MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING: If you have any history of addiction or even suspect that you have any current addictions, please do not read this story. Parts of it are probably going to be very triggering, and this warning doesn't just pertain to this chapter, but the story as a whole. Self-harm and depression may also apply, seeing as addictions often coincide with both of these categories.

I'm going to be candid with everyone right away; Barry is very OOC in this story. Deep down, he's still Barry Allen, and I always try to stay as true to the characters as possible, but just to be open with everyone from the start; Barry gets addicted to V9 in this story.

The purpose of this story is not to glamorize drug use but rather to demonstrate the dangers of addiction and show how even a responsible person such as Barry can have his life ruined by drugs. Needless to say, there will be angst.

Values

"What are you doing?" Harry's voice demanded from behind him as he walked.

Barry barely glanced back at him, turning his head slightly to the side without really looking at him. He didn't break his stride down the hallway as he responded.

"Training," he answered tersely, hearing Wells' footsteps behind him.

Normally he consciously slowed himself down when someone was attempting to walk alongside him. This time, he didn't, walking with a brisk pace down the hallway as Wells trailed after him.

"Training," he heard Wells scoff at the lie, "Allen, don't be stupid."

Barry didn't respond. He just kept walking, his jaw set in defiance. As he walked into the breech room, Harry called him out point blank.

"I know you took the V9, Allen."

Barry stopped in the center of the room, a humorless smile forming on his face as he turned to face Harry.

"No, I haven't," he said, almost smugly.

"Oh no?" Harry challenged.

"No," Barry said calmly

He kept the small collected smile on his face, remaining unabashed. Harry wasn't his father, and he didn't need to answer to him.

"I took it," he admitted shamelessly, "But I haven't taken it…yet."

"Good," Wells clipped.

"Tell me why I shouldn't," Barry said, shaking his head, not understanding why the rest of them were so opposed to it.

Wells scoffed at him.

"Figure it out," he said arrogantly.

Barry exhaled impatiently.

"If the game is already rigged, why can't I level the playing field?" he demanded, "I mean if everybody else is cheating, how can—?"

Barry sighed and turned away with a small humorless laugh before looking back at Harry again, his face dead serious.

"I want to be fast enough to stop Zoom," he said gravely, "And any speedster who tries to hurt my friends. Shouldn't I use everything in my power to do that?"

"You want to take a shortcut?" asked Harry, "Is that right? You want to take a shortcut? Remember this: You lose a chunk of your humanity every time you compromise your values."

Barry laughed darkly at that, shaking his head in mock amusement.

"I'm sorry, that's really good," he said muttered, "Coming from you."

Harry opened his mouth to retort, but before he could say anything in reply, Barry was suddenly gone from the room, leaving a trail of yellow lightning in his wake.

Barry stood at the cliff by the dam, the one he had nearly fallen to his death in just the day before in his efforts to get faster. He looked down at the vial in his hand, turning it over repeatedly between his fingers as he mulled it all over. Really, what was so bad about getting a little extra help? Everyone else was using speed enhancers. It wasn't exactly cheating if all the other players were doing the same thing. He had been busting his ass for weeks trying to get faster with very little to show for it, and here they had had something that could help him all along.

Barry didn't care that there were risks involved in it. He really didn't care if it ended up making him sick. As long it helped him stop Zoom and stop him soon, he didn't care about the long-term effects. He only cared about the here and now, about the fact that everyone he loved was still in danger while Zoom was still out there. Barry would deal with the other consequences of taking the V9 later. For now, he was just going to do what needed to be done to keep everyone safe, his health be damned.

As Barry held the syringe over his forearm, getting ready to inject himself with the speed serum, he couldn't stop Harry's words from repeating themselves inside his head.

You lose a chunk of your humanity every time you compromise your values.

He wasn't doing this for himself, though. He was doing it for everyone he cared about. He wasn't doing this just because he wanted to be the best, to be the fastest. For him, it wasn't just about the speed. It was about the ability to keep his loved ones safe. The truth was, Barry was actually kind of scared. He didn't know exactly what the drug was going to do to him, and that aspect of it terrified him.

But it was a risk he was willing to take.

Without thinking about it anymore, Barry quickly jammed the syringe into his arm, feeling the internal needle puncture his skin, injecting him with the red substance. He felt the serum absorb into his bloodstream almost instantly, crackling through his veins almost like lightning but also something more that he couldn't quite explain.

Barry gasped and sank to his knees, unable to move or control his breathing or his thoughts as the substance travelled throughout his body, distributing itself to every part of him. He pulled the now-empty syringe out of his arm but otherwise didn't move as he adjusted to the V9 in his system.

It was done.

Everyone in the cortex turned towards the computer when the beeping started. Caitlin quickly made her way over to the screen.

"It's Barry," she said, looking at the screen, "His vitals just spiked."

They all looked at her with wide eyes.

"Barry!" Cisco shouted into the com system, "What's going on?! Are you alright?!"

There was no answer, but they could hear a gasping sound over the coms.

"Where is he?" Joe asked worriedly.

"He's by the dam," Cisco answered, pulling up a map, "The one we were training at yesterday."

"Oh my God," Iris gasped, "Did he jump?!"

They all looked at Caitlin.

"His vitals are going haywire," she said, looking at the screen in confusion, "I don't understand."

If Barry had tried to jump the dam and hurt himself, his blood pressure would most likely be dropping from hypovolemic shock. Instead it was rising, right along with his pulse. It didn't make any sense. It was like he had had some sort of spike of adrenaline.

"He didn't jump."

They all turned to see Wells standing in the doorway, shaking his head out of irritation.

"He took the V9," Harry told them, "He stole the vial of V9 you had."

They all stared at him in shock.

"He what?!" Caitlin asked in a panicked voice.

"Well, what did you expect him to do?" Harry asked her angrily, "You should have never even told him about the serum in the first place. Of course he was going to take it."

"But we warned him," Caitlin said, "We told him it would hurt him."

Wells just shook his head arrogantly.

"You think that matters to him right now?" he snapped, "All Barry cares about is getting faster, stopping Zoom, and you presented him with a way to do exactly that. And then you went and just left the vial sitting out where he could get to it."

"Wait a second," Cisco said, shaking his head, "How do we know for sure he took it?"

"I just saw him with it," Harry told them.

"And you didn't try to stop him?!" Joe demanded.

"Of course I tried to stop him," Harry replied calmly, "You think he listened to me? He just stupidly took off before I could convince him not to do inject himself with it."

"We need to get to him," Iris said, irritated that they were all too busy yelling at each other and blaming each other to focus on what really mattered right now: helping Barry, "We have to get to the dam."

"His vitals are stabilizing," Caitlin said suddenly, staring at the screen.

A moment later they didn't have to worry about getting to the dam anymore. With a flash of blinding light, Barry was suddenly standing in the cortex in front of them, having flashed there within a second.

"Barry!" Iris shouted, rushing toward him.

"Don't touch me," Barry warned, making her stop a few feet in front of him.

That's when they could all see the lightning and electricity coursing off of him, sparking from his body. Barry was shaking uncontrollably, practically vibrating where he stood.

"What did you do, Barry?!" Joe demanded.

"What I had to," Barry answered defensively, his voice altered from his vibrating, "We didn't have any other choice."

"I told you the V9 could make you sick!" Caitlin screeched, "I can't believe you did this!"

"What's done is done," Barry said firmly, "We had the V9, and I decided to use it. All I've done is level the playing field. Maybe now we have a chance at stopping Zoom."

Caitlin sighed and moved closer to Barry.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice now laced with concern and just a hint of anger yet, "How do you feel?"

"I feel great," Barry said with a shaky laugh, "I feel…fast. We have to test this out. See where my speed's at now."

Caitlin gave him a frustrated look. Barry wasn't even worried about his health. All he cared about was getting faster. At least he seemed to be stabilizing now. The electricity was diminishing, and he was slowly starting to vibrate with less intensity as his body acclimated to the drug in his system.

"I'm going to give you a physical first," Caitlin said seriously, "Then we can test your speed."

As she looked him over, she could tell that Barry was jittery and anxious. He didn't seem able to keep still. She wasn't sure if it was just from his desire and impatience to test his speed or if it was the V9 in his system.

"Your heart is beating way too fast," she fretted, "Even for you. I can't even get a count on it. It's just fluttering at this point."

"I feel fine," Barry said impatiently.

"Barry, this isn't healthy," she chastised, "Your heart might wear out if it goes like this for too long. I'm going to hook you up to EKG. We should monitor your heart rhythm for a while before we—"

"I'm going for a run," he said impatiently, cutting her off, "Monitor my vitals through the suit, and my speed."

And just like that, Barry was suddenly gone. Caitlin huffed out an angry sigh as she made her way over to the computer monitor. Barry had always been stubborn and impulsive, but never to this degree. He wasn't listening to any reason right now. She wondered if maybe the drug had something to do with that.

"Woah," Cisco said as they tracked Barry through the suit, "This stuff's got him cruising."

"How fast is Barry normally?" Iris asked, watching the screen.

"Not this fast," Cisco answered, unable to keep the smile off his face as he watched.

It was hard to believe Barry was actually travelling through the city at these speeds.

Caitlin, however, wasn't all that interested in how fast Barry was going. She was more interested in his vitals, watching them worriedly on the screen. His heartrate wasn't even registering in the suit's monitoring system. All that was displayed for a heartrate was a question mark. The only thing that reassured her his heart was even beating was the fact that the rest of his vitals were still showing and the fact he was still running.

"Barry," she said into the coms, trying to keep her voice calm but firm, "That's enough. Please come back here and let me do some more tests. This isn't safe."

"I can go faster," Barry said eagerly, ignoring her.

"Don't do it," Cisco said into the mic, sensing the doctor's anxiety and now becoming nervous himself.

Barry didn't listen, though. Instead, he picked up his speed, reaching a velocity that was well outside the limits of anything they had ever seen before.

"Barry!" Caitlin cried into the com, panicking now, "Your body can't handle those speeds this soon! You have to stop now!"

They all looked at each other worriedly. Caitlin's eyes widened when the rest of Barry's vitals stopped registering. His blood pressure, temperature, oxygen saturation. All of it was displayed on the screen as a series of question marks.

"Stop him," Caitlin said urgently to Cisco.

Cisco didn't need telling twice. He already had his hand on the button. He pressed it quickly, and they all watched the monitor nervously. Barry slowed slightly, and they heard him gasp through the coms, but he still kept running.

"Another one," Caitlin said firmly, gritting her teeth.

Cisco pressed the button again.

"What are you doing to him?" Joe asked worriedly, panicking himself as he plainly saw how nervous Caitlin and Cisco were.

"Speed dampener," Cisco answered, hand hovering over the button a third time when they saw that Barry still wasn't stopping, even after two hits of the slowing drug.

"You put speed dampening serum in his suit?" Iris asked in shock.

They didn't answer her, though, as Caitlin instructed Cisco to hit him again, for a third time.

The third hit seemed to do it then. Barry started to slow significantly, and eventually he slowed to a stop, gasping for breath.

"W-what…what are you doing to me?" he asked through the coms.

"Sorry, Barry," Caitlin said, reaching over and hitting the button one more time.

Barry didn't answer after that, but it was safe to say that he was either unconscious or was laying on the ground in shock. Either way, he wasn't moving on the screen anymore.

The rest of them all looked at each other.

"It had to be done," Caitlin said surely, "If we had let him continue…The speeds he was running at were damaging. His body wouldn't have been able to handle that. He would have died."

The others all nodded at her, their eyes wide.

"He's somewhere just off of Jump Street," Cisco said quietly, "We should go get him."

The others all agreed silently, and as a group, they made their way to the STAR Labs van.

They found Barry nearly passed out in an alley off Jump Street like Cisco had said. He wasn't completely unconscious, but he was groggy, and he was pissed.

"I'm sorry, Barry," Caitlin said, kneeling down next to him, "I didn't think I had a choice. You weren't going to stop, and we had to stop you before you hurt yourself."

Barry was shaking violently, almost to the point of vibrating.

"I w-was fine until n-now," he stuttered through gritted teeth.

His body tensed and shook violently, and Caitlin's eyes widened in concern.

"Your body's trying to fight off the speed dampener," she said quietly, "The drugs are interacting, and your system is overloaded. We need to get you back to STAR Labs."

Without waiting for a reply from Barry, Joe and Cisco quickly pulled him up off the ground and helped him to the van.

"Barry, why didn't you listen to us?" Joe asked reproachfully as they drove back to STAR Labs, "Why wouldn't you stop?"

Barry looked away, looking out the window as he tried to control the shaking of his body. When he answered, it in hardly more than a whisper, more to himself than it was to Joe.

"I didn't think I could."

Don't worry, the team's motive behind putting speed dampening serum in Barry's suit will be addressed, albeit their reasoning is somewhat weak.