Saying goodbyes (291 AC)

It had been almost a year since I went through the veil, a year since I lived as Jon Snow, the formerly pathetic bastard of a pussy-whipped, but very honorable Lord Ned Stark. I missed my godson, I missed the crazy hippogryph Bucky, fuck I even missed my loser of a best friend Remus Lupin. But still, this new life was nothing to complain about.

Growing up as the Black heir had not been easy. Grandpa Arctrus wasn't all that bad, he demanded the very best and even when I screwed up, the punishments weren't all that bad. More magical training and fencing practice. But rest of the family? A bunch of tossers really. Unlike gramps, who was a hard-assed teacher at the worst, just about all of them were Voldemort worshiping, muggle hating, rat brained turds. Black house was a shit place to grow up.

The Stark family on the other-hand was overflowing with love, head-bitch-in-charge being the sole exception but again, she did not count all that much anymore. I ran around with Robb causing mischief. Within a year, I trained Robb, who happened to be my cousin but everyone thought of as my brother since Ned had to call me his bastard-son (war has a way of changing things), as a marauder. Even little Sansa, our cute 5 year old sister, despite the H-B-I-C and her religious sidekick, septa Mordane's attempt, was already following our footsteps.

We had taught Sansa well. In turn, she had taught little Arya, our 2 year old infant sister to blow raspberries and make faces towards the septa. Of course, the more "heinous" pranks were done by yours truly with contributions from Robb, bitch Mordane being the primary target since she was one of the leading ladies in "torment the bastard" club.

Other then that, the whole year was spent eating, exercising and eating again. After all, how was I to have a good time in this new world if I were to take a whole 7 or 8 year to become a man? Back in Earth, it was a well established fact that magicals lived at least twice that of an average muggle. Witches and Wizards who take care of themselves, might live three times as much as a muggle. Magic made sure our body stayed in optimal shape, everyone knew that. But, only a few knew while magic kept us healthy, we could also actively direct it to enhance our body. Not an easy thing to do but not impossible either. We, as in the marauders were aware of it and we all did it to various level of success, even the traitorous rat Pettigrew.

James used it to boost his combat abilities – speed, stamina and of course, his looks. Poor Remus had to use his magic to combat damage caused by Werewolf transformation, else he would have been completely broken by the wolf. Pettigrew used it overcome his inherent learning disability. Poor bastard suffered from a bunch of neurological disorder – he had to use magic to ensure his brain functioned normally. Was that the reason why he fell to Voldemort? Riddle might have scared him bad enough to screw up his decision making ability. Does not matter really.

Lily on the other hand was something entirely different. James never gave me the details but I was certain the woman was flooded with magic, literally and figuratively. I knew she loved to eat fatty food and hated working out, but had the figure of a dancer. She always got straight O's and yet, she never bothered to study. She never wore bra's (Yes, yes, I am a pervert) but her 36 DDs always stood at attention, even after Harry was born and those mountains graduated to E's. She had broken Snivellius's nose but her knuckles remained perfect, no bruising whatsoever. The woman was perfect in every which way possible.

I am rambling, aren't I? Still, the point is, it is possible to flood your body with magic and do a lot of crazy stuff. The whole year, I flooded my body with magic and forced it to grow up quick. By the time we were ready to head to King's Landing, I looked like a 14 year old, a legal adult in this world.

Leaving Winterfell was exciting but not all that easy. Much to my envy, Uncle Ned and Catelyn, the red headed-hotness-personified, H-B-I-C kissed each other right in front of us. Both Robb and Sansa made some booing noise while the household guards pretended to look away. Everyone knew that Lord Stark loved his wife despite her being a bit crazy. Little Arya made some noise and sniffled a bit – the 2 year old did not know what was going on but I suppose she did have an idea.

Theon Greyjoy, the hostage and tub of shit on the other-hand, was very much overjoyed to see us gone. Between myself and Robb, he was the butt of all our pranks. What the idiot did not know was that Sansa had promised to fill the void left by us. Despite our many attempts, some of Catelyn's and Mordane's lesson did stick on her. Lessons on morality to be specific. Thus, Theon and his many crude jokes, tales of whoring and drinking had her convinced he was the root of all evil. Theon was going to have a hard time.

So, after a lengthy good bye, we were on our way to King's Landing.

Journey to Kings Landing

It is said that the journey is just as, if not more remarkable than the destination. The trip to kings landing was no exception to this idea. Westeros might be a primitive world, but it did have a certain charm.

The biggest highlight of our trip was when we made a pit-stop in the Isle of faces, right next to Harrenhal. And guess what? Death made good on his promise.

See, the reaper had promised me a familiar as a compensation for taking away my animagus form.. He had promised to provide a Grim as my protector, my familiar. And he came through.

He came through in a truly glorious fashion.

Our party was pretty good sized, almost a hundred men from Winterfell (plus another 100 provided by Hoster Tully) – heavily armed at that. After all, the lord of North, his heir and another son was traveling through a land infested with bandits and cut-throats. Given that our guards were all good old-fashioned Northmen, visiting the Isle of faces, the only place in the south with more weir wood trees then anywhere in Westeros was a given.

Just about all of us Northerners rowed across the muddy lake and reached the Isle in order to pray to the Gods. Me? I wanted to just curse at 'em. Hiking through hundred's of miles of barely there road while eating dried meat and assorted shitty ration was not my idea of a good time. And, it was their fault that I had to go through all that crap just to get out of the bastard-iness.

Just after we were done with the prayers and were about to start the mid-day meal, it happened. A ear splitting demonic howl pierced the surrounding. Everyone, including the Green Men who were in charge of the Isle, looked around scared. I knew what that howl was but obviously, I wasn't going to say anything. Even Hagrid would have been scared of that demonic howl and these muggles were no exception.

Jorry Cassel, head of Father's guard fearfully looked around, "My Lord, we should head back. Something is not right. That howl, it feels deathly."

"Agreed. We should head back. I feel as if death is here. Men, start packing", ordered an ashen Lord Stark.

Before anyone could follow through the order, a giant grim raced from the tree line, leaping straight over the men and stopped right before me. "Sirius, stay still ! Don't move a muscle. It will sense your fear!", Ned spoke in a whisper.

The green men slowly backed away, "Death has arrived!"

Our guards slowly drew their weapons ready to attack despite knowing that nothing was going to hurt the beast.

Me on the other hand, stared right into the grim's eye. I always had a way with dogs, maybe it had to do with me being a dog myself literally and figuratively. Literally because of my animagus form, figuratively because as Lily often said, I rutted around just like a dog.

"Woof!", the grim gave an affectionate bark. Smiling like a loon, I said, "Look, it seems I have found the sigil for my new House. A grim for House Black. What do you say Padfoot?"

Everyone looked at my smiling face as if I had lost my marbles. One of the soldiers, a particularly brave one blurted out, "Boy, you must have lost your mind. That is a grim, stranger reborn. Death. And you are calling him Padfoot?"

"Grrrr..", the grim gave a threatening growl as if saying, "Question me, I dare you!"

Happily, I told him, "Yeah, sounds appropriate. Very appropriate."

No one had the balls to object. How could they? I had a grim by my side. Glowing eyes. Razor sharp tooths, the size of a man's finger. Body the size of a horse. Coat dark like a moonless night. Damn, it felt good being Sirius Black. If only I had the grim when I was fighting Voldemort. But again, Voldy might have simply incinerated the grim and me both. Scary bastard.

The trip back towards mainland was much subdued. Everyone was deathly afraid of my new familiar. Ned and Robb, not so much – they were apprehensive to be sure but not particularly afraid. The rest of the men, those from Riverrun in particular were beyond fearful. It was as if I was stranger reborn. At least no one was calling me a bastard anymore. Probably thought I might feed them to the grim.

Ned was the only one to ask the sensible question, "Will your do..(padfoot growled – he doesn't like being called dog) Padfoot behave when we are in capital? They are pricky bunch over there and I don't want the Lannisters calling for his head."

"I don't think anyone can take his head. Also, I can't really order Padfoot around – he does what he wants and it seems he has decided it is his job to protect me. So, we can't do much about it."

Ned gave a defeated sigh while Robb jumped with, "Jon, lets go and play with Padfoot. We can scare the men some more. We can scare the men who used to call you bastard. It will be fun."

Fun Indeed.

Kings Landing, Arrival

The whole damn place was a shithole. If only I could cast a bubble-head charm. Unfortunately, that was not one of the abilities I was bestowed. Otherwise, I would have made plans to go treasure hunting. There must be plenty of sunken ships in this pirate infested world, right?

We made our way into the Red Keep in a hurry – never seen Ned walk like that. He was walking as if he had to take a shit 10 minutes ago and was about it soil himself. Robb and myself, we had a quiet laugh between us, until we saw the Red Keep. Forbidding doesn't even begin to describe it. Fearsome. Terrifying. Glorious. But it did not hold a candle to Black Manor or even Winterfell. First because it had no protective wards, second because it was just dead.

King Robert himself was there to greet us – more like greet his best friend but same difference right? The way those two went about greeting each other made me miss the marauders even more. Even that worm pettigrew. He wasn't all bad, before going completely traitor-y on us. I mean back during our 4th year, he helped me sneak those two way mirrors into girls locker room, their dorm and everywhere. A boy like that could not be completely bad, could he?

Instead of jumping into the main business which was giving me my bloody name back, Robert decided that it had been a long journey and as such, we needed to feast today and handle the official crap tomorrow.

And, what a feast it was. Real hot serving girls running all around. The king was grabbing them left and right, much to the disgust of the Queen, his own best friend (Ned) and the hand (who happened to be the foster father of both king and Ned).

Then, I did something that I really, really should not have done. I decided to make a play for the queen! Not my fault really, I mean the woman was simply beautiful and the fury that etched her face made her even more alluring. And those icy green eyes, so much like Lily's and yet so much different! I just had to.

Throwing caution to wind, I approached and spoke in a deep baritone (courtesy of magic – despite having the physique of a teen), "My Queen, can I interest you in a dance?". I did throw a bit of notice-me-not charm around us, no need for Robert to see me buttering up his woman.

I still did not know what the fuck I was planning but well, she was a beautiful woman, I was and still am THE Sirius black. Also, it seems to be an unwritten rule that all beautiful woman have to act snooty and she was no exception, "A bastard that wants to dance? Wants to dance with the queen? Isn't this a surprise."

Trying my best, I said, "Only for now my queen. Soon enough, I will be Lord Black. But, this is not about me. This is about you?"

Somewhat intrigued, she asked, "Oh? Why would this be about me?"

"Well, I am rather angry at the King for how he is behaving when he has the most beautiful woman in the whole world, right here."

"Aren't you brave. A brave little bastard. What will you do about it then? Will you challenge the king?"

Damn this teenage body, my face reddened a bit and I spoke as much dignity as I could muster, "Well, first I am a mature bastard thank you, who will be a very mature grown up lord tomorrow. Second, I am not powerful enough to challenge the king because like you said I am just a brave little bastard. Why if your brave kingslayer of a brother could not do that, what hopes do I have?"

Finally, she got angry and snarked, "Then what exactly are you, an 8 year old but looks like a 14 year old, going to do? Answer quick or I might just have you sent to the wall."

"I will dance with you. We will dance in such a manner that Robert will be green with envy. Maybe he will realize what he missed or maybe I might just get you to smile."

"I doubt Robert will care", she spoke without care, hiding what she truly felt about the situation. Anger. Pain.

"In that case, I will simply strive to make you smile. Will you let me do that my queen?"

She gave me a long stare, almost like that of Lily and heavens forbid, Professor McGonagall. "All right, I will let you try bastard. And if you fail, I am sending you to the wall."

"Well then, I suppose I should not fail". Growing up in the Black family meant I had learned every kind of dancing, tango included. Music too. I could play the piano, guitar and the harp.

Cersei was an accomplished dancer and while tango was an unknown art in this world, she quickly caught up to my rhythm. Just so you know, tango is a pantie peeler. My magic had already strengthened my body – muscles and bones alike, so I was able to swing her around with ease. End result, I got her to smile.

The fact that I had my chin buried right on her neckline, just above her glorious tits went unsaid. After all in her 3 inch heels and given my 5 foot 5" height, she stood almost half-a-foot taller then me. The more I breathed on her sweet, enticing breast while staring right into her eyes, hotter we both got.

And given the notice me not charm I had running, no one knew I made a move on the queen. The rest as they say is history. I sweet talked my way into her bed that very night.

Given my very adult demeanor, the slick tango and 5 foot 5" height, she did not particularly care about my age. You might object that an eight year old body should not be able to even think about sex but I got magic. My body was that of a 14 year old, which incidently happens to be a grown up man here in this medival world. However, most importantly, I am Sirius FUCKIN Black. I just pushed a bit of magic around and the next thing I knew (well, Cersei knew) was the so called bastard of Ned Stark was performing like a star. A bit of magic and my sexual prowess was the same as Sirius Black in his prime. Three cheers for me!

One thing you should know about contraceptive charms: it is absurdly easy to screw up and subvert their true purpose. If you aren't careful, you can easily turn it into a fertility charm. That night as Cersei and I were having the fuck of our life, we were both rather hammered. So, my contraceptive charm, ended up becoming a fertility charm. Lets see her explain the child to Robert. Well, she might not have to. I mean, Robert's got black hair. I have black hair. Only the eyes might be a problem – hopefully the kid gets green eyes like Cersei instead of grey eyes like me or else, the woman is fucked!

Here is the thing right, little Harry had green eyes while Jamsie had black eye and Lily had green eye. So, according to genetics, green eye is dominant over black eyes right? Lily had tried to explain genetics but it went over my head. I miss her a lot.

The next morning, I did the walk of shame rather early – no need to let anyone know where I stayed the night, right? Cersei did give me a long kiss and a promise that she would see my legitimization go through. Well, a wise man did say, "A good fuck does give good result".

Ned Stark POV

The feast was painful to say the least. Robert was still boisterous but already on his way to turning into a fat son of a bitch. Flagarant waste of gold on wine and women was truly alarming. I hated the whole thing. My men were awkwardly trying to mingle with the crowd with limited success but they they were trying.

Robb seemed to be talking with heir of Highgarden, Wilas Tyrell. Tyrell was a good lad and Robb might learn something from him. But, to my surprise, Jon or as he was calling himself, Sirius was no where to be found. The guard assigned to him told me that Jon said he was going to sleep early, something about a big day. Understandable – the lad will have to face the king and a hell lot of nobles, daunting task for any man.

Then, once the feast was done for I found the boy never came to the guest tower as he was supposed to. His beast was still there and it wasn't looking particularly concerned. Just as I was about to raise the alarm, the damn beast gave me the look. A look that said, "Don't".

I just knew the boy was fine or else the grim would have done something about it. As much as I was relived about my son having an intelligent protector, the grim scared me. An omen of death protecting a Stark? Then I had to remind myself that Jon is not just a Stark, he is also a Targaryen. Magic sings in his veins. Ice and Fire.

Red Keep, King Roberts Throne Room, Neutral POV

The court was in full session. The king was there. The queen was there. The hand of the king, Jon Arryn was there. The whole small council was there. Lords and Lordlings from around the seven kingdom, who dwelled in Kings Landing just to increase their political standing were there. In short, everyone was there except God himself. Actually, the self-proclaimed agent of seven gods, the High Septon was there too, so perhaps God himself was there in a fashion.

The herald gave a mighty yell, "We call the 10th session of year 291AC, of King Robert the first of his name. Rise for the King and Queen."

After everyone gave a deep bow the monarchs, the kings hand started the session, "The first order of business is the legitimization of Lord Eddard Stark's base born son, Jon Snow."

Everyone mumbled at the surprising declaration. Robert then spoke, "Lord Stark, Jon Snow, step forward and address the court."

Lord Stark stepped forward and started in his full lordly voice, "My son Jon, he is a proper Stark. A wolf. Even the gods have chosen to honor him by sending the grim as his protector." A giant grim jumped at that in front of everyone as if daring to challenge that statement. Ned continued, "As such, I wish to legitimize him. He has chosen a name for himself."

Robert then asked, "Well boy, no one can deny the grim. Fierce creature he is. Look, all the craven here are shaking. Speak your piece boy. What do you wish for?"

"You Grace, I have decided to take the name Sirius Arctus Black, the first of his name."

"Black? You want to be known as Lord Black? Why Black boy?"

"Well, before this I thought my eventual fate would be to join the Nights watch. Their color is black. Their home is Castle Black. So, it seems fitting that my new name be Black. Black as in Black vengeance. Black as in Black night. Black Family."

"Well said boy. With that damn grim, Black seems to suit you. Let it be known that Jon Snow is from now on known forever as Lord Sirius Arctus Black."

Cersei, who had spent the night with Sirius – the most memorable night for both of them, spoke up, "My King, shouldn't Lord Black have a castle to call his own? Something that reflects his name?"

"Aye – the woman is right boy. Any thoughts on it Lord Black? Ned?"

Newly minted Lord Black shook his head, flying his shaggy, dog like hair all around and said, "No, your grace. I never thought so far."

Ned, however had an answer, "Well, he has to do some growing up. But, I am leaning towards one of the older castles near Winterfell."

Cersei, intent on irritating all the Starks and especially Jon Arryn, made a disappointed face, "Pity Lord Stark, someone with such a noble name should have a castle fitting his proper station."

Robert who usually tended to disagree with his wife, couldn't help but agree. Probably something to do with how the Grim was agreeing with his wife. "The queen is correct. The name Black, it reminds me of something. I cannot remember what that is – Pycelle what is it?" The last part was said with a roar.

Pycelle, always a toady, quickly responded, "It was a title your grace, Harren-the-black. He chose to burn rather then bow to the dragons."

"Exactly. A good man Harren-the-Black. Say, Lord Black, will you ever bow to the dragons?"

"Never your grace. They killed my grandfather. My uncle. My aunt. I would never bow before them", why should I? After all I am the head of dragon family or whatever remains of it. Sirius sniggered to himself, internally.

Arryn, who already had a pretty good idea on what was going through Robert's mind got an aghast expression, "Robert you can't be thinking what I think you are thinking."

Cersei, always ready to get one over Arryn, smirked, "And what is that Lord Hand?"

Eddard, somewhat clueless, "I do not understand my king?"

Robert gave a booming laughter and said, "I am hereby declaring Lord Sirius Black to be the Lord of Harrenhal and all it's land in perpetuity. Long shall you rule."

Grinning, Sirius replied, "Thank you your grace, I shall not disappoint you." The grim standing by his side gave a long joyous howl as if celebrating its master's rise.

Arryn furiously whispered, "Robert – we could have used the place as a reward to some deserving lord, not for some bastard.."

Ned, strengthened his grip on the pommel of Ice and gritted, "Jon, are you telling me my son is unworthy? Is that it?"

Jon Arryn, who happened to be Ned Stark's foster father quickly backtracked, "Of course not Ned. Please – raising a bastard is just not done. What you are doing is..."

"Fuck what is done or not done old man. Do not call my son a bastard again or maybe that grim will eat you. May be the stranger will come for you. Don't you know the grim is stranger's companion?", Ned Stark had his battle face on.

Robert, who was supposed to be unruly one, "Now, now, I am sure Jon did not mean to insult you Ned. And Jon, Sirius Black is a Lord of Realm. You cannot go on insulting him."

"Still Robert, What will Hoster Tully say? You can't just give away his lands.."

"You forget Jon, I am the king. Just because I chose to let you rule does not mean the lords can do whatever they wish. Also, House Black and it's land shall answer to the crown and only to the crown. As such, Tully has no say in this matter."

Jon Arryn finally relented, "As you wish Ned, Robert. We should continue this discussion in private. For now let us finish the court."

Unfortunately for the three, both Sirius and Cersei barged into their private discussion. Ned's attempt to shoo Sirius was countered with, "I am the subject of this discussion, I should be here."

Cersei on the other hand insisted that as the queen, she had a right to be there. Robert, not wanting to raise the issue, especially since Cersei hadn't been making much trouble since the last day or two, relented.

Arryn started with, "Robert, do you realize what you have done? You will have trouble in Riverlands. Tully will see the elevation of Jon Snow as a lord to be an insult against his daughter's honor. The rest of Riverlords will not like a former bastard amongst them."

Robert as usual gave a one line answer, "Fuck the fishes!"

Ned Stark on the other hand was a bit diplomatic, "Catelyn is happy with the situation. With Jon named as Sirius Black, he is removed from succession line of Winterfell. She was afraid he might usurp Robb and now, that is not an issue."

And Cersei laughed, "As for the Riverlords, they are always bickering about this or that. If they try to fight Sirius, have forces from Crownlands or Westerland march on them. Easy."

Robert perked up with, "I get to kill some vermin, eh?"

Cersei happily continued, "Of course husband. There is that. Also, Harrenhal can raise enough men that no single Riverlord can challenge Sirius."

Arryn pointed out the problem, "My queen, there is another problem. Lord Black is seven years old. He won't be able to lead for many years to come."

"So? My father can serve as his regent. He can build the castle the way it should be", Cersei smirked. Tywin would be pleased to have Harrenhal under his control. If he were to be Sirius's regent, the boy would have to fostered with him. That meant, Black would be inclined to support Lannisters.

Robert bellowed, "WHAT? Unacceptable. I will not have your father anywhere around my friend's children. Ned will be the regent."

"Sirius will be staying in Winterfell, so that is not an issue. But, someone will have to be Harrenhall's castellan. Someone who can be trusted to look after Sirus's best interest", Ned replied. The implication that Tywin Lannister would not look for Black's interest was painfully clear, much to the chagrin of the queen.

Sirius, not to be left behind spoke up, "Why not have uncle Benjen serve as the castellan?"

Ned gave a horrified look, "Son, did you forget your uncle is a man of the night's watch?"

Grinning happily, Sirius spoke, "Well, you have been saying how the Night's watch is lacking men and all that. With one of their own man out in the seven kingdom, they can get more publicity. It will give them a place to station their recruiters and so on. A part of Harerenhall's income can go to the watch as a payment for his services. It will work out for both myself and the watch. Don't you see?"

Robert gave a sigh and said, "I hate to agree but the boy is right. I will write a decree ordering Benjen Stark to head towards Harrenhal. In fact, we can even have some of the Night's watch moved to Harrenhal. Something like a good behavior reward thing. Watch men who do good can serve in Harrenhal for a few month – like a reward. It might serve as a morale booster."

Cersei also agreed. "Incentive for men to behave well. You do complain of men running from watch all the time, don't you Lord Stark? This way, the men from watch get something to look forward to and maybe they will stop deserting all the time.."

Ned looked around and spoke, "Agreed".

Arryn gave a defeated, "Agreed".

Sirius gleefully shouted, "Agreed". Slyly, he winked at the queen. Their tryst unknown to everyone.

Sirius Black POV

Things went well and above my expectations – I had my lordship, I had a bloody big castle to call my own even if it was in a rather shitty shape and I had most likely gotten the queen preggers! Damn, life is good.

Robert insisted that we stay in the Kings Landing for at least a month more, his argument being that if we were to delay for a month or so, it would give the team from Castle Black enough time to head out and wait for us in Harrenhal. The plan was rather sound much to the dismay of Ned and most of the Northern party. Robb and myself on the other hand, were plenty happy with staying in Kings Landing, each of us having entirely different reason. Me? I had a whole month to fuck my queen bitch, Cersei. Robb on the other hand had apparently made friends with a blacksmith's apprentice called Gendry Waters, who suspiciously happened to look like King Robert.

Cersei was happy too. I suppose having a man who knows what to do with her beautiful body had her feel pretty good.

And, finally it happened. Cersei figured out she had gotten knocked up. During our last week of stay, she angrily proclaimed to me, "I am bloody pregnant you bloody bastard!".

Instead of reacting with fear or freaking out as any other man would do when faced with an angry "I am gonna rip you into a thousand pieces" queen, I just wrapped my hands around her and said, "That is wonderful news my queen. I am assuming it is mine?"

"Of course it is yours idiot. I never let Robert finish off inside me. You are the only one who has finished off in me lately."

"Eh? I am the only one lately? Does that mean there is some one else? Who is this dastardly person that I should slay?", a bit of Shakesperian word play never hurts right?

WRONG. Like a jungle cat, she leapt towards me and slapped – no more like scratched my cheeks off. "Who I fuck or don't fuck is my business. Understood bastard?"

Its not like I was married to her or loved her anyway, so I fired back, "Of course my green eyed beauty. Poor replica of Lily anyway. Of course. The question is you being pregnant with my child."

"Exactly. I was taking moon tea and still got pregnant. How will I explain this to Robert?"

"What is there to explain?"

"Like what happens if the child looks like you? Robert will know and then my head will be on chopping block. And, your uncle's head will be on chopping block. No one is going to believe you, a 7 year old bastard fucked me. Not that you behave or look like a 7 year old – You act like a mix of my father and King Ares most of the time. Look like a grown up dwarf or a short knight."

"Well beautiful, I suppose I am the incarnation of a sex god who happens to reside in a 7, going 14 body. What do you think?"

Red faced, tight fisted, she mumbled, "Maybe.. still the point stands. What am I to do if the child looks too much like you?"

"Give birth in Casterly Rocks. And if the infant looks like me, tell Robert it was a still born and have it sent to Harrenhal. I can have it raised as some small folks child, with a proper name."

"And if it doesn't look like you?"

"Well, our son will make a mighty fine prince or princess, don't you think?"

"Mighty fine indeed", she smiled and started kissing me.

One of the side effect, something I just recently realized, of me constantly using magic to reinforce my body and fucking Cersei had accelerated my growth even more. It wasn't completely obvious but instead of 5 foot 4, I was almost 5'8". A lanky teenager. Internally however, my body was closer to that of a 21 year old, meaning I jumped through puberty, my bones were like that of an adult, strong muscles and so forth. That oughta give me an nice edge when fighting. Fucking is good for your health I always say. Hopefully my godson is learning the same lesson. Fucking 'n Fighting, Fighting 'n Fucking – no better life there is.

The very next day, Cersei announced her pregnancy to the court and somehow persuaded the King that she should go to Casterly Rock to give birth. Apparently, Tywin had more or less demanded one of Cersei's son to be his heir and Robert had no choice but oblige.

So, long story short, we would be leaving for Harrenhal in a few weeks, Cersei would be leaving for Casterly Rocks in a month or two and in about 9 months, I was going to be a proud father even if no one other then Cersei would know about it. Should I start making plans to remove Joeffery from the scene now? He was a spoiled 5 year old and was surely going to grow up into a miniature death eater wannabe. Killing him was obviously a no-no (remember how death said I was to reduce his workload, not increase it?), perhaps he should be turned into a septon? Decisions, decisions. Time and tide wait for no man.

AN: According to cannon, Joeffery is born 286 AC. Tommen is born 291 AC. Obviously, given Sirius is a randy bastard and Cersei is Cersei, instead of Tommen we are going to have something entirely new.

If anyone has an issue with me using "years" and "birthday" instead of "namedays", stuff yourself. Same with "month" and "moon".