Proofread by: Black Psych

Chapter Ten

At some point, I figured the only way to clarify everything that bugged me was to confront the other person involved in the same mess.

Although it was a little alarming that I had to round up clarification from her, of all people I really had no other choice. This is because, apart from the fact that only the two of us knew about the truth, there was no way I could confide this affair with other people.

Not with my family, clubmates, or even Nishino.

This whole thing involved a murder case, a bunch of lies and lots of blood. So there was no way in hell I would involve the people I valued, only to endanger them.

This was my own problem and I would be fixing it alone.

Well, no, not really. At least, for now, I would be needing someone else's perspective and that s exactly what I intend to get from this meeting. It was Monday, an hour early before classes began and I was standing on the school s rooftop with the person who contemplated killing me just a week ago:

Shiromeguri Meguri.

Closing the door behind me, I strode forward against the early morning breeze blowing past. Shiromeguri-senpai was clad in her school uniform, looking almost as immaculate as a certain sticker for the rules I knew. She didn't show any reaction at all, despite of the unsightly expression I probably had on my face. I could be glaring or scowling but, either way, I was sure that what I had on my face right now was far from pleasant.

I felt tense, scared and was ready to flee at any moment.

This person tried to kill me, I kept reminding myself. Not to mention she actually succeeded in killing someone else.

Contrary to mine, the girl in front of me actually had a smile on her face and it also held the usual fluffiness to it the exact same smile I used to think was cute before.

But after all of what I had seen and experienced on that horrendous night, my opinion of her drastically changed. And, mind you, the word "cute" wouldn't ever again have a place in it. Ever since then, I began to have images of her smiling face flash randomly inside my head.

And, at the same time, I wondered: apart from myself, just how many others had she deceived with that dangerous mask of hers?

As if noticing my inner turmoil, a slight frown formed on my upperclassman's face. "You don't have to be so guarded," she said, backing away a few steps and smiling with less intensity from before. "Apart from the fact that I don't really want to harm you at all, doing otherwise will only cause me trouble." She clapped her hands together. "So, loosen up, okay?"

"And besides," she continued, throwing a can of a very familiar brand of coffee in my direction, "you're the one who called me here. You're being kind of rude, you know?"

In surprise, I ended up raising my brows at the can of MAX Coffee in my hands. "Oh..." Shiromeguri-senpai let out a worried sound. "You don't like that? Sorry, I didn't know what you liked so I just picked one out the same as mine," she said, presenting a similar can in her hands while grinning sheepishly.

I shook my head. "No, it's okay." I was a bit unnerved to find out that we both shared the same taste in coffee but expressing a little appreciation wouldn't hurt. "Thanks."

A smile blossomed on her face at that and she sat on the floor without even dusting it, leaning her slender back against the wall, while taking a sip of her drink.

As a precaution, I opened the door, looked outside and, after making sure no one was around, locked it shut once again. Then I climbed up the ladder of the water tank, searching for any signs of a blue ponytail, and breathing a relieved sigh at the lack of any person above it.

The girl mutely sipping her drink raised a brow at what I was doing.

"A classmate of mine used to hang around here." Someone I couldn't even remember the name of, I might have added, but that was not important at the moment. I jumped down and sat two meters away from her. "Can't risk getting overheard."

"Hmm," she hummed in response, quirking a brow. "So, I'm guessing you have questions for me?"

Not just for you, I had questions for myself too. One that I was sure I couldn't find the answers for just yet. I clenched my fist and, after sighing deeply, I nodded. "Yeah..."

Suddenly, she giggled. "I must say, it took you long enough, huh?" Without paying mind to the wary glance I threw at her, she continued, "I'm a bit amazed how you didn't notice anything strange right after that... um," she swallowed hard, "...incident."

"No, I actually noticed a lot of weird things lately," I denied in a flat tone. "I just resolved myself to never talk to you again until now, that's all."

She winced after hearing my straight declaration, and I was certain, by the way her face paled, that she was trying hard not to show how my words affected her. "Well, you're here, now," she forced a smile and looked at me. "I wonder what s pushed you to actually come and meet me again, after all that resolve?"

"Nothing serious. Just another matter of life and death."

To my surprise, she actually looked worried at that. "What happened?" she asked in an urgent-sounding whisper.

Narrowing my eyes, I scrutinized her with caution. I was frightened at how I couldn't see through her reactions at all, because I had no idea if she was genuinely worried or not. Who knows if she's only doing this to extort information from me?

But then I realized that I would probably end up telling her either way, so I relented. "I was stabbed the other day " I cut myself off, shaking my head, "no, more like almost stabbed, actually."

To my bafflement, the worried look on her face faded away, replaced by one that conveyed understanding. "Okay, let me guess," she said, looking at me with an all-knowing expression. "The knife broke, didn't it?"

I widened my eyes and took a sharp breath. "I kind of expected you to know that..." Then I let out a dry, quiet chuckle, "But how the hell did you know "

"Let's just say I've went through a similar experience," she cut me off quickly with a wave of her hand. Her tone was so matter-of-factly that I had no other choice but to stop asking for more. If she had been through the same horrible experience, then there was no point interrogating her for it. It would just be a complete pain for the both of us, after all. Better not to poke fresh and unhealed wounds.

So instead of going further down that route, I headed straight for the main topic. "What's happening to me?" I narrowed my eyes, heaving a deep breath and putting enough stress in my next words. "What are you?"

Shiromeguri-senpai was looking away at some far off place, her eyes dulled and distant. "I don't know anything about what happened to you, Hikigaya-kun," she answered while looking straight at me, her tone steadfast and certain. She took a huge gulp from her drink and sighed. "Truth be told, you're actually a real mystery to me." Standing up, she dusted her skirt and faced my direction. "And as for what I am... I think I already explained everything to you."

"You can't just up and spout all that fictional crap and expect me to believe any of it," I sighed, palming my face.

"Back then, maybe. But now, what's on your mind?'

I contemplated for a moment, recalling what had pushed me to organize this meeting in the first place. "Lots of questions," I said. "Explain everything to me. In a way I can believe you."

She frowned. "You sure are demanding. And I don't think there's a way for me to convince you to believe anything when you're so adamant to think it's not true." After a brief moment of silence, she shook her head. "But I'll try anyway."

Looking away, she asked, "Remember when I told you that I'm a ghoul?" Her eyes fixed on me, as if waiting for an answer, but I just stared back, tight-lipped. A bitter smile graced her lips as she continued, "That's true, all of it. I'm not human. And by the way I see things, it appears that you aren't fully one either." She pointed a finger at me, then to herself, "Something similar to what I am, but different at the same time."

A gentle breeze blew upon us, swaying her pair of fluffy twin tails. She looked sad, scared and confused. Far from the murdering lunatic I met on that night. If I didn't know any better, that expression would have triggered my protective instincts as it always did. But there was no way it would, of course. Being comfortable around her was as idiotic as petting a wild tiger, thinking it would behave like a kitten.

Shiromeguri Meguri is dangerous and that is the most crucial thing I shouldn't ever forget.

I breathed in, trying to pull myself back on track again. She copied my gesture before looking away, frowning as if remembering something unpleasant.

"Back on that night..." she smiled bitterly, "you said you can't remember what happened. But I do, every single moment of it. I remember when you started acting strange, I remember when you suddenly attacked me, when your left eye changed "

"Hold on," I hurriedly cut her off, blinking. "What?"

She just frowned in return. "When you attacked me "

"No..." I sighed, rubbing my temple. "My left eye," I stared at her, hard, "what happened to it?"

"It changed," she said, sitting back in her previous position on the floor once again but now facing me. "Ghouls' eyes change under certain... circumstances."

"C-Can you describe what it looked like?"

From worried, to curious now, her face showed nothing but a weird mixture of suspicion and understanding. She closed her eyes, breathed deeply and opened her eyes again, focusing them on me. "You saw it for yourself, didn't you?" she smiled. "The eye, I mean."

I nodded and her smile widened even further. "Black sclera, red pupil, popping veins..." After enumerating the exact same characteristics, she put on a thoughtful look, "The difference is that you only have one eye fitting this description. A single kakugan."

"...Red eye?" I echoed, slightly raising a brow.

"Yes," she nodded, "that's a natural trait of ghouls. It appears when we are excited, or scared, or... hungry."

"That means..." I trailed off, narrowing my eyes. "You have one, too?"

"No," she denied it so fast, I actually ended up sighing deeply in pure disappointment. But soon after, she giggled. "I have two, actually," she clarified, grinning.

My jaw dropped and my eyes widened the girl in front of me looked absolutely offended. "Hey, don't look at me as if I'm the strange one here. It's natural for ghouls to have a pair of red eyes, you know?" Pouting, she added, "At any rate, you're the one that is abnormal, Hikigaya-kun."

"Very funny," I could only snort in response. A murderer called me abnormal, how was I supposed to react?

"You said you can eat regular food, but you have the traits of a ghoul," she continued, seemingly talking to herself rather than with me. "I mean, you can regenerate, I saw how you unconsciously amplified your strength, you even have a kakugan though it's only one.

"More than anything, I can say you're like a half ghoul..." she stopped, shaking her head. "No, no, you definitely are." She looked at me again confused, but smiling, and continued, "Part human, part ghoul."

"I see..."

Hearing that coming from her, I sighed as a sudden surge of relief washed over my chest. The clarification came straight from her and it was a relieving one on top of that.

My body might have changed in some way, making me no longer normal. But, at least, some part of me was still human, right? Who the hell cares about a red eye? At least a part of me was still there and I was grateful for that.

Peeling the relieved smile from my face, I strained my jaw. "This kakugan thingie..." I said, putting on my business look and regarding her with my eye. "Can you... uh, can you show me if you really have two of those?"

She was silent for a moment, looking anywhere but me. Then, after slumping her shoulders and flicking her hair, she squinted her eyes.

"If I show you, will you believe me?"

I smirked, "Depends."

~※~

"Your eyes..." My voice scraped my throat like nails on a bricked wall. Talking proved to be a chore at times like these. I was having a hard time breathing and my hands were shaking. I was surprised, frightened and angry at the same time. "...They really changed."

It was the very same eye. We both have them. Except she has two.

I thought I would easily get over the revelation if I saw her eyes for myself. I thought I could take it all in well, because I already saw that look on my own face and convinced myself it wasn't all that scary.

But no the moment I saw her eyes slowly get smeared in black, I began to shake and right as her red pupils stared back at me, I could say for sure:

There was no way this wasn't scary at all.

Her red, glaring eyes widened for a moment and she sighed, fishing out a compact mirror from her bag. "Look," she said, pointing it at me. "Your eye..."

My reflection was basically a scared face and a weird left eye. As if by unfortunate coincidence, my own eye acted up right after Shiromeguri-senpai willingly changed her own. The sclera became black, the pupil red and so on. It was so similar to hers. I had the same eye as a murderer.

Strength left my body and I pressed my back against the wall for support. There was the same knotting sensation in my stomach again, the very same feeling I had when I saw this eye for the first time. It made me want to puke. No, I really wanted to puke.

I didn't though. I swallowed it all in, letting the filthiness of everything that should have been thrown away contaminate me. Breathing fast, I forced the disgusting, yet familiar, feeling back to where it belonged and, before I knew it, the feeling was gone.

"You can control it... already?" The red-eyed girl in front looked at me in awe, as if I had just done something remarkably great. "That's very unusual, for you."

"Control what?"

"Your kakugan." She pointed her compact mirror at my left eye again. "You made it disappear."

Raising a slightly shaking hand, I took the mirror from her and examined my own face. The red eye was gone, as if it had never been there before. No trace was left behind.

"What do you mean 'control'?" I glanced suspiciously at her. "You can make it vanish, willingly?"

She nodded and her pair of red eyes returned to normal.

"That's pretty convenient for you." I gave her mirror back, she offered a small smile. "By the way," I cleared my throat, "I don't understand. Why did it show up to begin with?"

She looked thoughtful. "Maybe because you got scared... or angry. I don't know," she said, shaking her head. "I just know that it occurs when you're having intense emotions."

Reflexively, I thought back to the first time this eye acted up. What had triggered it again? Oh, yes, a fucking knife going straight for my gut. In other words fear of death. Intense emotions acted as a trigger. Well shit, that made sense.

Shiromeguri-senpai sighed and sat on the floor, with her position closer to me than before, but still keeping her distance. "So, um, what do you plan to do, now?" she asked, offering her handkerchief to me as I realized I was sweating buckets.

I shook my head at her but she just pressed it into my hand, so I had no choice but to accept it. Her pink handkerchief had embroidered butterflies flying on tiny spirals. It was so feminine and pure that I really had a hard time touching it.

She lent it to me, though. Yes, it wouldn't be a problem.

I gingerly wiped the sweat on my forehead with it. The scent eerily reminded me of Komachi and I pretended not to notice. "I need to find a way to stop this, to know how this all happened and why this is happening," I said firmly, staring straight into her eyes. This would sting a bit for her, but I needed to say this. "I want to do anything to stop myself from being a monster."

Like you.

Shiromeguri-senpai winced, but she offered a bitter smile. "Yes, of course..." she sighed, hanging her head.

No more sugarcoating, it was the truth. Shiromeguri Meguri was a monster and I didn't want to end up being like her.

After breathing deeply, she sighed. "I can..." she trailed off and I knew for sure what she was about to say next. I had come to know this pattern very well, thanks to Nishino. "I can help "

"I'm doing this alone." And so, I decided to break the momentum. I appreciated the thought coming from her, but, on top of the fact that I didn't trust her at all, I also didn't plan to involve anyone else in this mess.

"Then what, Hikigaya-kun," she said, her tone obviously tinged with worry, "you ll dive in and swim blindly?"

That s exactly what I was about to do, but it s not like I had any choice at all. I knew it was more practical to go off and exploit Shiromeguri-senpai's guilt for my own use but I couldn't do so. It was stupid, but, believe it or not, I was partially concerned about her safety. Yes, I was being mindful to a person who tried to kill me.

Blame my damned brotherly instincts for that.

She continued, her tone more serious and urgent than before, "This world you're thinking of treading alone is uncharted territory, at least for you. You've known you're different for how long a week?" Now, she was mocking me. Wonderful. "If you're careless, you might even die. Ghouls are dangerous, Hikigaya-kun, and you know that."

Yes, thanks to you, I know that.

"I have been living like this for eighteen years straight," she said, as if it was a curse. Which it might actually be, in hindsight. "I may not know everything, but I'm sure I at least know something that can help you."

I considered her words for a moment, scrutinizing her carefully. Shiromeguri-senpai is a ghoul and I am definitely sure of that fact. It appeared that, in a way, a part of me is one too. However, I am not a full-blown monster like her which I'm thankful for. Point is, if ghouls do really exist, that means there are more of them lurking around the corners.

Ghouls were extremely dangerous and this upperclassman of mine was right on that. She proved it to me herself that night and I was still scared of her. But that was not the only problem here. It was true that this girl was merciful enough to spare my life back then, whether she did it willingly or not, but that didn't mean all ghouls were like her.

By a random stroke of bad luck, what if I had encountered one who was ruthless enough to actually kill me? I might be a half ghoul just like she said, but a good part of me was still human. I don't have the will nor the capability to fight, much less kill, as she does.

"Why are you even trying to help me?" I narrowed my eyes sharply. "Didn't you just try to kill me a week ago?"

"...Exactly. I'm doing this to atone for what I've done," she whispered, bowing her head. "I want to prove that I am genuinely sorry, Hikigaya-kun," she offered a small smile. "At least let me do this much for you."

Her help would be very useful but one thing was hindering me from accepting it. "Then give me a reason to trust you."

"I can't give you anything..." she looked disappointed for a second before smiling again. "...But I can say I trust you, at least."

"I hate to break it to you," I couldn't stop myself from snorting, "but your trust doesn't really mean anything to me."

"No, that's wrong," she denied with a straight face. "Trusting is a task for both sides involved. It's supposed to be mutual, Hikigaya-kun." She clasped her hands together, looking at me with expectant eyes. "I think... I think that if I make you feel that I genuinely trust you, maybe... just a tiny bit, you'll also trust me in return."

"I don't mean to sound harsh... but, after all that's happened," I shook my head at her, "I think it will be a long way before I ever trust someone like you."

She bit her lip and looked away, her eyes hardening a little. I breathed in, out and changed the subject. "And why are you even trusting me?" I asked, quirking a brow. "What's that got to do with all this?"

"You may have not realized this... and I'm sure you won't like this either," she muttered, looking anxious. "But you've done myself and um... my father a really huge favor."

A surge of laughter came out of my lungs, despite trying my best to suppress it. "Y-You mean by not reporting your murder case to the police?"

Lowering her head, she nodded and I ended up snickering at that.

"I actually planned to, you know?" Widening her eyes, she looked up in surprise. "But then, there was that nasty sham with the principal and the school guard and I realized there's no point going against someone who can coerce the school into keeping silent about a murder."

There was no response and just when I thought she was not going to speak for herself at all, she muttered, "...Not us."

Intrigued, I raised a brow, "...Pardon?"

"I mean..." she was chewing her lower lip, "we're not capable enough to pull that off."

"Then, who did all that?"

As if on cue, the bell signalling the beginning of school hours rang throughout the hallways and reached the rooftop. I looked at the time on my phone. A half hour had passed. We talked for that long?

Shiromeguri-senpai appeared as if she understood what was going on in my mind. "After school?" she offered.

I shook my head. "After club," I replied.

~※~

It was after classes and I was sitting at my usual position in the clubroom, holding my novel but not reading at all. The resident chatterbox was babbling about something I couldn't will myself to care about. I was distracted, extremely so, and it was a good thing that my clubmates were also busy with their own stuff.

This whole day, starting from the morning before class, had been stressful in all concerns and I actually would have chosen to skip club for once, if it were possible.

My head was cluttered with a bunch of ugly and confusing things matters involving unanswered questions and distressing revelations.

Shiromeguri-senpai proved herself very useful in relaying needed information. Not only did she patiently explain things that confused me, she even gave me the golden opportunity to see her proof with my own eyes.

However, things didn't go as well as I anticipated.

By talking to her, I realized something very crucial.

I should have known that, the moment she told me she was different from anything I expected, she was telling the truth.

Shiromeguri Meguri is not human, and if that's the case

Then that means I am not one either.

~※~

"Hikki? Hey, Hikki?" Yuigahama's voice shook me out of my inner thoughts. No, not just her voice, actually. She was also rocking my shoulder from behind. "Earth to Hikki?"

A cluster of words and unfamiliar paragraphs greeted me as my vision gradually cleared from its dazed state.

I remembered I was supposed to be reading a book, but I got drowned in a sea of my own worries. I began looking around, reminding myself of where my mind should be at the moment.

Yuigahama was eyeing me with a concerned look as she went back to her seat and, surprisingly, Yukinoshita was doing the same as well.

"...Oh, hey," I said as I glanced around. "Is something the matter?"

"You were the matter." Yuigahama's tone was a cocktail of accusation, worry and confusion. She sighed while slumping her shoulders. "You were spacing out for ages, Hikki. Something wrong?"

"Nothing, just..." I shook my head, "just thinking about something."

"Come on..." she said with a disapproving look. "Here I was talking to you but your head's flying elsewhere. So was I, like, talking to air the whole time?"

Well that s what you're doing most of the time, actually. "Sorry, what were you saying again?"

"I was asking you about your date!"

"Oh, that was..." I blinked, "not a date at all."

"Typical reaction coming from you." Yukinoshita, who had been silent until now, snapped her book shut and narrowed her eyes. "Give Hikigaya-kun a girl merciful enough to voluntarily make him feel normal for a day and one can still expect him to not have been grateful at all."

"Just what is there to be grateful about?" I took a sip from my cup, which I realized was empty upon doing so. Yukinoshita stood up and stretched her hand. I hand her my cup. "Really, I didn't see that as a date at all." She filled it with another round of steaming tea and handed it back to me. "I said I was kidding when I first called it a date, didn't I? Give me a break already."

"Well..." Yukinoshita sat back on her seat. "Date or not, tell us about it."

"Seriously? You're asking for more?" I asked in surprise as I blew on my cup. It was unusual for Yukinoshita to act this way, since it was typically only Yuigahama who questioned about the details.

"I'm curious," she said, while tilting her head.

"See, Hikki? Even Yukinon wants to know," Yuigahama grinned approvingly at Yukinoshita, who just frowned in return. "Come on, tell us!"

"Nothing exciting really happened..." I took a sip from the now cool enough tea, before continuing to explain as nonchalantly as possible. "Just walked to a cafe, chatted about books and other, you know, bland adolescent stuff."

Yuigahama raised a suspicious brow. "That's all?"

"Well..."

"Well?" Yuigahama insisted with a determined look and, in the corner of my eye, Yukinoshita appeared to have a similar expression.

"We, uh..." I sighed, "we actually had a bit of an argument."

Suddenly, Yukinoshita giggled. "Arranged a meeting with a childhood friend after many years and then proceeded to start the day with an argument," she smiled. "Simply wonderful, Hikigaya-kun. You astound me."

Unlike Yukinoshita, Yuigahama was far from amused. "Y-You fought...?"

"Nowhere near physical, Yuigahama," I clarified as Yukinoshita composed herself. "Just clashing opinions. We patched things up in the end, though."

"Well," Yukinoshita, now back to her usual self, asked curiously, "what did you argue about?"

I sighed, picking up the book I was reading earlier. It was Dear Kafka by Takatsuki Sen, one of the books Nishino had lent me. I hadn't heard of the author before but her unusually dark and twisted way of writing interested me. And for Nishino, of all people, to recommend this kind of book actually made me somewhat curious.

Anyway, speaking of her, I looked back at my clubmates. "It's not really my place to tell you two about it," I said while shaking my head. Then I snapped up sharply after thinking up of an idea. "Maybe you should go ask her yourself? Why not invite her here one of these days? Maybe the Literature Club needs help?"

Yukinoshita frowned at that. "Literature Club?"

"Oh yeah, forgot to tell you." I just remembered. "She's the president of the Literature Club."

Yukinoshita's eyebrows knotted even tighter at that and it seemed likely that she was thinking hard about something. Yuigahama noticed it, of course, and scuttled her chair closer towards Yukinoshita's direction with a curious look.

"Something wrong, Yukinon?"

Yukinoshita snapped out of her trance as Yuigahama tapped her on the shoulder. "Oh..." she mumbled, frowning at me. "...I thought the Literature Club was disbanded this year."

So that was what bothered her? No, it was actually more surprising that she knew something as trivial as that.

"I knew one of the previous members. She graduated this year and I remember her inviting me once to join the Literature Club..." she continued, still frowning, "...since only third years were present and they couldn't recruit any new members."

"So, when they graduated, there weren t any members left?" I supplied, earning a confirming nod from Yukinoshita.

"Yes, that's why I assumed it was disbanded."

"But Nishino's there. No way it could be disbanded."

"Maybe they recruited new members at the last minute?" Yuigahama suggested and we both looked at the girl in question. That was very unusual of Yuigahama, I must say, to give a surprisingly possible suggestion. Yuigahama looked back, startled, "Um, did I say something... wrong?"

"No, you might actually be right." Yukinoshita smiled gently at her.

I nodded, too. "That's probably the case."

Yuigahama beamed at us and clapped her hands together. Then she started babbling about another topic once again, prompting me to flip open the cover of my book, although I didn't plan to resume my reading at all. This was more of a cover for me, a ploy to make myself appear calm and distracted while thinking about something else.

Literature Club? Disbanded? What does that mean?

Kakugan: red eye.