Resistance

"You're nothing. But not to me."

Those words haunted her. She had been so close to turning him back. In those glorious moments when they had fought together as allies, she had felt perfectly in sync with him. They were of one mind and one heart, and no one could stand in their way. She and Ben were unstoppable together.

Even Kylo knew that, which was why he had begged her to join him. His emotional "please" had shattered her heart, and she wanted to plead with him too. But he was determined to let Ben die and rule as Kylo. She couldn't save him, so she had to let go of him.

Except it wasn't that easy. Their link made it impossible to completely sever their connection. It tortured her with its intimacy and with the irony that nobody knew her as well as her enemy. Nor did anyone get as close to Kylo as Rey did. She felt his anger and resentment at her for her rejection of him.

But he projected an outwardly calm and distant demeanor when they spoke at random times, even as he taunted her coldly. "You're looking tired, Rey. Is the life of a fugitive wearing you down? There is nowhere to hide where we won't find you. Perhaps you should have thought of that before you cast your lot with criminals."

The worries that made her toss and turn were also partially due to her torment over her failure to hold onto him when she had him. He had slipped right through her fingers, and she felt the loss of Ben like an actual death. Only it was worse, because it was almost like he was still within reach. No matter how many times she reminded herself that Ben was gone, seeing Kylo restarted that fluttering hope in her heart that he was back, that the vision she'd had of his future would come true.

"Then why haven't you found us?" she taunted back. "Is that why you're looking so tired yourself? Because you've failed, and all you can do is puff your chest out in these…"

She trailed off, as much as with getting distracted by his bare chest as with her inability to name what these intimate long-distance sessions were. Embarrassment flushed her skin when she realized that she was staring, and she quickly averted her eyes.

"What's the matter, Rey?" he asked as he moved closer. "Haven't you ever seen a man unclothed before?"

He knew perfectly well that she had seen him like this once before, but she wasn't going to mention that. "You're no longer a man," she retorted. "You've chosen to become a monster."

He reached out to brush his fingers over her cheek, and her breath hitched. "Yet you respond to me like I'm a man," he said, his deep voice as potent to her as his touch.

She retreated from him, but he kept advancing on her until her back hit the wall and he had her trapped. She tensed as he brought his hand up again, but instead of touching her cheek, he brushed his finger across her lip so lightly that it tingled in response and made her crave more contact.

"Why do you continue to resist me?" he asked, the tone of his voice making heat unfurl low in her belly.

In the next instant, she was alone. She blinked and looked around her, feeling disoriented and bereft. She wanted to cry again over how perfect they were together in every way. Her one experience with sex had been a fumbling, groping, quick coupling when she was sixteen, and nothing about it had made her want to do it again. She had remained celibate ever since, but Ben had awakened desire in her.

Kylo, she reminded herself bitterly. He's Kylo now, and Ben is gone forever. Just like her parents, he hadn't cared enough about her to stay with her. But she wasn't alone anymore. She had friends and allies, and she had found the people she belonged with. She would die with them rather than betray them, and she didn't regret for one moment rejecting Kylo's offer to rule with him.

She became restless after her latest encounter with him though, and she had wayward thoughts about him despite her best intentions. Especially late at night when there was nothing to distract her from her fantasies about Ben. Rey imagined him coming to her and telling her that he wanted to be with her, and promising that he would never leave her again.

She pictured him kissing her and sweeping her up in his arms to carry her to the bed. The image in her mind morphed into him shirtless as he brushed his finger over her bottom lip while he stared down at her. She had on the loose nightshirt that she was wearing now, and he skimmed his hand over her bare thigh beneath it. Her breath became ragged as she enacted the scene with her own hand, inching it toward the juncture between her legs as she spread them open.

The thought of having him touch her there was so arousing that a soft moan escaped her at the phantom, tantalizing brush of his fingers. Her hand gripped her thigh in response to another teasingly light sweep of his fingers over that sensitive spot.

Rey's eyes shot open at the realization that it wasn't her hand she felt touching her. She saw Ben leaning over her with his gaze fixed on her face as his fingers continued to tease her. The heated look in his eyes was as erotic as his touch, and it burned hotter as he pressed his fingers more firmly onto her fevered flesh to give her more of the contact she was craving.

It still wasn't enough. "Ben," she moaned desperately.

His hand stilled as his eyes blazed at her. "He's gone. You belong to me now."

Reality came crashing down on her, and she sat up and scrambled back away from him as her face flamed in shame. "Get out," she hissed.

"Stop resisting the force pulling us together. I know you feel it too," he said.

"You're the one resisting it," she told him bitterly. "We could have everything together, but you refuse to let go of your lust for power."

"I am offering you everything," he insisted. "The entire galaxy will be ours."

"At what cost?" she retorted. "The lives of your father, your uncle—your mother? Will she be next?"

His expression turned grim, and he turned and stalked away from her. In the blink of an eye, he was gone. Rey was left feeling disappointed and frustrated.

The ache in her heart was now accompanied by a persistent ache between her legs that was an annoying and embarrassing reminder of her weakness. She finally fell into a fitful sleep during which she got little rest, but she awoke with a new determination to break Kylo's hold on her.

What she needed was a distraction, someone to satisfy the sexual cravings she was now experiencing. Fortunately, she knew exactly the man who could fulfill that role. She had caught him looking at her with sexual interest, but she hadn't entertained such thoughts about him, and she had pretended not to notice. He was attractive, however, and would suit her purposes. Most importantly, he wasn't a close friend, so she wouldn't be risking complicating a friendship.

Now she just had to work up the nerve to approach him with this. She had no experience with seduction. The boy on Jakku had seduced her, partially because he was attractive, but mostly because she had been curious about sex.

She was nervous as she approached Poe, but the appreciative way he looked at her gave her confidence. It turned out to be easy after all, because he began to flirt with her when he saw that she was open to it. They stole away to a private place, and she let him kiss her.

It was enjoyable and better than the sloppy kisses of the teenage boy who took her virginity. She hoped that sex with Poe would be better too, and that it would put an end to her fantasies about Ben. When his hand caressed her breast rather than roughly groping at it, she was encouraged that he would be a better lover than her first.

Then she stiffened in Poe's arms when she sensed Kylo. She pulled away and immediately spotted him standing a few feet behind Poe and glaring at her. She glared back furiously but couldn't yell at him to go away, because she didn't want anyone to know about their connection.

"I'm sorry," Poe said. "I got carried away. Please don't be mad."

"I'm not," she replied, shifting her attention back to him. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Who is that?" Kylo demanded. "Is it the deserter? I'll kill him!"

"No!" she exclaimed. "It's not him!"

"Rey?" Poe questioned her with a puzzled look. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said. "I'm just…I have to go."

She abruptly walked past him and directed a fierce scowl at Kylo as she quickened her steps. He kept pace with her, but she ignored his demands that she reveal the identity of the man she was kissing.

"Leave me alone," she finally snapped in exasperation as she entered her room and closed the door.

"Never," he swore. "You tell me who it is! How could you be with him today when you were with me last night? How could you do that?"

"I wasn't with you," she shot back. "You're not here! You chose not to be here. So you can't expect me to wait for you to be with me, because you never will."

He turned away from her and punched the wall in a rage. She blinked, and he was gone again.

And she was even more frustrated than she had been before. He had foiled her attempt to have sex with Poe, and she was wary of trying again. She decided to train instead and sought out Finn for a sparring partner. He had become her dearest friend, but she hadn't confided in him about Kylo's continuing "visits" with her. He had been upset enough when she had told him about trying to save Ben, so she had let him think that her connection with Kylo had been severed when Snoke died.

If only it had, then he wouldn't be tormenting her this way with what she could never really have. It was little consolation to her that he seemed to be just as frustrated with the situation as she was. She hoped to find a way to break the connection, but so far she'd had no luck searching for an answer in the ancient Jedi texts she had taken from Luke.

She didn't even want to consider the possibility that the connection was permanent and unbreakable. There had to be a way to end this—before they ended up killing each other. It might come to that anyway, she thought grimly. He was the enemy, even though it was often difficult for her to remember that since she knew him on such an intimate level.

Rey worked hard to sweat out her frustration, and the exercise did help to alleviate some of her stress. She took a shower afterwards and felt refreshed and in a better mood as she stepped out and reached for a towel.

She sensed him an instant before he was upon her. He slammed her into the wall and crashed his mouth down onto hers in a demanding kiss that stole her breath. His hands grabbed her ass possessively and lifted her up so that she instinctively wrapped her legs around him for balance. It was then that she realized that he was as naked as she was.

She gasped, but he took that as an invitation to invade her mouth with his tongue. Rey's senses reeled with the onslaught of sensations as his tongue tangled with hers, and his hands kneaded her ass as he pressed against her molten core.

"Is this what you wanted?" he asked roughly before sucking on her neck.

His head lifted to capture her gaze with a smoldering look in his dark eyes. "Did he make you this wet?" he questioned as he moved his hips to grind himself against her.

She couldn't hold back the moan that escaped her.

"Tell me that you want me," he demanded.

"I want Ben," she told him. That much she could admit to.

He growled angrily. "Don't do this. I feel you." He emphasized the statement by rubbing himself against her.

She held on to her self-control and stared at him with all the intensity in her heart. "Ben," she demanded insistently. "Come back to me."

He set her down roughly and spun away from her as he roared with rage. Rey watched him as she stood on shaky legs, feeling the loss of him both physically and emotionally. Then he was completely gone, but she knew that she would face him again another day.