never answer. In desperation, she made for the large double doors leading to the great outside. The specter of Alfred vanished when she came near, leaving her reaching out to nothing. Well enough, she supposed, since she would not want him to see this.

With a quick twist of the handle, Brooke threw open the doors to behold the sunlight shining down on her. The pain like acid burned against her, stinging her eyes, but she welcomed it. That is until she took note of the lack of smoke, fire, or a body turning to ash. There was pain but even that began to fade, potency slipping away like a cruel joke.

Joker eased the door from her fingers and slid it closed with great finality in the thud of the lock. "I told you, you never take it well."

She remembered Joker too, standing on the other side of another locked door, staring down at her with deeply comprehensive eyes. The blood she was covered in clearly did not bother him the way it would have others, but interestingly enough, as he watched her rocking back and forth, Dick and Alfred clutched to her, he looked sorrowful in a way she never would have anticipated. Her sobs seemed to stir him and draw him in. When he knelt in the sticky congealing red, he had no response but to whisper her name. She just could not remember which name he used.

"Brookie," he guided her from the door and past the still frantic driver, "I'm afraid it doesn't work that way for you. You're a vampire, that's true, but you're also a little fae since I just couldn't let you go. You live off the same thing I do, now, and the kind of glamour that feeds me isn't stopped by banality or human disbelief. So long as there is fear in the world, we will always live, because everyone, adults and children, believes in the boogyman, darling. Their fear will keep us alive forever!"

There was no resistance in her body, she let him lead her like a marionette. "Forever?" She asked hopelessly.

"I told you I'd never leave you, remember? I told you it was forever." He took her up the steps past the vanishing form of Dick.

"You killed Jason," she stated blankly, letting the void swallow emotion.

"Yes." He admitted softly. "And you never forgave me until you forgot what I'd done. "

"And I killed everyone else." Her voice trembled dispute the numb, deadened feeling inside her.

Joker eased her into bed, carefully tucking her in before he climbed in with her, "You didn't mean to. You weren't yourself, they knew that. And you still have Tim, they missed him."

She did not fight him while he positioned her, "Is he safe?"

"Perfectly! They'll never be able to touch him, I promise. I can teach you how to exist simultaneously in both the 'real' world and in the reality of the fae. There, creative ideas and imagination have substance! Thinking something, imagining it makes it real!"

Listlessly, she closed her eyes, "We feed off of fear? So every time I go out as the Bat I just..."

"Get stronger! Yes, that's right! We are some of the strongest fae there are! Everyone believes in the Bat just as everyone is afraid of me in any form that goes bump in the night."

"How did you have a body, then? Is that why your features are so different?"

It occurred to her that she was taking this rather well. Minimal outbursts flowed by calm. She trained long and hard to control her emotions. This was what she worked so hard for? This was fulfillment of control? Why had she ever bothered if this was all she was left with. Alfred never wanted her to spend all her life as the Bat. She never expected it to really cost anyone but her. That was the point of a mask. Foolish notions! Childish ideology!

"Ah, you see, a changeling is a fae soul born into a human body. Early in the human's life, they undergo a magical awakening of the fae soul. Human soul joined alongside the fae soul. When I took that dip in Ace Chemicals, the lines in appearance... blurred between my two selves."

"Everything about you makes more sense now." She decided, allowing herself to be slowly swallowed by pillows and darkness. "Do I look different without a human body?"

"Your other half is that Bat, and believe me, darling, you look glorious!"

Why would she care if she looked glorious? She was a monster that broke her one rule and broke it on the people she loved most. Perhaps she could have endured it if it had been a criminal she devoured, but the man that raised her and the son she adopted, there was no possible way to reconcile that. All she cared to do was scream but three was no point. What right did she have to grieve? It sounded like she could not even atone for her sin with her own life. Forever was a horrible prospect, one she doubted she could endure. She supposed she had been defeated on every front, failed in every potential.

Lucious must have known the truth but she doubted anyone else did. How could they know she murdered her own family in order to drain their blood? They would have no idea their so-called darling was a monster any more than they would expect her to hide beneath the mask. A vampire bat. It was Joker's irony if ever she spotted it.

Perhaps if she stopped leaving the house, stopped being Batwoman, she would eventually fade away. She did not care to live anymore, not without them. She had to atone for what she had done even if they would not approve. Joker saved her, she remembered the way he found her. Describing her as shattered must not have been far from the truth, but he should have left her that way. Nothing could make up for what she had done.

Right from the start, she always knew what she would do if she ever snapped. Batwoman could not be allowed to snap. "...or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." She never wanted that. Batwoman had one gun in her possession, and she had it just in case she ever crossed the line. Years before, once Joe Chill was dead, she had stolen the gun from evidence. It always seemed fitting.

Brooke blinked awake, feeling tired and drained. Her head ached and her jaw throbbed and her body stung. There were cuts and marks on her skin she did not remember gaining. That happened on occasion, she supposed. Wounds were nothing new to her. Expanding her senses, he noticed she was not alone. Joker was curled around her protectively, awake and alert. Lucious was seated in a chair by her bed, hands crossed casually in his lap.

The room was mainly dark but the light in the hall shed more than enough to see clearly. She was more used to darkness anyway. Very little light was really needed. Even for a mansion this size, her electric bill was relatively small. Alfred was always the one to turn on lights or open curtains.

There was a mild memory thumping around in her skull about reacting badly to something. She did recall Joker telling her what he was, extending it to her. It seemed she died and he brought her back. Little wonder why he liked to call her 'sugar plum fairy' now was there? Also, no wonder she always hated it. It was so like that clown to come up with horrible names like that.

"How are you feeling?" That smooth, gentle voice washed nicely over her.

"Tired." She admitted simply.

Joker cooed into her ear, "Don't worry, doll, a night on the town will fix you right up! Promise!" Right, she fed off fear now?

Lucious nodded sagely, "Yes, I think it would be best if you went out, spread your wings for a while, and bring in the usual criminals."

Brooke sat up suddenly, eyes fixed on her friend, "Can you hear him?"

"Of course. And see him." Fox confirmed.

"How?" She narrowed her eyes at first one man, then the other.

"Because, he's more than you might expect, like us... even if he doesn't abide by the same codes." Joker rested his chin on her shoulder.

She pressed her fingers to her temples to alleviate some of the pressure and that feeling that she needed to run. "Because you're a fae?"

"Something like that." Lucious agreed before he stood up, "Go, do what you do out there. It will make you feel better."

Brooklyn hobbled to her feet and made her way to the door, "Remind me... to... call the... boys... later." She stuttered out, her mind hitching in fits over the words. "I need to check on them."

"Of course!" Lucious smiled kindly, "Though Alfred called while you were asleep, wanted to remind you to take good care of yourself while he was away. Made me promise to check on you frequently. He says to remind you to sleep, eat, and be mindful of the usual dust bunnies. I believe he reminded you not to drink to much at your own parties too."

She grinned before she headed to the cave, "Of course he did. He always does. "

Once she was gone, Luscious stood and tucked his arms behind his back, "She's not ready. She's not prepared to deal with the truth or the loss. Humans form extreme attachments."

"Only humans? Seems to me you're pretty fond of her." Joker tapped his fingers against his thigh, "But you lot go in more for the things Batsy believes anyway. Truth, honor, and right!"

"You're the one that couldn't let her go. Living without attachment or regrets doesn't always work, hmm?" With the innate grace of motion, he began to walk away, "Try being gentle with her. You love her, so show it. You're the reason she can never die so you might want to give her a reason to live. Just a thought."

"I'm trying!" Joker snapped, following slowly.

"Maybe you should try reading up on human courtship? Couldn't hurt."

Joker growled and hurried after his Bat. He would always follow her. Forever.