Not What It Seems at First Glance

Rossi was sitting across form Hotch at the younger man's huge working desk in the spacious, elegant office room, feeling as if he were a naughty school child chided by the angry teacher for breaking out a window with his ball instead of attending Math class. When the unit chief had called him in, stating that 'they needed to talk', he'd instantly had a feeling he wouldn't like the topic of conversation at all.

By now he knew very well he didn't like the topic of conversation at all.

"Dave, please. Just give Reid a chance…" – Pleaded the unit chief, trying to keep his team together and doing everything in his power not to lose another member. They had to already face how hard it had been when Elle and then Gideon left but he knew, deep down, that if their young and innocent genius were to quit, this unit probably wouldn't be the same ever again.

"I don't have anything against the Kid personally, Aaron, but you have to see how strange it is for one of the most important elite groups of the FBI to babysit a barely 20-year-old boy who dresses like an old professor from the 80s, wears mismatched socks, spits out random facts that nobody cares about and is still afraid of the dark!" – Rossi sighed, remembering the incident a few days ago when suddenly all the lights had gone out thanks to a sudden flash of lightning in the violent thunder storm, and the resident genius had been stuck in the kitchen (pouring himself another cupful of his abominable coffees, no doubt), completely alone. By the time the lights had come back up, the boy had been sitting on the floor in a heap of misery, pale and shaking. Judging by the well-practiced reaction of the other team members, it wasn't such an unusual thing for him to happen. – "If Jason insisted on having him around, for some, for me at least, completely unfathomable reason, he should have taken him along when he left, not 'dump him in our doorstep' so to say and leave us to deal with the consequences." – He finished heatedly, remembering good old times with melancholy when it had only been the two of them, without cast outs and other strange people to entertain during working hours.

The unit chief rubbed his eyes tiredly, thinking about how he wasn't cut out for meditating in a situation like that. He had to remind himself over and over again that his older friend wasn't trying to be difficult, he just didn't understand. Not yet. He'd have to make him part of the team and feel the same way the others did. Or, at the very least, tolerate their opinion and not try to change it.

"I'm afraid Reid would agree with you on that. But if Jason had even as much as entertained the thought of taking him away from us, we'd all have hunted him down and killed him. He'd have died a slow, painful death…" – The older man blinked in confusion, never having heared Hotch talk like that before. – "Dave, we love Reid and we're fiercely protective of him…" – He added unnecessarily, making it sound just a tiny bit like a warning. He respected David Rossi to no end, but nobody. NOBODY. Was going to hurt their youngest; whether physically or emotionally. And what he'd do to someone who tried anyway would not even match up to what Morgan would subject the culprit to… After Hankel, they were more like lionesses guarding their cubs than anything else.

"I'm not hurting him, Aaron." – Stated the older profiler, proving that he had gotten the hidden meaning just fine. Clever man.

"I'm not saying you're doing it deliberately, but he's not stupid, you know. Far from it. And he was bullied during his entire school time, so he knows all the tricks. So do we, as a matter of fact."

"I'm not sure I get what you're referring to, Aaron." – Well, maybe not so clever then…

The strict unit chief looked his older subordinate straight in the eyes while listing:

"Rolling your eyes when he's coming up with his own ideas in the debates over a case? Sighing dramatically when he tells us statistics? Calling him 'Genius' with a sarcastic undertone? Looking outright panicky when you have to do something with him? I could go on and on, Dave, but do any of these ring a bell…? Maybe?"

Rossi at least had the decency to look somewhat ashamed of himself.

"I really do not want to hurt the kid, I swear. I just don't know how to handle him. When I worked here before, it was only Jason and me, and, as you know, we made the BAU. We didn't have a team; no media liaison, no strange technical analyst with clothes that make my eyes hurt and certainly not a gangly know-it-all boy. And I don't have a child myself, so I have no practice with them at all. I just… I guess I'll have to get used to it."

"It's understandable, just try to get used to it silently. I mean it, Dave, this behavior towards Reid has to end now. The boy worships the very ground you walk on; can you even imagine what this obvious rejection from you is doing to him? Especially right after the only father figure he'd ever had left him the way he did? He's still blaming himself for it."

"What? But that's stupid. Nobody has ever been able to get Jason Gideon do anything he didn't want to do. That kid couldn't have chased him away even if he had wanted to. He's not that impressive…" – Rossi said with complete determination.

Hotch started to uncomfortably fumble with a pen.

"This is not that simple… These two… Actually: Reid IS that impressive. They were like father and son. I've never seen Jason that close to anyone before."

"He has an own son, you know… surely-"

"No. While he loves Stephen, I don't have any doubts about it, they had never been this close not to mention that they haven't talked for years now. With Spencer, it was totally different. They're more similar than you would think, because, at first glance, they're completely different in style and appearance. But they have lots in common: the same hobbies and interests."

"Oh, don't tell me the kid's a birdwatcher too?" – Joked the older man.

"No, no." – Smiled Hotch. He couldn't imagine the constantly vibrating young man sit still for hours to watch the nature. – "But Jason taught him to play chess and they spent hours bent over a board in the office after everyone else had already gone home. And they both read a lot and discussed books all the time. Jason loves old Chaplin movies and he showed them to Reid who got sucked into them right away. Spencer, on the other hand, tried his best to teach Jason about Star Wars and even Star Trek. And the boy is the master of crosswords and got Jason into solving some as well. Such things."

"I see. It's really incredible. Usually Jason doesn't really care about anyone that much."

"I know, I told you they were very close. And so, in a way, it was because of Reid he left…"

"But how? Why? What did the boy do? Maybe he's not so completely innocent after all? I mean, if Jason loved him that much, he had to do something very bad to make him leave! Did he reject him? Tell him 'you're not my dad, leave me alone' or something like that? Jason is my friend and-"

"NO! It was nothing like that, Dave! I know you've been trying to get Morgan and Emily to tell you what happened but I'm the only one who knows why Jason really left. It was in a way, as I already said, because of Reid but it wasn't any fault of his. It's… complicated. And it's something I can't talk with the others about."

"Not even with the kid?"

"Especially not with Reid."

"But why? If they were really that close then wouldn't he deserve to know what it was that drove Jason away? According to the others, and even you mentioned it just know, he thinks he's the reason; that he wasn't good enough for his 'father' to stay and mentor him further. He believes he was a disappointment, doesn't he?" – Guessed the senior profiler.

Hotch sighed with the weight of the entire world on his shoulders. He hadn't planned on sharing the story with anyone but he was slowly snapping under the strain of being the only one aware of the truth and having to keep it from everyone – especially the young man who was suffering the most. He needed to tell someone, and he knew it could only be Rossi, nobody else. Nobody who had worked with Gideon when he had so abruptly left. He had promised during their long talks and sleepless nights in many nameless hotels all over the US that he'd never tell any of their team members about the older man's struggles. But Rossi hadn't been a team member back then, so telling him didn't count as betraying the trust placed upon him, right? He hoped not because he knew he couldn't deal with being the only one to know it any longer and watch the young boy beat himself up about something that he completely misunderstood.

Having made a decision, he took a deep breath and began explaining:

"A few months before Gideon left and you came, something happened in Georgia. Something horrible. I'm sure nobody has told you about it because we generally avoid mentioning it at all; I think, none of us can bear to think about it. The only exception was Jason; he always needed to relive it and reassure himself that there would have been nothing more for us to do to help… So, we talked, a lot. But only the two of us when nobody else was around."

Rossi nodded in understanding.

"Whatever you tell me, Aaron, I promise it will stay between us. You can trust me. I can see that you need to tell someone, and I have a feeling you can't talk to any other members of the team."

"No, I can't. It's a very delicate topic and still gives each of us nightmares…"

"What happened in Georgia?" – Asked the older man, bracing himself for what he was about to hear. He knew already it wouldn't be pleasant.

"Reid was kidnapped and tortured by a schizophrenic UnSub, and we were forced to watch parts of it via live feed. It was horrible… But it's the other parts… those we didn't see… that worry us the most. Not knowing is worse than the terrible images penetrating our dreams. And, of course, Spencer is not talking about it. I guess he would have told Jason, had he just asked… But he wasn't capable of listening to it and we others didn't feel we had the right…"

Rossi's eyes widened in shock. Never in a million years would he have thought that someone could hurt the kid that way! He was so very young and innocent, it was like kicking a puppy…

"What? Who would do something like that to him?" – He asked incredulously once he managed to find his voice.

"Someone with three personalities and equally as much fabricated reasons for causing pain to their hostages. Beatings, kicks, hits, psychological torture… just to name a few of their practices. I think there might have been drugs in play but… it's never been confirmed. And it's not as if I can ask about it officially."

"Jesus…" – Rossi gasped. He felt nauseous. – "It's a good thing you got there in time then."

Hotch shook his head sadly.

"As a matter of fact: we wouldn't have found him at all if he hadn't managed to give us cryptic clues while he was being beaten to death. Literally, because he stopped breathing for minutes… And then by the time we finally figured out what he had been telling us, and got there to 'save the day', he had somehow overpowered the man and shot him dead. While digging his own grave, just imagine!"

For an entire minute, the senior profiler just gaped at his superior. Was he hearing all right? He hated to admit it, but he certainly would never have given that scrawny, geeky young man credit to do all these by himself and live to tell the tale after such a gruesome kidnapping. Maybe… just maybe… he'd have to rethink his opinion about the kid?

"Ahm… Oh, God." – Was all he could say in the end.

"Yes. And Gideon… He blamed himself. For Reid 'dying' for those agonizing minutes, for all the pain and suffering he went through and also for the fact that he just wasn't able to help him afterwards because he was too busy battling his own demons."

"I never knew Jason to be this… affected by anything. We see awful things all the time."

"Yes, and that's exactly what he couldn't understand either but fact was: he was unable to help and unable to deal. And quasi immediately after that, his own home was attacked and his girlfriend we hadn't even known existed, killed. That was the last straw but not the reason, contrary what the others believe. Only Reid feels some of the truth and I know it. And now you. And it has to remain that way! I promised Jason I'd never tell the team about his; what he called; 'weakness'."

"Well, I don't want to judge but I really don't understand why he couldn't help the boy he loves like a son." – Stated Rossi angrily. – "But I wasn't there so I can't really get to say anything, I know."

"No, that's true. And be glad you weren't there, Dave, I mean it… Anyway. That's Jason's story and the reason he left. It's not Reid's FAULT but it's about him. And that's also the reason I'm sure he won't contact the boy for a very long time. If ever. And that's what the others don't get: why he doesn't keep in touch at least with his surrogate son even if he's not working here anymore."

"I would ask the same thing if I were them. But the most important thing is: Aaron, I hereby solemnly swear to pay more attention to how I address the kid from now on, because this boy deserves all the respect there is; I get it now."

"Thank you, Dave. I can't and I don't ask you to like him or spend your free time with him. I won't even pair the two of you up unless it's necessary, since it's obvious you don't work with him very well. It's fine. I'm just asking you not to hurt his feelings because he's been through more than anyone I've ever met and, while he still looks to be all right, I'm actually not that sure he's not struggling more than he lets on."

"Duly noted. You can count on me, Aaron: you're not alone with this."

"Thank you, Dave. That means a lot."