A/N: So this story has themes some won't be comfortable with. It involves a character who committed suicide as an out for all of the problems her life had previously, and because of that, she's not in the right mindset at the beginning. Bare with me, but the story isn't going to be very sad despite this. I like stories about hope and happiness, so although it'll have a sad start, it won't end that way. If you don't like that, and you're here for angst and tragedy at the end this ain't for you (except the angst part, there's a lot of that). FYI, I'm not writing this to fetishize suicide or other things. I genuinely like happy stories, and it's usually the ones who have it the worst that need it the most.

Still, trigger warning for those who can't stand: mention of non-con, sexual abuse, and suicide. There is no rape described, but it is mentioned.

寸善尺魔

She'd been tired. Oh so tired.

So why were her eyes opening when she should have been dead? When the world should have been nothing and she should have been weightless in the after life. Or at the very least, nothing at all.

Yet, her eyes opened and she blinked wearily at the overhead lighting while hearing the dim rush of wheels and the shouting of unintelligible words being called back and forth between people she couldn't seem to focus on with her ears ringing. It was strange the way they spoke, and her fuzzy head couldn't place why. They sounded different, or maybe it was the blood rushing to her head—if she had any left.

Maybe her living simply wasn't over yet, and she was still dying. She knew well enough that the sounds around her were distantly like a hospitals. For some reason people were still trying as if the world gave a damn if she breathed or not. She certainly didn't, so whether they were doctors and nurses trying to save her worthless life, or just passerby's going about their day on the train tracks she'd ended everything on, she didn't care.

As she slipped into a dizzy sleep, she held to the hope they'd fail. That this was it, because it would be too painful otherwise.

寸善尺魔

When she woke up she cried, big fat tears that rolled down her cheek and descended until it hit the white cotton of her sheets.

She couldn't help it; the tears just came flowing out in ways they'd never had before, as if she'd never grown used to holding them back in the first place.

But there she was, in the unfamiliar hospital bed balling her eyes out, and if anyone asked she couldn't explain why they came, and people would just assume anyways. Even if by some miracle they didn't, no one would believe her—because no one had before—the things that happened to her, the things she'd tried to escape from, and yet there she was in the bed—alive.

She felt the pounding of her heart acutely, could hear the pumping of her blood to the point of nausea coiling in her gut.

If she were lucky he wouldn't find her, and she would be okay for just a while. This would be a sort of refuge before she attempted it again, but this time she'd jump from the roof or something cheesy like that. It would certainly hurt a lot less than by train, that's for damn sure.

By the time her hysterics were partly over, and she could breath through the fear and tears, she looked around her hospital room and froze at how disoriented she was, and then when she continued, she paused once more when she brought her hands to her eyes and she frowned.

Were her hands always that thin and pretty? Or that pale in color? She'd been rather tan . . . it could be blood loss, or maybe she'd been out for longer than she thought and she'd lost weight and lacked the sun as a result. She looked down at her chest and she eyed it for half a minute.

Where are my boobs? she asked herself, and received no answer while she withdrew the scratchy covers on her, surprised by the lack of utter pain in her body. By her wholeness. Then she twisted her waist, and yup, there it fucking was. She keeled over for a moment, trying to catch her breath as she fumbled over her gown to draw it back. Confusion raced through her mind, wondering if she hadn't been hit as savagely as she'd assumed upon impact. She thought for sure she'd die instantaneously. But she hadn't, obviously.

She thought her body would be in pieces by the time the train would stop, but instead she could only feel her wounds in her heart where it always seemed to hurt of phantom pains, more along her sides than anything. She pulled back her hospital gown, fighting the pain and looked at the white bandaging all along her torso and across her upper chest. She must of been on some really strong pain medication to not feel half of it. Perhaps she'd been chopped in half, and through some crazy new medical sciences they were able to piece her back together. Like some god damn miracle.

Well, poor those doctors, she was about to waste their time and miracles the moment she was out.

She clenched her fists, and wanted to cry again.

She didn't want to die, not really. She thought about it in a very flippant way, but everything inside her was hurting, and she just wanted out of that pain. Wanted to be free and nothing at all. The pain and cost of living was too great for someone who had no one and nothing keeping her bound. She was alike a balloon filled with air until someone popped it, or until someone let go of her string. Or maybe she'd just never had one. A string, that is.

God, she was such a selfish brat, only thinking of herself. He'd said so, and he'd been right, just as always. Wasn't that what people said about those who tried to commit suicide? That they were selfish?

Well she was, and she didn't want to subject herself to her shame any longer.

She jumped as the door opened to her hospital room, and in walked a pretty woman with a clipboard and a man behind her. A man that was strangely familiar to her, but not in the way that was obvious or set her off. She'd know if he belonged to Junichi's gang.

"Uchiha-san? Ah, glad to see you're awake," the woman said and she blinked. Uchiha? Her surname was Ueda, and her full name was Ueda Yuriko. She was about to correct the woman, probably having been I.D'd wrong—she wouldn't be surprised if she was just really numb and her face was completely deformed, not that it mattered, she wasn't going to last much longer—when the woman opened her mouth again. "We have a few more things left to do before you're discharged, but our Hokage-sama has come to fill you in on something you should be aware of."

The next couple minutes of her life were one of complete hysterics.

寸善尺魔 - sunzenshyakuma - in evil, there is odds; there is more evil than good in this world; one good thing tends to cause many bad things to happen