A/N: To those who wondered why this took so long, feel free to blame my knitting needles. I started this special jacket for my sister maybe five or seven years ago, and I decided that this would be the year that it got finished. The yarn in question was nearly thin enough to thread my sewing machine with, and I ran into a few problems with the self-made pattern. It did get finished, it looks awesome, and I'm not even sorry that it's now off my yearly craft list. That thing's been haunting me for long enough. I barely even had the creative energy for a Halloween costume this year, but at least I didn't have to fall back on the 'responsible adult' costume again.

So, this story isn't done yet, but I think I've made people wait long enough. And while I was originally planning on starting the story around Christmas since the first few chapters are centered around the holiday (I even wrote the first chapters on and a little after Christmas), the simple fact is that people are too busy to really read fanfiction in late December, and I'm not going to hold that against them. Besides, they can always reread the Christmas chapters on the day if they have the leisure. The first 20 chapters are beta-ed, so I should have time to finish the story without any problem.

If I don't have it done on time, feel free to blame my needles for it, knitting or other. They're too shiny for me to resist, and will probably be the ones to blame.

My only other note is that I decided on the plot before a recent anime grabbed my attention and ordered me not to look away. I swear I didn't copy it. I actually got freaked out by the many similarities, but let's see how quickly my readers pick up on which anime I mean.

Chapter One: Different

Why am I so different?

-Tarzan, Disney's 'Tarzan'

xxXxx

I have never been so infuriated in all my life!

I thought things were bad enough before, but now... How could he have had the gall to say Mom's death was my fault?! How dare he make growing up such a nightmare that the only reason I'm alive is because I was too cowardly to run in front of a speeding car and be done with it?!

Okay, okay. Deep breaths. This is the only way I'm going to be able to talk about what happened and not get sent to a loony bin. I mean, I love Dad more than anything, but he wouldn't be able to cope with something like this. The only way he'd believe me was if I had proof, and that's the problem. If I had proof, I could have done... well, I wouldn't have to do anything because the problem would have been fixed when I was still an innocent child.

I could have been so happy if that... monster had choked on his own pride before this all began. I hate that I'm never going to be given an explanation for what happened that day. I hate that no one thought I was worth one, or at least an apology. Even a little 'thank you' would have been enough to satisfy me. I don't know how much of this or the other journals I just bought I'm going to have to destroy before I get everything I want to say out.

Because despite any and all attempts to the contrary, my name is Haru Yoshioka.

And this is my story.

ooOoo

Her first memory was a mirror. She couldn't walk yet, but was getting close to it, judging from the way she was able to crawl up to the cold glass.

She didn't understand who the strange new playmate was at first. The new baby's white fuzzy hair wasn't anything like she had seen before, and her eyes...

Once she reached the mirror, she reached out with chubby fingers to touch those eyes as the playmate did the exact same thing.

As soon as she touched the glass, she understood. Bracing both hands against the mirror, she managed to get up on her legs in order to get the best look at her own eyes, lightly slapping the glass just in case it was a trick.

Her eyes didn't have any white in them like other people did. They were completely blue, with black slits for pupils.

"Yuki!" a harsh voice screamed at her, startling the baby enough to make her cry as rough hands grabbed her and pulled her away from the glass. "Don't touch that! Now I have to clean it again!"

ooOoo

"This isn't working out."

A two year old child scowled at the grown man talking, and tried to hide behind a coat rack.

"I mean, she barely eats what we give her, she doesn't get along with the other children, and she won't listen to us or say a word!" the woman at his side persisted, trying not to scowl at the tiny girl.

"Oh, please don't do this. We're running out of homes to put her in," the caseworker pleaded almost desperately, but the couple were firm.

"Besides," the man added, giving the girl a wary look before leaning across the desk to speak lowly as if he didn't want her to hear.

Yuki always heard.

"It happened again. Right in front of us. Ichigo had to go to a doctor for stitches. Yuki isn't going to hurt any more of our kids."

'Does he really think I can't hear him?' the girl fumed, but didn't bother defending herself.

Even if she tried to talk, no one would listen to her side of things.

Of course, if Ichigo had stopped pulling her hat off and playing keep away with it, the accident wouldn't have happened. Yuki pulled on the ears of it hard enough to completely cover her head down to her eyebrows.

"Our word is final. Goodbye, Yuki," the foster father said as he tucked his wife's arm into his own and nearly raced out of the room.

Her caseworker tried without success to bite back a growl of frustration. "Dang it, Yuki! Can't you pretend to be normal for at least a month? Is that too hard?"

She glared at him while standing in front of her bag of spare clothes.

It was the only thing no one could force her to share.

ooOoo

"Now, come on, Yuki. You have to be hungry, now just eat!" Her current foster mother pushed a plate of food at the girl again, more forcefully this time.

The fumes from the onions nearly made her faint, making the three-year-old weakly push it away before slipping off the chair.

"Now you get back here and eat something for once! Yuki, you haven't eaten since last night, you're barely standing up! I went through a lot of trouble to make that for you, why can't you just be a good girl and eat it?!"

Yuki held her tiny hands to her head as another headache pounded against her skull. 'Stop screaming at me, stop screaming at me!'

The foster mother grabbed one arm to force her back on the chair. "Don't you block mee-agh! Agh!" the older woman suddenly croaked, making Yuki look up in horror as she was released from the harsh grip.

'Oh no, not again! I've only been here a week!'

The foster mother glared at her, turning toward a closet in order to grab her coat and car keys. "Get your b-augh-g!"

ooOoo

"You're missing out, Yuki," Mako sneered, waving a chocolate bar in front of her face.

The pale child harshly pushed it away by the wrist, gagging harshly from the putrid scent.

"Oh, stop being such a drama queen. Try one bite, it won't hurt you."

She tried running around him, but the teenage boy grabbed her by one arm to keep her around and pressed the chocolate against her lips.

"Try it, you little freak!" he barked at her, just before screaming in pain.

The blue-eyed girl managed to wiggle free as the boy collapsed to the floor, still in agony as he dropped the chocolate and clutched at one of his legs.

It wasn't long until the current foster father came running down the stairs and into the family room in order to see what was going on.

Yuki backed into a corner, using a sleeve of her well-worn shirt to try to rub the chocolate scent off her face.

"What happened?" the foster father asked while trying to see what was wrong with Mako's leg.

"Yuki! Yuki happened! She attacked me!" the boy wailed at the top of his lungs.

Why did her head ache all the time? This wasn't fair at all; Mako was the one picking on her!

The foster father, oh, she couldn't remember his name right now, was staring at her. He wasn't stating how ridiculous it was that a four-year-old girl could do any damage to a fifteen-year-old boy like two foster homes ago. But he was staring at Yuki, his expression beyond worried as he massaged the boy's leg, trying to find the problem.

Three days later, she was back in the foster center.

ooOoo

There was only one way to make Yuki make a sound against her will. Unfortunately, her current foster mother was doing it.

"Stop screaming, this is just a bath!" the older woman yelled at her, trying desperately to keep the child from wiggling out of the tub.

But Yuki couldn't stop. There was this horrible wetness all over her that made the smell of her own hair bad enough to make her wish she didn't have to breathe in before screaming.

"It's not like you even-grr!-have to take one that often! And don't even get me started on that rat's nest you call hair!"

'No, not my hair!' Yuki thought in a panic. The only thing worse than a bath was when someone tried to detangle her hair!

It was only one of the reasons she always wore a hat that completely covered her knotted white locks, whether people liked it or not. At least when she had it on, she could somewhat look like everyone else.

After one last especially powerful kick at the arm holding the foster mother's balance, and she came down hard enough to smack her head on the side of the tub.

Yuki had no idea how she had enough strength to push the woman's top half out of the bath to keep her from drowning. But she was still dressed and ready with her bag when the woman eventually regained consciousness.

'Why do things keep happening when I'm more scared than usual?'

ooOoo

A knock at the door made an elderly man look up from his papers. "Come in," he called, although he was trying to finish the paperwork as quickly as possible.

It was Christmas Eve, and he had grandchildren waiting to be spoiled.

But as soon as his door opened, he wished he had played absent.

"Takeshi-san, we have a problem," Machida said in a serious tone, glaring at the pale child halfway hiding behind the doorframe.

The man groaned, able to guess the situation. "Don't tell me they already brought her back!"

"Apparently there was an incident with the Christmas tree. The foster father and two kids were hurt." The young caseworker held his arms out helplessly. "I was on the phone for over an hour before coming to you, but it's no use. Word travels faster than I thought. The few homes that haven't tried her yet won't have her, at least for Christmas. One was willing to take her after the New Year's, but that still leaves us with a good week of nowhere to place her."

Takeshi-san slumped in his office chair, staring at Yuki reproachfully. "You couldn't pretend to be normal for the holidays?"

Yuki looked away, hugging her bag of spare clothes close to her tiny chest.

That made him feel a little guilty. Whether or not the 'incidents' were really her fault or if she was taking the blame for random events, she was still only a recently turned five-year-old girl.

He sighed, wishing once again that another foster agency had been chosen to care for 'the witch child'. 'Most of the others are already with their families for Christmas. I don't dare take her home with me, not now that my son's finally talking to me again. The last thing we need is for Yuki to cause another rift.'

Slowly, his eyes strayed to Machida. "You take her."

Those black eyes widened in horror. "No."

"It's you or nothing, Mishuzi-san. There's no one else to turn to right now, and it's not like you have a family this year."

The younger man grit his teeth in anger. "Actually, I have some pretty big plans tonight. Can't you-"

Takeshi glared at him.

"... Right. Your son. But does it have to be me?"

Deciding that the remaining paperwork could wait, the head of the foster agency got up from his desk and started putting on his coat and hat. "As far as I'm concerned, your holiday bonus is riding on it. Now I'm going, and I recommend you do the same. Try to behave yourself for Machida," he added, his attention on Yuki as he forcefully escorted Machida out of his office so that he could lock it up. "Because if you do whatever voodoo you do to drive yourself out of a home, I'll have no choice but to turn you over to another agency."

"Can't we do that today?" Machida begged desperately.

"They're already closed for Christmas. I tried contacting one earlier for something else, and the message said that the day afterward is the earliest someone will be able to get back to me. Merry Christmas," he wished the man before marching off quickly enough to indicate that the discussion was over.

Machida watched him leave, his eyes dark and angry as he slowly turned to the tiny girl.

She began inching away from such a hateful gaze, even as she knew she wasn't getting away from him any time soon enough for her.

ooOoo

"Don't touch that!"

Yuki quickly withdrew her hand while scowling.

"I heard what happened with the last Christmas tree, you're not touching that one!" Machida firmly escorted her to the other side of the room, between a couch and a wall after he had made a space for her.

"Here's some paper and pencils, knock yourself out while I finish dinner. But don't even think about touching the tree!"

'Meanie,' Yuki thought hatefully at him as he retreated to the kitchen. But her large blue eyes still became entranced by the tree's pretty lights. 'Isn't the point of a Christmas tree for it to be pretty enough for attention?' Stuck without anything else to do, she tried drawing her own Christmas tree on the wooden floor.

The star was much too big for the tree, making it look like a mere twig with grey cobweb strands and circles all over it.

'This would look better if he gave me colored pencils, or some crayons.' Yuki bit back a laugh at the idea. This apartment was every bit as bland and boring as Machida. Even his precious tree only had grey and black ornaments. It was a nice look, but not as pretty as the...

The other tree. Yuki bit her lower lip, trying not to cry. Why did that family hang toys on the tree but expect kids not to play with them? It's just that the teddy bear hanging a little high up had looked so soft, she wanted to touch its fur.

Just to prove a point, she tried to draw a bear near the same place on her own tree, but it ended up looking more like a gingerbread man.

'I wish I was a better artist. Ugh, I'm so bored!' Done with drawing for now, she started playing with the pencils instead, trying to find ways to make them stand up without tape or anything to hold them together.

Suddenly her nose caught the scent of turkey! Yuki couldn't resist looking over the couch's top hopefully.

Machida was taking a fair-sized turkey out of his oven, struggling slightly as he placed it on top of the stove.

Unfortunately, he poisoned it with onions and potatoes. How come everyone she knew was in love with such awful smelling foods?

Machida suddenly looked at the clock, nearly tripping over his feet in horror. "She'll be here any minute! Yuki, come with me!"

Confused, she picked up the paper and pencils before following him down a hall where he grabbed some spare blankets and a pillow from a wardrobe.

Machida pushed her into a small room with one window. It was a little colder than the rest of the apartment, but the man still arranged the blankets and pillows on the floor next to some shelves with food boxes on them, taking down a box of graham crackers and placing it next to the pillow.

"Look, this night is extremely important to me, Yuki. I'm going to ask my girlfriend to marry me, and the last thing I need is you in the background distracting her with your... well, just you. This girl means too much to me to let you have another 'accident' to drive her off. There's snacks, some blankets for when you're tired. If you're a good and quiet girl tonight, I'll bring you some real food later and Santa will have something for you in the morning."

Again, the stabbing pain shot through her skull, making her whimper.

"Hush, Yuki! Just do this one thing for me!" he begged before shutting the door and... locking it?!

But her bag was still out there behind the couch! Yuki desperately tried to open the door to retrieve it, but couldn't for the lock.

'I hope she sees it,' the white-haired child fumed, storming back to her makeshift bed and getting under the covers after pocketing her drawing. 'I hope she figures out how much he hates kids and gives him the boot.' She somehow managed to open the box and munched on some graham crackers to ease her stomach pain, but didn't eat as much as she wanted.

She wanted to save some room for the turkey, after all.

ooOoo

Several hours later, Yuki snapped awake and sat up from the blankets in horror. 'I have to use the bathroom!'

Machida would be furious if she wet the floor in here! Praying that the girlfriend had already gone home, Yuki raced for the door and banged on it a few times.

Nothing.

She gripped the handle, inwardly screaming for another incident to-

...Huh. The lock popped open after a few seconds of struggle. Not bothering to worry about the strange event, Yuki ran across the apartment and to the bathroom. Machida had thankfully let her use it when he had brought her here.

Feeling much better after doing her business, the small child looked around the apartment with anger.

The date had not only ended hours ago, but Machida had cleaned up the holiday meal. He had forgotten about bringing her food completely. She tried to retrieve her bag from behind the couch, but Machida had moved it back against the wall, possibly to keep the girlfriend from noticing anything was off about tonight. Her only possession was firmly pinned between the couch and the wall.

Her strange blue eyes tried to fight back the tears, but it wasn't long until they were falling down her face.

… This night was supposed to be special, wasn't it? This was supposed to be the time of year when people were kinder, more caring...

More loving. Yet all anyone wanted to do was exclude her from the warmth, the happiness, and even the presents.

Not that Yuki ever got more than spare changes of clothes or socks. But it would be nice if she could have at least one toy. Even if the strange incidents really were her fault, they only happened when people wouldn't leave her alone, that couldn't be worth being on Santa's naughty list!

Too angry to go back to the room she had been sleeping in, Yuki plopped herself on the couch and hugged one of the pillows, pressing her face against it to muffle her cries.

It just wasn't fair. No matter how hard she tried to be good, to not draw attention to herself, she was either forced away or forgotten about. There had even been one time where a foster parent had promised to take her to the movies, but had forgotten her while rounding up everyone else.

Yuki looked out the closest window, randomly picking out a star to wish on before they could fade in the early morning light. 'All I want is a permanent home with someone that wants me. Someone that won't mind that I'm ugly and not blame me every time something odd happens.' The small child gave a nasty glare at what she was guessing was her caretaker's bedroom door. 'Machida isn't very good at finding one of those, even when it means he gets stuck with me.'

She kept hugging the pillow, thinking about what would happen after Christmas. Would the new agency be any better at finding a home for her? Probably not. She was just too much of a freak for anyone to try loving her.

Hey. Wait a minute. Maybe it was because they were picking out the wrong families! She had heard Machida talk about all the regulations that would-be foster parents had to qualify for before taking any kids, and some of them had been plain silly! What if they had driven her loving family off before she could meet them?! What if they were waiting for her right now?!

Yuki excitedly ran to the front door, shoving on her boots and yanking hard on her coat in the closet to make it fall on her.

It was threadbare and scruffy-looking, but at least it kept her warm enough. Yuki hurriedly buttoned herself up and unlocked the front door, nervously looking back at the bedroom door.

But no. Not a sound.

'Goodbye, Machida. I can't say that I'll miss you.' Without further ado, she walked out the door, snuck down the stairs, and was out of the building before anyone could catch her.