Author's Note: I tried to keep this one short and sweet. I'm taking a break
from my stand-alone series to bring you, yes, another stand-alone. It's
pretty much what was going through Abby's mind (or, at least, what I think
was going through Abby's mind) in the ending scene of "The Advocate."
Please review, even if it's only to tell me how much it sucked- any
feedback is helpful! Enjoy!
Rated PG for mild language
***
I stood on the sidewalk, shivering slightly in the wind. He walked away. He finally walked away.
I gave him every opportunity to leave. I told him that he didn't want to, shouldn't want to love me. That he shouldn't have to put up with all this crap, all the baggage I bring with me. Every other man I'd ever been with couldn't put up with it in the end. But Carter was different. I hadn't wanted to hurt him- that's why I tried to give him a way out. I love him too much to break his heart.
But then why is my heart the one that's breaking?
I guess I never thought that Carter would really leave. He was different than everyone else. He understood me. I thought he understood that when I told him to leave, I was really telling him that I needed him more than ever. But I guess I was wrong. 'Cause he's walking to his car, and I'm left standing on the sidewalk alone.
I don't want to be standing on the sidewalk alone, I finally realize. So I turn and walk across the street. I don't even know where I'm going. Maybe I'll end up at the cafe where I'm supposed to be meeting my sponsor. Maybe I'll end up sitting at home alone with a beer.
I'd wanted so badly to change. When I realized why Carter didn't propose, I wanted to change everything about me that wasn't perfect. I haven't smoked a cigarette in four days, and I haven't had a drink in over a week. And I can see why Carter might think that this is just my attempt at a quick fix. But it's not. I want to fix what I've broken, but I want to take my time and make sure I do it right. I really did wake up one morning to find that I hated myself.
It was the morning after he realized I wasn't good enough. And I guess I'm really not.
I've never fit in with his family. I'm never comfortable at those big fancy parties. Hell, I'm not even comfortable wearing a dress. My family is another problem altogether. Maggie and Eric will always come first in my life. They have to. If I don't watch out for them, no one will.
But none of that matters now. Because I've lost him. I lost Carter.
And what hurts the most is that I'm not just losing my boyfriend. I'm losing the best friend I ever had.
Suddenly, I hear a car pull up behind me. It couldn't be him, I tell myself. He left, and he's not coming back. Don't get your hopes up.
But I can't stop myself from turning around.
A black Jeep is parked next to the sidewalk, and Carter is stepping out from the driver's seat. I can't believe it. Did he come back just to hurt me more? I hold my arms out, almost shrugging. I don't know what to think.
Carter is walking towards me, slowly. Looking into his eyes, I don't see anger. I take a step towards him. Slowly, step by step, second by agonizing second, we come close. Now we're just inches apart.
I lean forward, resting my head on his shoulder. The shoulder I've rested my head on so many times before. For a moment, I'm scared that he will push me away. But he wraps me up in those strong arms, hugging me tightly. I wrap my arms around him, and he lightly kisses my head. We stand there, just holding each other, for what seems like forever. I don't want it to ever end.
Finally, Carter breaks away. He looks into my eyes, and I look back up at him.
"I don't ever want to lose you, Abby."
And in that moment, I know that I was right. Carter really is different than everybody else. He's not scared to love me, not scared to put himself out there, even if it means he might get hurt in the end. He's probably the only guy in the world who's strong enough to put up with me and my constant array of shit. And I have no idea what I would do without him.
"Don't ever scare me like that again, Carter."
Carter smiled. He wrapped his arm around my waist and led me to the car, opening the door for me. All that, and he's the perfect gentleman. I got into the car, and smiled.
Right after our first kiss, Carter told me that we were gonna be okay. Now, we're ready to rebuild our relationship. As I watch Carter get into the Jeep, I know he had been right all along. We really are gonna be okay. It would take a lot of work, but we are gonna be okay.
***
Please review and tell me what you think! If this one goes over well, I'm thinking about writing a parallel from Carter's point of view, so please tell me if you liked it :)
--Katie
Rated PG for mild language
***
I stood on the sidewalk, shivering slightly in the wind. He walked away. He finally walked away.
I gave him every opportunity to leave. I told him that he didn't want to, shouldn't want to love me. That he shouldn't have to put up with all this crap, all the baggage I bring with me. Every other man I'd ever been with couldn't put up with it in the end. But Carter was different. I hadn't wanted to hurt him- that's why I tried to give him a way out. I love him too much to break his heart.
But then why is my heart the one that's breaking?
I guess I never thought that Carter would really leave. He was different than everyone else. He understood me. I thought he understood that when I told him to leave, I was really telling him that I needed him more than ever. But I guess I was wrong. 'Cause he's walking to his car, and I'm left standing on the sidewalk alone.
I don't want to be standing on the sidewalk alone, I finally realize. So I turn and walk across the street. I don't even know where I'm going. Maybe I'll end up at the cafe where I'm supposed to be meeting my sponsor. Maybe I'll end up sitting at home alone with a beer.
I'd wanted so badly to change. When I realized why Carter didn't propose, I wanted to change everything about me that wasn't perfect. I haven't smoked a cigarette in four days, and I haven't had a drink in over a week. And I can see why Carter might think that this is just my attempt at a quick fix. But it's not. I want to fix what I've broken, but I want to take my time and make sure I do it right. I really did wake up one morning to find that I hated myself.
It was the morning after he realized I wasn't good enough. And I guess I'm really not.
I've never fit in with his family. I'm never comfortable at those big fancy parties. Hell, I'm not even comfortable wearing a dress. My family is another problem altogether. Maggie and Eric will always come first in my life. They have to. If I don't watch out for them, no one will.
But none of that matters now. Because I've lost him. I lost Carter.
And what hurts the most is that I'm not just losing my boyfriend. I'm losing the best friend I ever had.
Suddenly, I hear a car pull up behind me. It couldn't be him, I tell myself. He left, and he's not coming back. Don't get your hopes up.
But I can't stop myself from turning around.
A black Jeep is parked next to the sidewalk, and Carter is stepping out from the driver's seat. I can't believe it. Did he come back just to hurt me more? I hold my arms out, almost shrugging. I don't know what to think.
Carter is walking towards me, slowly. Looking into his eyes, I don't see anger. I take a step towards him. Slowly, step by step, second by agonizing second, we come close. Now we're just inches apart.
I lean forward, resting my head on his shoulder. The shoulder I've rested my head on so many times before. For a moment, I'm scared that he will push me away. But he wraps me up in those strong arms, hugging me tightly. I wrap my arms around him, and he lightly kisses my head. We stand there, just holding each other, for what seems like forever. I don't want it to ever end.
Finally, Carter breaks away. He looks into my eyes, and I look back up at him.
"I don't ever want to lose you, Abby."
And in that moment, I know that I was right. Carter really is different than everybody else. He's not scared to love me, not scared to put himself out there, even if it means he might get hurt in the end. He's probably the only guy in the world who's strong enough to put up with me and my constant array of shit. And I have no idea what I would do without him.
"Don't ever scare me like that again, Carter."
Carter smiled. He wrapped his arm around my waist and led me to the car, opening the door for me. All that, and he's the perfect gentleman. I got into the car, and smiled.
Right after our first kiss, Carter told me that we were gonna be okay. Now, we're ready to rebuild our relationship. As I watch Carter get into the Jeep, I know he had been right all along. We really are gonna be okay. It would take a lot of work, but we are gonna be okay.
***
Please review and tell me what you think! If this one goes over well, I'm thinking about writing a parallel from Carter's point of view, so please tell me if you liked it :)
--Katie