Chapter 1:

1.5 Years Ago

The sunlight crept in slowly, lighting up the entire bedroom. As the rays hit my face I stirred in my bed, slowly opening up my swollen eyes. For a moment, I thought that the events from a few weeks ago were all a dream, but as reality started to set in I could hear the echo of his last words to me: love fades, mine has. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to push those words out of my mind, but instead I saw his expression, his determination in his eyes that were a plea for me to leave him alone.

I went to extremes to ensure that he would be saved. I nearly ruined my chances of becoming Lissa's main guardian by suddenly departing the Academy and I had broken out a criminal from a Moroi jail to learn how Spirit can restore a Strigoi's soul. The determination I saw on Lissa's face as she began her attempt to stake Dimitri made me fantasize about the moment he would see me. I dreamed of holding him in my arms to comfort him after the reality set in. That everything we had before he had turned would resume where we left off. I was wrong, painfully wrong. He wanted the complete opposite. I never even got a thank you for saving him, only Lissa did.

I felt broken and weak; two things I never wanted to be. I had lost more than a big love, I lost a friend and a mentor. We had established a trust with each other and somehow, he always believed my crazy antics. He listened to me and genuinely cared about my well-being, not just how I was doing in our private training sessions. Through thick and thin I always felt like I could trust him and go to him if I needed advice. He pushed for me to succeed and be the best that I could be. He was one person I wanted to have a constant connection with, regardless of where our underlying feelings. That connection was severed. I doubt anyone would understand me the way he did.

I wiped a few tears away from my eyes and glanced at the clock, realizing it was the middle of the night in Moroi time. Knowing I wouldn't be able to fall asleep anytime soon, I adjusted my position in the bed to stare out the window at the birds up in the trees trying to change my thoughts to something else. I struggled getting the echoes of his last words to me out of my mind, I knew that it would be hard. I needed a constant distraction, something to get my mind off of him.

A body shifted next to me and let out a groan as the sunlight hit his eyes. "Little Dhampir, you promised me you would close the curtains before you went to bed." He tugged the comforter over his head, continuing to swear and complain.

"Sorry, I'll close them," I said, wiping underneath my eyes, so he wouldn't catch the tears I had been shedding earlier. I climbed out of bed and quickly drew the blackout curtains shut, taking one last glimpse of the beautiful spring day. I turned back around I saw Adrian peering at me with his sexy smile, as he eyed my body in just a lacy, black bra and matching underwear.

"What time do you have to report for guard duty?" He said with a yawn, as I crawled back into bed positioning myself close to him. Instinctively he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer so I could stare into his bright green eyes.

"Not for another four hours," I sighed, running a hand through his messy hair.

I did have strong feelings for Adrian and I knew once Dimitri would become irrelevant in my mind I could focus on us. I always was drawn to the humor and discernable sexiness that was Adrian Ivashkov. After the constant patience he had waiting on me, I knew I had to give him a fair chance. He treated me well and genuinely cared about me; he wasn't that Royal playboy that the average person would automatically assume.

"That gives us plenty of time to—" He slyly said, his hand tracing across my bare stomach and up to my breasts. I eyed him and gave him a sly smile in return, positioning my face closer to his.

He kissed me softly, but then quickly deepened the kiss as intensity grew. My heart beat quickened as our tongues met and he pulled at my hips to draw me closer to him. My arms wrapped around his neck, with one arm exploring his backside and the other intertwined in his hair. He was fairly muscular for a Moroi; the type of muscular that you would see on male models in stores like Abercrombie and Hollister. Pretty good for hardly working out.

As we continued kissing and exploring each other, I could feel my body wanting something more. The tension was rapidly rising between us and I wondered if this was the time that Adrian and I would have sex. Despite being together for a few months, we hadn't gotten to that point yet. Part of it was not wanting to rush the relationship and another part was my ties to Dimitri, especially with the thought of being able to restore his soul. At the time, I didn't know if things would go back to where they were with Dimitri. Sex would Adrian would complicate things, but not anymore.

My mind was distracted in this moment and the feelings of being broken were gone, as well as any tug towards the special bond Lissa and I shared. No darkness, no sadness, but just pure bliss living in this moment. I was completely intoxicated in this moment, wanting more than ever to keep going. My hands moved down his abs, then to the elastic band at the top of his briefs. I wanted this. I started tugging down his briefs, not breaking the kiss.

Adrian caught up to speed with me and took off my bra, before using both hands to grab at my breasts. I let out a moan as he grabbed them and broke his mouth away from mine to start kissing them. As he kissed one of my breasts, I could feel his hands moving down to my panties and immediately started moving them down my leg.

As my panties moved down my leg, my body seemed to immediately stop wanting it. I didn't want this right here, right now. I couldn't have sex with him, I couldn't use him for sex when I was still had feelings for Dimitri. I stopped kissing him and pulled away from his embrace, preventing the next events from occur. Giving me a curious look, I knew he was just as confused as I am in this moment.

"I'm sorry, I can't," I whispered, sitting up straight in my bed, running my hands through my hair.

"It's okay," He said quietly, placing a comforting hand on my back. "I remember to bring protection this time, so you don't have anything to worry about." He started leaving trails of kisses across my neck then down my shoulder blades. The sensation of his touch was intoxicating and my mind and body started caving in momentarily.

Maybe I did want to have sex with him, maybe I was just nervous. As I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of Adrian surrounding me as he playfully planted kisses around my neck, I quickly snapped out of it when I started thinking about Dimitri. Maybe I was paranoid that having sex with Adrian would leave to heartbreak, since having sex with Dimitri led me there. It was a mental roadblock, something I couldn't seem to get over. Sex with Dimitri fucked with my mind and getting over it couldn't happen overnight.

"Adrian, I just don't think we should right now."

"Is this because of Belikov?" He retorted, with his voice rising. He pulled back from me and narrowed his eyes. I knew this conversation wasn't going to end well, especially with Adrian's distaste from Dimitri when they first met at the ski resort.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "No," I said lying straight to his face, hoping he didn't notice I lied.

We sat there in silence, with Adrian unsure how to reply to me. Dimitri's haunting words slipped into my mind again and I could feel the pain of sadness start spreading throughout my body. I needed an escape and if it wasn't sex, then I knew what I needed. Flicking my hair to a side of my neck, I looked at Adrian with intensity trying to wordlessly tell him what I wanted.

Adrian's eyes widened as he stared at my neck, then back at me. "Are you sure?" He whispered, moving his lips close to my neck. I knew once the idea was put in a Moroi, then the temptation was hard to turn back.

I nodded and quickly let a moan escape me as he bit into my neck, without any more hesitation. Time seemed to stand still as the pain throughout my body attenuated. The endorphins from his bite gave me the relaxing, care-free feeling that caused every ounce of worry and sadness to disappear. It was pure bliss, something that both Adrian and I could both enjoy.

When he finished, he proceeded to kiss my neck, cheek, and then lips. "Hathaway, you are quite the person. You know I love you," he whispered into my ear. "You know I told you this is the best non-sex alternative."

Without responding I gave him another kiss, then leaned back on my pillow letting myself run on the high of the bite. I felt Adrian wrap his arm across my chest and settled back into his sleep. There were no thoughts of Dimitri on my mind, as I slipped into a relaxed, deep sleep.

Present Day

I sat on Lissa's bed flipping through one of her fashion magazines, patiently waiting for her to finish getting ready for the day. It was amazing how long she took to ensure she looked very regal. I didn't understand how she had the energy to put herself together like that in each passing day, but then again, she was a Princess. I slightly envied her time she had to make herself put together every day. She got to do her hair, put on cute clothes, and shoes, then socialize with fellow royals to discuss new policies and laws.

For Dhampirs, it was as completely different story. I would start my day guarding her with my hair wet, which was usually tangled, and little to no makeup on my face. A heavy morning workout, followed by a quick shower didn't do anything for my appearance. Not to mention the professional, yet boring guardian outfit I was required to wear when I was on duty. A part of me missed putting myself together to feel beautiful and sexy; I didn't have that anymore. Life was drastically different than it was at St. Vlad's, as one would expect. But I didn't understand the extent of what the change would entail. Training, guarding, then spending free time with Adrian, Christian, and Lissa was my life now. There wasn't time for going out to fun parties and enjoying myself. I always felt like I needed to be alert and on duty. It was an adjustment, that would take some time to get used to.

In other news, Adrian and I were no longer an official couple, but every once in a while, when I needed a high and he needed pleasure, we would hook up. The sex was satisfactory, but the majority of the time my body would still crave the high from the bites he would give. I wouldn't call myself a junkie like the feeders, but it was something that my body craved when I needed a temporary escape.

"Lissa, we are going to be late if you don't hurry up," I shouted, after glancing at the clock on her nightstand. It was around midnight and Lissa was invited to a lunch with the Szelsky family..

Lissa quickly emerged from the bathroom, rubbing her lips together after applying a shimmery pink lipstick. "Rose, what shoes should I wear with this dress?" She said, as I glanced up to view her emerald green shift dress.

I tossed the magazine aside and climbed off the bed. "Your four-inch shiny gold heels. Change it up from the usual black or nude," I said, quickly walking towards her closet and snatching them for her.

"Thanks," She glowed, as she sat down at the foot of her bed and slid on the heels I handed to her. "I want to continue making an impression on the family. Queen Tatiana wants to make sure—"

"Make sure that you have good relations with all the Royal families to secure your position after she steps down," I said, completing her sentence. She gave me a look and I pointed at my head suggesting that I read her rapidly firing thoughts through the bond.

"Rose, you know the majority of Royal families and even many guardians are not for Moroi helping fight Strigoi." She walked in front of her floor length mirror and started fussing with her hair and slightly adjusting her bracelets and necklace. "You think these earrings are too much?"

I shook my head at her. "Lissa, you have good reasons for Moroi to use magic during battle. Hell, Christian and I fought off a heard of Strigoi at St. Vlad's, you healed many of the wounded guardians after that battle, and not to mention both you and Christian took down Dimi—" I paused at the name, but quickly shook away any further thoughts of him. "You're a badass and charismatic and have the capability to convince anyone that you're right."

I felt confidence radiant throughout her in the bond, knowing that I said what she needed to hear before this luncheon. I walked over to her and placed my hand on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "You can do anything that you put your mind to, Lissa. I'll be in the back of the room supporting you every step of the way."

"You really are the best friend a person can have," She whispered.

"Well right now I'm technically your guardian," I said turning around, letting out a soft laugh. "Anyways, grab your purse and let's go bond buddy."

Lissa rolled her eyes and snatched her purse off a nearby chair and followed me out of the room. "You know I really hate it when you call me bond buddy."

I shrugged and let a smile creep over my face as I walked down the hallway to greet Christian, who was wearing a matching emerald green tie. He quickly grabbed ahold of Lissa and gave her a light kiss on the cheek. "Beautiful as always," I heard him mutter to her. Her face blushed slightly and I felt her getting warm and tingly at his presence.

Her love for Christian was so pure and strong, anyone could see it. I envied that easy love Lissa had with Christian. Marriage and children were a place in the Moroi lifestyle, but rarely a guardian's. Swearing to protect Lissa meant throwing away a chance of a real relationship. At one point in my life I thought I could make it work, but not anymore. That was part of the reason why Adrian became casual, I couldn't make the time to fully commit to him and I never felt like I could obtain that big love with him. Maybe I wasn't meant to have this great love again. Maybe my one and only duty was to protect Lissa from here on out.

Lissa shone at the luncheon, as expected, convincing the majority of the Szelsky family that Moroi should have the option to learn how to fight and use magic in battles. Her examples of the Spirit benefits and Christian using fire in battle with me, helping further push the idea to the family. Turning Strigoi's back to their original form was something that really touched home with them, especially since a few of their beloved guardians had turned Strigoi and had been hunted and killed in the past.

After I switched off my shift with Lissa and left her and Christian alone in her room, I could feel the excitement radiating through her. Smiling at the sense of her excitement, I walked down one of the hallways that looked out towards the gate that led into the Court.

A few inches covered the snow, setting the overall holiday mood across Court. Christmas would be approaching soon and I was looking forward to it. I organized to have Christmas day off of guarding, so I could devote real time with Lissa, Christian, and most likely Adrian. I needed a break from my guarding duties with Lissa and the additional Court guardian duties that came with staying here.

My phone started ringing and I quickly grabbed it out of my jacket pocket, seeing that it was Eddie calling. Smiling I flipped open the phone. "Hey Castille, I just got off duty. St. Vlad's still dull without me?"

Eddie had been allocated to guard Jill Mastrano, the secret Dragomir sibling. Only a few of us knew about the true identity of Jill, with Jill not even knowing herself. She knew that her dad wasn't her birth father, but never questioned more than that. Jill was happy with how her family was back in Michigan and Queen Tatiana pushed that Jill would be told when the time was right.

"Boring as usual, but I'm making light of the situation. They got some new training equipment in, since it appears our group beat them up a little too much."

I laughed recalling the anger I would constantly take out on the practice dummies when something didn't go my way. To be fair, that happened the majority of the time, but I never would openly admit to it.

"Excited to explore the beauty that is Ann Arbor, Michigan?" I teased, knowing Eddie wasn't particularly looking forward to spending the holidays with Jill and her family.

"Actually, that was part of the reason why I called you," He said. "Guardian Steele contacted Alberta and Jill has been requested to spend the holidays at Court. She will meet her parents there. We are set to leave in two days."

Excitement shot up inside of me, thrilled that Eddie and I would be able to spend time together. Before he was allocated to Jill, we had spent our mornings and evenings sparring and working out together in the large guardian gym at court. I had continued to grow closer to Eddie, especially after the Spokane incident. It was nice to have a friend that wasn't Lissa and Christian because after some time being the third wheel was boring and quite awkward.

"You think Queen Tatiana wants Jill to know?" I whispered.

"How would I know more than you? I feel that Lissa would be made aware before us and you would be aware," He whispered back, referring to the bond.

I thought back to the last time Lissa had a meeting with Queen Tatiana. It was at least a month ago, but there was no mention about Jill. Instead the conversation was about pleasing families and what other classes Lissa should be taking online.

I sighed. "I don't know the full story, Eddie, but regardless of what is going to happen regarding that it will be great to spend some time with you again."

"You too, Hathaway. I better get going, it is almost my shift to walk the grounds. I see Guardian— "He stopped short for a second. "Never mind, it doesn't matter, I won't bore you with the details. I can't wait to see you and everyone else soon. Send Lissa and Christian my best regards."

"Eddie, for once you stop short on the details and I'm internally grateful," I said sarcastically. "I'll see you soon, say hi to Alberta for me and tell Stan that I can still find ways to bother him from Court."

I hung out the phone and continued walking to my room, knowing that I should take a quick nap before my late-night shift patrolling the Court grounds. The one downfall of being a guardian at Court was the constant change in schedules. If Lissa were to live outside of Court with me and another guardian, it would be easier to keep a consistent schedule. "At least I will get to see the sunrise," I thought, knowing that the sunlight would feel good on my skin.

My phone vibrated and I glanced at it seeing that Guardian Steele, the head Guardian at the Court, wanted me to come to his office. Turning around and backtracking to his office in the main building, my thoughts drifted off to the upcoming holidays. Little did I know the extent of what this holiday season would entail.

Author's Note:

Hello everyone! This is my first time writing a Vampire Academy fan fiction and I was inspired by a few of the "love fades, mine did" fan fictions that I have read. This idea and what will happen came to me one night, so I immediately started writing it. So lemme talk about how I'm planning on structuring the story real quick. There will be flashbacks about Rose's past in St. Vlad's, after Dimitri told her he didn't love her, and when he left for St. Basil's. The memories serve as a way to understand the dynamic between Rose and Dimitri, as well as her relationships with Lissa, Christian, Adrian, and more. The whole flashback thing was inspired by the tv show "This is Us" and how they use different time points to help explain the present. I'm excited for doing this idea and I can't wait to continue incorporating it into the majority of chapters.

I'm planning on updating weekly or biweekly, depending on what my schedule looks like. Hopefully, I will have a better schedule set soon. I would love to hear what you guys thing/want to see in future chapters. So please review because it is very much appreciated and I promise I will respond to every single one. Your opinion/thoughts for the story will influence and inspire me in my writing. :)

OH! So for Dimitri fans (I mean probably the reason why you're reading this story lol) , I promise you will be seeing a lot more of him in the next chapter and future chapters to come. ;)