cw: abuse, dissociation, panic attacks, self-harm, suicide attempts, throat-related trauma.

dazai stops moving if you touch his neck.

it's a secret he would like to take to the grave.

dazai stops moving if you touch his neck.

it's a thing that kunikida's noticed, but never paid much mind to.

if it meant that his annoying partner would stop his shenanigans while kunikida shook him around, then that was all that mattered.

dazai stops moving if you touch his neck.

dazai used to react much worse, however. panic attacks and hyperventilation and vomiting were standard responses to anything even brushing against it.

he can thank mori and his torture- his guidance for training him out of such extreme responses.

dazai stops moving if you touch his neck.

he's failed a mission he knows he should have been able to easily complete.

mori's face shows a calm smile, but he can tell that mori is pissed.

as he finishes his report, dazai braces himself for the punishment that will inevitably come, but he's not ready, and never will be ready for the way that something, let alone someone, touching his throat makes him react.

his world narrows down to just the hand on his neck, just resting there, and him.

he swallows nervously, and feels the press of rough skin against that of his own, and he can't breathe.

it takes everything he has to keep his hands still, to not claw at the flesh that is lightly pressed against his throat, to not make it so that mori will have to punish him in an even worse manner later.

the room is out of focus and he can't breathe and all he can hear is mori's voice echoing around him, berating him, and he can't breathe he can't breathe he can't breathe he can't breath he can't-

he blinks and he is in his room again.

he frantically pulls away the bandages wrapping around his neck and begins scratching scratching scratching.

maybe if he rips his throat to shreds he can forget the way that it felt.

dazai stops moving if you touch his neck.

it's a weakness that dazai has had long before he got anywhere near the port mafia.

it's a weakness that mori has no qualms about exploiting.

all he has to do is place his hand upon dazai's neck, and the boy's trauma will do the rest of the work for him.

it leaves no new scars on dazai, and it's still effective enough to serve as a deterrent.

it's mori's preferred punishment of choice when dealing with dazai. well, when he's in a more charitable mood, of course.

dazai stops moving if you touch his neck.

some days, he just wants to stop existing. but there are others, when simply ceasing to exist wouldn't be enough.

there are days where he wants to die while suffering as much as he can, if it would only pay back even a percentage of the suffering he knows that he deserves.

the attempts that line up with those days are distinct in that they always share a commonality.

strangulation by the hands of a stranger. drowning himself in the nearest river. hanging from a too long noose.

when will it end?

dazai stops moving if you touch his neck.

it's a secret he would like to take to the grave, but he knows that he doesn't have that kind of luck.